•Beware Of Free Gifts: If you love free things, then you have to stay away from our City of Excellence because here, ‘awuf dey run belle’. In fact, there is no such thing as free gifts in Lagos and if you are one of those who believe you can roll along and live by free things, you will not find any succor in Lagos. Let me give you this example. There was this young man who came to Lagos some time ago and decided to live on free things. What happened was that where he lived, there was a quiet and unassuming fraudster who became his friend. Whenever the ‘smart’ did some scam runs, he placed the amount in the guy’s bank account until the Economic and Financial Commission, EFCC, cottoned up to the scams and swooped in on the owner of the account. The real fraudster scampered to God knows where, living the poor chap to explain how he came about the large sum in his account. By the time he could explain himself, he had spent two years in detention and by the time he came out, he had learnt a very bitter lesson and had to move back to his village.


•If You Pick A Lady On The Street, Pay Her: There is nothing as dangerous as trying to do a ‘free show’, or like we call it, ‘osho free’, in Lagos because when it is time to pay, you pay through the nose. I am sure you must have heard stories of women of easy virtues all over the streets of Lagos, but a note of warning here, they are not free. If you descend to the level of picking them for the night, be sure to pay them or face their wrath. They are not free because they are into business and they also have bills to pay. They did not come to Lagos to count the bridges, simple!


•Don’t Argue With A Market Woman: The first rule of survival I learnt in Lagos was never to argue with a typical market woman. If you are as foolish as I was then, you will ignore this rule but be sure you are doing it at your peril. Lagos market women have the caustic tongues of soda and they do not hide it at all. When they know you do not understand Yoruba language, they will insult you, your family, and even generations unborn, and while doing this, they will still be smiling and interject each abuse with some friendly banter in a smattering of English language, making you think they are actually joking with you. Do not be deceived, those women are coached and tutored in the art of insults.


•Beware Of ‘One Chance’ Buses: If you are unfortunate enough to leave your house as early as 5 am to chase after buses, please do be very careful because not all the buses are meant for people. Especially if you see an almost empty bus or a bus where other ‘passengers’ are sitting strategically in different scattered positions, take a detour and do not jump into it or else you may likely fall a victim of what we call ‘One Chance’ bus. The driver and other occupants are likely to be armed robbers, aptly called ‘Catch on the Air’ robbers. Their modus operandi is to gather the passengers they can get, rob them while the bus is on top speed and push the unlucky passenger out of the speeding bus. Many have met their deaths through the ‘One Chance’ buses.


•Never Fight With A Lagos Conductor: A very important rule of survival in Lagos is to try, at all cost, to avoid any physical combat with a bus conductor. It does not matter if the guy is the conductor of a ‘Kombi’ bus, a ‘Faragon’ bus or a ‘Molue’ bus, just shun them by all means. It does not matter if a conductor loses five front teeth in a fight with you. Don’t think you can easily dust them which you probably can, they will come out smelling like roses and people will eventually blame you for engaging in a fight with a low life. So no matter the provocation, let them be.

Source: http://pulse.ng/gist/10-rules-of-survival-in-lagos-part-2-id2560685.html

Interesting stuff!

Efemena_xy: Interesting stuff!

thanks

I hate Lagos, I was nearly kidnapped along my way to the bank in VI, if not God and my warri skills, I would have been wanted by now.

Worst city to me after borno.

Chillisauce: I hate Lagos, I was nearly kidnapped along my way to the bank in VI, if not God and my warri skills, I would have been wanted by now.

Worst city to me after borno.

Chilli - you're a Waffi babe??!!

No wonder we click and 'jell' so much!!

Abeg lay down the gist about your near-miss kidnapping experience...what happened? How did you escape??

Don't say that about Borno state now...I've always wanted to go so far up north (mind you, this was long before Boko Harem'w wahala). I dey even pray say make them throw me over there for my youth service but I got posted to Imo State.

I did my uni at Enugu state, so why NYSC at Imo? No chance to travel and probably fall in love with some northern guy residing near lake Chad. Choi! But I sabi dream in those days sha! My parents panicked and really fear say na suya wan carry me marry one Alahji so far away from home

Chillisauce: I hate Lagos, I was nearly kidnapped along my way to the bank in VI, if not God and my warri skills, I would have been wanted by now.

Worst city to me after borno.

Kidnapped in VI?? Nowhere is safe in Lagos
Thank God for your life

I grew up in the south south region o.

The way we Nigerians take religion so serious, it's beginning to affect us.
Imagine, i wanted to make a copy of some documents from the bank before submitting an application. So I came out from the bank and walking to the bis center when this man with a Peugeot stopped to ask me for direction, immediately he stopped a man walking down along stopped also listening to this man in Peugeot too.

He identified his self as one pastor blah blah blah going for a popular conference near the VI and now asking me for direction. The guy beside me started describing the venue for him cos I told him I don't live in lagos.

He said thanks and drove off, the man I saw all of a sudden walking beside me started engaging me with stories. How that man of God is powerful, how his church program shows every Wednesday, friday and Sunday. And me that can't even remember the last time I went to church. I told him off that I don't watch all these church programs.

Few seconds after, I saw same vehicle, now the driver was checking the bonnet, the same so called pastor stopped me again saying he had some visions . Held my hands. All these while he was sweating profusely in the car while I was standing outside

This passerby stopped with me again.
Vision
1. Don't give any food item any of your NEIGHBOUR
2. Make sure after you leave the salon take your hairs with you
3.He said in three months time, I shouldn't travel more than 400km

Na dia I pull off my hand. I cursed him ehn. Wayo, you go soon die, e diots. As I was creating a scene, the car started by force and they left the scene.

This same passerby approached me and started asking why I don't believe in God. I said, because I know he is God! He should be able to tell me anything. Anyway, the koko was that this passerby was one of them too.
Using church program and man of god to catch ppl.
I kept wondering if I believed him maybe I would have ended up in a shrine

Chinwem:

Kidnapped in VI?? Nowhere is safe in Lagos
Thank God for your life

More like ritual things.

@ Chilli - phew!

At least it wasn't in the dead of night on some lonely street, or that the men pushed you into the car or even forced you into it.

Good thing you stood on the outside. Me, I nor dey even give them the time of day, talkless of giving them my hands to palm-read? Evil people and messengers of doom.

Mtcheew!

Efemena_xy: @ Chilli - phew!

At least it wasn't in the dead of night on some lonely street, or that the men pushed you into the car or even forced you into it.

Good thing you stood on the outside. Me, I nor dey even give them the time of day, talkless of giving them my hands to palm-read? Evil people and messengers of doom.

Mtcheew!

Also experienced one chance but they thought I was a combat girl cos the way I was dressed. Snickers and combat jeans, with my dreads. They ended up dropping me off . Way back in PHC .

Rules of surviving

Dress simple.
For ladies, if you not driving or taking a taxi. Wear comfortable clothing.
Put away your hills and skimpy dresses because u can never tell when the race will start

^^ So true.

Lagos sense.

Chillisauce: I hate Lagos, I was nearly kidnapped along my way to the bank in VI, if not God and my warri skills, I would have been wanted by now.

Worst city to me after borno.

lmao omo waffi shebi dey say warri no dey carry last.how e con be say them wan kidnap you

anyway op has said nothing but the truth but am guilty of number 3 courtesy of my grandma that sells gold in odumota.chaiii that my granny get bad mouth no be small during my childhood days i will go and spend the holidays wirh her when we were on break and so on saturdays she will leave me in her shop and go to owanmbe lagos party.that time lagos wasnt as dangerous as it ia now so parents could leave their wards inside the shop to sell stuffs for them so she will tell me in lagos yoruba

Majeki alawin kan kan wonu shop me.toba tawin fun were kan ma shi e lu.translation-dont let any poor person or debtor enter my shop ans dont sell anything on credit,if you do i will beat you mercilessly

then she will also say if anybody comes and prices the jwellry and doesnt buy abuse them well.clap on them till they leave.it was from grandma i learnt naughty words like oloshi,were,ashewo,do free,onidiyiya,oloriburuku etc.if you price her jwellry and you dont buy she will insult you,God help you if you reply her.she will remove her scarf and tie it on her waist,clap and abuse you to draw attention,call all sort od nasty names,she will even say in yoruba there is no brothel here go away carry your infested private part to another bus stop.God bless her soul but chaii she vulgar no be small

those days when i used to help her sell her goolu.smh

Chillisauce: I grew up in the south south region o.

The way we Nigerians take religion so serious, it's beginning to affect us.
Imagine, i wanted to make a copy of some documents from the bank before submitting an application. So I came out from the bank and walking to the bis center when this man with a Peugeot stopped to ask me for direction, immediately he stopped a man walking down along stopped also listening to this man in Peugeot too.

He identified his self as one pastor blah blah blah going for a popular conference near the VI and now asking me for direction. The guy beside me started describing the venue for him cos I told him I don't live in lagos.

He said thanks and drove off, the man I saw all of a sudden walking beside me started engaging me with stories. How that man of God is powerful, how his church program shows every Wednesday, friday and Sunday. And me that can't even remember the last time I went to church. I told him off that I don't watch all these church programs.

Few seconds after, I saw same vehicle, now the driver was checking the bonnet, the same so called pastor stopped me again saying he had some visions . Held my hands. All these while he was sweating profusely in the car while I was standing outside

This passerby stopped with me again.
Vision
1. Don't give any food item any of your NEIGHBOUR
2. Make sure after you leave the salon take your hairs with you
3.He said in three months time, I shouldn't travel more than 400km

Na dia I pull off my hand. I cursed him ehn. Wayo, you go soon die, e diots. As I was creating a scene, the car started by force and they left the scene.

This same passerby approached me and started asking why I don't believe in God. I said, because I know he is God! He should be able to tell me anything. Anyway, the koko was that this passerby was one of them too.
Using church program and man of god to catch ppl.
I kept wondering if I believed him maybe I would have ended up in a shrine

lmao theyve done something similar for my friend and i before but its been a while and around surulere area.we were juat leaving a friends place and some guya accosted us in the guise of preaching.after the talk became suspicious was when he said his car is parked over there we should follow him and meet hia brothers in the lord,they will drop us to where we are going. and that was around december period where kidnap was common.i just yelled at him abi oloshi leleyi ni and before i could say anything hannah shouted gbomo gbomo o.before we knew it,he joines hia friends and took off

That one don teyyyy

Chillisauce: Rules of surviving

Dress simple.
For ladies, if you not driving or taking a taxi. Wear comfortable clothing.
Put away your hills and skimpy dresses because u can never tell when the race will start

yes o.when i am walking i am wearing a jeans pant or a knicker and shirt with a flat slippers and i dont pass short cuts or narrow passages they call horo

before them lagos ibo boys rape them mama not me and thief their mama money.if na night i dey carry touch light waka

^^ I wouldn't even be caught walking outside in the dead of the night.

All that blackness and no light??

What if an owl is perched on a tree, just atop one's head?

Efemena_xy: ^^ I wouldn't even be caught walking outside in the dead of the night.

All that blackness and no light??

What if an owl is perched on a tree, just atop one's head?

lol

kulyie: yes o.when i am walking i am wearing a jeans pant or a knicker and shirt with a flat slippers and i dont pass short cuts or narrow passages they call horo

before them lagos ibo boys rape them mama not me and thief their mama money.if na night i dey carry touch light waka

Ah ah! My kulyie why u fall my hand with d bolded statement na
U're being tribalistic which i don't know u 4, n which i strongly detest. Just like u detest any negative feminine generalization
Negative tendencies are not exclusive u know! Always be a swthrt

I serzly nid dis survival strategy. Presently in lagos for the ist tym in my life nd ahh! d city is so crowded. Went to market 2day nd was just hiding my purse under my ampit(don't want christmas stories dat touch)d only yoruba I learnt in d market 2day was*ode oshi*,that is wat a girl said 2 me wen I refused to buy a knee length gown for 7k. Here in lagos everybody/anybody jst step on u witout apologisin/so unlike abuja. Infact the boys/men here are something else. Btw,only God knows wat *ode oshi* means

Efemena_xy: ^^ I wouldn't even be caught walking outside in the dead of the night.

All that blackness and no light??

What if an owl is perched on a tree, just atop one's head?

Laughs.
Out.
Real.
Loud...

Schooled some in Lagos. Did my NYSC there too! No survival tips for moi o!!!! TUFIAKWA to Lagos aka MAD PEOPLE'S quarters!

So stressful all day. The time u coming from work for rest, u still face another bustle n rustle b4 u get to the destination. Not a place for retiree.

If u can survive in lagos u can survive anywhere

I prefer to stay in my village than lagos.
Of all the naija cities I've been to, if u like give me free house in banana island, it won't move me.
I just hate that city.

Kuylie, pls do stop this discriminating attitude. This is d second time its coming from u. There is relative peace here cause we don't engage in tribal bashing. I'm igbo and I wouldn't fold hand watching u disregard my tribe here for no reason.Why not take such words to politics section. That is what keeps that section alive.
If here turns into tribal bashing, hope u will like it, abi?
Don't start what u can't control.

zeb04: I serzly nid dis survival strategy. Presently in lagos for the ist tym in my life nd ahh! d city is so crowded. Went to market 2day nd was just hiding my purse under my ampit(don't want christmas stories dat touch)d only yoruba I learnt in d market 2day was*ode oshi*,that is wat a girl said 2 me wen I refused to buy a knee length gown for 7k. Here in lagos everybody/anybody jst step on u witout apologisin/so unlike abuja. Infact the boys/men here are something else. Btw,only God knows wat [/b]*ode oshi*[b] means

ode oshi means stupid or ideeiiot with a hiss . Dats quite rude from a seller tank God you didnt buy from her dear...



*reads all posts*

zeb04: I serzly nid dis survival strategy. Presently in lagos for the ist tym in my life nd ahh! d city is so crowded. Went to market 2day nd was just hiding my purse under my ampit(don't want christmas stories dat touch)d only yoruba I learnt in d market 2day was*ode oshi*,that is wat a girl said 2 me wen I refused to buy a knee length gown for 7k. Here in lagos everybody/anybody jst step on u witout apologisin/so unlike abuja. Infact the boys/men here are something else. Btw,only God knows wat *ode oshi* means

*Ode oshi* means mumu or in proper english- a senseless person or a f.ool

yellowpawpaw: I prefer to stay in my village than lagos.
Of all the naija cities I've been to, if u like give me free house in banana island, it won't move me.
I just hate that city.

Kuylie, pls do stop this discriminating attitude. This is d second time its coming from u. There is relative peace here cause we don't engage in tribal bashing. I'm igbo and I wouldn't fold hand watching u disregard my tribe here for no reason.Why not take such words to politics section. That is what keeps that section alive.
If here turns into tribal bashing, hope u will like it, abi?
Don't start what u can't control.

yellow paw paw i am not bashing anyone.as it was in my mind so i typed it.i am not discriminating against any tribal group however if it offended you sorry oya take short bread before your face turns pink :p

smile chisos loffs you :*

Kanwulia: Schooled some in Lagos. Did my NYSC there too! No survival tips for moi o!!!! TUFIAKWA to Lagos aka MAD PEOPLE'S quarters!

minus me o madam kanwulia i grew up,work and live in lagos and i am very normal.my head is correct and complete,i am not part of the mad people o

so please help me mind your language
na beg i dey beg o aunty wa

Pryme-st*rr:

Ah ah! My kulyie why u fall my hand with d bolded statement na
U're being tribalistic which i don't know u 4, n which i strongly detest. Just like u detest any negative feminine generalization
Negative tendencies are not exclusive u know! Always be a swthrt

oya ma binu sweety mi why una con carry eye for my head na,oya take e-kiss :* i no know say you don be yorubanized ibo boy aka lagos ibo boy.no offense meant o,na so we dey call una

shey your oscambos don dey bring hampers come your end

If someone hits you it his/her shoulders or body and then stops to apologize in a very nice unusual way,stop and check 2tins. 1. Check your pockets and bags for your valuables 2. If your a guy,check for your thing ooooooo. Shine your eyes well well

zeb04: I serzly nid dis survival strategy. Presently in lagos for the ist tym in my life nd ahh! d city is so crowded. Went to market 2day nd was just hiding my purse under my ampit(don't want christmas stories dat touch)d only yoruba I learnt in d market 2day was*ode oshi*,that is wat a girl said 2 me wen I refused to buy a knee length gown for 7k. Here in lagos everybody/anybody jst step on u witout apologisin/so unlike abuja. Infact the boys/men here are something else. Btw,only God knows wat *ode oshi* means

lmao stepping on feets is a normal thing na them don match my leg tire for that oshodi bridge when oshodi was still oshodi,that time when fashola never put hand for oshodi

if them match me fine,if i match them,kilokan mi na to reach home go baff.

Thank God i am even mobile,if not na pushing levels.you don see where them dey rush enter bus up to the extent of cloth tear for your body because he hang door and another person for back dey push you abi those owanmbe lagosians wey go use one hand hold gele for head make breeze no blow am,another hand hold hand bag and souvenirs,na that one sef dey always dey funny to me.jwwz,smh.thak God for fashola sef that brought small normalcy to lagos