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The Idiot’s Guide to Dealing With Idiots


Idiots.

The world is full of them. How hard it is for
us, non-idiots, to put up with them. But to
get our jobs done, our kids fed, and our pets
groomed, we must deal with them.
Idiots come in many shapes, forms, and
types, but the ones that frustrate me the
most are those who don’t believe in any form
of mental illness. These creatures maintain
that all mood disorders are cute, creative
stories crafted by persons who enjoy
obsessing, ruminating, and crying their eyes
out… a wealthy bunch who can’t think of
anything better to do than come up with a
make-believe tale about a few neurons
wandering around the limbic system afraid to
ask for directions, just like Moses.
We must tune out the idiots to achieve any
kind of sanity or serenity. But how? Here are
four ways that have worked for me.

1. Expect nothing.

If you expect your cousin to understand your
bipolar disorder, then you are going to be
disappointed when your cousin doesn’t
understand your bipolar disorder. But if you
sit down to lunch with her fully expecting her
to space out on 90 percent of the
conversation, you won’t walk away from the
table bummed out that she didn’t inquire
about your manic cycle. Or know that it
doesn’t have anything to do with a washing
machine. I think Sylvia Plath was referring to
idiots when she said, “If you expect nothing
from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”
That goes for parents, in-laws, siblings, pets,
spouses, children, and ministers.

2. Don’t offer information.

I don’t do this one well. I tend to spill my
guts to whoever is seated next to me —
which is why I have made so many friends on
flights between Maryland and Ohio. The
conversation doesn’t always go well, though,
especially if I’m talking to an adamant anti-
medication person who believes all
psychiatrists are agents of the devil, involved
in a racket with Big Pharma, reaching into
the pockets of innocent people everywhere,
and spilling poison into the bloodstreams of
children. Obviously, that dude is not going to
approve of my I-would-be-a-gonner-without-
meds tale. He could very well give me the old
furrowed brow to express utter disapproval.
At this point, most folks would change gears
and go back to talking about the weather or
the turbulence ahead. On a bad day,
however, I keep going full stream ahead and
absorb this guy’s opinion, tossing it around
in my head. Before the flight is over, I am
back to feeling like a pathetic loser who is
addicted to antidepressants and at the
mercy of an evil empire.
When this happens in a dialogue with a close
idiot in my life, I take the disapproval very
personally and I start to dislike myself. No
one, however, can disapprove of you, or
furrow the brow, if he has no information to
analyze or shred. So if you stop giving the
idiot material to bash, he will have to find
something else to grate—hopefully, a person,
place, or thing that has nothing to do with
you or your life.

3. Try some visualization.

This technique helps me with the idiots I
have to see on a regular basis. Visualization
essentially gives you some much-needed
boundaries to protect yourself from the
cannon that could be fired at the next family
function. You have to experiment to find the
right kind of visualization for you. For
example, you could visualize yourself in a
bubble, where absolutely nothing can hurt
you. It resembles a mother’s womb — a place
many of us would like to revisit. Or you can
envision the idiot in a bubble. Whatever she
tries to launch at you isn’t able to penetrate
the protective force.
My recent visualization is to imagine that the
deemed idiot is made of stone. Why?
Because I am continually frustrated that she
doesn’t respond with more compassion.
Visualizing her as a statue of ivory stone
reminds me to keep my expectations in
check and that she can’t take away my self-
esteem or self-worth just by her cold, stoic
way of being.

4. Don’t take it personally.

I really hate it when people say this to me.
However, I read chapter three of Don Miguel
Ruiz’s classic, The Four Agreements on my
way to see an idiot the other day, and his
words helped me build a layer of protection
around myself so that I left her house feeling
less disappointed and hurt than I usually do.
Ruiz explains that we can become immune to
hurt and rejection. For real. He writes:
There is a huge amount of freedom that
comes to you when you take nothing
personally. You become immune to black
magicians, and no spell can affect you
regardless of how strong it may be. The
whole world can gossip about you, and if
you don’t take it personally you are
immune. Someone can intentionally
send emotional poison, and if you don’t
take it personally, you will not eat it.
When you don’t take the emotional
poison, it becomes even worse in the
sender, but not in you… As you make a
habit of not taking anything personally,
you won’t need to place your trust in
what others do or say. You will only need
to trust yourself to make responsible
choices. You are never responsible for
the actions of others; you are only
responsible for you.