Pls, I need advise concerning my husband. Infidelity. Recently my husband went for a family friend's wedding at Ilesa , we were to attend together but I wasn't feeling fine that day. Because of my health he said he will make it back that day to lagos. He called me later that he won't be coming back that day that the place is bubbling, this was around past 5. On a good day I believe the party should have ended at that time. I told him no problem that he should take care of himself. When he came back the next day around 5pm he started telling me I am not a good wife that I should have set his food on the table. Meanwhile I called him in the morning around 9 to find out if he was already on his way so that I can start preparing something. He told me the bride's mom begged him to wait for breakfast so he is not sure when he will leave. By the time he will leave he never called to inform me. All these made me to call a member of the family that was at the party to ask if my hubby slept in their house as he claimed. The person told me he came with his cousin( that happens to be his partner in crime) and they only spent 30mins. Though that was not his first time of doing such things. Even if Lizard is having a party outside lagos, they will attend and spent 2 days. So many times I have sat him down to have discussions with him, he will cover it up based on the fact that I don't have evidence to show. The little I have I won't want to implicate those that inform me. Pls I need genuine advise as I don't really know what to do again to satisfy him. I am really fed up and the love is lost.

Well... It is pathetic. But u see... We guys re opportunity grabbers. We may nt av intention to cheat but weneva an opportunity presents itsef, we find it difficult to say no. My best advise fr u is to pls, always mk sure u attend functions together. Thats way, u cn kip a tab on him. If u cnt attend, discourage him frm attending by making up silly excuses. Ly u re nt feeling fyn nd u ll lyk him to be wit u.
*jst tinkin....*

To all intending couples, know your spouse before you make any commitment. Yes he wowed you with his free flexing and hard partying when you were dating, have you ever stopped to consider how it affects his skills as a huspand. But its alright dear you are married now, so let's seee how this works out. The good thing is if he ever loved you, he can still love you, you just have to help him Rediscover.. Let me paint you a senario, you and you hubby are a team on a jorney. You started well, but right now, he's not doing so well. He is limping and hurting and slowing you. But you can't leave him, cos if you do, he might lost his way and might never find it again. You have every right to leave him behind, but that isn't the noble thing to do, is it?
Now is when he needs you most, ur support and understanding. You need to give him more love than you'v ever given. Prove to him that you are more loving that any crooked LovePeddler he gets out there. Try to make his times at home more comfortable. Learn to coverse with him again, you do that by being more of a listener. Read and understand his moods. Whatever you do, don't fear him. Let him know how much you miss his tender touches. When you guys do it, make love don't just have sex, make it spiritual, communicate with his inner man while making love.it may seem wierd to him but trust me, it gives him memories. And whenever he's with any other, it will always feel different as their won't be a connection.
Sex is about the energy and satisfaction.
Making love is About the connection and care, its about giving yourself to him. Giving yourselves to each other( see the difference?)

Soon enough, he'l realise that you are the one who actually cares, his limping leg will heal, he'll start picking pace and the both of you may even soar together and help others in d same.

You must pray my dear that is the most important key to winning back your family. Eph3:15. Every family in heaven and earth recieves its true name from the Father... Right now you are naming your family, "lost love" that's false but God has a better "true" name. KeeP praying.

All the best dear

you just have to be patient, that's how many guys are these days right from their youth. But lemme tell u something if he loves you (loving u doesn't mean he won't cheat ) just be patient sit him down, cry to him, let him know how much he's hurting you, we guys are also emotional, but continue to treat him in a way no other girl can....
this kinda thing happened in a family I know about 10 years ago and today the husband is worshipping the wife, she was patient enough for him to realize no hole is better than that of his wife.
patience and prayer! all will be fine soon....

Thanks all for your beautiful advise, God bless you all. To jeffizy, that is even my greatest fear now, we've both treated stap so many times that it even disturbed my getting pregant for 3 years. I have talked to him severally, at d end of the day he will tell me he may even decide not to come home. That some guys can even abandone their homes because of issues like this. Even two weeks after I gave birth he beat me up because I read his text in which he planned to attend a party with his cousin and ex girlfriend. I felt bad and I told him to just protect himself, that was how he started beating me. I have prayed and fasted so many times. I explained all I was going through to an elderly family member all he said that my hubby"s own was small that his father is worst. Though he told me to still be prayinh and have patience. I am tired and very sick. I missed my bus stop so many times because of thinking. I wish death can come but I am afraid my daughter will suffer.

Fabulousuzo: some women are realy suffering. One thing i'm very sure of, is that, he'll regret his actions. Pls remove that thought of dying. When u guys were dating, was he acting like this?

He was not like this. Though he has female friends which I know must of them. Besides, he was so open then. Even when he and he friends went to parties and some will take along their gf. He will still come back and gist me.

Shining mama:
He was not like this. Though he has female friends which I know must of them. Besides, he was so open then. Even when he and he friends went to parties and some will take along their gf. He will still come back and gist me.

dough i'm not married, but why not try the ill treatment. Don't nag him, let him do anything he likes, when he comes back from work, dish out he's food, don't act as if your hurtin, anything he wants, give it to him. When he sees your cold towards him, he'll turn a new leaf. Thank God you have a child to keep you company, try to be livly without him, the more you show him that he's free to do anyhow, i belive he'll come to his senses. & don't 4get to protect yourself when he wants to have X with you. Pls don't 4get prayer works, its going to take time but it works. May the Lord strengten you!

Fabulousuzo: dough i'm not married, but why not try the ill treatment. Don't nag him, let him do anything he likes, when he comes back from work, dish out he's food, don't act as if your hurtin, anything he wants, give it to him. When he sees your cold towards him, he'll turn a new leaf. Thank God you have a child to keep you company, try to be livly without him, the more you show him that he's free to do anyhow, i belive he'll come to his senses. & don't 4get to protect yourself when he wants to have X with you. Pls don't 4get prayer works, its going to take time but it works. May the Lord strengten you!

op Please take this advice.... I c it as. the best!

I just hope you are still the woman he once fell in love with because most women seems to be more comfortable as soon as they are married. they feel to look sexy is for the single ladies. whatever you did then that attracted you to him, please dont stop doing them becos most men compares alot. if there is anything you no he is complaning of, pls just try to work on it. it is well

I see some comments here very disturbing, (apologies). Someone is being severally cheated on and beaten up and she is being advised to do everything the man wants for him, later he will come to his senses. Can this types of advice be given to a man if it is the woman that is cheating and inconsiderate?
Personally, i dont think i can love anybody who cheat on me and beat me up, my own please.

greatgod2012: I see some comments here very disturbing, (apologies). Someone is being severally cheated on and beaten up and she is being advised to do everything the man wants for him, later he will come to his senses. Can this types of advice be given to a man if it is the woman that is cheating and inconsiderate?
Personally, i dont think i can love anybody who cheat on me and beat me up, my own please.

I can say without any fear of contradiction that 70%of married men are unfaithful. if she were unmarried I could have given her a different advice, herself testified that he was a party man before marriage, so she obviously saw it coming but I guess she turned a blind eyes towards the light.

@op, madam, please comfront him humbly and peaceably, tell him how he's hurting your feeling everytime, tell him how you know about his playing away games and why you have decided not to talk, and more importantly, ask him why he think you deserve the way he's treating you, ask him if he will be pleased with you if the table is turned around and you are the one in his present way of his life. Ask him how he want things to turn around, ask him if he's willing to change or he want you also to change, let him know that your child is seeing what is happening, ask him what he would do if his daughter comes to report her hubby to him as being randy, and so on. All these questios are in a bid to allow him see himself and know that he is just hiding under one finger, with this, hopefully, he will come to his senses and change. Please, do not ignore him, he might think you are unaware, or know that you're fearing him. Perfect love cast out fear.
Lest i forget, always protect yourself when you're with him, no condom, so s ex.
May God uphold and restore your home.

Reading most of these comments I feel sick inside of me right now.
OP you have treated staph on so many occasions beating etc,
I weep for you.
You know what, the sympathy you are trying to find, I don't have such to give.
The truth is that you don't value yourself. Keep treating staph, who knows, next it might be HIV, just who knows.
As you lay on your bed, you see the world gradually eating you away. You see your children suffering and you can't do nothing because you are so weak in the hospital bed and can't lift a finger.
Keep treating staph and taking beating.
Also keep fasting...

GOD SAID, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF . YOU DONT EVEN LOVE YOURSELF.

My advice, learn to put yourself first and love yourself. How much more can we ask of these.

Once you love yourself, you won't be needing any advice from any jack.
How are you expected to be treated like a princess when you treat yourself as a trash!

I agree with greatgod2012 that the comments here are disturbing and I also think lots of the so called advisers are not married themselves.

And Wasak, even if 70% of married men cheat, is it then something we should all just applaud and ignore.

Poster, sorry to say but your husband is irresponsible and kinda wicked. I am a married man too so I know how wives are to be treated. And to me, he has concluded you have no options apart from him so he can pretty much do whatever he likes.

Are you working? If not, please get a job. A man that can constantly give you STD and beat you on top of that can throw you out of the house anyday, so while you work on your marriage, you also need to be able to survive somehow if you have to.

I will advice you to speak to his family about it. He must have parents and if not siblings. Dont suffer in silence, speak out. Let his family know. And if they do nothing, speak to your family too and let some senior member of your family talk to him. If possible, organise family meeting so that he can also explain his actions and inactions.

For those suggesting he loves you but he is just being a guy, i beg to disagree. The way he is treating you does not show any love. I am sure if he did all these before marriage, you wouldnt have married him. Please dont ignore him, fight for your marriage and make it work. Dont think he will one day come to his senses, it might be too late then, because he may have impregnated three girls and given you HIV. Deal with it asap!

what is this one saying?

angiemartinez: I just hope you are still the woman he once fell in love with because most women seems to be more comfortable as soon as they are married. they feel to look sexy is for the single ladies. whatever you did then that attracted you to him, please dont stop doing them becos most men compares alot. if there is anything you no he is complaning of, pls just try to work on it. it is well

so, whenever a man misbehaves, it's the wooman's fault, abi

angiemartinez: what is this one saying?

who are you referring to?

@ Nashville I'm not saying the situation should be applauded but Seriously I'd blame her more, the guy didn't change overnight, he must have been that way before marriage. the family can change nothing, they will talk and d guy will pretend as if he would change....
Please to all the ladies, never marry a boy, marry a man someone with moral standards and not just swagger.
@ op I still advice u to be patient, ur patience would tame him sooner or later... have u read the story of the Ethiopian woman?

Is Staph a Sexually Transmitted Disease?

Ehrm, na behind and Nashville I dey on top dis kain matter!

I wish
death can come but I am afraid my
daughter will suffer.

Please, don't let that thought come up. You are still important to your family and at the end of the day, your hubby is one person out of a hundred people who value you.

Thanks all for your comments. I have informed his family. They told me they can understand what I am passing through that they are praying too. The fact is they can't confront him. When I told one of my sisters, she said I should just forget about that though she has been married for 20 yrs now. For the past 5 months now we've not been having s-x which I even prefer that way becos he won't want to use cd. His family told me his cousin is the problem which I knew myself, he has great influence on him because they've been together since childhood.

Sometimes you have to force change to happen,Chillisauce nailed it,there is nothing wrong if he comes back from his sexcapades one day and realize you are not waiting?If you don't love yourself, no one will.Keep fasting and praying alone at your own peril.

Some advise here are really disturbing!!

Madam op.what has staph got to do with this
Staph is a Bacteria infection

Shining mama: Thanks all for your comments. I have informed his family. They told me they can understand what I am passing through that they are praying too. The fact is they can't confront him. When I told one of my sisters, she said I should just forget about that though she has been married for 20 yrs now. For the past 5 months now we've not been having s-x which I even prefer that way becos he won't want to use cd. His family told me his cousin is the problem which I knew myself, he has great influence on him because they've been together since childhood.

Your husband is the problem here not his cousin. He's an adult and should be able to make decisions for the good of his family.

I really don't know what you want us to tell you now . . . .

Mrs mansson: Madam op.what has staph got to do with this
Staph is a Bacteria infection

Also sexually transmitted . . .

Uju; thanx for that observation.
An adult should always take responsibilty for his/her action. I just hate it when some people keep going on and on, about their friends or whoever, influencing them negatively, in justifying their reasons for doing wrong.
@ op; you really need to heed to (GreatGod, Nashville and Chillisauce)s' advice.
Just love yourself first!

Ujujoan:

Also sexually transmitted . . .

wasak: I can say without any fear of contradiction that 70%of married men are unfaithful. if she were unmarried I could have given her a different advice, herself testified that he was a party man before marriage, so she obviously saw it coming but I guess she turned a blind eyes towards the light.

wow!!!!
a whooping 70% of married men are unfaithful? does this mean the 30% who don't cheat are abnormal?

Shining mama: Thanks all for your comments. I have informed his family. They told me they can understand what I am passing through that they are praying too. The fact is they can't confront him. When I told one of my sisters, she said I should just forget about that though she has been married for 20 yrs now. For the past 5 months now we've not been having s-x which I even prefer that way becos he won't want to use cd. His family told me his cousin is the problem which I knew myself, he has great influence on him because they've been together since childhood.

. How long have you been married to him? And how old is your hubby?

My dear, sorry for what you are going through. If i was to say something from my ego, it would be dump him and move on. But i will be talking from my "essence of love'.

Marriage is for better or worse. Most people do not want to hear that. But it is. The worse come in different forms. Nobody wants to share their spouses, i for one, do not want to. But (if you are a christian) and read the Bible, you will come across the attributes of love, one being, "love is patient" and "love perseveres". A marriage can only survive when you practice 'unconditional love', it is difficult, but you can have "unconditional love" with the serious help of prayers. Some who have mastered it are seen as fools, no, they are the wise ones.

It is okay to cry in the bedroom, when he is out gallivanting, my dear, cry it all out. Do not hold anything within, talk to God and table it out to him. When you are done, start telling God, what and who you want your husband to be. Be patient though, Our God takes His time.

Sometimes, we see ourselves in our spouses, because they are our mirror, there could be a lesson God wants you to learn from his behavior. Maybe what God wants you to learn is how to forgive and don't keep account of your husband's wrong, maybe, it is patience (that was my own problem, but i learnt it by force by fire), maybe it is to respect others and so on. There is always a lesson to be learnt. And we are being schooled daily.

Part of love, is allowing your husband to express himself as much as possible in whichever way. You can't change him, but God can. Majority of men who cheat,( i think) see their 'youth' in that, and the youth is so addictive that no one wants to leave it and be matured. Just pray and give him more time to come back 'home". He is yours, no-one can take him away from you, except you allow it. Be wise, do not involve family members, they really can't do anything, you will just be exposing your businesses to them. Keep your relationship and keep your home.

The issue of cooking that day, you know he was going to come back home anyway, no need of waiting till he got home before you started cooking. Cook from the a.m and immediately he gets back, heat it up for him. Do not give him any reason to complain, someone who is cheating will be comparing and contrasting.

Shining mama: Thanks all for your comments. I have informed his family. They told me they can understand what I am passing through that they are praying too. The fact is they can't confront him. When I told one of my sisters, she said I should just forget about that though she has been married for 20 yrs now. For the past 5 months now we've not been having s-x which I even prefer that way becos he won't want to use cd. His family told me his cousin is the problem which I knew myself, he has great influence on him because they've been together since childhood.

You have not had sex, for the past five months Girl, he is your husband ooooooo. How are you surviving yourself? Why do you want him to use condom? is it for the fear of contacting HIV? if it will make you feel better, both of you should go and have a test done, that will put your mind at rest.

If you are afraid of getting pregnant, use birth control. you can't withhold sex from him and don't expect him not to have numerous affairs outside. Most men are controlled by the bulge in their trousers, they understand one language and that is sex, a very good one for that matter.

You both are married, sex is part of the contract. I don't want to hear any married woman, not getting sex and giving sex. Please get on with it. Lack of sex will only create a very big void in your relationship. Sex brings the couples together, both on a spiritual and physical level. There is so much power in sex.

@poster, this advice was given, because I did not read the STD part, hence my questions above. But will not remove it for ladies who are withholding sex from their partners as a form of punnishment. It is well.