In some state in Nigeria, Like the eastern part of Nigeria where Bride price is always high, Do you think it appropriate for the bride to lend the groom money or contribute part of it?
have seen cases of such where brides even buy the wedding ring..

ITs absolutely wrong by all standards. If he can borrow money to pay ur bride price from you, then that means he has hit the rock bottom and it sounds more like you paid your parents to get married to your husband. From a friend thats totally acceptable because he made efforts to seek for funds by himself, with his sweat. If i were a woman and my man asks me this favou i would cancel the relationship i have with him.

Buying ring,gown,suit,cake or other wedding expenses can be done by d bridegroom or d bride. Dat day is 4 both of them. But to pay d bride price 4 d groom? Absolute nonsense. Its better to pay d much u have to ur inlaws & promise to offset d balance later than to borrow 4m d bride. Instead,go 2 social clubs, friends,church,bank, cooperative society etc than going to ur wife-to-be 4 help. Na Bleep up. Hahahahaha

Its better for a guy to marry a girl on hire purchase o than allow d girl pay her own bride price(indirectly).whose surname she go bear

I always always backfires. If the groom refuses to pay back, the wife will never feel married. I know someone (very close pal) who did that and it affected her so much because the man refused to pay back and she never felt like a married woman as her actions kind of hunted her. She eventually told her mum and her mum said the man didn't marry her that was probably why the man never acted like a married man. They were married for only 6months.

So why do women feel offended when a man says: "I paid your bride price, you are mine."?

Not a problem as long as there is proper understanding between them. And no one should know about it.

sexymoma: In some state in Nigeria, Like the eastern part of Nigeria where Bride price is always high, Do you think it appropriate for the bride to lend the groom money or contribute part of it?
have seen cases of such where brides even buy the wedding ring..

the bride price in eastern part of Nigeria is NOT ALWAYS high. Stop feeding yourself and others LIES.
At your question, I don't know or care if its right or wrong but I won't do it. I won't encourage my daughter or sister to do so too.

Tgirl4real: And no one should know about it.

until the next big fight.

I will never do that.

I only promise him a 10 Tier wedding cake, and maybe my wedding gown, would have done my hall decor if it would be possible. The rest na him go do am.



Oya, chop me raw if u want.

It depends on how you split other expenses.

But if you expect the guy to pay for everything in the traditional, Pay for everything in the church buy you a 10k engagement ring, Buy a wedding ring, After wedding provide house to live and food to eat. Then you go tay for there

if you dont want to pay your own dowry then offer to pay other things that are not insulting your sensibilities

Why should there be a bride price? This conversation should be about other wedding expenses. Bless my father. He told My inlaws his daughter is not a goat to be sold.

You know this guy more than us. And you know if what you are doing is out of desperation or genuinely helping him out. Let him refund you the money when he can if you are genuinely helping because he cannot afford, but truly wants to marry you. However, if you are desperate, and he ends up not doing court with you. Just know you married yourself. When kasala burst. You go hear am. Goodluck.

I'm sure it's the list you are talking about and not the bride price itself. Why don't you tell your people to take away all the unnecessary stuff and keep the ones that actually have culturally value?

You are to decide what's right or wrong. How does it make you feel? Do you attach importance to stuff like that? If its no biggie, lend him the money (I wouldn't lend him a dime). If your parents requested an outrageous amount for your bride price, call them to order.

In the end, keep your private business to yourself. Don't tell your family, friends or colleagues that could rub it in your face. Enjoy!

redcliff: ITs absolutely wrong by all standards. If he can borrow money to pay ur bride price from you, then that means he has hit the rock bottom and it sounds more like you paid your parents to get married to your husband. From a friend thats totally acceptable because he made efforts to seek for funds by himself, with his sweat. If i were a woman and my man asks me this favou i would cancel the relationship i have with him.

gbam.simple and short

baby_123: You know this guy more than us. And you know if what you are doing is out of desperation or genuinely helping him out. Let him refund you the money when he can if you are genuinely helping because he cannot afford, but truly wants to marry you. However, if you are desperate, and he ends up not doing court with you. Just know you married yourself. When kasala burst. You go hear am. Goodluck.

kojubelo.on point


1,ooo likes

baby_123: You know this guy more than us. And you know if what you are doing is out of desperation or genuinely helping him out. Let him refund you the money when he can if you are genuinely helping because he cannot afford, but truly wants to marry you. However, if you are desperate, and he ends up not doing court with you. Just know you married yourself. When kasala burst. You go hear am. Goodluck.

just very recently a friend of mine was talking about this same issue this thread is adressing and she said she practically paid her own bride price in the sense that she gave the money to him and he got all the list her people asked for.as of that time,he wasnt earning much then and they really wanted to get married asap so she agreed with the guy that when he earns more,he will refund her money after marriage.you know,so they got married and things were going on smoothly for them and along the line,he had a disagreement with her because she was asking for her money and the guy kept posting her give me time,next month,next 2 months etc and before she could say jack robinson,the guy turned it into a fighting matter and he said i am just managing you because you paid for your own bride price yourself.did i personally use my own money to pay.you are a higher level of iyawo sara na.you were desperate to marry and you agreed to the terms,the woman was like tayo,so you can say this to me,he said of course na,di i force you or threaten you,was it not willingly you decided to give yourself cheaply and when she said ok she wants a refund of the money today, since the matter has been after 5years of marriage you havent returned the money,he said he doesnt have and even if he has he cant give her because they already have kids,whats the point,its not even as if i even married you as a virgin so why are you feeling important.omo i clapped my hands in amusement and shock.that was the day i knew many men have short memory,when they have not gotten what they want,they are all over you and when they finally get it,you are nothing to them again.i was like bimbo since this issue is causing rift forget it and dont ask him again.if he gives you,fine,if not bone it,you are the one that has made the mistake from the onset,if you had stood your ground that no matter what,you have to pay everything to the last letter,you wouldnt be treated like crap.if he cant save up to earn his bride,then he doesnt love you enough to be patient and disciplined to earn you and if he cant be patient,he should look for his wife else where,yorubas say the water that everybody will drink will not pass them by.it also said everyone eats breakfast,its the time that is always different


but we women,when we are in love,we let sentiments take the better part of us.some men will not have finished or even started paying your bride price,you will be going to his house to play wifey.wash clothes,cook,have sex with him and all.do you think he will be eager or willing to pay the bride price even if he has the money but he is getting it free of charge.wo abeg.smh...issshh

chaircover: First you need to question yourself on whether this is the man that you can trust your whole life with and you are not just getting married to him out of desperation or what people expect of you. If you pay towards a marriage with a man who thinks that you are desperate, then that is the stick he will use to beat you throughout the marriage.

If you know that he is the right man in your heart of heart, and you are unable to talk to your parents into requesting something reasonable, thats assuming its OTT, then you can think of which other areas you can come in but not the BP.

Personally I wouldn’t put the bride price down or lend it to him because the bride price has its own "meaning" so he who wants to marry a wife should put that one down, but I can still help in picking up other unrelated expenses. There is also nothing stopping people from cutting your coat according to your size and having a wedding that you can both afford. No point starting married life with financial difficulties and stresses.

exactly the same thing i said in a different way.you have nailed it perfectly

kulyie: if you had stood your ground that no matter what,you have to pay everything to the last letter,you wouldnt be treated like crap.if he cant save up to earn his bride,then he doesnt love you enough to be patient and disciplined to earn you and if he cant be patient,he should look for his wife else where,

So if the total list is 5million and the guy doesnt earn that much or would take him several yrs to save up what should they do?

While the man also has to find a house, feed the family etc

A woman can pay or lend the guy money for other things but NOT bride price or engagement items sef. That's for himself and family to find/bring whichever way.

I don't know about other tribes but in Yoruba land,the bride price is usually not back breaking such that any groom can afford. It is the most meaningful part of the whole ceremony.

Biko, no matter how modern a woman is, never lend hubby the money to pay for the bride price directly even if you have the money.

You can be fair to him and contribute more to the celebration aspect but bride price, your engagement and wedding rings and his wedding suit he has to pay out of his own pocket.

There are things in the surface that appears minute but has the marriage grows it has deeper meaning. Being able to pay bride price massages the ego of the man sef. Think about it, why do a woman change her surname after marriage?!

vanitty: Biko, no matter how modern a woman is, never lend hubby the money to pay for the bride price directly even if you have the money.

You can be fair to him and contribute more to the celebration aspect but bride price, your engagement and wedding rings and his wedding suit he has to pay out of his own pocket.

There are things in the surface that appears minute but has the marriage grows it has deeper meaning. Being able to pay bride price massages the ego of the man sef. Think about it, why do a woman change her surname after marriage?!

exactly

slimyem: A woman can pay or lend the guy money for other things but NOT bride price or engagement items sef. That's for himself and family to find/bring whichever way.

I don't know about other tribes but in Yoruba land,the bride price is usually not back breaking such that any groom can afford. It is the most meaningful part of the whole ceremony.

true.my friends sis bride price was 2k na with other hampers and some small small change here and there.its not unaffordable at all

IT IS ONLY WRONG WHEN THE WOMAN KEEP REMINDING THE MAN HOW SHE PAID HER OWN PRIDE PRICE THAT IS WHEN IS WRONG

dayokanu:

So if the total list is 5million and the guy doesnt earn that much or would take him several yrs to save up what should they do?

While the man also has to find a house, feed the family etc

i dont know of other tribes o but in yoruba land where i come from,bride price is very affordable for a man not to be able to pay.secondly,the least the bride can do if the bride price is on the high side is to appeal to her family to try and be considerate.let them know the true situation of things.tell them that he earns so so amount of money and that he wont be able to afford that 5 million,why dont you make it 5ook,you are the woman that is going to join another family and if he spends all his money on bride price,its still you that will suffer it in the long run so you can just make it easy on him WITHOUT HIM KNOWING then maybe later in the marriage when all the kids are grown up and all,you can just say it jokingly that baby,i am the one that begged my dad that time to reduce the money o,you are doing shakara now,you dont know all the things i said.you know,you just laugh over it and thats about that

but by the time you are paying for your bride price,it will paint the wrong picture to the man and in the future the man will use it to taunt you.abeg i cant even encourage anywoman to do that not with this generation of men we have outside these days that dont know how to talk

Emade: IT IS ONLY WRONG WHEN THE WOMAN KEEP REMINDING THE MAN HOW SHE PAID HER OWN PRIDE PRICE THAT IS WHEN IS WRONG

true.infact it affects both parties

If the bride price is reasonable or low below 10k, I doubt the man would ask for assistance in paying that.

Its usually the bride price of 200k and above that makes the groom groan in addition to other wedding expenses.

If the bride cant pay the bride price, can she pay for the ceremony, Can she pay for the house they would live or feeding expenses or other things?

Cos with some bill its either they postpone the wedding for years or the guy goes to steal

dayokanu: If the bride price is reasonable or low below 10k, I doubt the man would ask for assistance in paying that.

Its usually the bride price of 200k and above that makes the groom groan in addition to other wedding expenses.

If the bride cant pay the bride price, can she pay for the ceremony, Can she pay for the house they would live or feeding expenses or other things?

Cos with some bill its either they postpone the wedding for years or the guy goes to steal

of course she can help out with the expenses of the wedding ceremony.infact after my youth service when i started working my dad adviced me to start saving up for my wedding.not that they wont foot the financial expenses of the wedding,but the money will just be a form of support.of cource i started saving but sit may end up not going for its intended purpose

slimyem: A woman can pay or lend the guy money for other things but NOT bride price or engagement items sef. That's for himself and family to find/bring whichever way.

Have you seen some engagement list before? How do you expect an average Nigeria guy of age 28-32 working a normal jo of like 2-3m per annum to get the below in addition to other wedding expenses and cost of living after the marriage

Consultation marriage list for the father (MBUP)
1. 10 bottles of three in one whisky
2. 10 carton of Explendido Brandy
3. 50 litres of native gin
4. 30 cartons of star beer
5. 10 bottles of Gordon Gin
6. 10 cartons of small stout
7. 6 carton of wine
8. 30 Jars of palm wine
9. 3 Heads of Tobacco
10. 3 line stones
11. 3 bunches of cola nuts
12. 1 bottle of grinding sniff
13. 1 roll of Benson and hedges cigarettes
14. 1 packet of matches
15. cash of N50,000.00 for breaking of cola

Full Proper Marriage List for the father
1. 5 pieces of hollandis Wax
2. 3 Chieftaincy shirt
3. 3 hat
4. 3 big towel
5. 5 pair of shoes and socks
6. 1 walking stick
7. 1 wrist watch
8. 1 dozen underwear
9. 1 she goat with N10,000 for cutting goats head
10. Matchet with cover and beet
11. 25 cartons of star beer
12. 15 cartons of champion beer
13. 10 cartons of brandy
14. 10 bottles of 3 in one whisky
15. 10 caron of wine (Don Morris)
16. 50 crates of minerals (Soft drinks)
17. 20 crates of Guinness malt
18. 4 heads of Tobacco
19. 1 bottle of grinding snuff
20. 4 line stones
21. 4 bunches of cola nuts
22. 1 smal basin and knife for the cola nuts
23. 25 Jars of palm win
24. 20 liters of native gin
25. 1 modern brief case with N1,500,000

For the mother � consultation (MBUP)
1. 6 bottles of campari
2. 40 crates of minerals (soft drinks)
3. 20 crates of Guinness Malts
4. 10 pieces of English wax
5. 10 blouses
6. 1 basin with cover full of crayfish
7. 10 Head tie
8. 20 bags of salt
9. basin with pepper

For the Mother � Full marriage (proper marriage)
1. 2 pieces of Dutch Wax and one lase
2. 3 assorted blouses
3. head tie (canopy)
4. 2 Paris of shoes
5. one wrist watch + 1 dozen of brassiers
6. 5 hand bag and 6 underwear
7. 10 big basin full of crayfish with cover
8. 10 big basin full of pepper with cover
9. 3 bags of salt
10. 1 umbrella
11. 1 suit �case with N500,000
12. 10 carton of Eva wine
13. 10 big bottles of Yago wine
14. 40 crates of Guinness malt
15. 40 crates of minerals (soft ddrinks)
16. 10 bag of rice
17. 50 tubers of yams

Nto Ete (family members)
1. 30 cartons of star beer
2. 10 bottles of St. Remy
3. 30 Jars of palm wine
4. 10 roll of besson and hedges cigarette
5. 10 packets of matches
6. Nka Ekong of N100,000

Youth
1. Football
2. 10 bottles of gin
3. 10 roll of St. Morris cigarette
4. 10 packet of matches
5. N20,000

Iban Nda Usung (Women Vanguard)
1. 10 bottles of wine
2. 10 crates of minerals (soft drink)
3. N15,000 in cash

Grand Father (Uncle)
1. 3 piece of wax loin cloth
2. 3 long sleaves shirt
3. 3 bottle of brandy
4. 1 wrist watch.

EDem Eka
1. 5 cartons of beer
2. 5 bottles of brandy
3. 5 Jars of palm wine
4. 5 pieces of English wax
5. 5 long sleaves shirts
6. 5 bags of salt