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American Women That Marry Nigerian Men - Culture - Nairaland

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American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 4:54pm On May 18, 2006
Recently I was in a discussion with a few American women and the topic was "Marrying Nigerian Men". The women claimed that Nigerian men wee demanding, boring, had no romantic nature, and only thought of themselves when having sex. They said Nigerian men were very hard to please. They mentioned that their relaionships with the Nigerian men were fine until the men got citizenship. They claimed once the Nigerian men got USA Citizenship their personalities changed completely. I found this very hard to believe since I am married to a Naija man. I was yold 95% of the Nigerian men that marry American women want citizenship/green card status. I find this hard to believe since I am an American woman that marrried a Nigerian man. All men are hard to please if there is a lack of understanding.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by kajad(m): 5:05pm On May 18, 2006
willl be back in a momen undecided
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 5:27pm On May 18, 2006
Another blatant and ignorant example of stereotypism. I could likewise say that since, when I turn on the TV in the US, most of the news involves one american (mostly black) killing someone, that every american person walks around with a gun with the intent to kill grin

If you should encounter such pple again, send them my way. I especially know how to deal with such pple. I basically soak them, wash them, bleach them, dry them and iron them. In the end, the next time they encounter any Nigerian, they stop whatever they do and bow to them. LOL
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 5:46pm On May 18, 2006
my2cents, People fear what they don't understand.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 5:47pm On May 18, 2006
my2cents, I am sure you can deal with such people. I have never seen an Ibibio loose a case. *LAUGHING*
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 6:13pm On May 18, 2006
LOL nalijah,

I take it you are married to an akwa ibomite?
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by ldollier(f): 7:02pm On May 18, 2006
Nalijah:

Recently I was in a discussion with a few American women and the topic was "Marrying Nigerian Men". The women claimed that Nigerian men wee demanding, boring, had no romantic nature, and only thought of themselves when having sex. They said Nigerian men were very hard to please. They mentioned that their relaionships with the Nigerian men were fine until the men got citizenship. They claimed once the Nigerian men got USA Citizenship their personalities changed completely. I found this very hard to believe since I am married to a Naija man. I was yold 95% of the Nigerian men that marry American women want citizenship/green card status. I find this hard to believe since I am an American woman that marrried a Nigerian man. All men are hard to please if there is a lack of understanding.

why i am glad, you started this thread. this is so true. if you all like you can disagree with what the lady is saying. but truth be told, most nigerian men get involved with American women because they want citizenship. not just nigerian men but foreign men that migrate to the united states illegally.

once they get what they want(papers, legal documents), the next thing is for them to ditch their partners. according to them(illegal immigrant) they are now free. this is not just occuring between nigerian men and American women, it is also happening between nigerian men and nigerian women.

many illegal individuals in the United states get involved in relationship that would ensure and protect their stay in America. once they get their papers, they now feel ontop of the world. this also results in many cases of divorce within the nigerian community in america

p.s: Nalijah, what your friends said about Nigerian men, being demanding, boring and hard to please are so true. wink

1 Like

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 7:08pm On May 18, 2006
Very well said Idollier,

My point, at least, was that it wasn't limited to Nigerian men. As a matter of fact, there are women who are involved in this too, but I digress.

Y, oh y, it seems only Nigerians pick up the tab for bad behaviour in the US, I don't know sad
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by ldollier(f): 7:12pm On May 18, 2006
my2cents:

. As a matter of fact, there are women who are involved in this too, but I digress.

sad

you are right, women also are involved in this, not just men it goes vice versa

as for Nigerians emulating the behaviors of the people in the United states, to be honest i really dont know the reason for that. i know where i was raised divorce is an abomination. but i guess now it is accomodated in the society.

the United states has a way of influencing individuals. if someone comes to this country, they better be strict and hold on to their roots otherwise this country(USA) will swallow them. let me not digress. peace

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Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 8:06pm On May 18, 2006
my2cents, no am not married to an Ibibio, but I had one as a boyfriend a while back. I Have to be honest, after being married to Black American men and dating them I felt I deserved more. So, I made the decision to never have another relationship unless it was with an AFRICAN MAN. Well, the only African men I met were Nigerians and I think they are awesome men. I was determined to marry a Nigerian man and I did, and he is the CREAM OF THE CROP. He treats me like a queen and I love him. I consider myself blessed and I am grateful. I have many Nigerian friends and they too are awesome.

3 Likes

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 8:08pm On May 18, 2006
Nalijah,

The mere fact that you are on NL says a lot about your undying love for Nigeria and Nigerians smiley

Spread the word! There are those of us who actually are good lol

3 Likes

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 2:43pm On May 19, 2006
my2cents,

How bodi? How dey go dey go? The weekend is here. Yes, this acata lady been hanging around Naija people for 5 years now. I am very familiar with Akwa Ibom State - Uyo in particular. It has been a wonderful life I have to admit. I can cook Egusi, akara, and I love that fufu and dodo. When I retire I am going to Nigerian and chill on my palm tree plantation. Sit back on the porch drink palm wine and burn old rags so the area girls don't bite me. *LAUGHING* Have a good weekend my2cents. cheesy kiss

1 Like

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 3:59pm On May 19, 2006
Pretty impressive Nalijah,

As I am sure you know (something the press won't share, unless it has to do with lions roaming in Kenya grin), with some money and a good investment plan in mind, you can live like royalty in nigeria.

You just need the money, thatz all. I look forward to meeting you at my favorite spot at Ibeno Beach some day grin
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 5:50pm On May 19, 2006
Yes, I know. I am sure you are familiar with the Guardian Newspaper in Nigeria. I have a very close friend that works for the Guardian. He explained to me how well some people live in Nigeria. I would have to get accustomed to NEPA and the "Go Slow" traffic *LOL* I heard that "Go SLow" is something else. My hubby is from Benin City. Naija men are so special. Boring no, Loving yes, Intelligent yes, very intelligent they are. I told those women to get involved with the culture, learn about their husband's tribes and the country. Be a part of the MAN - learn about his country. One thing I have learned "You can take the man out of Nigeria, but you can't take Nigeria out of the man."

7 Likes

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by my2cents(m): 6:22pm On May 19, 2006
exactly,

if you do that, other than the usual quarrels couples have, u will do just fine. I always tell pple, dont try to change each other. I for example eat garri (aka eba) every day. I rarely go out to restaurants except on occasion, and maintain a waterleaf, pumpkin and bitterleaf and okra garden in my backyard. I am a traditionalist to the core grin

Of course, there are the bad ones amongst us, but which culture or race doesn't have bad men or women? grin

2 Likes

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 6:47pm On May 19, 2006
What is waterleaf my2cents? Haven't had garri yet but I heard it's like grits.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 7:13pm On May 19, 2006
Okay, now you need to grow some Egusi melons too Broda - we need those seeds.

1 Like

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by chizzy687(f): 6:28pm On Nov 15, 2006
God bless you Nalijah and your family .

Usually, my comment are with pidgin English, But U just too special so I go break that curse
Ride on Sister , our niaja men could be boring but also the white men could also be
We are just living in a boring world


(But na true with waiting them talk with my brother them wey dey Yankee ohh!!, While dem no come marry me make I give them Ghanaian citizenship since Niaja don taya them )
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by myconcern: 7:54pm On Mar 27, 2007
Well truth of the matter is, many of this women marry Nigerian women because they think that we're silly and would probably tolerate all the abusive behavious the average American man wouldn't take. Those women that complain about there African husbands need to be honest with themselves and check how they treated the men that left them afterall.
I submmit to you that no body would want to stay in a relationship where the other spouse ( foreign women) is physically and mentally abusive towards this men because of thier areas of vulnerability. A so called wife that sleeps around like a dog, calls her husband's relatives deterogatory names, destructive and manipulative.
We should not encourage these women by pulling our men down in our conversaions with them. They marry for material things and want someone they can manipulate and possess like a piece of property. To be continued,
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Nalijah(f): 8:18pm On Mar 27, 2007
Nigerian men silly? No way O! Anything but silly. shocked

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Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Ayeisha(f): 6:21am On Apr 03, 2007
Hello I am new to this site although I have browsed through here a few times to read some of your discussions.

I'll admit that I have always been interested in Nigerian culture. I enjoy watching Nigerian movies, music videos, and concerts because your people reminds me so much of my own. The body language, the dancing, the socializing and the many of the values remind me alot of my own culture.

I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.

My mother told me that a few years ago, a Nigerian man called her a slave child. I find it hard to not believe that many Nigerians including my mate's parents may share this view. Am I mistaken when I say that my ancestors are your ancestors? Mothers, Fathers, Children, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, Brothers, and Grandparents were all separated during the slave trade. Some were stolen and some got left behind. Interestingly enough, the same "Slave Children" fought for equality and freedom through the Rebellions that went on in the America's and the Carribean Islands. They gave their lives to free the black man from bondage makiing it possible for Nigerians and other Africans to go to the appropriate embassies, get their visas, come to the U.S, Britain, France, Holland etc,

Here in the United States I meet tons of African people working, opening businesses, attending colleges and universities, and sending money back home to their families. Seems like everyone wants to have their own American dream. The problem is, many Africans don't consider people like me to be sisters and brothers. Slave children like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, and Marcus Garvey risked their lives so that the whole black race would no longer be looked at as inferior. They risked their lives so that the KKK and racist whites here in American would stop murdering black people simply because of the color of our skin.

The slave child is the reason why any African person has the priviledge and the liberty to migrate or even travel to the America's and Europe. I believe we all deserve a bit more respect. It's a shame that I am judged by my Love's parents simply because I am not Nigerian. I am very hurt, and angry. Can some please explain the logic behind this to me. ?I know more about Nigerian than he does. When I ask him a question about Nigeria he never knows. His parents did not even teach him Ibo. They did a very bad job of teaching him his culture and now they expect him to leave me for a Nigerian woman. Wow!

1 Like

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by uspry1(f): 7:46pm On Apr 03, 2007
@topic

I believe this is plain ignorant and stereotypical just like @my2cents, @Nalijah, and @ldollier has said it all.

For me, I learn so much to understand Nigeria especially Yoruba culture that brought me so much interesting to make new friends differently. I learned that African-American and African are quite different. Still today, i learn why other people hate so much to each other despite that we all are blacks sharing the same Christianity, same spiritually, and believe in ONE GOD!!!

Nigeria reminds of my deaf people---same long-suffering and struggling to battle for our freedom and civil rights from their oppressors and ignorants.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by oyinboaja: 10:45am On Apr 07, 2007
@Ayeisha

make you go find Black American or Caribean like yourself. If the boy people no want make he dey wth you, you no fit change that. Them go just tolerate you while it lasts. If the family doesn't want you, it doesn't want you. and it's not just a Nigerian thing. Many other people all over the world share such views. Have you ever asked any African dating an educated white woman what he went through? Not that many black men ever get together with educated white women; they tend to end up with the illiterate/semi-literate ones.
Dont be decieved- Africans and Caribeans dont have the same culture, we just have the same/similar skin colour.

The slave child is the reason why any African person has the priviledge and the liberty to migrate or even travel to the America's and Europe

You are misinformed to state the above. What then is the reason all other races are able to migrate to Europe and America. It is such views which come across as patronising that makes some people want to distance themselves from your ilk. Why do you imagine that anything we achieve is based on whatever you did at any point?
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by odada(m): 8:34pm On Apr 07, 2007
This is such a wow story!esp. the one by ayesha,dont despair love comes to those who believe it and it will definately come to u gf irrespective of the parents attitude towards you! Theres no biggie in marrying 9ja men,we very cool,considerate and romantic (phat galz the movie potrays 9ja men in the US as responsible,civil,cultured and romantic men),am so impressed with by all the effort made by these yankee ladies in learning abt 9ja culture which is diverse and complicated!esp. USPRY1 av read alot of ur post and can tell personnal that u would be the toast of any 9ja man any day! any time!! anywhere!!!
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by NJean(f): 3:24am On May 07, 2007
I am dating a Nigerian man and I must say it is a new experience. I've been online researching cultural norms, any information to see how this man ticks. It has been enlightening to say the least. Being a white woman from a small rural community, the experience of a Nigerian is something new. I've dating other nationalities before but I'd say this experience is different. I was struck with some of the comments and seeing some of the traits spoken of and others absolutely not. I'm learning this is a man of his word unlike so many American men I've dated. I'm intrigued by the cultural difference and the common threads. Of course this is God's plan and and I'm enjoying the journey. If you have any words of wisdom for me please share!! I'm very excited for this new relationship and any insight I can get would be wonderful!!
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Jaguar1(m): 10:14am On May 07, 2007
@Njean, I will say that I am very touched by your post. You seem to be a woman genuinely intrested in Naija brother.
I believe as you read through post here you might get a glimpse of how naija men think and act. I must also warm that some opinions here could be very misleading but the truth is: if you keep your head down and respect him you will literally be in paradise. Naija men hate any thing that will bruise their ego.
@ Ayeisha, You will need to understand the mentality of an average Naija parent. You mentioned that when you say hello to his parents, they act cold, now you need to know you may take naija man out of Naija but you can't take the Naija out of him. Here's what I mean, even though they 've living in the US, they expect a more respectful greeting (in Nigerian context) like goodmorning sir. This may be some of their wahala with you. This does not mean that you are rude but it's just about the culture. Your man may not know all that coz he didn't grow up here, I can't imagine my bride telling my parents hi as a way a greeting, infact in some cultures in Naija, you are expected to bend a little while greeting. Just take your time to understand this thing and you will enjoy your man.
Enjoy your naija brother and love him coz he's worth it.

3 Likes

Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by NJean(f): 2:14pm On May 07, 2007
Jaguar1 - Thanks for the encouragement. I must say that I find some of the things I've read about are dead on with his manner but other things are totally different. He's a nice blend of respect, a man of his word and his strong heritage. He is raising his four kids so that indicated what type of man he is. He struggles with his "American kids" and doesn't always understand them. That is where I am helpful. smiley I'm hopeful to go home with him later this year and wonder what they will think of this white woman coming home with their son, brother, friend. How will they treat me? I would have to say his feelings will have to be strong for him to take me home with him, I can't imagine taking someone that far away to see your family and not have a strong bond. One thing I am not used to is when he tells me something, that is what he means until he tells me different, like his feelings for me. I'm used to re-occurring statements of feeling, I love you's. It's a phrase I use frequently with my sons and my man, it lifts my spirit. If you can answer any of my questions or make comment I would appreciate it. This is so cool to be able to talk to someone who has insight. My friends do not understand the cultural difference and are a little quick to judge when I talk about my relationship.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by Jaguar1(m): 5:14pm On May 07, 2007
Njean, It's true that there are cultural difference but it's also true that the difference is clossing up and the world becoming a global village otherwise I wouldn't be communicating with you considering the distance. I will have to say that it depends on how enlightened his people are, this might boil down to educational status of his folks but haven said that, let me add that there are going to respect you. The level of respect also depends on how much he sell you to his folks, by that, i mean how he presents you. In average naija family, marriage is een as an eternal venture although that is also fast changing but they would like to know that you are with their son for real and not for time as may be determined by you and when u feel it's time to move on, you simply yank him off your back. this is what makes an average Naija family sceptical about "oyibo" woman.
On an average, a Naija brother will always provide and support his family forever coz this is where he gets his kick as a man. Just pray and everything will be fine.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by YOUNGDICEs(m): 6:21pm On May 07, 2007
IF YOU MARRIED AN BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN SHE AND SHE KNOW ALLOT OF GIRLS LIKE YOU.

SHE WILL MAKE SURE YOU GIVE HER LIKE 7 KIDS SO YOU COULD STUCK WITH HERE THAT'S WHAT HAPPEN TO MY UNCLE NOW HE CAN'T GO BACK HOME HE'S BUSY TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS AND STUFF HE DEFINELIT LY BECOME AMERICAN.
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by NJean(f): 7:16pm On May 07, 2007
Jaguar1 Thanks for the input. I know my heart is in the right place and his words were, when I asked him how his family would receive me, he said he would have to present me and they would know I am a woman that is deeply loved. Of course I melted, who wouldn't!! In the brief conversations with you here, have helped me to understand a bit more which is exciting, the fear or concern is drifting away. We only fear what we do not understand. My eldest son is very excited, he's a cultural junky so to speak, he loves learning about different cultures and can't wait to get to know him. Being in the middle of the U.S. there isn't a lot of diversity, especially in my town, so this is very different for me. Not only is my new man a treasure to me, this is also fun and exciting. I appreciate you sharing with me. I'm sure I'll have more questions for you as this develops. smiley Have a blessed day!!
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by babyosisi(f): 10:13pm On May 07, 2007
YOUNGDICE$:

IF YOU MARRIED AN BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN SHE AND SHE KNOW ALLOT OF GIRLS LIKE YOU.

SHE WILL MAKE SURE YOU GIVE HER LIKE 7 KIDS SO YOU COULD STUCK WITH HERE THAT'S WHAT HAPPEN TO MY UNCLE NOW HE CAN'T GO BACK HOME HE'S BUSY TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS AND STUFF HE DEFINELIT LY BECOME AMERICAN.


did she also bite holes in the condom?
please tell me something else
Re: American Women That Marry Nigerian Men by NJean(f): 7:37pm On May 11, 2007
How serious are Nigerian men when they say either "I love you" or "I'm falling in love with you"? I can say that American men (and I do not mean to generalize) the "I love you" bomb can be dropped fairly easily. I think with American men, the love could be quantified. With a divorce rate of 50% in the States, it is obvious that we are not taking our relationships serious enough, or we are entering marriage too easily. I'm wondering what it is like in the Nigerian culture,

Thoughts??

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