It's fun to see two love birds no matter where they come from,but the truth is there are issues that we havent resolved that will come up;battle line drawn and maximum give the union 20yrs.Except in cases where the union is isolated from the family of the man which no one can bear.

These issues scared our parents to their bones and they preferred within your tribe,and you cannot blame them.Look at the war between the East and West here alone and imagine their sisters getting married to the other tribe,while the elites have their common ground they still shy away even from inter tribal marriage.

Lets atleast be frank,it has its challenges.I commend the eastern women they can really risk it though I see most ending up badly but look at others;look at Akwa Ibom,she'll prefer to stay single till 35 if she doesnt find a man of same language and the instruction of her mother.

Not promoting any tribe,but pained we were supposed to cross lines our parents couldnt


Modified: I think this thread was misunderstood, not discouraging inter tribal marriages but asking what instance have you seen,what pressure did they face and how was it handled? Thats the essence of this thread and was the purpose of the last sentence.

there's no pain in intertribal marriage.
people just readily use it as an excuse when problem comes. there's more pain in intra-tribal marriages than inter-tribal. as long as there's love between the 2 parties, nothing should make them lose focus.

There's nothing wrong in inter tribal marriage, with the level of civilisation I think it's nice to explore other peoples culture . Although it's true that one's ethnic background plays a dominant role in the way one behaves, I doubt if that will be an issue so long as both parties have adequate understanding, also I'll have to counteract one of your point were you pointed out that such marriages do not last, that is highly fallacious, so couple's tribal difference does not determine the success of their marriage. Rather it's effective communication and understanding.

coogar: there's no pain in intertribal marriage.
people just readily use it as an excuse when problem comes. there's more pain in intra-tribal marriages than inter-tribal. as long as there's love between the 2 parties, nothing should make them lose focus.

I know you have your experience but I have tried not to be hard on any tribe and understand I said if they are isolated means I know there is love,but does that stop a mother inlaw's anger from the west whose daugher from the east who hasnt given birth? Show me a childless home they have lived 10 years and I can tell they are either strong faithfuls of any faith or not inter tribe.
Not trying to prove you wrong but can anyone mention 3 problems that can occur and inter tribal marraige is used as an excuse?
I wanted this thread to bring such out so we consider why the problems.

Emeralddeee: There's nothing wrong in inter tribal marriage, with the level of civilisation I think it's nice to explore other peoples culture . Although it's true that one's ethnic background plays a dominant role in the way one behaves, I doubt if that will be an issue so long as both parties have adequate understanding, also I'll have to counteract one of your point were you pointed out that such marriages do not last, that is highly fallacious, so couple's tribal difference does not determine the success of their marriage. Rather it's effective communication and understanding.

There isnt supposed to be any problem but there is around here and I wish there is that understanding and extended family pressure handled together.
There is civilisation but who can tell the rate?
Do you know only 1 western lady will marry an eastern man even though 10 of the eastern ladies can afford to?
Do you know how how many of plateau,Benin and Nupe women will marry outside their tribes?
I like to bring to your notice that any inter tribal marriage with no child might not last,infact if the man from an inter tribal union remarries 8/10 will be from his tribe.
I dont have statistics but would like you look around you if you are in Nigeria and not abroad
Really need you guys to stop proving me wrong and lets answer "why".I have travelled round and we are just living in denial if we assume we have passed that stage

here:
I know you have your experience but I have tried not to be hard on any tribe and understand I said if they are isolated means I know there is love,but does that stop a mother inlaw's anger from the west whose daugher from the east who hasnt given birth? Show me a childless home they have lived 10 years and I can tell they are either strong faithfuls of any faith or not inter tribe.
Not trying to prove you wrong but can anyone mention 3 problems that can occur and inter tribal marraige is used as an excuse?
I wanted this thread to bring such out so we consider why the problems.

a childless home is the same everywhere. even if you have a couple who married from the same compound, they will be stressed if they don't have a child after 10 years.

until people start looking beyond maps, dots & rivers drawn by colonial masters, things will remain stagnant. if nigeria breaks into 20 parts, there would still be hatred amongst the people within the same entity.

There is no pain in inter tribal marriages. The same problems there are everywhere. My family is v cool with it. Get your facts right.

coogar:

a childless home is the same everywhere. even if you have a couple who married from the same compound, they will be stressed if they don't have a child after 10 years.

until people start looking beyond maps, dots & rivers drawn by colonial masters, things will remain stagnant. if nigeria breaks into 20 parts, there would still be hatred amongst the people within the same entity.

Fact! only I think there is more pressure when two languages are involved.

I started this thread to help show there is a problem hoping some has the answers,you just did.

here:
Fact! only I think there is more pressure when two languages are involved.

I started this thread to help show there is a problem hoping some has the answers,you just did.

pressure can only be there if the parties involved allow it. i don't see any problem at all if the parties involved cut off all the 3rd parties & concentrate on completing the task.

ireneidiva: There is no pain in inter tribal marriages. The same problems there are everywhere. My family is v cool with it. Get your facts right.

I am married,inter tribe.It's heavenly and cannot afford to think of life outside this union or how it would have been without my family but you see you and I are 2/10.
You know we arent fighting right?
Just wanted answers because I know there is a problem but guess you cannot see it.

coogar:

pressure can only be there if the parties involved allow it. i don't see any problem at all if the parties involved cut off all the 3rd parties & concentrate on completing the task.

Imagine the fate of a widow of such union,ignorant and has no help.
I saw a case of an eastern woman married to another faith in Kaduna,immediately the man died her inlaws came from Nasarawa to take all the kids back to the family house from her.Reason: she didnt convert and they dont want her children to take off with her as their brother's children cannot be allowed to practice her religion.They didnt even ask how she was going to fend for herself and her children taken from her.
But if there were plans by both should such occur maybe she wouldnt be in such case,but we detest such plans;like here assuming that there shouldnt be a problem but there are very many,yes we cannot plan enough but couples must plan

here:
Imagine the fate of a widow of such union,ignorant and has no help.
I saw a case of an eastern woman married to another faith in Kaduna,immediately the man died her inlaws came from Nasarawa to take all the kids back to the family house from her.Reason: she didn't convert and they don't want her children to take off with her as their brother's children cannot be allowed to practice her religion.They didn't even ask how she was going to fend for herself and her children taken from her.
But if there were plans by both should such occur maybe she wouldn't be in such case,but we detest such plans;like here assuming that there shouldn't be a problem but there are very many,yes we cannot plan enough but couples must plan

inter - religious marriages are completely different from inter tribal marriages. As a matter of fact, its easier to deal with ethnic issues than religious issues. That the hubby was happy with the kids practicing their mother's religion doesn't mean the hubby's family will accept that.
I know a family and have also seen and heard many cases where Muslim inlaws take the kids off the christian mothers because they don't want them practicing Christianity after their son's death despite the fact that the said son was happy for his kids to practice whatever religion they wanted to practice (and ultimately decide which religion they choose when they became adults). Its something that is very common with Muslims irrespective of whether they are Hausa/yoruba or middlebelt Muslims.
And as a matter of fact, i think in this day and age, we have seen enough of religious wars home front and abroad to make informed decisions when choosing a patner that i think if you choose to marry someone who practises a different religion from you, then be ready to face whatever consequences that follows the choices you make (irrespective of whether they are a jimjim person or not today cos you never know the spirit that would enter them few years after marriage)

A royal pain in the adds!
I can NOT get married to an EASTERNER OR WESTERNERS from Nigeria. Twa!
Tufiakwa to infinity!
I just can't tolerate their culture of primitive mindsets!

I will be forced to commit MURDER I swear!

mgbeketoto: A royal pain in the adds!
I can NOT get married to an EASTERNER OR WESTERNERS!
Tufiakwa to infinity!
I just can't tolerate their culture of primitive mindsets!
I will be forced to commit MURDER I swear!

this is a depressing mindset.
not even if the easterner/westerner has never stepped his foot in nigeria? what about us being a product of our environment? nigeria is doomed if people continue to think like this.

coogar:

this is a depressing mindset.
not even if the easterner/westerner has never stepped his foot in nigeria? what about us being a product of our environment? nigeria is doomed if people continue to think like this.

Never!
Those ones are even THE WORST!
Lost and AKATARIZED!
I have many as cousins.
Like you, they sleep ALL DAY, then invade the cyber airways ALL NIGHT from thread to thread insulting people.
The reason I bundled ALL MINE HOME TO NIGERIA TO ROAST IN BOARDING HOUSES WITHOUT LIGHT !
Before they dream of being AMERICANS, they will be NIGERIANS FIRST!
Just like me!

mgbeketoto:
Never!
Those ones are even THE WORST!
Lost and AKATARIZED!
I have many as cousins.
Like you, they sleep ALL DAY, then invade the cyber airways ALL NIGHT from thread to thread insulting people.

you are going to raise a generation of very mean & angry cousins then. what makes you think everyone would turn out like your cousins did? oh - you mean there are no sociopaths & social reprobates in nigeria? no teenage pregnancy or children taking drugs in nigeria? you are lost in the storm.

The reason I bundled ALL MINE HOME TO NIGERIA TO ROAST IN BOARDING HOUSES WITHOUT LIGHT ! Before they dream of being AMERICANS, they will be NIGERIANS FIRST!
Just like me!

yes, the boarding school idea is a sound one but that isn't the issue here. you would not marry easterner/westerner because of the cultural issues & not because of their exposure to the western way of life. which is which?

coogar:
yes, the boarding school idea is a sound one but that isn't the issue here. you would not marry easterner/westerner because of the cultural issues & not because of their exposure to the western way of life. which is which?

You started a sub-thread, I only replied.
I stated inter tribal marriages are doomed to fail for cultural reasons.
A Yoruba or Igbo child who never grew up in NIGERIA or schooled there can NEVER be a Nigerian.
They are AKATAS! Period.
Having Nigerian parents only makes such children "adjectival Nigerians only", subsequently TRIBELESS!
That is my point.

Kanwulia:

You started a sub-thread, I only replied.
I stated inter tribal marriages are doomed to fail for cultural reasons.
A Yoruba or Igbo child who never grew up in NIGERIA or schooled there can NEVER be a Nigerian.
They are AKATAS! Period.
Having Nigerian parents only makes such children "adjectival Nigerians only", subsequently TRIBELESS!
That is my point.

i think it depends on the individuals getting married & the kind of families they come from. i have friends that married from the other tribes & they couldn't be happier. i know people who married from their villages & the turbulence in their marriage can unseat the titanic.

coogar:

i think it depends on the individuals getting married & the kind of families they come from. i have friends that married from the other tribes & they couldn't be happier. i know people who married from their villages & the turbulence in their marriage can unseat the titanic.

Like you stated, it depends on the individual. . .I AM AN INDIVIDUAL. I set my own parameters for happiness. I HAVE SUCCEEDED!
I have answered to the topic of the thread from MY viewpoint. Not debatable

There's no marriage without challenges. My mother reminded us while we were growing up never to marry outside our state and town. I used to tell her that the success and happiness of a marriage is not dependent on where an individual marries from but on God's favour. Those that married "within" are not better than those of us that married "outside". Speaking from experience, what will be will be. If a bad and wicked man marries from or outside his tribe, that has nothing to do with his nature of being wicked. May God give us good men and women that will produce happy homes irrespective of the tribe!

coogar:


i think it depends on the individuals getting married & the kind of families they come from. i have friends that married from the other tribes & they couldn't be happier. i know people who married from their villages & the turbulence in their marriage can unseat the titanic.

True but due to absence of statistics this post was actually meant to ask for feedback on issues observed and suggested solutions. Was not meant to paint getting married to other tribes as evil.
Someone might startup a thread on same tribe,regional marriage thats ok but I feel there is much pressure associated with getting married to different tribes based on how much hate and feelings we observe.Permit me not to accuse any tribe by mentioning names but assume for instance a marriage between an easterner and westerner and the easterner is a girl and they are both based at his place and she doesnt have a child first 5years of marriage.Reverse this case and tell me the outcome if it lies just on both and suggest ways this can be handled and sanity maintained.
Years ago a movie came online and the prophet was taking advantage of her and the whole scene was recorded,anything could have driven her into such madness but thats one case.
I might be wrong but show me 5 widower you know who remarried but 1st wife was from another tribe, I can bet 3 remarried from their own tribe. Why is that,what changed?
What instance have you seen and how were the pressures of different culture,tradition and perception of your people handled,thats my question

eripecs:
There's no marriage without challenges. My mother reminded us while we were growing up never to marry outside our state and town. I used to tell her that the success and happiness of a marriage is not dependent on where an individual marries from but on God's favour. Those that married "within" are not better than those of us that married "outside". Speaking from experience, what will be will be. If a bad and wicked man marries from or outside his tribe, that has nothing to do with his nature of being wicked. May God give us good men and women that will produce happy homes irrespective of the tribe!

Imagine if your mother wasnt the peaceful type,imagine your mother inlaw was like your mother but violent about her wishes how do you hope to gain acceptance?
This wasnt to mean its wrong to marry outside,but a bid to find solutions. I have always suggested couples not to be located in each other's town at early stages of their marriage but that has been difficult considering not everyone has such mobility and maybe one is settled already there.What instance have you seen,what pressure did they face and how was it handled? Thats the essence of this thread

here:

I know you have your experience but I have tried not to be hard on any tribe and understand I said if they are isolated means I know there is love,but does that stop a mother inlaw's anger from the west whose daugher from the east who hasnt given birth? Show me a childless home they have lived 10 years and I can tell they are either strong faithfuls of any faith or not inter tribe.
Not trying to prove you wrong but can anyone mention 3 problems that can occur and inter tribal marraige is used as an excuse?
I wanted this thread to bring such out so we consider why the problems.

I have seen. A very close friend of mine, she is Calabar, hubby is from Anambra. They have being married for 12 years without a kid of their own, they go to church but, nt so strong faithful as. U said.

here:

Imagine the fate of a widow of such union,ignorant and has no help.
I saw a case of an eastern woman married to another faith in Kaduna,immediately the man died her inlaws came from Nasarawa to take all the kids back to the family house from her.Reason: she didnt convert and they dont want her children to take off with her as their brother's children cannot be allowed to practice her religion.They didnt even ask how she was going to fend for herself and her children taken from her.
But if there were plans by both should such occur maybe she wouldnt be in such case,but we detest such plans;like here assuming that there shouldnt be a problem but there are very many,yes we cannot plan enough but couples must plan

Thank you my sister, we always shy away from the truth. I have firsthand experience. I would not allow my daughter to marry from another tribe, unless it is a last option. Marriage is not a bed of roses and the thorns are multiplied in an inter-tribal marriage.

coldgate:


Thank you my sister, we always shy away from the truth. I have firsthand experience. I would not allow my daughter to marry from another tribe, unless it is a last option. Marriage is not a bed of roses and the thorns are multiplied in an inter-tribal marriage.

Just reading I can feel whatever it is you went through. Do you think you can share atleast one incident and how it was overcomed, role of both partners and maybe someone here might learn, thats the purpose of this thread and to call on everyone to watchout for foreigners married into our homes to ensure they are fairly treated.

Ok. Got married to the best man in the world for me. He was from the west. I am from the north. Had the best 7 years of my life with two great kids of both sexes. Mind you, when we got married he had nothing. Not even his own apartment though he was very brilliant with good prospects. I, on the other hand already had a job in the financial services sector. Good pay.

It was very rosy until the cold hands of death snatched him away and then I saw the true colors of the people I had married. Mind you, within the space of 7 years he had risen to become the most successful of his parents 7 children. Exotic vacations abroad and all.

Now, the crux of the matter is that being from a different ethnic group, I am now alienated and given the cold shoulder especially when I decided to demand for my rights as the only and legal wife. Time and again, all I keep hearing is that 'it is because you are not from our place' or 'This is how we do it here'.

I am doing alright by the way, but I have learnt my lesson. No inter-tribal marriage for my daughter because at best she might end up being treated as an appendage and not being fully integrated.

coldgate:
Ok. Got married to the best man in the world for me. He was from the west. I am from the north. Had the best 7 years of my life with two great kids of both sexes. Mind you, when we got married he had nothing. Not even his own apartment though he was very brilliant with good prospects. I, on the other hand already had a job in the financial services sector. Good pay.

It was very rosy until the cold hands of death snatched him away and then I saw the true colors of the people I had married. Mind you, within the space of 7 years he had risen to become the most successful of his parents 7 children. Exotic vacations abroad and all.

Now, the crux of the matter is that being from a different ethnic group, I am now alienated and given the cold shoulder especially when I decided to demand for my rights as the only and legal wife. Time and again, all I keep hearing is that 'it is because you are not from our place' or 'This is how we do it here'.

I am doing alright by the way, but I have learnt my lesson. No inter-tribal marriage for my daughter because at best she might end up being treated as an appendage and not being fully integrated.

when u mean no inter tribal marriage for ur daughter,does that mean she must only marry from d north?u are probably teaching ur daughter to hate where her father's from cos u had a nasty experience.anywaiz am not a big fan of inter tribal marriage either,seen too many failed ones

The problems face in inter tribal marriages can not be campared to interreligious...thank God for civilization,people now look beyond all this ...I think people should actually focus on whether the partner they intend marrying will be good man/woman..

A real pain in the azzzzzzzze!
Because the MEN are such WHIMPS!!!!!

East or West of NIGERIA. . . . I cannot marry from o!
I go just commit PESTICIDE!
Tufiakwa oooooooooooh!!!!!

My parents are from different tribes and my mum did face a lot in the first years of marriage(n.b:it is usually the women that face problems). However,their marriage weathered the storm and is still standing strong. One thing you shouldn't expect in inter-tribal marriage is acceptance,just forget it-ain't gomma happen. I know of a woman who went through same-she's not alive today. Notwithstanding,i wouldn't discourage anyone from it
Life is what you make of it,intra-tribal marriage can be even worse(from experience)it all depends on the individuals involved.

coogar:
there's no pain in intertribal marriage.
people just readily use it as an excuse when problem comes. there's more pain in intra-tribal marriages than inter-tribal. as long as there's love between the 2 parties, nothing should make them lose focus.

Love isn't just enough the aftermath is wat is important my sis. Cos I am facing the aftermath of my parent's union. Here is my story: my dad is from west while mum is from the east, they fell in love and had 4 kids (my younger ones and 1) and 17 Yrs after marriage in 2002, I lost my dad and that was wen things took a Good TURN( I like to call it dat way) dad secretly married someone from his tribe and hid it from my mum tho we got to knw before his death bt we weren't acknowledged by my dad's pple. They always call us the OMO IBOs and in the end isolated themselves from us and made life difficult for us. Mum cldnt bear it anymore and died of HBP in 2007 leaving me (19 year old girl) behind with 3 younger ones they never came to her burial not even a baby from my dad's hometown! She was eventually buried in her hometown and mum's pple puts the blame on us cos we are our father's children. But God has been faithful and never left us! We are doing very well bt that hatred is still there... that scar....is difficult to erase. Moreover, we left the house to stay with my mum's only sis after mum's death and the house was sold in our absence by my dad's younger brother who claimed took all my dad's properties. Although, I don't totally hate the pple from the west bt.... i wldnt want to marry from the west cos I have seen 2 pple go tru same issues and it wasn't easy at all. we the kids are really facing the aftermath of inter-tribal marriage honestly.

Thank God you are all adults now. The trying times are usually when the children are very young.