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How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] - Family - Nairaland

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How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 11:39am On Sep 14, 2013
my dad cheats on my mum.. everyone of us his children knows even his girlfriends knows us.... when ever he my mum travels{she hardly travels}... he would bring another woman home to stay the night..... if any of us his children tells my mum..... the person would be im trobule becos he would be looking for a chance to see that person make mistake.... recently he had a child with another woman..... any of us his children cant give him advice or tell him this is wrong because he would say if you don't have B.S.C you are not qualified to talk with me.... this man makes my mum unhappy there by making me unhappy..... my mum has refused to leave becos our pastor said if she leaves him he might loose his life... now-a-days he is really becoming unstable and unpredictable..... As a child what should i do?
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 11:55am On Sep 14, 2013
This is a nightmare which I won't like to experience.
Maybe your mom don't care anymore by relying on what a pastor said.
Graduate and get your asrse out of that polluted atmosphere.
Sorry don't even know what to write.
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by bellong: 11:57am On Sep 14, 2013
I am sorry about what you are going through in your family. I honestly do not know what you can do because you are only the man's child and he is not married to you but your mum. I do understand the trauma you and your mum are facing at home.

HE has given you condition to talk to him, why not use that as a challenge to better yourself in your academics and outlook about life. Be determined to be successful in whatever you do. Be there for your mum in this her difficult period and continue in prayer of peace for your mum and dad. If you are a male, make up your mind to have a better home than your dad. Let what your mum is experiencing spur you not to treat any woman that way. And if you are female, understand that, it is not how it should be. So be ready to look very well before you leap into the hands of any man in future. No, not every man is like your dad, do not live with that illusion.

Concerning what your Pastor told your mum, it is total crap and BS. Your mum need to be above religion and get to really know God herself for who HE is. Let no pastor put your family under the bondage of fear. Your mum must learn to seek the face of God herself than going through a medium.

It is well with your family.

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Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 12:02pm On Sep 14, 2013
bellong: I am sorry about what you are going through in your family. I honestly do not know what you can do because you are only the man's child and he is not married to you but your mum. I do understand the trauma you and your mum are facing at home.

HE has given you condition to talk to him, why not use that as a challenge to better yourself in your academics and outlook about life. Be determined to be successful in whatever you do. Be there for your mum in this her difficult period and continue in prayer of peace for your mum and dad. If you are a male, make up your mind to have a better home than your dad. Let what your mum is experiencing spur you not to treat any woman that way. And if you are female, understand that, it is not how it should be. So be ready to look very well before you leap into the hands of any man in future. No, not every man is like your dad, do not live with that illusion.

Concerning what your Pastor told your mum, it is total crap and BS. Your mum need to be above religion and get to really know God herself for who HE is. Let no pastor put your family under the bondage of fear. Your mum must learn to seek the face of God herself than going through a medium.

It is well with your family.
thank you very much..... though i have it in my mind not to treat a woman the way my dad treated my mum... my mum is an house wife even apart from what the pastor said she is also afraid if she leave him,,,, he might decide to take it out on we his children and not decide to send us to school or care about our future
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by EfemenaXY: 12:09pm On Sep 14, 2013
Nigerians living in bondage.

~ Man cheats, woman is unhappy but remains in the union, risking high blood pressure, STDs and HIV

~ Man cheats, woman is emotionally blackmailed by pastor to remain in the union, in the belief that if she leaves, hubby'll kick the bucket

~ Man cheats, is not held accountable for his actions but the woman is forced to bear the emotional burden

~ Man cheats, woman is 'helpless' to do anything about it, kids caught in the middle

~ Man cheats, shows signs of instability and unpredictability (violent tendencies?) and woman remains in the union, probably risking her life. Afterall, it's a lot better, more honourable and less shameful to be a dead Mrs looking after her kids from the grave, than a divorced Mrs.

@OP, ask your pastor to read the scriptures and tell you what the bible preaches about adultery and the grounds for a divorce.

As per your question, why do Nigerian take it upon themselves to 'deal' with people who don't conform to their expectations? How are you planning to 'deal' with your dad? Beat him up? Pour petrol and light his girlfriend afire?

It is not your place to 'deal' with your father. The onus is on him and your mother to work through their issues. Your father is no kid and knows exactly what he's doing.

When faced with a problem, you try to resolve it starting from it's root cause. Attempting to treat the symptoms is just cosmetic and papering over the cracks. That's temporary and won't last.

You also need to find out what's really tying your mother down to a situation she obviously feels unhappy with. Does she work? Have her own source of income? Is she able to look after herself and kids without the financial help of your dad? If the answer to those questions is 'no', then you've got your reason as to why she's not made a move.

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Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 12:18pm On Sep 14, 2013
Efemena_xy: Nigerians living in bondage.

~ Man cheats, woman is unhappy but remains in the union, risking high blood pressure, STDs and HIV

~ Man cheats, woman is emotionally blackmailed by pastor to remain in the union, in the belief that if she leaves, hubby'll kick the bucket

~ Man cheats, is not held accountable for his actions but the woman is forced to bear the emotional burden

~ Man cheats, woman is 'helpless' to do anything about it, kids caught in the middle

~ Man cheats, shows signs of instability and unpredictability (violent tendencies?) and woman remains in the union, probably risking her life. Afterall, it's a lot better, more honourable and less shameful to be a dead Mrs looking after her kids from the grave, than a divorced Mrs.

@OP, ask your pastor to read the scriptures and tell you what the bible preaches about adultery and the grounds for a divorce.

As per your question, why do Nigerian take it upon themselves to 'deal' with people who don't conform to their expectations? How are you planning to 'deal' with your dad? Beat him up? Pour petrol and light his girlfriend afire?

It is not your place to 'deal' with your father. The onus is on him and your mother to work through their issues. Your father is no kid and knows exactly what he's doing.

When faced with a problem, you try to resolve it starting from it's root cause. Attempting to treat the symptoms is just cosmetic and papering over the cracks. That's temporary and won't last.

You also need to find out what's really tying your mother down to a situation she obviously feels unhappy with. Does she work? Have her own source of income? Is she able to look after herself and kids without the financial help of your dad? If the answer to those questions is 'no', then you've got your reason as to why she's not made a move.
talking about the root, its too twisted my dad was even once a pastor in deeper life before he backslided... and became what he is today.... though mum really has no source of income{ she once had a shop but he told her to stop working so that she can take care of us... that he would allow her to work only when the last born of our house in in secondary school....
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Gboliwe: 12:19pm On Sep 14, 2013
PEStyOFlife: thank you very much..... though i have it in my mind not to treat a woman the way my dad treated my mum... my mum is an house wife even apart from what the pastor said she is also afraid if she leave him,,,, he might decide to take it out on we his children and not decide to send us to school or care about our future
how can your mum be a housewife but always travelling and away from home? I dont undstand abeg.

Your dad is filling a vacuum your mama couldnt fill. Let them be.

If I were you, the next time I see a woman asking or with my dad, I'll make sure I give her a scar. The worst that can happen is my dad disowning me then i'll let the world know what happened, the genesis
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 12:28pm On Sep 14, 2013
Gboliwe:
how can your mum be a housewife but always travelling and away from home? I dont undstand abeg.

Your dad is filling a vacuum your mama couldnt fill. Let them be.

If I were you, the next time I see a woman asking or with my dad, I'll make sure I give her a scar. The worst that can happen is my dad disowning me then i'll let the world know what happened, the genesis
sowi my mistake i meant she hardly travels.... he says his father didnt have one wife
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 1:02pm On Sep 14, 2013
PEStyOFlife: talking about the root, its too twisted my dad was even once a pastor in deeper life before he backslided... and became what he is today.... though mum really has no source of income{ she once had a shop but he told her to stop working so that she can take care of us... that he would allow her to work only when the last born of our house in in secondary school....
allow her?

It's things likle this that make me wonder if our men these days are human or just beasts.


Well your mom the 'submissive' wife has seen the result of being stupidly obedient.

Now she can't afford anything on her own except she depends on him.

Tell me how can she leave him?

I just marvel at the women who take crap from men in the name of submission.as a woman leaving yourself totally financially dependent is just as good as telling the husband to take you and your dignity for a ride.


I guess he's given her money a good number of times and then started feeling like he's her lord.

Nonsense.
So pissed.mtchew
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by EfemenaXY: 1:22pm On Sep 14, 2013
PEStyOFlife: talking about the root, its too twisted my dad was even once a pastor in deeper life before he backslided... and became what he is today.... though mum really has no source of income{ she once had a shop but he told her to stop working so that she can take care of us... that he would allow her to work only when the last born of our house in in secondary school....

PEStyOFlife: sowi my mistake i meant she hardly travels.... he says his father didnt have one wife

Ah! There you go.

Your dad comes from a polygamous background, so monogamy is probably not something that sits well with him. Don't be surprised if he then decides to marry this other lady.

Your mum not working is also part of the problem too. At the end of the day, most Nigerian men look down on women who do not work or have their own independent source of income. In a situation where the man is the sole breadwinner, you mum unfortunately doesn't have much say in the matter which explains why he's felt free to even get a mistress on the side.

From the sound of it, your home is of the traditional set up. Unfortunately, there really isn't much you can do about it apart from buckle down and face your studies. And I mean concentrate. It's not going to be easy, but what choice do you have??

As per earning something for herself, you first need to find out if starting her own business is something your mother is willing to do. Being self-sufficient does not necessarily mean working away from home. There are several things she can do to run her own business from the homestead - catering (e.g: baking cakes, bread, etc), sewing, hair dressing, etc. The list is endless.

The most important thing is that you and your siblings do well in your studies and support her emotionally.
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by simdam500(m): 1:25pm On Sep 14, 2013
if i were in your shoes *not even if i were* i'm in your shoes.... But i address the prob by not given it any attention, both of them care about us(d kids) but not bout themselves, so i decide not to care bout bringin dem togeda(sum pple actually think, the duty of the first born is to settle the parents dispute)... NOT ME! i got my life to live... i can no come and dtie all because of pple that ave been existing b4 i came to life... LAILAI

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Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Gboliwe: 3:48pm On Sep 14, 2013
PEStyOFlife: sowi my mistake i meant she hardly travels.... he says his father didnt have one wife
my mistake was not quoting your initial post, now you have edited a lot of it. It shows its a cooked story. Re-cook it, I don't believe you anymore.
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 3:51pm On Sep 14, 2013
Gboliwe:
my mistake was not quoting your initial post, now you have edited a lot of it. It shows its a cooked story. Re-cook it, I don't believe you anymore.
it wasn't cooked..... I didn't initially know what to say that was why I re edited..... Why would I cook up this kind of story....,
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by baby124: 3:53pm On Sep 14, 2013
Sorry for this brutal truth your father is mentally unstable and needs urgent help. While your mother is selfish. Because how do you explain a woman who exposes her kids to such dangers? She can't leave him because he will die. When he brings her a disease that will take her life nko? She will leave her kids as orphans right? I wonder why we mist care about people who dont care about us or most especially themselves. Please understand that your fathers behavior is not normal. He has issues that even you cannot cure. Just do well in school and take your siblings out of such rubbish let them both kill themselves. It's obvious your father is sleeping with all these women unprotected and even desecrating his marital bed and disrespecting his wife in front of his kids. I wish you luck and hope you know better than to settle or even love with such a man if you are a woman.
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Nobody: 4:06pm On Sep 14, 2013
Ur mum should start doing something. Ur father has an edge over her.
Let her be independent first.
As per u, absolutely nothing as long as u r under his roof.
The only thing is to resolve not to be like him.
And what kind of yeyecious pastor is that?
Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by Kanwulia: 4:09pm On Sep 14, 2013
What part of NIGERIA ARE YOU FROM? undecided Definitely not EDO STATE! cheesy
These kain women stay dey reign FOR H-INSIDE NIGERIA OR AFRICA? shocked

Na all these kind 'boys' dey turn out even WORSE than their PAPAS!
YOUR MAMA NOR FIT FIGHT FOR HERSELF? undecided
Abi na only to open nyansh 'born' pikin be her work? undecided

Even the most NATIVE-illiterate women in my family would coped better. . . ! Dem men fit 'play' ludo outside. . .BUT KNOW NOT TO DISRESPECT THEIR WIVES! YOU CANNOT TRY IT!!!! ILLITERACY OR NOT!!!! cool YOU ARE A DEEEEEEEEEEEEAD NIGGER!!!! kiss

There are many things OBVIOUSLY lacking in your mom to warrant such behaviours from your dad!
When children start fighting their parents' battles. . . SOMETHING IS MOS-DEF WRONG WITH THE WEAK PARENT ONLY! kiss
I can never blame ANY man for disrespecting ANY woman. ONLY THAT WOMAN GIVES HIM THE OPPORTUNITY! kiss

YOU NEED TO FACE YOUR OWN LIFE. . .OR YOU WILL BECOME WORSE THAN YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER COMBINED!!!! kiss

PLEASE. . .CHECK WELL! YOUR MOM SOUNDS LIKE A VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY PASSIVE CREATURE. . .AND THAT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE WHEN MARRIED TO ANY NIGERIAN/AFRICAN MAN. . . . NO OFFENSE! kiss

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Re: How To Deal With My DAD [a Man That Cheats On His Wife] by zeb04(f): 12:00pm On Sep 15, 2013
Kuwalla or wateva is ur name, must u b insultive or is it c0z d guy brought his prob to nairaland. Can't u advice witout insultin d poor mum. I dnt even knw y sm peeps r so disrespectful. Hw wil he take ur advice wen u ve aredy finish insultin his mum. Poster I dnt knw wat 2 say bt assist ur mum 2 b financially stable nd dnt let it boda u much realise u ve ur own life 2 live

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