A couple of things prompted this thread and this is directed mainly to the younger women in love and going into marriage
marriage is good but please do not lose your heads and make mistakes that will haunt you years later.
You need to go into marriage as a complete being not as an appendage to your husbands.
Let me start with a true story.

A young woman confided in me recently about her greatest regret in marriage
She drives a good car,lives in a beautiful home wears the most flashy clothing but is full of regrets
That regret was that she met a man ,fell head over heels and abandoned her almost completed university education to marry him and start a home
Today they are blessed with children,she can't go back to complete her education and is ashamed that her class mates have degrees and at 30 plus,she has no first degree and there is none in sight years after she abandoned her education for marriage.

Ladies do not lose your heads
Igbos say nkem ji ka!

My own cousin dropped out of the university( I later gathered) and married a very rich man
Their traditional wedding was the talk of the village
She settled into a home in a choice part of Lagos with cooks and servants and all the nine yards and soon started riding a "jeep" with a permanent driver
She married well,as people will call it
Many babies later,she has been battered times without number,landed in the hospital a couple of times
She has left on numerous occasions and gone back to the same man to be battered once again
Reason ?
She has no degree
Is unemployed and unemployable

The man is her daily bread

Ladies,do not lose your heads in marriage
Learn from the mistakes of others.
Go into marriage,a complete woman that can stand on your own two feet

Pls re-phrase ur topic

The worst "victims" here are the women in nigeria whose aim is to marry men in America
Hear ye hear ye
There are scammers and there are scammers
All that glitters is not gold ladies
Check those men out
Have people here check them out and run background on them
Some of those your suitors and husbands are happily married here to American women
Some with children under the same roof from where they take off to come and do trado for you in Nigeria
That is the reason you are stuck in Nigeria and they tell you ,they are waiting for your papers
There are no papers
The truth is that they are legally married here and cannot bring you over here as a wife
You keep going for visiting visa and get turned down 20 times
He will visit and give you belle and you stay in your father's house answering wife and giving birth

Shine your eyes ladies!!!

It only takes about 6 months max to bring a spouse or fiancée over if you are an American citizen
If you have been stuck in Nigeria longer than 6 months and he tells you it is the fault of immigration,,talk to me,your man is up to some games
He is either unemployed / underemployed and does not meet income eligibility to bring you over,is married to an American and yet to get a divorce,does not have papers to get you over here or any combination of the aforementioned.
He may even be a fugitive running from the law.


If he gets you a flat in Naija,settles you there,sends money and visits periodically to give you belle with no plans of you coming over even for a visit
Nne,you are married to a polygamist o
There is a full fledged family here with children calling him daddy

Important, timely advice

The most stupid thing women have done and continue to do is marry a man you have never or have barely set eyes on because he is North America or Europe
Are you mad?
How can you marry a picture?
Do you know he could be full of rage and hide it well in a phone call
You may be very incompatible
He may have an Undisclosed chronic illness
He may be a drug addict or a useless alcoholic who cannot hold down a job
He could be mentally deranged
His parents will carry wine on his behalf,you do trado wedding and await airlifting to start your marital bliss with a total stranger
Marriages that started after months and years of courtship have issue let alone one with someone you hardly or barely knew

I often wonder how many of these women ended up with men that had non functional manhoods ,and people they didn't have any physical attraction to
How many of those women who were stabbed and shot by their Nigerian husbands were wives parceled from Nigeria to husbands they hardly knew
There is a lot you could pick up by associating with someone at close range then decide if they are what you seek in a partner
How can anyone make a decision about marriage by seeing the person once then the next time,you are a wife?
Tua


Ladie ladies ladies

If you have two suitors,one in America,the other there with you in Enugu,please consider the one you can see daily
The unknown should scare you
Many of your friends you are jealous of who married Americana are living in hell but they won't tell you
We see them here so let me tell you

There are some we see after they return from home with the new brides,people feel sorry for the wife because their stories here are well known
We know the women they battered
The ones that ran for dear life
Their oyibo wife and family who have moved away to another state
Then we see a naive JJC mgbeke that is you,17 years his junior

Will they hear?

I had many foreign suitors during my time.the pressure was too much for me then cos I always find one excuse or d other to give. I can still remember one of my cousins telling everybody that care to listen 'she is rejecting all these rich abroad guys,I wonder who she is waitin for.maybe a man with private jeep.we will be there to witness on d d day'.and they came but no private jet,infact nothing spectacular.but I found what I was lookin for.
Life including marriage is very flexible.most of us make very big mistake bc we lack self esteem and courage

@ Osisi,
The lady in your first post who confided in you, why is she not going back to school? In America? She can do it. I have this funny pix in my head of a classmate who brought her daughter in car seat to class. The auditorium is big and she sits at the back with her baby. Some colleges here have daycare for both staff and students. She can still go back to school. We read all the time of grannies going back to school in the US.

OP: the topic is misleading but content is insightful.

It should also include foolish mistakes women make before marriage. I have been looking for a way to tell this story without having to create a new thread.

u have a boyfriend of 4 years and u find out he was cheating on you all along, you " spoil body" and he beats you. Then you quit the relationship only to find out you are pregnant for the dude. the other lady finds out about the belle and starts attacking you on social media. You react by leaving some social media platforms only to return brandishing an engagement ring from the same dude.

This happened to a friend. And when i found out about the engagement ring, i was so mad.Now i don't care. It's her cross.

Ladies, it is better to stay single than to put up with BS because of a ring and a change of name.

armyofone: @ Osisi,
The lady in your first post who confided in you, why is she not going back to school? In America? She can do it. I have this funny pix in my head of a classmate who brought her daughter in car seat to class. The auditorium is big and she sits at the back with her baby. Some colleges here have daycare for both staff and students. She can still go back to school. We read all the time of grannies going back to school in the US.

She is doing part time in a community college for the past six years
It's not easy to go to school with little babies
The one you described has just one
It is easier with one than more than one.
SHe goes to school,gets pregnant drops out and continues later

babyosisi:
Many babies later,she has been battered times without number,landed in the hospital a couple of times
She has left on numerous occasions and gone back to the same man to be battered once again
Reason ?
She has no degree
Is unemployed and unemployable

The man is her daily bread

Ladies,do not lose your heads in marriage
Learn from the mistakes of others.
Go into marriage,a complete woman that can stand on your own two feet

Thank you verry plenty. I thank God say na woman open this thread and not me.

This is one of my major campaign on this section.

Women get a means of livelihood and if your husband suddenly wants you to be a Housewife without any serious reason (E.g Health, childcare etc) Demand a salary commensurate to what your working mates are earning.

Dont be blinded by the lovey dovey of today

babyosisi: The worst "victims" here are the women in nigeria whose aim is to marry men in America
Hear ye hear ye
There are scammers and there are scammers
All that glitters is not gold ladies

In addition to these find out what he does. And how that tallies with your dream in life.

In this texas i don see wella 40 something yr old men who are CNA or LVN go to Nigeria lie that they are Pharmacist of Physician Assistants to import a Medical Doctor or Pharmacist trained in UNN or UNEC.... Give am belle before she even land here and so tied to them.

Osisi Abeg help me complete that part He too heavy for my mouth

dayokanu:

In addition to these find out what he does. And how that tallies with your dream in life.

In this texas i don see wella 40 something yr old men who are CNA or LVN go to Nigeria lie that they are Pharmacist of Physician Assistants to import a Medical Doctor or Pharmacist trained in UNN or UNEC.... Give am belle before she even land here and so tied to them.

Osisi Abeg help me complete that part He too heavy for my mouth

Well nothing is free. They wanted to travel to America, he wanted a wife. Both probably deceiving themselves in one way or the other. No real chick will follow a man she doesnt know to America. Except she get long throat. Wetin sweet dey kill.

babyosisi: The most stupid thing women have done and continue to do is marry a man you have never or have barely set eyes on because he is North America or Europe

All those clothes he is buying and sending to you are cheap materials from Walmart and Ross. Marry the ones you see in your locality.

Some people think its a status symbol to date an "abroadian" na suffering and gnashing of teeth dem package for you.

Unless you have a guy you have dated for long and he has concrete means of getting you here legally and able to work

You are on a Long thing

What's CNA??

Lmao @ CNA claiming Pharmacist

You guys have said it all. A lady has to have some certification before venturing into marriage.

Another one.

Some men have dreams tall dreams of getting a slave to marry.

They would import you from Nigeria on a Fiancee visa. refuse to file and turn you into a domestic staff

One sit at home do nothing, two He must always eat fresh food 100 degrees hot, 3, you must serve the food on your knees and stay on your knees while eating

if you see any Americana suitor that claims Nigerian girls in America don spoil or dem too tear eye thats why he no fit marry am, Watch out he is looking for a slave

Sorry for hijacking your thread

Chinwem: What's CNA??

Clinical Nursing Assistant.

This is gobe-cious

Nice thread

CFCfan: Lmao @ CNA claiming Pharmacist

You guys have said it all. A lady has to have some certification before venturing into marriage.

Its true. It happened to someone i know. He told her he was a doctor. Turns out he is an assistant. And this is an expensive chick for that matter. Wo, i no fit laugh jare. The girl was now trying to code the whole level after making mouth. The guy really put up appearances.

dayokanu:
if you see any Americana suitor that claims Nigerian girls in America don spoil or dem too tear eye thats why he no fit marry am, Watch out he is looking for a slave

I know a few like this..
Better put,they usually say they want "home-bred" girls/wives

baby_123:

Its true. It happened to someone i know. He told her he was a doctor. Turns out he is an assistant. And this is an expensive chick for that matter. Wo, i no fit laugh jare.[/b] The girl was now trying to code the whole level after making mouth.[b] The guy really put up appearances.

Bwahaha! That's too damn funny!

But sad at the same time.

Like I said on the other thread,all these advices or real life experiences meant to alert women can only do so much..
The desperate one will remain desperate..
The greedy ones will not listen...
The gullible ones will fall nevertheless.
..and the ones who know what they truly will not be swayed.

Nice thread

Most men want 'home bred' so they can enjoy Naija cuisine and the likes
But a good one won't be looking to make her a slave

That being said a bad person is a bad person
A wife beater is a wife beater......wether in Naija, in US or on the moon

Chinwem: Nice thread
Most men want 'home bred' so they can enjoy Naija cuisine and the likes
But a good one won't be looking to make her a slave

That being said a bad person is a bad person
A wife beater is a wife beater......wether in Naija, in US or on the moon

There is no cuisine that cant be learnt. No one was born with this cuisine, If you have the right ingredient and right tutelage, Oyinbo Hilary Clinton would prepare correct Ofe nsala for you. I know a friend who married an Akata woman and this woman cooks almost every Naija food perfectly

Loads of naija girls abroad eat Akpu and Amala daily and can cook it as well.

Its usually the inferiority complex that makes some men do it. So they can become mini Lords of "I filed for you", I brought you here, Your life must revolve round me, "When I say jump-you say how high".

Dayo,you are not hijacking the thread at all
At least we have a topic we agree on 100%
Please speak up o

All you nairalanders in America,Canada,UK,Ireland,various corners of Europe please speak up and warn our sisters at home based on the things we see here

dayokanu:

In addition to these find out what he does. And how that tallies with your dream in life.

In this texas i don see wella 40 something yr old men who are CNA or LVN go to Nigeria lie that they are Pharmacist of Physician Assistants to import a Medical Doctor or Pharmacist trained in UNN or UNEC.... Give am belle before she even land here and so tied to them.

Osisi Abeg help me complete that part He too heavy for my mouth

Say it loud and clear o
How about the disparity in looks
The bride will be looking young and fresh and the man is so beat up from suffering and driving taxi all over the greater Houston area
Marrying a 25 year old wife at the age of 45
And you see them and wonder what possessed such a pretty girl to marry the man if not his abroadey status and nothing more

especially @dayokanu proponent of women empowerment.

babyosisi:
Say it loud and clear o
How about the disparity in looks
The bride will be looking young and fresh and the man is so beat up from suffering
Marrying a 25 year old wife at the age of 45
And you see them and wonder what possessed such a pretty girl to marry the man if not his abroadey status and nothing more

The brides marry such men because they believe my phrase " We are all beautifully created and fearfully made"

babyosisi:
Say it loud and clear o
How about the disparity in looks
The bride will be looking young and fresh and the man is so beat up from suffering and driving taxi all over the greater Houston area
Marrying a 25 year old wife at the age of 45
And you see them and wonder what possessed such a pretty girl to marry the man if not his abroadey status and nothing more

Lol. I never knew this was happening o. Imagine my shock the first time I saw one such couple. And the man appeared educated and very well spoken but old as heck compared to the wife. I had to ask about them and that's when I was told it happens a lot. Old men sending for young wives in Nigeria. Needless to say, the wife had no say in their dealings........ At least for now......

Lol@some of the points raised.I wonder how people marry, marry o not date someone they have never met cos he lives abroad .I trust my parents sha they would have slapped the love out of your head.Trust my mum she would have employed all her secret agents to do investigation.

My own two cents(abi na 2 pennies or kobo) pls if you have a good job in Nigeria abeg as much as possible avoid illegal immigration I.e emigrating on a visiting visa and never returning.I know its not black and white but pls try and be the voice of reason if your husband is an abroad freak.If he wan relocate, pls do it legally.Having papers sef is not gurantee for easy life but it makes crossing some hurdles I.e schooling, healthcare etc easier..Even the UK with NHS don dey frank face.I was asked for ID about two weeks ago when I took my Son to hospital something that has never happened before.

CFCfan:

The brides marry such men because they believe my phrase " We are all beautifully created and fearfully made"

Hehehehehehe