'How do you help someone who's lost their hope and drive and not willing to get it back'. Pearl heaved loudly. The words rang out as though the person who uttered them was standing right beside her making her look around instinctively. Surely she was alone except she wants to creep herself out with the idea of someone watching her in her bathroom. She relented on the thought as she turned on the shower and let the water rush over her. She raised her head to let the rain of cold water beat at her face in large running drops and wished for a moment that the water could wash away every uncertainty her life seems to be choking with. What's the point of living when danger or even death may be larking in a corner? The cruel uncertainties that build fear, stealing away whatever trust or eagerness she might have entertained in her heart. She didn't even fight. Didn't think she had the strength to but gave up her life like an offering in a twinkle. She hadn't had a choice. It seemed the only way to live on. Sometimes, it does cross her mind that she might be throwing her life away. Then she'd tell herself that it would hurt less if she expects nothing or even the worse.
She reached for the soap and washed slowly. If only you could wash memories this way, she probably will be washing faster, with extra vigor and definitely an eager sponge. Beautiful memories she once cherished dearly that now exist only to haunt her, stealing her sleep and by implication, her peace. Unfortunately, memories are keeps, dominating your mind until you're not capable of forgetting. Forgetting, that's something else entirely. She sighed.
"Are you choosing to spend the rest of your day sighing in your bathroom?" Lillian called from the room, "you could get out and do something about those thoughts, you know".
Really. What could she do. Maybe if she was as optimistic as Lillian. Now she thought about it, is it optimism Lillian possessed or just a reckless abandon? Most times, she wondered if the twenty-three years old young lady even knows what the word 'caution' means. Lillian actually advocate life on the fast lane, 'as long as you hurt no one'. But is that even possible? In the least, there's a great possibility you'll hurt yourself. Badly maybe. She glanced at the door towards the statement. Lillian is probably checking herself out in one of her new party clothes right now. She turned off the shower and towelled. From a corner of her eye, she caught sight of her pale face in the mirror just above the wash basin. She couldn't miss it since it was a tiny bathroom, the stool and wash basin possessing the most of it, leaving a small portion for the stand-in shower basin. She didn't have to be intentionally vain to catch her image in the pinned up mirror. The eyes that stared back were redden and pale. "Are those dark circles?", she asked herself. "Pearl, you really should start sleeping". But how could she sleep when the nightmares were always so frightening. She wrapped the towel around her and entered the room. Lillian's small frame was perched on the edge of the bed -located at the right corner of the room, blocked out of immediate sight by the bathroom wall and shifted under the window for ventilation on hot nights- buckling some gold coloured heel sandals she was putting on. She was dressed in a cute black shimmer gown that didn't make it to the top of her knees. "Someone finally made it out of the bathroom." she said, her eyes still fixed on what she was doing. Pearl chose to ignore her and crossed over to the wardrobe instead. Her roommate could be very sarcastic when she chose to be, which now seems like an helpless habit.