This was a BBM group discussion. it may be of help to you:

Its not a piece of Cake: what we are made up of n our relationships. Most especially, being married. C, a lot of ppl have classified causes of marriage breakdowns in so many headings. Be it d temperament, type of love exhibited, experiences n so many psychological illusional based circumstances. But how has it been related to God to see who we are, in manifestation of d success of our home, family and life in general.

I'm going to do this my own way frm refs books, msgs n of cos holy manual. Lemme introduce u to 4 categories of ppl: u might have heard of them b4; I will also tell u how to identify them and probably discover urself, ur spouse, boss n ppl arnd u. Then to see whc is dominant per place n time. Also how to benefit frm d strength n weaknesses without using it as a weapon against d other. And we id such ppl in d bible too.

1. Lovers: these category of ppl r dominating d world now. Their mentality suggests "let's do it your way" Note: "YOUR" : They are always ready to forsake dr desires 4d 1s they love. Even if it means doing d dis-speakables. All in a bid to satisfy dr partners, spouses, boss, man/female friends. They are also those who have dat Eros psyche too: Its natural: not that they can help it: God put it there. High libido. Beauty may not be a criteria for them, the moment u r loved by a lover, u can be in danger sef as u may not b able to meet their craving. Lemme show u how u will id them?

a. Dressing: they dress to kill, dress to please and attract d opposite sex: The aura arnd them is beauty n sensual. Their body is dr asset. For the thugs in this category will fyt naked, tear dr dresses n all:

b. Education: this ppl may be confused frm dr teenage years. They tend to marry n have children in sch. They have lil interest in education. They are more @dr relationship during d study in tertiary inst. They can prostitute for dr boyfriends and vice versa in school to survive. No matter dr brilliance, they are in d follower category in other to pls d 1 they love:

c. Sex: they are experts: they are never boring. They have all u need: pants, bras, strings, toys etc, high libido, natural strength to do 2 -7 rounds without getting freaked out : No 1 can tame a person with high libido except prayers: keep this for later (imagine marrying a woman in this category and u r doing a job dat keeps u long out of home) Lovers use sex as a weapon to love by giving all the time and anywhere.

d. Giving: they r good givers. Especially to that person they love. They will go any mile to do anything to get what d 1 they love need. They don't mind sleeping with dr spouses boss to give him or her promotion @d office or peace of mind or any wise. They can even hurt d 1 they want to satisfy in d process. It can be used against them 1ce d partner knows, uses her or him to get what he wants: u will c some men put dr wives on d line 4dr careers.

e. Decoration n Home Making: they are excellent. They are gifted in arts n designs. Their colours are not always out of place. They can decorate dr beds, home etc because they want to put in a way that all can be expressed therein.

f. IQ: they r low in this. They are not always rich except for inheritance whc thins out because they waste on who sees dr weak points. U can't task them mentally because u will end up finishing it. They may make it more tasking sef. They tend to be under stress when put in d IQ measure scale. But u know wht, this kinda ppl won't mind to go seek 4 dr partners even in d offc to make him/her relax. They know how to relieve d IQ stress on other lcategories because they have only 1 stress I hope it's all making sense? I'm sure u r discovering such ppl already and seeing too if u share this category?

g. Praise: they are good praisers, psychers, honey tongued n all: you will enjoy dr songs,(c d kinda songs we hear most times, it's singing 4d opposite sex) they are good minstrel. They are plenty in all churches choir depts : their strong point cld b in music, architecture, art n sports.

h. Child Upbring: Very low mark: see all above, what d u have to offer d growing child?

i. Cooking and Make up: they take dr time to cook delicacies n to look good. But however, if d partner can't, he or she doesn't mind so far she sabi dat thing: dat can b d food.

j. Beauty: like I said does not matter to a lover: see prince Charles vacated d throne for his American wife. That is a lover, they can forfeit anything and everything for love. No matter what it will cost. A man won't mind marrying older woman, a woman can leave a wealthy man for a poor maid:. We have seen that this group of ppl don't like pressure: they love jokes, entertainment n dr home is never boring. They are found in professions asuch: music, art, fashion designing n can be devoted too to religion.

Their wpn is sex, dressing, decor, praise n devotion to d 1 they love. Whatever they do comes with passion. They can betray trusts n selling out of ppl they love unknowingly. Erotic love is d basis of dr relationship. They need the help of God for self control, faithfullness and direction. They easy preys for fornication and adultery. They are not bad ppl pls: that is just dr design n they didn't create themselves like that. They are to step down some other categories. Like where hate is d order. They have dr advantages too. U can tell
__ Do we have such people in the bible? Yes: David n all his children, Delilah and Samson, Jezebel were strong lovers ofcos with other components


2. Friends: We all know what a freind is: Amos 3:3 is a quick fix to that. They have "let us do it our way" mindset. Personally, I like this kinda category. Dunno y:maybe because this seems like my dominant. Briefly, lemme run thru dr traits n xteristics:

a. Dressing: they are good dressers. Not too loud dressers. A frnd will buy a dress for several thousands whc may not be attractive. Expensive dresses but not loud with it. They r corporate dressers n organisation's copy dr dress sense, a friend will help u get a good cloth dat makes u fit 4 dat occasion without noise. Whether rich or poor, dr style sense is exemplary. They set d pace for the fashion world in labour orgs .

b. Education: no matter what they study, it's for d sake of making money. They are biz inclined, multiplications of capital, they don't run short of ideas for making money in any field. They are good bankers n economist. When they loose wealth, they can get back on dr feet in record timing: they are not prodigal with riches inherited, they get richer. Good jobs 4 dem, banking, merchants, trading, stocks n related wise. They are career conscious, success syndrome is high with this ppl.

b. Giving: they are pathetic givers. Any1 in dr path will enjoy their philanthropy, they spoil with gifts when courting be it man or woman, they make everything u want available as far as they can afford it. They marry in dr financial capability n spheres or circle. They dont pretend with gifts. They are easily gilted. Everywhere they turn, be it church, govt, work, schools, etc, their giving speaks volumes n open doors 4dem.

c. Child upbringing: very low mark here: they prefer their kids to go to boarding house so they can have time for dr busy schedules n money making. They replace dr love n attention to the kids with gifts n money n materials whc when its too much 4d kids may cos dem danger Dan help.

d. Sex: they are below average here too. Busy lifestyle n other races huddles deny this bit (u c y dis person may need a lover). When they rtn home, they are tired to be touched: their spouse may masturbate (I've had a man confide dat in me b4) because of d unavailability of d wife n whn she is arnd, she is tired n he won't be fair to even attempt. Now c a luver who marries a friend results to maids, concubines, drivers n d likes.

d. IQ: very high. U can never be bored with d imaginations they carry. Altho various temperaments. Love for finance n management. U want to inform them of ur plans because of dr suggestions n these puts them incharge plus them being a possible sponsor too. They are not self imposed leaders: their ideas, blessings n giving gets them d leadership.

e. Decorations: Expert here too. As much as they can afford. They don't mind spending fortunes to get the best of anything. U will be surprised @dr buildings, cars, art collections. They are good builders. They reach 4d best of anything they involve in. U will be shocked to hear d cost of his bathroom wears. They can't be idle. Give them the resources, u will get d best of ur money:

f. Praise: they are good at encouraging their spouse and any1 under them. Apart frm words of mouth, they use gifts too nB: they work more under pressure. A friend when he is buried in his work, know that there is smthn @stake or a trouble he is running from. They are tireless

g. Beauty: their beauty is wealth n what they have. They love to share. They are ready to be best aids: PAs, ADCs, AOs, HRs, COS etc. When they lead, every1 arnd is happy

Now c: this ppl will willingly help without strings, altho may be misunderstood, Math 7:6. They can be easily cheated in pursuit of dr high standards. They are sacrifices oriented so they need a partner to check them. A friend as a lawyer will defend u no Mata what. They can do unjustly to those not in dr categories.:

Do we have dis ppl in d bible? Ofcos: Abraham and lot, moses n Aaron, queen of sheba. Don't try to change friends as same 4 all categories so u don't fall on dr opposite side. Pray 4 dem. Help dem with direction n advice so they don't get cheated. They don't believe in suffering for 2mrw, every moment of dr life counts 4 giving n making wealth as well as using it. They are like eagle, they can't fly with old wings, they need new wings. It is how God made them: they have to give 4 new entry.

By now, u will start to see how much of these traits u have in ur spouse n urslf. It can't be 100percent. U share of everything per place time n incidence but u need to know when u outburst d other relative to ur partner's reaction n his or her strength too. Never give up: u r as fluid as d partner is altho we all have a 40percent minimum dominant. Y it's good for us to know it. u will be surprised your partner knows ut dominance other different from what u fink u r.

3. FIRE: just as it implies, it burns, it can hurt n make perfect a raw substance for consumption. Greeks may c it as Stooge: love btw mother Hen n chics. I c it as loose conons. Very peculiar ppl. They can detonate anytime n place n can only be good to who is ready to b d chic. Their mind is "let's do it my way" u need to be a wet towel to contain this folks. Lemme bring dr traits to bare like d other categories: u will c I'm right:

a. Dress codes: they are way gorgeous in this. They can be expensive too as friend but theirs with attention n very loud. Dress with pride unlike love's dress to kill. They show d glam in dr wears. Self importance is worth more to them in dressing. They want others to copy dr styles. They are good pretenders too. They are good actors n actresses

b. Education: it doesn't Mata if they have it or not, they must be @d top always: when this is dominant, it's always more than 40 percent. It cld be as high as 80. 1ce they support dr leader or sm1 they love, they will protect him or her n obey or follow n when they are leaders, u can tell: it's hell of troubles. They operate under decrees n orders. They will not rest until they repay what hurt u bared on them. They tend to be tyrant n dictators. Their education is based on beliefs and ideologies. They do more of social sciences n debating courses.

c. Giving: they give with strings attached: not neccly for sexual immorality but amonsgt so many vices. Give to get loyalty, give to control: They don't mind sponsoring ur course in life n 1ce u move frm dr ideology, they won't stop till u r brought down. They will make u pay for everything u got frm them. They will help u climb a ladder n when u get 2d top they threaten or even shake d ladder 4 u to fall. Any1 who doesn't obey them is dr enemy. My will must be done. (They are good antedote for lovers) my opinion tho. Their gifts can bring wickedness in d long run.

d. Cooking n Home making: this depends on dr mood. U know what this means. Autocratic. We have a lot of homes in dis category. Beatings, abuses, insubordination frm men n women in d home. Even abuse of 1another's personality :

d. Children upbringing: highly commendable. They are very good strtrs. They act like a volcano to d kids. Funny enof, like volcanoes: they always have good n calm ppl arnd them to boss arnd. (any land prone to or arnd volcanic eruptions r usually very fertile) Children who have monitored or grew with this bully grow not to fear or respect them (in d case of parents): that then makes them not to be good finishers. They are good for such professions like pry n sec teachers. Sometimes, d tamed 1s in poilitcs n armed forces

e. Sex: just like lovers or even more: they use sex as a weapon to put dr spouse under check n cntrl. Lovers use giving sex to win while they deprive to achieve same course . When they get going, some want to be raped, beaten during sex, strangled n all during sex (some violence). No love making o: like I always said, "there is sex, love making and fxxxing": I'm sure w know d differences n when all may be applied. That is another topic

f. IQ: they are majorly critics. They are fault finders. They condemn anything putting them below. They always want to be d best. Loop holes is dr finds. For d women, they will contest d leadership with d hubbies @home (sure this happens when d husband's bcoms d wife: she takes strict instructions even against his will.) when this ppl r going down, heads usually roll with them:

g. Decor: they like such colours as purple, green, red. Their vehs may be rickety but don't dare overtake dem with ur porche. They don't want u 2b richer n do better than them. They are extravagant. Since they are critics, they always want dr opinions to count.

h. Praise: u know now: especially when they are not incharge. They sure pass judgement. U hardly hear well done frm them. 1ce u r not on dr good side, be ready to be roasted. Elisha is a good example. They don't mind using any means to pass dr critics. They can easily assainate lives n characters. Imagine having two fires marry under a roof. 1ce u make mistake, wow.

i. Beauty: Ooo this matters to them a lot. Its a way to get them noticed as quick as possible. They don't mind going for surgery. They tend to control everything and anything in dr environment even how they want to have sex n 1ce u say No, there is trouble. Its dangerous to be involved with a man or a woman whose partner, spouse or loved is a fire: u may pay d highest price for it.

Now we see, they are potential leaders frm birth, they have dr good sides too. Kingdom of God needs violence . They make dr enemies prey n also target those who they love who myt have disobeyed them. Fire shld b used to fight vices in d society. They can be fanatics. The fire can be used to cleanse all evil rather than punishing those we love. God is looking for ppl like Elijah to fyt likes of Jezebels. U will recall Elisha strtd well but c d end because of anger on his servant. For a fire person, they are not all bad cos God created them o. They need fruits of d spirit like meekness, kindness, self control n patience. God help us


4. Perfecta Category: Seemingly flawless: they are the idealist. This is like Agape in d Greek but more than just d agape. This ppl r discreet folks. Their mind is "let us do it the right way". They live to attain the best of dr situation. They want to improve anything to make it better. They walk @ better result. They are principled n can't be easily convinced. They are rigid and want to follow just d books. They don't mind enduring all forms of hardships n all in as much as they are doing the right thing. They are good leaders. As usual, c dr traits:

a. Dressing: normal: less attractive: they don't mind wearing old styled cloths. The reason to dress up for them is to cover their bodies not for attention or smthn. Not a jewelry freak. No glam. They are not d party kind. Conservative by nature n will resist sudden changes in dr life. They are secret disciples when u r doing right n leaders secretly. U normally won't want to id with them in public seeing their dresses. They preach moderations even as ministers.

b. Education: they are conscious of dr career but have less to show in finance as compared to d friend category. They are not risk takers. Their motto is learn and do what u have to do. They have pride in dr conformist attitudes. They like courses like history, geography, etc. They know everything about everything esp frm d receiver's perspective. They are good civil servants. They don't retire until forced to do so. They are good teachers even in d tertiary. Good finishers too. No matter what, they don't get discouraged. (u will remember a professor u myt have come across shey?)

c. Giving: they are low here: they are traditional misers. They will give Altn to giving. They always will recall those who has given n has bn rubbished in d process. (u c this person can help check friend's giving capacity). They are born economists. They are merciless in dis regard:

d. Cooking n Home Making: excellent in HM. Their cooking abilities depends on dr tongues n eating habits. They have dedication to homes 4d women. They hardly eat outside unlike d friends. They campaign for home made food

e. Child upbringing: they are good finishers. They don't use threats like fire: lemme give an example sm1 gave me: a child went out and misbehaved n when he gets home and was reported, d father took no action till nightfall when he was sleeping, d child was woken up n given proper beaten in closed doors whn no1 cld intervene. Another example is: a man tells his child to use his seatbelts n he refuses n d father keeps quiet. Then he accelerated @a high speed n slamped d brakes that d boy hits his head on d dash: then d father tells him, that is y u shld wear ur seat belt. Those are them: This pple can be likened to a form of natural disasters too. Earth quake. They are calm n show no signs of dr emotions. They can tolerate a person for so long but when they decide to correct the impression: OMG, it's drastic n very bad. They wait till they are pushed beyond d wall but dr cmn bk is "abijawara bi ekun"

f. Sex: supposing this is to be arranged like books 4dem: it's will be dr last. Their women see sex as an act of child birth only. Or just a 1ce in a while exercise. Some homes have crumbled because of these folks attitudes to sex ( u c dis grp needs lovers n even some friends). They are boring ppl. D female circumstition brewed frm this folks. They can endure battering frm fire category. Their longsuffering is quite amusing. They hardly forgive. They always make refs to what sm1 has done b4. They don't forget even if they forgive. They can stay without sex or spouse for years without looking for altns. They remain unmarried after demise of dr spouses.

g. IQ: they are defensive in nature. They struggle to lead. They take actions based on d judgements of dr experiences. They don't fyt to lead but it comes eventually directly or indirectly. Daniel was such, Samuel too. U c dis ppl in appts as Chiefs of staffs and GMs in organisations. They can be overtly pricipled in how they run dr homes. They can teach hard lessons.

h. Decor: they are traditionalist. They belive in what dr time offered n will resist new scopes. Such ppl want wells in dr houses till date even if they have 20 pumping machines. They make references to traditions arts, music n scopes.

i. Praise: they are also critics except u obey n consider their unforced opinions while u r in charge. They keep records n mostimes it's d bad records they keep. They see and consider much negativity. Pessimistic views in everything. They r needed in time of loss, grieve, sickness, rejection, pain disappointment. They are really strong emotionally. U can c a good job 4 dem in d Army.

j. Beauty: physical beauty is not an issue to them at all. They prefer d inward. They cld spend dr lives on spiritual matters. No cosmetics. They are built for encouragement. They belive in heroes n always say "ancestors". They r good movie makers n directors too. U c this ppl r useful too as there are ppl we need in time of trouble. The bad ppl want others to suffer as they have when put in charge as they see it as a way of life to be strong. They believe more in "hope" in d bible. They are humanitarians when God is involved. They are good at fasting for prayer. They are good archeologists too.

In conclusion: you must have seen urslvs, ur partner, ur parents n loved 1s in these categories. They have dr good n bad sides. God put them all there. Its important we know it so we can check our limits n help our spouses improve or reduce. Not to ever use it against d other. We are to complement 1 another. But defly, we see dangers hanging on 2 of d categories under same roof. And so that we don't damage our homes by our actions n inactions. Also, so that whn u c a trait (lacking or excess), u know how to calm it or activate it. Not with rancour pls. Know urslef 1st n then ur partner. As I said, every 1 has a bit of all but we have dominace of 1 of d 4 to be at least 40 percent while others set in. Dominance in 60 percent and above is dangerous of a particular trait. U need a checker. Its not bad to tell ur spouse to support ur weak points. (keep my money, check me when I'm saying too much, make cloth choices for me etc - (I had a neighbors whose wife called a snr colleague n abused hell outta him over d fone n d hubby was ryt bside her) that is y we r strength 4 1 another. 1ce we can't share our weakness n b ready to be helped by our partners or over dominate with ur strength, u tend to give d partner an Altn to look for who will bare his or her trait n help nuture it (if ur hubby likes talking, u better be a good listener n if ur wife loves church, u can consider being a pastor, sm1 is looking for that trait outside too) it may start small n dovetail uncontrollably because uve made urslvs strangers to 1 another and see urself in a different light.

Overall, it shldnt shock if I tell u all these are God's traits:
Lovers: God gave his only begotten son for us so that we shld believe
Friend: (even the hymn "what a friend we have in Jesus*music* ) yet before u called, I've answered and while u call, I've heard. we believe He gives everything.
Fire: God is a consuming fire
Perfect: He was, He is and is to Come (note: was). Ancient of days." It is written", even our God is a perfect God and in him is no guile. Even in riches, he was made poor. See fire of Jesus when he drove merchants out of d temple.

Be the Adam n Eve for each other as God made us. U can't let go of any of these 4 persona in our lives. it could be in our homes or offices or anywhere. We all need to be good lovers: it's a very important ministry as there are more lovers in d world now. Lovers attracts n dats d danger. any of the above can easily relapse to this category. Devil uses it so much. so, Spice up ur beds for spouses. So also friend. How do u show love without giving: if u don't make money, u won't have much to give (all is not about money: that is a lazy man's speech|| ) =)) but u need to see to stay @home too Fire: some demons needs fire in us, some vices too does, smtimes in office u r 1 and @home, u r another, with friends, another n with ur boss another. Perfecta: no matter what u need to learn frm where u r cmn frm as this category. Some things shld be sacred n kept asuch such as lifestyles (for instance, kids speaking native languages, knowing how to wear natives etc).

Now do this, arrange ur image in order of dominance and let someone u r close to do same: u will be surprised u dont have d same result (meaning u fink u r smthn while d other person sees u as another thing). For the married, Marriage is an empty box or account: both partners have to work to earn to fill up the box or invest in the acct virtues like, love, communication, long-suffering, peace, patience, trust, hope and everything. it is outside this box or account that u get back from in times of need and troubles. 1 thing i notice too is a trait we all have "Adaptability" all living things have it. a lot of partners (male and female) tends to adapt when ever there is a negative situation they cant change because if they don't, they may break trying to fix or correct it... nevertheless, dont let ur partner just always be d 1 adapting esp when its a negative act. u can never tell, even while she is adapting, u may just be d 1 dat will break.

God bless all the readers: Comments and Opinions aint gonna be bad. its not intentional to step on anyone's toes too incase.