The Bible according to a sixth grader....
A sixth grade child was asked to write a book
report on the entire Bible. This is what he
wrote;
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start,
there was nothing but God, darkness, and some
gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one,"
but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and
someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve
were naked, but they weren't embarrassed,
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of
Eden ... Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all
of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or
something.
One of the next important people was Noah,
who was a good guy, but one of his kids was
kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put
his family and some animals on it. He asked
some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau,
because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in
exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports
coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose
real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the
Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil
Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's
people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with
manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten
Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy
father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was
the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought
the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on
the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son
named Solomon who had about 300 wives and
500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,
but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major
league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who
was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed
up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets,
but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New
Testament. Jesus is the star of The New
Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because
my mom is always saying to me, "Close the
door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be
nice to say, ''As a matter of fact, I was.'')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with
sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one
was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards
and even preached to some Germans on the
Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys
put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot
didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his
hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came
back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will
be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return
is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Oh girl i simply loved this joke. Hilarious kid. Thanks for making my evening.

PrettySpicey: Oh girl i simply loved this joke. Hilarious kid. Thanks for making my evening.

You're welcome

Loved the writeup!

Nice Joke!

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darmiee1: Loved the writeup!

Me too

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Joyicy: lovely write up....thumb up girl,kip it up

Nice essay writing



Kondo to u @ op

Hilarious! ;-)

bunmioguns: Nice essay writing



Kondo to u @ op

Lol

Lord_Reed: Hilarious! ;-)

Yeah