I will not condemn the man until I hear his own side of the story. From my little experience women like this are usually the problem. After marriage, they become humpty dumpties , become lazy and very unreasonable. I don settle matter tire for a lot of couples like this. From her own confession, the man was an angel before, so what made him change? How can you starve your husband of sex for five months and you come here to sing like angel Gabriel?
All these her stories that make her look so good and the man so bad is fake. The truth is that everybody has their own wahala. If the husband come here now to say his own, you will be shocked at what he himself is enduring. Marriage no be beans!

Toyinletstalk:

You have not had sex, for the past five months Girl, he is your husband ooooooo. How are you surviving yourself? Why do you want him to use condom? is it for the fear of contacting HIV? if it will make you feel better, both of you should go and have a test done, that will put your mind at rest.

If you are afraid of getting pregnant, use birth control. you can't withhold sex from him and don't expect him not to have numerous affairs outside. Most men are controlled by the bulge in their trousers, they understand one language and that is sex, a very good one for that matter.

You both are married, sex is part of the contract. I don't want to hear any married woman, not getting sex and giving sex. Please get on with it. Lack of sex will only create a very big void in your relationship. Sex brings the couples together, both on a spiritual and physical level. There is so much power in sex.

what's all this talk about men understand one language and that's sex like sis pls don't generalise cause in as much as majority of men love sex excessively they are still guys that have self control.come to think of it majority of women too love sex and if u don't hit them well they would go out and look for it but that doesn't mean tey aren't women with self control.both genders have same lapses

Toyinletstalk:

You have not had sex, for the past five months Girl, he is your husband ooooooo. How are you surviving yourself? Why do you want him to use condom? is it for the fear of contacting HIV? if it will make you feel better, both of you should go and have a test done, that will put your mind at rest.

If you are afraid of getting pregnant, use birth control. you can't withhold sex from him and don't expect him not to have numerous affairs outside. Most men are controlled by the bulge in their trousers, they understand one language and that is sex, a very good one for that matter.

You both are married, sex is part of the contract. [b]I don't want to hear any married woman, not getting sex and giving sex. [/b]Please get on with it. Lack of sex will only create a very big void in your relationship. Sex brings the couples together, both on a spiritual and physical level. There is so much power in sex.

And you say you are a counsellor. So this is what you preach to your clients

Next you tell her to wear red pants and bra with a wipe to seduce the husband.
Tell me, how can she do that when she has treated STD several times, knowing how he frequents his outside runs, she will wear red pants to seduce him what do you think she is trying to get, hot sex or STD.

Sex is part of the contract my black as s.

As for the bolded, I wanted to call you a f00l, but I won't. Although I have just typed it.
You need to quit your Eliza job ASAP

Thank you Chillisauce, you really saved me from typing this myself.

Chillisauce:

And you say you are a counsellor. So this is what you preach to your clients

Next you tell her to wear red pants and bra with a wipe to seduce the husband.
Tell me, how can she do that when she has treated STD several times, knowing how he frequents his outside runs, she will wear red pants to seduce him what do you think she is trying to get, hot sex or STD.

Sex is part of the contract my black as s.

As for the bolded, I wanted to call you a f00l, but I won't. Although I have just typed it.
You need to quit your Eliza job ASAP

I did not see the STD part really. And no need for a foul mouth. Respect begats respect. All I am saying or suggesting is how she can keep her marraige safe. If they can't move on beyond their sexual issues then there is a problem somewhere, that only both of them can solve. One decision is enough to turn things around positively or negatively.

As for the bolded, no need worrying about it, only those who truly resonates with me, will flow with me. My mission is not giving solutions to people's marriages, God does that, I will not tell anyone what to do, I can advice to the best of my knowlwdge, we all have the right answers within us, when we leave the "me" level of ego, everyone will understand better. What do you want to give her in return, a husband Or another marraige The solutions she has proffered in the past has not helped her, let her seek another, calmer and better route.

Anyone who advices you to pack your bags and leave, oh well, is saying that because he/she is angry. Who wouldn't be? But in the quietness of the mind, ,lies all our answers. @Poster, be calm.

chrissy3: what's all this talk about men understand one language and that's sex like sis pls don't generalise cause in as much as majority of men love sex excessively they are still guys that have self control.come to think of it majority of women too love sex and if u don't hit them well they would go out and look for it but that doesn't mean tey aren't women with self control.both genders have same lapses

I said, most men and not all men. I know some people can control themselves. But we know the rate of infidelity in marraiges and the higher percentage is on men going outside their matrimonial homes.

Toyinletstalk:
I did not see the STD part really. And no need for a foul mouth. Respect begats respect. All I am saying or suggesting is how she can keep her marraige safe. If they can't move on beyond their sexual issues then there is a problem somewhere, that only both of them can solve. One decision is enough to turn things around positively or negatively.

As for the bolded, no need worrying about it, only those who truly resonates with me, will flow with me. When we leave the "me" level of ego, everyone will understand better. What do you want to give her in return, a husband Or another marraige The solutions she has proffered in the past has not helped her, let her seek another, calmer and better route.

Anyone who advices you to pack your bags and leave, oh well, is talking out of anger and not love.

Next time read carefully before giving advices. A counsellor understands how important it is to comprehend issues before advising.
As per what I have to offer her, marriage or husband ? I don't have any to offer.

What I gave her is what she needs. She needs to love her self first, when she does, she will discover what truly makes her happy and not what will kill her before her time.

Life first before marriage or husband, when there is life, then you can think of other things. Right now, her life is at stake considering that there is no cure yet for the deadly virus. I'm not even going into the emotional blackmail she is undergoing.

Chillisauce:

Next time read carefully before giving advices. A counsellor understands how important it is to comprehend issues before advising.
As per what I have to offer her, marriage or husband ? I don't have any to offer.

What I gave her is what she needs. She needs to love her self first, when she does, she will discover what truly makes her happy and not what will kill her before her time.

Life first before marriage or husband, when there is life, then you can think of other things. Right now, her life is at stake considering that there is no cure yet for the deadly virus. I'm not even going into the emotional blackmail she is undergoing.

You know Chillisauce thanks. I only went by the first post she wrote. Infact I have gone through the other comments and found out where she wrote about the STD stuffs and the fact that he beat her after she had a baby.

@poster, I used to be an advocate of a "wife should be able to look at her huband's phone and vice-versa, but these days, not so much because I know or I have read from some people how that has landed them in serious problems. Don't search your husband's phone, there is no way you will look into his phone, see something nasty and not react to it. His womanizing is making him misbehave. Like you said, the elderly person you talked to said "his father" did worse (what are we talking about here? A generational thing, I guess or rather it is trending that way.Do not do things or say things that will make him lay his finger on you. Some women are endowed with strength to fight back, but if you are like me that has a cotton-wool bone, you will run. At least love yourself that much to avoid beatings.

Take care of yourself self, just as Chillisauce has suggested, only when you love yourself, will it be easier for you to love your husband the way he is. We all fear this. But this is the time, we have to put what we learn from Bible study and motivational articles to practice. Go to the hospital and let the doctors examine you. Pamper yourself, take deep breaths and relax your mind.

Continue praying don't give up. We all have a tendency to give up praying because we think that the prayers are not being answered. There is always an appointed time, the change you desperately want in him is gradual, it won't be sudden. Let him see that you have changed, and that nothing fazes you anymore, he will then turn down the volume, because you have chosen to pay more attention to yourself and not to his escapades.

What is her own fault? Or is the man the only one with a fault? Bunch of Hypocrites!

I'm going to join those who say she needs to love herself
This situation is already affecting her emotionally - thinking of dying and stuff
Madam remember your worth as a human being, we came in to this world single and that's how we will leave
Value yourself as the Creator values you
You owe your daughter a beautiful YOU not bitterness, hurt and regret.

Dust yourself up and focus on that which will build your self esteem and confidence.

Since you love yourself you don't want to saddled with STD's.
She hasn't said she won't have sex with her husband she only insists he uses con.doms because he's cheating and reckless

How can she even get pregnant treating staph over and over?

By all means pray for him but pray for yourself first, all the time you spent fasting the focus should have been primarily YOU. Your hubby is balling whilst you are fading away

My dear you are really suffering yourself,going through heartbreak ånd enduring such level of maltreatment, ånd for what? A guy who cheats on you,who beats you up ånd has no atom of respect for you. My advice,please start planning,if you are unemployed get something doing,no matter what,get help from family ånd friends to get started. Asking him to use condom ånd hoping he would abide is useless,he could beat you up ånd force you. Once you αre able to feed yourself ånd your child,please leave his house,go ånd stay with your parents or our inlaws while waiting for him to come to his senses, You can pray for him wherever you are.
He ωιℓℓ enjoy freely sotey the thing go tire am ånd he may start missing his family. When he is ready to become responsible ånd act like a husband,then you may take him back. Don't act like you do not have a choice but to accept his bullshit because you do. Place value on yourself,it is very attractive. As long as you αre living with him,you ωιℓℓ be unhappy ånd at risk of getting infected. He didn't bring you into this world so you shouldn't let him kill you,think of your child,wake up ånd become reasonable.

When beating a wife is involved, the husband loses all credibility except it is a reprisal action (Although I do not support this either). Madam, you have been reasonably advised, make sure you protect yourself from STD and prevent yourself from being turned to boxing apparatus.

It is well

dinachi: I will not condemn the man until I hear his own side of the story. From my little experience women like this are usually the problem. After marriage, they become humpty dumpties , become lazy and very unreasonable. I don settle matter tire for a lot of couples like this. From her own confession, the man was an angel before, so what made him change? How can you starve your husband of sex for five months and you come here to sing like angel Gabriel?
All these her stories that make her look so good and the man so bad is fake. The truth is that everybody has their own wahala. If the husband come here now to say his own, you will be shocked at what he himself is enduring. Marriage no be beans!

dinachi: What is her own fault? Or is the man the only one with a fault? Bunch of Hypocrites!

What exactly are u trying to defend?
The man is a serial cheat. They are probably not having sex because of that. Maybe he's the one who doesn't even want to touch her cos the way I read her posts,she seems so pliant.
Well even if she's the one who won't have sex with him,I endorse that. How can a man go about dipping it into every garbage can out there and expect me to happily open my legs for him to pour aggregate of Garbage into me?
Any woman who values herself won't allow that.op herself certainly isn't perfect neither is the man. Does that give him a right to expose her to danger like that? Cos that's what he's doing.

@OP Marriage is for better or worse yes. If I remember,those include sickness/health n poorer /richer etc
Adultery is the one accepted reason for divorce.add that to battery,and I'll say I don't know what you're still doing With him.
Why are u there?
Because u love him and can't live without him?
I don't think so. Cos u said the love is lost.

Just that you're afraid of the unknown.or maybe u care too much what ppl will say.
Truth is that he won't change. TRUTH! except he grows old and tired.then he'll come home to rest his tired bones and his dysfunctional manhood. Then u can have him all to yourself.
Meanwhile if u won't take a stand or take a walk in this iSsue,then just kneel down and pray that until he grows old and tired he won't infect you with AIDs. Then you'll thoroughly hate urself and regret ur decision. Life's too short to live it miserable.

O gaa o.
I don dey tire for this relationship wahala.

Yesterday, I was with a friend when a woma retiree visited her. I was praising the woman's beauty when she left and my friend said that woman has suffered in life.was childless,built a fine house with d hubby for her to travel and come back to see her ppty outside the compound. Hubby sold the house without her notice and secretely married another woman. They hv been planning to adopt and the man has been shifting it for this to happen.
I told my friend she can still adopt? Pls can she? She should be around 60 yrs old.

I hvnt been myself after hearing that news. This world is indeed very good.

In fact this matter ehn I just weak. OP, goodluck with such a husband. Abeg, please protect yourself if you decide to stay. That he has signed a death warrant, doesnt mean you should die with him. Since he now thinks your marriage is sh*it that he can do anything, then you better start making plans for life without him. Because with this irin gberegbere anything can happen to him along the way. Goodluck.

chillisauce.

YPP. your story is really depressing. Didnt she have her name on the property?

lorretta u:
What exactly are u trying to defend?
The man is a serial cheat. They are probably not having sex because of that. Maybe he's the one who doesn't even want to touch her cos the way I read her posts,she seems so pliant.
Well even if she's the one who won't have sex with him,I endorse that. How can a man go about dipping it into every garbage can out there and expect me to happily open my legs for him to pour aggregate of Garbage into me?
Any woman who values herself won't allow that.op herself certainly isn't perfect neither is the man. Does that give him a right to expose her to danger like that? Cos that's what he's doing.

@OP Marriage is for better or worse yes. If I remember,those include sickness/health n poorer /richer etc
Adultery is the one accepted reason for divorce.add that to battery,and I'll say I don't know what you're still doing With him.
Why are u there?
Because u love him and can't live without him?
I don't think so. Cos u said the love is lost.

Just that you're afraid of the unknown.or maybe u care too much what ppl will say.
Truth is that he won't change. TRUTH! except he grows old and tired.then he'll come home to rest his tired bones and his dysfunctional manhood. Then u can have him all to yourself.
Meanwhile if u won't take a stand or take a walk in this iSsue,then just kneel down and pray that until he grows old and tired he won't infect you with AIDs. Then you'll thoroughly hate urself and regret ur decision. Life's too short to live it miserable.

My dear I will advice you to condemn the man with caution because you have not heard his own side of the story.

Even according to her own story the man was good to her after marriage until after some time the man changed. It takes two to tangle in a marriage. Taking sides because one partner came here and gave her tales of woe may not be the best way to tackle issues. We need to balance the scale. She claimed, she does not have concrete evidence that the man cheats, only hear say. Meanwhile, in all of these not one word of where she thinks she missed it. You will be abundantly amazed by the time you hear the man's side of the story. The only true way to handle this is full disclosure by her. She needs to answer this questions rightly:

1, What kind of person is she ? Is she introverted while the husband is extroverted?

2, How and where did they meet before they got married.

3, We have heard all the husband's wahala. What things does he do right?

4, What things does she do wrong? What are those things that offend her husband?

5. Does she nag or challenge him openly?

6, The man goes to parties all the time, why dosen't she go with him? Is it because she dosen't look after herself well or what?

7, In her own opinion why does she think he changed all of a sudden?

If she answers this questions clearly, her situation will now be clearer for anyone to see and I may then give my advice based on some years experience. NOTE THIS: The first couple to report his/her marital problems is not always right. Sometimes by the time you get a balanced view you might end up blaming the supposed right person you earlier endorsed. Thanks

I'm not made for this crap.

soul_glo: I'm not made for this crap.

Rotfl!

It's really something isn't it?

ileobatojo:

Rotfl!

It's really something isn't it?

You're laughing. I am afraid. Fear. I read things like this and I want to get home and lock my door and not even make eye contact with a man.

dinachi:
My dear I will advice you to condemn the man with caution because you have not heard his own side of the story.

Even according to her own story the man was good to her after marriage until after some time the man changed. It takes two to tangle in a marriage. Taking sides because one partner came here and gave her tales of woe may not be the best way to tackle issues. We need to balance the scale. She claimed, she does not have concrete evidence that the man cheats, only hear say. Meanwhile, in all of these not one word of where she thinks she missed it. You will be abundantly amazed by the time you hear the man's side of the story. The only true way to handle this is full disclosure by her. She needs to answer this questions rightly:

1, What kind of person is she ? Is she introverted while the husband is extroverted?

2, How and where did they meet before they got married.

3, We have heard all the husband's wahala. What things does he do right?

4, What things does she do wrong? What are those things that offend her husband?

5. Does she nag or challenge him openly?

6, The man goes to parties all the time, why dosen't she go with him? Is it because she dosen't look after herself well or what?

7, In her own opinion why does she think he changed all of a sudden?

If she answers this questions clearly, her situation will now be clearer for anyone to see and I may then give my advice based on some years experience. NOTE THIS: The first couple to report his/her marital problems is not always right. Sometimes by the time you get a balanced view you might end up blaming the supposed right person you earlier endorsed. Thanks

I think she contracted an STD. Did she get that from herself? So what further proof does she need to show that he is sleeping with multiple women.

soul_glo:


I think she contracted an STD. Did she get that from herself? So what further proof does she need to show that he is sleeping with multiple women.

Goggle Staph infections. There are other multiple means of contacting it apart from sexual intercourse, besides those questions were not directed at the you but the OP unless you are in the same situation and can answer the questions.
Again, the point I am making is that it takes two to tango in a relationship and it therefore makes sense that a balanced view of the issues are presented before you can make an informed advice, other wise you just give a biased advice which I can assure you will rather aggravate than solve the issues.

At the risk of sounding immodest, I have had to wade into marital issues of friend's wives who sought my opinion or assistance in their marital challenges and most often than not you realize that the first complainant is usually at fault. Therefore I have learned to be cautious in entertaining all these my husband is a devil or my wife is bitch kind of complaints without checking the background of the problem. Quote me, at the end of the day, you may find that the OP may have contributed her own fair share to the problems at hand.

soul_glo:
You're laughing. I am afraid. Fear. I read things like this and I want to get home and lock my door and not even make eye contact with a man.

Lol!

NL is so full of them, I don't even have the energy to fear anymore.

About time I deactivated my account. Thanks to NL for killing my braincells year in year out. Time to retire soon. I don try. WTH!

Haha, na today. Stilly no the storm must be weathered.
OP grab the bull by the horn, simple!

stillwater: About time I deactivated my account. Thanks to NL for killing my braincells year in year out. Time to retire soon. I don try. WTH!

Oh well...
OP over to you

dinachi:
My dear I will advice you to condemn the man with caution because you have not heard his own side of the story.

Even according to her own story the man was good to her after marriage until after some time the man changed. It takes two to tangle in a marriage. Taking sides because one partner came here and gave her tales of woe may not be the best way to tackle issues. We need to balance the scale. She claimed, she does not have concrete evidence that the man cheats, only hear say. Meanwhile, in all of these not one word of where she thinks she missed it. You will be abundantly amazed by the time you hear the man's side of the story. The only true way to handle this is full disclosure by her. She needs to answer this questions rightly:

1, What kind of person is she ? Is she introverted while the husband is extroverted?

2, How and where did they meet before they got married.

3, We have heard all the husband's wahala. What things does he do right?

4, What things does she do wrong? What are those things that offend her husband?

5. Does she nag or challenge him openly?

6, The man goes to parties all the time, why dosen't she go with him? Is it because she dosen't look after herself well or what?

7, In her own opinion why does she think he changed all of a sudden?

If she answers this questions clearly, her situation will now be clearer for anyone to see and I may then give my advice based on some years experience. NOTE THIS: The first couple to report his/her marital problems is not always right. Sometimes by the time you get a balanced view you might end up blaming the supposed right person you earlier endorsed. Thanks

dinachi:

Goggle Staph infections. There are other multiple means of contacting it apart from sexual intercourse, besides those questions were not directed at the you but the OP unless you are in the same situation and can answer the questions.
Again, the point I am making is that it takes two to tango in a relationship and it therefore makes sense that a balanced view of the issues are presented before you can make an informed advice, other wise you just give a biased advice which I can assure you will rather aggravate than solve the issues.

At the risk of sounding immodest, I have had to wade into marital issues of friend's wives who sought my opinion or assistance in their marital challenges and most often than not you realize that the first complainant is usually at fault. Therefore I have learned to be cautious in entertaining all these my husband is a devil or my wife is bitch kind of complaints without checking the background of the problem. Quote me, at the end of the day, you may find that the OP may have contributed her own fair share to the problems at hand.

I will not google staph infections and I am at liberty to quote and unquote any post I read. Personally I do not think she needs to answer any of your questions. The reason being that no matter what she says you will find ways to poke holes in it. Your questions to her border on insulting. Does she take care of herself, why does she not follow him on his ho-ing expeditions etc. Why should she? Why can't a woman trust her husband to go to a party with friends and family and come back home the same day at a godly hour? Who the hell cares if she is an extrovert and he an introvert? What does that have to do with playing his role as protector and head of the home? I am not saying the OP is an angel. I am just telling you that you are hell bent on this woman taking responsibility for her immature and irresponsible husband.

Just wanted to point out that I just have a puke inducing vision of married men in a party atmosphere trying to mark on women. It is really just a vomit worthy situation for me. A guy I know (in his early 30s) threw a party recently. He always has some party or the other. I agreed to come but told him I would only stay for an hour and a half. I went and did the hour and a half and started leaving at about 11.45pm. On my way out at least 3 obviously married Nigerian guys (1 dressed as if he just came from a civil service job trying to blend in with 30 somethings) asked why I was leaving early. I explained that they were actually coming late since it started at 10pm. I had to cut the conversation short and keep moving because I knew disgust was written all over my face. Maybe I should not judge so quickly but the idea of these obviously married men at a party thrown by a 30 something year old party animal is just so unbelievable to me. If they were already stopping me at the door and knowing what I left inside I don't expect these men to behave themselves at all. I used to think that these men just forgot the values instilled in them growing up in Nigeria but it seems that they brought that stupidity with them. I have zero respect for men like that. It is hard to look them in the face and have a genuine smile. So if I sound like I am really irritated with Dinachi's questions it's simply because there is nothing more irritating to me that a grown ass married man still living the life of a bar hopper. Playing primary 6 games by telling his wife he is going somewhere and then goes somewhere else. Basically behaving like child but wanting to be treated like a man.

soul_glo:


I think she contracted an STD. Did she get that from herself? So what further proof does she need to show that he is sleeping with multiple women.

You have time for that one o! Dinachi with multiple usernames and computer. The nairaland resident wandering pr1ck as his pastor. Ask irrelevant questions with different username and likes his own post.

Stillwater, deactivate? Don't try it oh!
Sometimes, I want to be out from here to drag someone's ears

yellowpawpaw: O gaa o.
I don dey tire for this relationship wahala.

Yesterday, I was with a friend when a woma retiree visited her. I was praising the woman's beauty when she left and my friend said that woman has suffered in life.was childless,built a fine house with d hubby for her to travel and come back to see her ppty outside the compound. Hubby sold the house without her notice and secretely married another woman. They hv been planning to adopt and the man has been shifting it for this to happen.
I told my friend she can still adopt? Pls can she? She should be around 60 yrs old.

I hvnt been myself after hearing that news. This world is indeed very good.

She can still adopt o, let her make someone's life meaningful. Put a child trust or something for the child. Not easy but it will surely make her feel good and put shelter and food for a child.
That's life, no matter the situation we will strive to continue with our last strength.