Hi everyone. If a woman foots the home bill and is fending the husband through cos of job loss, is it possible she can be seen as bad by the inlaws? They do not want to relate with her (live near each other) and whenever she talks about praying more to the husband, he gets insulted and tells her never to advise him. She is now his enemy and he sees no good in her. I guess such marriage can't last. The lady in question is already fed up.

U knw in the africa culture men want respect nd want 2 b seen as the bread winner...buh ah fink z nt a bad idea if the woman z on top..nd she shudnt stop advising him...He might give in to her

Posts, such as these, I find irritating.

There obviously are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Much of what you complain about are the results of the unresolved and ongoing problems.

Without saying much about these, nor anything about the woman in question's countenance, you've effectively judged, convicted and damned the man without so much as even giving us his perspective / side of the story.

Goodluck in your campaign for the husband bashing and inlaw bashing, Ms. Goody-two-shoes.

Efemena_xy: Posts, such as these, I find irritating.

There obviously are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Much of what you complain about are the results of the unresolved and ongoing problems.

Without saying much about these, nor anything about the woman in question's countenance, you've effectively judged, convicted and damned the man without so much as even giving us his perspective / side of the story.

Goodluck in your campaign for the husband bashing and inlaw bashing, Ms. Goody-two-shoes.

Asking for more light would have been better instead of being temperamental poster. She has been taking care of him for about 2 years now and she talks to him about things getting better. He hasn't been able to start anything as he doesn't have a flair for them and she had being able to take all in stride. How many woman can stomach this? Her inlaws think otherwise of her and don't see what help she renders to him (their 1st born)

bamboke:

Asking for more light would have been better instead of being temperamental poster. She has been taking care of him for about 2 years now and she talks to him about things getting better. He hasn't been able to start anything as he doesn't have a flair for them and she had being able to take all in stride. How many woman can stomach this? Her inlaws think otherwise of her and don't see what help she renders to him (their 1st born)

On the contrary, I'm not being temperamental but still irritated with what you're still posting about this man. I'm assuming you ARE the woman in question, otherwise how else would you know so much of what happens behind closed doors, between the man and his wife?

Again, you've painted a completely negative picture of the man here, all in a bid to make the woman look like the all-suffering-never-complaining saint.

~ She has been taking care of him for about 2 years: And so? What's that supposed to mean? Aren't they supposed to be looking out for each other, supporting the other when he / she is down on their luck? Isn't that what the vow for better for worse means? Does she expect people to clap for her because she's been looking after her man for 2 years? If she doesn't, then whose gonna do it? A girl friend? His parents?

I'm sorry but this woman comes across as incredibly selfish and self-centred. Prior to the man loosing his job, did he not 'look after' his wife? So it becomes a big deal when the tables are turned, yes? It's now a big deal because she has to support her husband, yes? Get real please. You live in modern times. If you want the purely traditional setting of the man forever 'looking after' his wife, then you / she should be open to him bringing in wifey number 2, 3, 4, etc.

~ He hasn't been able to start anything as he doesn't have a flair for them: You need to hang your head in shame for uttering such gibberish about a grown, married man. A woman who truly loves and UNDERSTANDS her man SHOULD know his weaknesses and strengths! Have you nothing positive to say about him? You telling us this man has no skills, whatsoever?? Rather than carrying a chip on your shoulder, better roll up your sleeves and get stuck in, in helping him find his feet, rather than bemoaning your fate. You even condemn your in-laws for pointing that out to you? Basic Marriage 101 stuff? Amazing.

~ How many woman can stomach this? More than you'll ever know. There are countless numbers of such women but they keep schtum and take an active role in turning things around for the better, rather than indulge in self-pity.

Hmmmmm
I'll be back cos this conversation is becoming HOT!

Lady, life is a roller coaster full of unplanned and twisted events. The husband in question I believe never thought he will get to this stage in life where the wife caters for the family.

In all of the two years, how is the wife relating or conducting herself with her husband. Did she at anytime out of frustration bruised the man's ego thereby sowing a seed of bitterness and resentment towards the wife. In as much as the husband was not like this prior to losing his job, something must have gone wrong somewhere.


Let the wife look back to identify the pointolder where the unseemly ingratitude started. This will help in having a heart to heart communication with him in a bid to resolve the problem.


No sane man in trouble situation rejects a candid and useful advice especially from a loved one except there is problem. How does she present her advice? Does it even come like advice or words from a frustrated mind.


She and the husband can still remedy the situation with appropriate communication. It is not time to give up.


It is well with your home.

bamboke: Hi everyone. If a woman foots the home bill and is fending the husband through cos of job loss, is it possible she can be seen as bad by the inlaws? They do not want to relate with her (live near each other) and whenever she talks about praying more to the husband, he gets insulted and tells her never to advise him. She is now his enemy and he sees no good in her. I guess such marriage can't last. The lady in question is already fed up.

that marriage is definitely in trouble and that woman should start praying hard that her husband gets a job to restore his confidence because soon he will start boxing her at the slightest provocation.

bamboke:

Asking for more light would have been better instead of being temperamental poster. She has been taking care of him for about 2 years now and she talks to him about things getting better. He hasn't been able to start anything as he doesn't have a flair for them and she had being able to take all in stride. How many woman can stomach this? Her inlaws think otherwise of her and don't see what help she renders to him (their 1st born)

He ought to get off his lazy behind and get him a job fast
How can a man be sitting and mooching off his wife for two long years and giving her heat in the process
There must be something he can do,even if he doesn't earn as much as before,he needs a job,any job,something to get him out of the house daily
This isn't a time to look for " flairs",he has to do whatever his hands find doing,the expenses are not waiting for him to find his "flair"
Two years is a long time

Efemena_xy:

On the contrary, I'm not being temperamental but still irritated with what you're still posting about this man. I'm assuming you ARE the woman in question, otherwise how else would you know so much of what happens behind closed doors, between the man and his wife?

Again, you've painted a completely negative picture of the man here, all in a bid to make the woman look like the all-suffering-never-complaining saint.

~ She has been taking care of him for about 2 years: And so? What's that supposed to mean? Aren't they supposed to be looking out for each other, supporting the other when he / she is down on their luck? Isn't that what the vow for better for worse means? Does she expect people to clap for her because she's been looking after her man for 2 years? If she doesn't, then whose gonna do it? A girl friend? His parents?

I'm sorry but this woman comes across as incredibly selfish and self-centred. Prior to the man loosing his job, did he not 'look after' his wife? So it becomes a big deal when the tables are turned, yes? It's now a big deal because she has to support her husband, yes? Get real please. You live in modern times. If you want the purely traditional setting of the man forever 'looking after' his wife, then you / she should be open to him bringing in wifey number 2, 3, 4, etc.

~ He hasn't been able to start anything as he doesn't have a flair for them: You need to hang your head in shame for uttering such gibberish about a grown, married man. A woman who truly loves and UNDERSTANDS her man SHOULD know his weaknesses and strengths! Have you nothing positive to say about him? You telling us this man has no skills, whatsoever?? Rather than carrying a chip on your shoulder, better roll up your sleeves and get stuck in, in helping him find his feet, rather than bemoaning your fate. You even condemn your in-laws for pointing that out to you? Basic Marriage 101 stuff? Amazing.

~ How many woman can stomach this? More than you'll ever know. There are countless numbers of such women but they keep schtum and take an active role in turning things around for the better, rather than indulge in self-pity.

The efe the efe. Am so loving this.

@op if you the woman this is happening to then try put yourself in the man shoes and see how it feels for a grown up married man without a job, or better still put yourself in the position of the husbands mother and also see how it feels for a mother to watch her first born being a man for that matter,grown up and married being feed by his wife cause he lost his job.

bamboke: Hi everyone. If a woman foots the home bill and is fending the husband through cos of job loss, is it possible she can be seen as bad by the inlaws?

Yes. If they're a bunch of village goats.

bamboke: They do not want to relate with her (live near each other) and whenever she talks about praying more to the husband, he gets insulted and tells her never to advise him.

If he can't handle his wife telling him to pray just because she's paying the bills, then he better get off his proud behind and find something doing. Why should she have to walk on special eggshells because she's performing her duty (as a loving wife should) of upholding the family when things are rough for the partner? The same thing she would have said yesterday without any drama before he lost his job has now suddenly become something she is saying only because her head is swollen from being the sole provider? Get a grip man!

bamboke: She is now his enemy and he sees no good in her. I guess such marriage can't last. The lady in question is already fed up.

She should take time off work and pretend to have lost her job and have no savings. Let them all starve together. Maybe he will prefer that to a 'proud breadwinning wife'!

Mi think that man is very proud!
Its only a man w'out understandin that will act this way.c, a man earns self respect.if u r not man enof to go and look 4 somethin that will put food on d table,why cryin awolf?
At times,it will b hard on d woman, I must say but that more reason he should start somethin.no pride here.two yrs is not moimoi. The most annoyin is not havin flair.tell me,how many pple enjoy what they d in naija? U consider d most important thing which is putin food on d table!
Ok naw,he should wait till thy kingdom come...so ur wife can't advice u again or what?
Many men r just like this.he should make things easier for d wife abeg.he has choice that's why he is even talking!when hunger hammer him and those his pple,they will stop daydreamin and be real!

I stayed in a friend's house when I put to bed due to relocation a week b4 givin birth and two weks after. Wife is working but yet to be made full staff.I never knew hubby don't work cause she didn't tell me but d man whines like a baby,has siezed her phone once,can easily get irritated.always at home.threechildren with a salary of 30k.I admire her guts but when her mum came visitin,I overheard what they were sayin and found out she was not happy at all.now her salary is 100 and something,more excuse for d man. He doesn't allow collegues to visit her,told me they will spoil her(forgetin they r in d same buildin always).said he has a call to serve only God so he goes abt preachin.want to start his own ministry.
I wish them luck anyway but won't be suprised if she tells me one day that its over.

Lovebond34: U knw in the africa culture men want respect nd want 2 b seen as the bread winner...buh ah fink z nt a bad idea if the woman z on top..nd she shudnt stop advising him...He might give in to her

ok,so let me ask is it bad for a woman not to help her husband out financially or help him foot his bills since the going in not good for him at the moment.she should just ignore him in terms of finances and use her money for herself and her kids to avoid inlaw nonsense or to avoid letting her husband perceive her as been proud and disrespectful.

yellowpawpaw: I stayed in a friend's house when I put to bed due to relocation a week b4 givin birth and two weks after. Wife is working but yet to be made full staff.I never knew hubby don't work cause she didn't tell me but d man whines like a baby,has siezed her phone once,can easily get irritated.always at home.threechildren with a salary of 30k.I admire her guts but when her mum came visitin,I overheard what they were sayin and found out she was not happy at all.now her salary is 100 and something,more excuse for d man. He doesn't allow collegues to visit her,told me they will spoil her(forgetin they r in d same buildin always).said he has a call to serve only God so he goes abt preachin.want to start his own ministry.
I wish them luck anyway but won't be suprised if she tells me one day that its over.

nawa o.i feel very sorry for the wife and wives generally that re bread winners.


Pls to the men out there,i want to ask a question,do you find it offensive or an insult for your wife to pay your bills when you loose your job.do you prefer not collecting money from your wife.or better still do you prefer collecting money from your mom or dad than your wife

yellowpawpaw: Mi think that man is very proud!
Its only a man w'out understandin that will act this way.c, a man earns self respect.if u r not man enof to go and look 4 somethin that will put food on d table,why cryin awolf?
At times,it will b hard on d woman, I must say but that more reason he should start somethin.no pride here.two yrs is not moimoi. The most annoyin is not havin flair.tell me,how many pple enjoy what they d in naija? U consider d most important thing which is putin food on d table!
Ok naw,he should wait till thy kingdom come...so ur wife can't advice u again or what?
Many men r just like this.he should make things easier for d wife abeg.he has choice that's why he is even talking!when hunger hammer him and those his pple,they will stop daydreamin and be real!

your story is very sad and honestly some women i know are experiencing something very similar and this lives me confused that is it ok for you to ignore your jobless husband except cooking for him and doing other things a wife should do.my friend is experiencing the same thing.this babe earns more than her husband so they've been having issues because of this.all of a sudden he lost his job and the tension increased.this woman still foots the bills at home and drops money in his account,even more than what he earned in his former place of work so that he wont feel the pain of his loss of job but along the line,she found out that the money she puts into her husbands account,he spends it on one undergraduate girl to pay for her accomodation and goes there when shes left the home to go to work.she felt very bad and all so she told me she was confused.i saw a once happy,high spirited woman depressed.she asked me shewa i dont know whether i should stop helping my husband financially.all i want is a happy home and a happy husband that even if he has lost his job,i dont want him to feel it.i just realised that he was lying to me all this while.all the while i went to the office,he tells me,he is going out to search for a job only for me to find out he is not.really to be serious,i did not know what to tell her.

kulyie: nawa o.i feel very sorry for the wife and wives generally that re bread winners.

Some women pass tru hell especially if hubby is sooo proud and lacks understandin. In my friends case,had I know,I would hv looked for an alternative.I gat to know when it was too late.and she did everythin within her power to make me feel comfortable. I hv to part with a large sum stylishly later cos I felt I inconvenienced her.
Husbands pls do respect a wife that puts food on d table,work, still give birth and open d other one for u again.its not easy at all.

kulyie: your story is very sad and honestly some women i know are experiencing something very similar and this lives me confused that is it ok for you to ignore your jobless husband except cooking for him and doing other things a wife should do.my friend is experiencing the same thing.this babe earns more than her husband so they've been having issues because of this.all of a sudden he lost his job and the tension increased.this woman still foots the bills at home and drops money in his account,even more than what he earned in his former place of work so that he wont feel the pain of his loss of job but along the line,she found out that the money she puts into her husbands account,he spends it on one undergraduate girl to pay for her accomodation and goes there when shes left the home to go to work.she felt very bad and all so she told me she was confused.i saw a once happy,high spirited woman depressed.she asked me shewa i dont know whether i should stop helping my husband financially.all i want is a happy home and a happy husband that even if he has lost his job,i dont want him to feel it.i just realised that he was lying to me all this while.all the while i went to the office,he tells me,he is going out to search for a job only for me to find out he is not.really to be serious,i did not know what to tell her.

Kai! C wahala! Don't advise her pls.sympatise with her and let her make her own decision.ur advice may backfire.I'm even speechless for once.

yellowpawpaw:
Kai! C wahala! Don't advise her pls.sympatise with her and let her make her own decision.ur advice may backfire.I'm even speechless for once.

hmnnnnn.smh.it is well