hi, plse help me out with these 3 questions:

In igbo tradition /culture, is it acceptable for any reason for a woman and her child to live in the house of her husband´s parents in the village?
I discovered that my Nigeria husband has another woman in Nigeria and this woman has kids with him. Is there any reason as to why his family would cover up for him?? I am thinking that he wants to secure his papers here first. I am not sure whether he is married to his other woman but I know that he has been building a house in Nigeria.

i don´t know whther they are married, why all these lies?
is it appropriate for a naija girl to live with the parents to this guy for any reason?

Some insight please

why dont you confront him to find out whether he gat another wife in Nigeria. Yes, in igboland, u can marry as many wives as youu want and a married woman can live in her husband's family house esp. wen the hubby aint around.

If the woman has kids with him then they are definetely married. Not Nigerian but thats what I was told.

I just don´t get the part where I have met his family except for his wife/girlfriend? where was that girl when i visited his whole family?

i have talked o his mum a couple of times on the phone.she seems nice but this guy told me that isometimes he talks to his married sister who is living with the mum,but other sources confirm that it is the girl who has this guy´s child.

@Ezinwannem, i have alreaady done that but he usually dodges the question and usually makes a fuss about it.since that was hs response to it i have since then decided to lay low as i have no solid proof.he lies about profound things i have realised,it´s not funny anymore.how long can this "stay-with-mother-in-law-till-hubby-returns" status last?

"how long can this "stay-with-mother-in-law-till-hubby-returns" status last?"

As long as the situation requires it, I guess. How long is the guy still depending on your marriage for his stay to be secured?

things that happen when one marries a stranger
@topic,Yes its very possible for a man to keep two wives.one is kept cos shes really loved and one is kept cos of some fringe benefits
the loved one knows abt the other one lol "the mugu/maga" while the "mugu wife" knows nothing abt the other one.
confront your hubby,demand for answers.its ur life,decide on what to do cos definitely,the one at home aint going nowhere,she wont leave cos of you,Never !

@ninani, for the next one year.we have been together for 4yrs now.

It´s just so low for the family to stopp low like that. even for the so called wife/girlfriend.I wouldn´t allow my husband to go throught all thris and I would just be at home drying up like a wliting leaf chilling for my hubby to bring me water and bring me back to life. I have decided to call it quits with this guy.

It´s so disgusting,am nauseated

Kachichi:

I have decided to call it quits with this guy.

It´s so disgusting,am nauseated

good decision !

@ifyalways now that´s odd,thanx for the info though, excuse my naivety (sp) but the hell!!! , does that mean that by her living with her in-laws she has already been married to this guy?

One thing my family values in marriages / relationships is good moral values. I simply can´t understand why his family is myopic and greedy. I have known this guy for quite some time and he has been supporting and somehow there for me but I haven´t complained. I have always thought that I was welcomed to his family and that I had created a good bond with them, only to find out that I have entered a wrong family with what they have in store for me.If I cofront him,then he will call them and tell them to lie to me, I have considered this part thoroughly and has now filed for sole custody to our son. I thought that we had something going as I also have a child with this guy.

Just the thought that I was kept for benefits leaves me

I have decided to move on with my life, and let bygones be bygones

this folks who just have kids for any soul even when they have no marital ties baffle me a lot.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you, dear Kachichi. It just seems to happen from time to time that one is using the other one in the first place to acquire something he couldn't have otherwise.
You have all the rights to be angry and if you are determined to end this now I wish you all the strength to go trough with it. Soon you will get over it.

However, there seems to be one big problem and that is that you have a child togheter. You said you filed for sole custody over your son, please consider this once again. Afterall, it is his child too and that he played you so badly does not mean he has no feelings for his child with you, it is probable that he will not easily leave his son for you solely. Please don't take revenge trough your son, don't use him as a weapon against your soon-to-be-ex, it won't do him any good. I assume your son is still young and I think he will already suffer enough that his parents are going to separate. The best thing is to involve him as little as possible.

I wish you all the best.

He's just using you for his immigration papers. RUNNNN

@davidylan, is sad how you can summerize things that short without analysing the details, I tell you I have heard of a story about a man who had children with four different women. These children came to find out about each other when they were adults!!now wouldn´t that leave your jaw on the ground then?

thanx Ninani. I have considered every thing concerning me and this guy,turned every stone and doublechecked for dust, and I saw that I need to fight for the best interests for the child, and no, I have my pack of goodies packed for him. If what they´ve been planning for me is bull,I will give them crap and I bet you he will be joining that other woman too in the village. I have come a long way and I have realised that this is not how you use other people for not only material gain,but for other selfish gains as well. A child is a human being,not a toy. I have seen men disgracing themselves and other femals that treaded their path by having good times with these girls then leaving them paged and all.

once the guys found out that the chic was pregnant,they disappear.classic story.on the flip side of the coin,there are women who trick men into sleepin with them then they become pregnant then tie the man own to support them, all sad stories, they happen but they all classic ´till they happen to us or those close to us.

I won´t negotiate with him coz he looks like he´s already set eyes on his target, I am now bargaining for me and mine

@Ninani, I just remembered I didn´t put all I wanted to say to you.I will not use the baby against him or let the baby be in the line of fire, and that is probably one of the reasons I filed for sole custody.

I have decided to channel my anger somewhere else a.k.a taking care of maself



I just talked to him now and he wants me to talk to his parents tomorrow

@chikka98, I am , mebbe I need to play that song Run by gnarls barkley just the very day hehe

Kachichi,
Its sad you are taking it to the extreme when you have not verify the source of your information.
Don;t go to war because of your house full arsenals.You will finally discover after the war there was no need for it in the first place.

Its very unfortunate u find yourself in this position, . . . . . . .

Sounds like the foundation of the whole relationship has been lies, lies and more lies from the onset,

The most important thing is the stability of the children involved,

it mustn't be compromised cos some adoult has decided to continue making selfish decisions,

And then ask Yourself if u still want to be fed lies for the rest of Yourself if not, dust yourself off and move on. . . . . . .

Best of luck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry I checked your profile and I saw your picture - is that yours? Are you a white or a black lady? Don't be offended by my question but I think if I know your ethnical background I can better answer your question.

Kachichi:

@davidylan, is sad how you can summerize things that short without analysing the details, I tell you I have heard of a story about a man who had children with four different women. These children came to find out about each other when they were adults!!now wouldn´t that leave your jaw on the ground then?

What is really sad is that there are way too many people like you who leap without looking and act without thinking. How can you have a child with a man you're not married to; one you know so little about?

Hi kachichi,its really unfortunate that these could happen to you,but my advice to you is that you shouldn't take it too far
as retaliating cause it 'll only do you more harm than good.just take your time to investigate this rumour properly b4 deciding on what to do even if you can afford to go to his village in Nigeria to find outby yourself if its true.dont forget that you had a child for him and that its like a bond holding you guys together.CHEERS

@brownbonno, I am over 100% sure that the information is true. and I am preparing maself for battle and like TOYOSI20 said, (sorry Toyo if I may bend your phrases,

TOYOSI20:

Its very unfortunate I find myself in this position, . . . . . . .

Sounds like the foundation of the whole relationship has been lies, lies and more lies from the onset,

The most important thing is the stability of the children involved,

it mustn't be compromised because some adoult has decided to continue making selfish decisions,

I have refused to be fed lies for the rest of our time together so i have decided to dust myself off and move on. . . . . . .

what can a person do in such a situation? accepting lies is like prolonging the inevitable. and I think that cutting ties from a close one is one of the hardest things to do in life. I think in my case the most painful one is that he´s been lying through his teeth all this while and he is still at it. better beat him at his game as I have been knowing about this for quite some time. There are tidbits of truth that are falling into place that really make my jigsaw puzzle to fit together.

can anyone eplain to me roughly how a traditional wedding takes place in nigeria? thank you in advance


@bystander,I am born and raised in melbourne,half white half black, you here as well? Holla

Btw davidylan, we have been married all along , a go chop your finger that you pointin me too much wit


@ogodona, everyday is like BREATHE IN;BREATHE OUT when I see this guy.You have no idea

brownbonno:

Kachichi,
Its sad you are taking it to the extreme when you have not verify the source of your information.
Don;t go to war because of your house full arsenals.You will finally discover after the war there was no need for it in the first place.

Nice advice

davidylan:

What is really sad is that there are way too many people like you who leap without looking and act without thinking. How can you have a child with a man you're not married to; one you know so little about?

It is possible, people differs in maturity and understanding

No, I live in Europe but I hear similar stories especially when they are married to Europeans. I just think that it is really hard to ever find out for a white person because his friends will cover up by all means, but a black woman - be it from another african country - is more likely to learn about is going on. That is why I was asking.
But still beware of sources that might prove unreliable, especially if they are men they might take advantage of the situation.

If he really hides his marriage in Nigeria, go ahead setting his pants on fire, girl!

Kachichi:

@brownbonno, I am over 100% sure that the information is true. and I am preparing maself for battle and like TOYOSI20 said, (sorry Toyo if I may bend your phrases, what can a person do in such a situation? accepting lies is like prolonging the inevitable. and I think that cutting ties from a close one is one of the hardest things to do in life. I think in my case the most painful one is that he´s been lying through his teeth all this while and he is still at it. better beat him at his game as I have been knowing about this for quite some time. There are tidbits of truth that are falling into place that really make my jigsaw puzzle to fit together.

My dear a jigsaw is an assumption.100% sure of your secondary evidence,might not be admissible in law.Since there is no perfection in human nature you can as well take your man in and enjoy your lives.

bystander:


If he really hides his marriage in Nigeria, go ahead setting his pants on fire, girl!

Bystander you know,I have seen one white gyal who found out when it was rather too late,ten years into the marriage ,she couldn´t do anything after the realisation,she only had to accept the facts and she´s struggling to get her life back together after the ordeal.

Thats years of wasted life.that man was really really egoistic. he couldn´t care less of the children he had in australia(mind you he didn´t even want them to go to his homeland), his interests were that of his other family back in africa ,


busting his azz, , am working on it.bringing out that hidden marriage to light is quite a task!

brownbonno:

My dear a jigsaw is an assumption.100% sure of your secondary evidence,might not be admissible in law.Since there is no perfection in human nature you can as well take your man in and enjoy your lives.

my sources are very reliable,infact even I have been put in situations when I visited his relatives that bring up queries in my mind, like, why i wasn´t allowed to be at his parents´ residence for long and why I slept at his uncles place that´s just 5 mins from his parent´s place

I cannot enjoy my life knowing it is one based on a lie.some do though