I lay no claim to expertise when it comes to marriage affairs, but over time, I've come to realise that most marriages suffer due to the refusal by either party to apply time-tested principles. These principles are quite universal, religiously speaking, but this post will be slightly tinged with a christian bias. As stated earlier, I'm no expert and won't describe this post as comprehensive. Therefore, your criticisms, comments and commendations are highly welcome. Let's go now!

Principle 1
Meeting Point... Don't Be Desperate.
The sexes were made to be attracted, one to another, and this is no more true than in the case of a man and a woman. Marriage, we know, is a legally accepted union between a man and woman...for companionship and procreation. This can't be possible without a meeting point (though the internet, through her numerous social media is creating other possibilities). At this point of meeting, many marriages are killed. Many questions we fail to ask ourselves include: what do I find attractive about my opposite number, what is my plan for him/her, can my point of attraction be sustained, what happens when it isn't, what are his/her strengths, what are the weaknesses, can I tolerate them, etc? When we ask ourselves such questions, we can then decide whether to stop at the friendship stage or proceed to the marriage stage. However, many times, we fail to ask these questions. Instead, we are concerned about: 'He/she is so handsome/beautiful, he/she is so loaded, he/she is so well groomed' and many other trivialities that may not stand the test of time. What this leads to at the end of the day is DISAPPOINTMENT!
Also, the norm is for the man to do the chasing, though the otherwise may sometimes be the case. When such happens, the lady should be CAREFUL not to appear DESPERATE. Being desperate doesn't appeal to any man, and could create a mental imbalance that will negatively crop up later in your marriage (that is if it worked in the first instance). Also, the success of your marriage in the long run depends on how you perform during your first meeting. He's rich and can afford your extravagant orders, but has created a mental image of you being after his money. This may not bear fruits until later when you think things are settled. You wanna know why he went ahead to marry you after such an impression? #ask him.
More coming shortly...

Principle 2...
Dating/Courtship... Maintain your dignity.
The courtship period is a time to sound each other out mentally, emotionally, interest wise and other compatibility points that could be a barrier to a successful marriage. But, amazingly, many have made this period a time for checking out the eateries, shopping malls and hotels for ...your guess is as good as mine. This absolute misplacement of priorities is what has watered down and crashed many marriages today. It is foolhardiness to think sexual satisfaction will tie down a man to you. He loves you but also wants to RESPECT you. Only you can bar that from happening when you sluttishly submit to all his sexual demands. Denying him may not guarantee your marriage, but it will guarantee your prestige (even when you break up). Submission also creates a mental picture of your irrelevance and conformity to the norm, which could be counterproductive in the long run (after all, you ain't any different from his sluttish secretary at the office). Alternatively, avoid like fire the tendency to trap him down with sex and/or pregnancy. He may be trapped into marrying you, but you may wish later on that you never married the UNFAITHFUL BRUTE! Let your love and feelings for each other grow (gradually), and CLIMAX in marriage, instead of PLUMMETING into marriage. Never save a dying relationship with marriage, sex or pregnancy reports. It is only temporary relief which will wear off with time.
More shortly...

Principle 3...
Don't Expect What You Don't Have...
Many men and women create lofty pictures - in their minds - of their intended spouses. But few of these do actually take time to prepare themselves for such persons. Only two days back, I was advising a pretty young lady who is always in a constant battle with anger outbursts. Offending her is just too easy(even when she's the one in the wrong), yet she's always making declarations on the kind of man she can marry. Fasting and praying will not stop a man from beating up an ill mannered lady. A gentle man can be changed into a brute by a mannerless wife. Same goes on the other hand. I know a man who gets into fights at the slightest provocation yet he gets irritated by quarrelsome ladies. What an irony! Same way very stingy ladies expect their partners to be extravagantly generous... Even the scriptures tell us to "...give, it shall be given unto you luke 6;38" and also to do unto others what we'd have them do unto us. The same goes to the menfolk too.
Bottom line here is, "most times, YOU are the problem!" You are the match stick lighting her fire, you are the hot water for his eba.
More shortly

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -Henny Youngman

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” - Doug Larson

Kanwulia: The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -Henny Youngman

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” - Doug Larson

You are right...to an extent. Marriage, like every other venture works with principles. Before one gives up, he/she should have done all to stand. Many times, we give up on the union, point accusing fingers when we are actually the catalysts behind our partners' reactions.

Principle 4...
Keep up the ante...
Aside the internal qualities, your partner was also attracted to you because of some external qualities. These include your shape, voice, hygiene etc. One great disservice you can do to yourself is to totally disregard this after marriage. If he loved your singing prior to marriage, sing more for him now, if she loved your tickles before she got married to you, don't stop them now.
Fitness is very important, but how much Africans tend to ignore this after marriage is very baffling. A few days back, I was surprised to be informed that one mama(fat girl) was actually a kid I used to know some years back. I would easily have greeted her like an aunty if I hadn't been informed. Now, such ravenous food consumption should be avoided and both parties should try and make out time for exercises. The body may fill up with age, but remaining fit makes such filling up look graceful and not accidental.
In a nutshell, don't let down your guard. It is difficult getting up, but even more difficult remaining there.
More shortly. Why are the comments not coming in?

Principle 5...
Here, I will highlight on the principle of reciprocity when it comes to relationships: I did touch on it earlier, but doing so again won't be out of place.
Many relationships suffer just because of this ONE fact...failing to do unto another what you would want done unto you. One aspect which is principal is the aspect of PROVISION. Many women today have this inordinately balance notion of the man being the provider while they are... Your tendency to always make demands and ever expect them fulfilled can lead to the end of an otherwise rosy union. The man wants to provide for you, he wants to meet your needs, he wants to buy you those jewelleries you cherish and get you gifts while returning from his working place, but a sub-conscious part of him expects you to also give to him. He may reject it, but the fact that you've made an offer is satisfying enough. How expensive your provisions are aren't his problem, but getting them at all shows you also think about him. Many ladies are quick to accuse their man of being uncaring when they are actually the problem. He meets 70% of their needs and they still expect more. When he points out the total inactivity on their part with regards to giving, they flare up and recite the age long female tirade line that responsible men provide for their wives and families. Giving is reciprocal. And love can only be shown by giving(sacrifices). The refusal by most women to change inevitably leads to rebellion on the part of the man and this can wreck the marriage. Many women realise this VERY LATE, they discover that the friend who's been pushing them to sap the man were actually the breadwinners in their own homes.
Another aspect is in rendering apologies: Many women have turned themselves into official apology receivers. The man scolds you, he has to apologise for it; you insult him, he has to apologise for it, you are not feeling too well, he has to apologise for it... You think say na mumu abi? The chicken definitely comes home to roost, though most times at the wrong time. Learn to say sorry, wives: learn to say sorry, husbands...
More shortly...

Ohibenemma:
You are right...to an extent. Marriage, like every other venture works with principles. Before one gives up, he/she should have done all to stand. Many times, we give up on the union, point accusing fingers when we are actually the catalysts behind our partners' reactions.

Life, like marriage is a choice!
If it doesn't fit, YOU MUST ACQUIT!!!
Simple!!!!

Kanwulia:

Life, like marriage is a choice!
If it doesn't fit, YOU MUST ACQUIT!!!
Simple!!!!

Am I sensing something here? The strength of a union lies in the loins of the weaker lover. To such I speak. What will crash will crash, but not all that crashed should have crashed!

Educating !!

In addition :
Marriage works when both patner want it to work while It fails when either patner wants it failed !!!


The secret to succesful marriage is simply willingness to sacrifice for one another as well as ability to enliven each other's spirit in a doom moments !!!

It takes simple two to tango !!

donroxy: Educating !!

In addition :
Marriage works when both patner want it to work while It fails when either patner wants it failed !!!


The secret to succesful marriage is simply willingness to sacrifice for one another as well as ability to enliven each other's spirit in a doom moments !!!

It takes simple two to tango !!

Spot on!!!

Principle 6...
Nobody is perfect...
When most people fall in love, they have this impression that their partners are the BEST there can be and even PERFECT in all ramifications. He seems so handsome, caring, helpful and available that you forget he snores, talks too much, listens less, he's his mummy's pet, etc; she seems so beautiful, fluent speaking, exposed, intelligent and loving that you forget her legs are too thin, she has this know-it-all mien, can't cook too well, nags, etc... This is a bad thing.
When we fall in love, we should be on the lookout for our partner's weaknesses. Infact, we shouldn't FALL in love, we should GO into it with complete consciousness of the pros and cons involved. Love is not an overwhelming flow of emotional hormones, where common sense is wrapped up in gratification of the id, but a sense of commitment to sacrificially support, uphold and complement another. This involves commitment to his/her good and bad points, desire to tolerate - come what may, desire to sacrificially accomodate his/her weaknesses and help in making improvements. Unfortunately, this isn't the trend today. Many times, we see only the good sides at the onset, and when the bad starts cropping up, we see unbriddled intolerance on display. Suddenly, it looks greener on the other side and partners start working on FREEING themselves of the hook, rather than FASTENING the wearing twine of their relationships. This is wrong! Man, woman, know this: NOBODY IS PERFECT...and that includes YOU! At least, know that the perfect ones are not yet born. That is a fact! Conscientiously work on your partner while being workable yourself. God bless your union.
More shortly...

Principle 7...
Never stop learning...
Human beings are dynamic. This is one of the principal problems of the social scientists, because they attempt to empirically explain non static, dynamic social interactions. And marriage is a union of two homo sapiens of fundamentally different backgrounds and experiences which explains the inevitable conflicts that arise. These conflicts shouldn't break unions, they should strengthen them. Marriage has oftentimes been described as a school with no facilities for graduation which is very true. Like in every school, experiments should be a constant until certain things are mastered. We mustn't allow rigidity and conservativeness to rob our unions of their dynamic flow. "My dad reacted this way to so and so from my mum" doesn't and shouldn't apply to your husband. "My mum always applied salt at the START of her cooking and not at the END(which your wife does) shouldn't apply to your wife. That was your mum, this is your wife.
Sometimes, we tend to blindly expect our spouses to conform to the standard of our parents, so much, that it leads to irreconciliable differences. Please, beware!
Back to the issue at hand. We shouldn't stop experimenting and have an open mind towards learning new things everyday. A woman, who after two years of marriage,(after previous quarrels) gets so infuriated that she calls her husband a foo*l only to get a black eye, should take that as a lesson. Never call him a foo*l again! Many times, the focus is on, "imagine John raising his hand on me! Imagine!" They do this forgetting the lead role they played in the cast. You may sulk, lady, but after the apologies and all that, know that a bad tongue could earn you a black eye. Sadly enough, many don't learn from such; they repeat the same practice and expect a different response... Only a mad man does the same thing over and over again, and will expect different...you know the end. Now, I'm not condoning such animalistic behaviour from the man, but I'm pointing out the fact that even the most gentle of men can be nastiLIZED by a woman's equally uncouthed speech. Many women will go on weeks of fasting and prayer over simple things that would require just themselves changing. Same applies to the men. Women generally are wired with shorter fuses, except in rare exceptions, thus meaning that they can easily blow hot or cold within short time spans. Their reactions per time may seem silly and childish drawing anger instead of empathy from you, but that is why you MARRIED her in the first place. Note her flashpoints, those simple harmless jokes you crack with your friends that send them rolling over but gets her on the edge whenever she hears them. You should either modify your mode of delivery or stop it altogether. Simple, but most times, we gloss over such simple but vital things.
These are just examples which are in no way exhaustive, but the point is that we need to be open minded learners in our unions. Your father is very different from your husband. He probably had his first relationship with your mum whereas your husband has been heartbroken twice - and probably smashed one or two hearts too. Your mum probably married a virgin whereas your wife has been sexually active since she was seventeen. These are just snapshots of the differences between the previous and current generations, and why you mustn't rigidly stick to such as the basis for your union. God bless you...
More shortly...

U

What's that?

Principle 8...
Minimize the suspense...
From the point of wooing, the average lady thrives on suspense. The guy isn't sure of her intentions towards him and he keeps trying even when his actions seem stu.pid and he's making a foo'l of himself. This is beautiful and adds to the fun of the relationship, but only if properly managed. Many fail in this. This is one flimsy, but equally important principle.
"Honey," he says, observing her strained countenance, "you look stressed. Hope you are okay?"
"I am," she replies, smiling cunningly, "but..." he leans repositions himself to catch what she will say..."don't worry, forget it." She says in conclusion, much to his disappointment.
Harmless, right? So wrong! When accumulated, this could lead to a weakening of his ability to feel concerned about the plight of the lady. Many ladies do this for the fun of it; they want to see him agitated, they wanna see how much he cares, but it could also lead to disillusionment on his part. We must have read about the choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic temperaments. Each of them react in different ways to issues...with some spewing forth like larva while others keep it in like dams. Those who spew forth, mainly the cholerics, may roar in anger when this gets to an edge. They may display their frustration in ways that would seem disproportionate to the issue at hand, but here the woman easily fails to handle the issue well. Instead of clearing the air and managing the issue at hand, she blows up too, annoyed at his reaction, thereby conflagrating the little tinder. This can lead to lots of conflicts(some I've witnessed), and possibly breakup. The phlegmatic and melancholic may stiffle his frustration, complain occasionally to their amused wives and then get emotionally detached, only for the same wives to turn around later and accuse them of being uncaring and inconsiderate, a habit that could blow over, overtime. It sounds flimsy, but it's best to stem the tide, when it's still at its infancy.

Principle 9...
Back it up with prayers...
I remember my pastor, while in school, always drumming it in our ears - during examinations - to pray like we've never read and read like we've never prayed. The above principles are very important, but same way does prayer. Make God your first and last resort. In Daniel 4;17, the bible tells us about a God in Heaven who oversees the affairs of man and giveth it to whomever He wills. This is great, it is beautiful, it is wonderful. Understanding this enables us to comprehensively place all our problems in the hand of He who has the final authority. What is that problem that has defied solution in your homes today? Have you taken it to God? If not, please do; and if you've done so and it seems not working, do so again. God is ever faithful... God bless your homes.

Conclusively, let me state it here that there's no known formula for a successful marriage. The reason for this, as stated earlier, is the dynamic nature of the human species. Peculiar problems are peculiarly addressed in institutions, nations and between couples. What works here may not work here, and that's the bane of the sociological practice - resolving interactional conflicts. The points listed above may not apply to your case. If that's so, let us know and together resolve it. Thanks.

Is dt d end? I was soooo enjoying the piece that i dint want ΐτ̲̅ τ̅☺ finish. God bless U̶̲̥̅̊ for dese insightful and inspiring words. Every couples shld read ΐτ̲̅ and learn from ΐτ̲̅.am not ǻ gud writer like U̶̲̥̅̊ buh i wld add ♏Ɣ 2 cents
#1 ur marriage is what you make of ΐτ̲̅.try as much as possible τ̅☺ be spontaneous for instance ow many husbands or wives stil send ǻ text message τ̅☺ deir partner during the day meanwhile d text messages was almost every other day durong the dating days.this is ǻ ritual dt must not die cuz women are moved by wot they hear and men by wot they see
#2 try as much as possible not τ̅☺ let your children come between U̶̲̥̅̊ when they starts comong cuz their is every possibility τ̅☺ shift attention from ur patner τ̅☺ d new born esp from d women angle. Men are like babies and wants τ̅☺ b pampered too. I heard ǻ story about ǻ man dt was jealous of his son becuz he was suckin the wife's breast and he told  wife τ̅☺ wean him off d breast milk after 3 mth so that he can continue d suckin from dere lol
#3 forgive easily. Dis is d best advice i got from ǻ friend in d first week of our marriage and ΐτ̲̅ works like magic. Forgive easily and move on so dt U̶̲̥̅̊ can fight anoda one tomoro cuz make up is sweet. That was just ǻ joke. The bottom line is forgive forgive fgorgive cuz without ΐτ̲̅ d crack starts buildin and wen dt happens small lizards starts enterin n before U̶̲̥̅̊ no ΐτ̲̅  relationship is itrrepairable.
#4 above all prayer is d key like op sed!!! May God help us all

@Pjthatcher, thanks so much for your commendation and also for your spot on addition. It shows that, at least, one person was touched by what I've done so far. I decided to stop to get feedbacks. The conversation was too "one way*ED"

Interesting!

It was too one way. I wanted to ask if you were talking to yourself.

Well done!

Tgirl4real: Interesting!

It was too one way. I wanted to ask if you were talking to yourself.

Well done!

YEA, IT ALMOST SEEMED SO AT A POINT.