Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.

Dogs cannot lie.

Dogs never resist nap time.

You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

Little Johnny answers the phone.

A man says, "Hello is your dad around?"

johnny whispers, "Yes."

The man then asks if he can talk to him.

"He's busy at the moment," johnny whispers.

"Then is your mom there?"

"Yes" johnny whispers.

"Can I talk to her?"

"No, she's busy," johnny whispers.

"Is there anyone else there?"

"Yes" whispered johnny.

"Who?" the man asked.

"A policeman," came the whispered reply.

"Well, can I talk to him?"

"He's busy too," johnny whispered.

"Is there anyone else there then?"

"Yes" whispered johnny.

"Who then?" the man asked.

"A fireman," johnny whispered.

"Can I talk to him?"

"No," johnny whispered, "he's busy."

Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing.

"Looking for me." johnny whispered.

Yeah, Yeah,

it is not intentional

It just happens

The Church Plaque

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year- old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Little Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor.

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,Johnnie's family was invited over. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby. "The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie". Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnnie, "'cause he'd be f**ked if he needed glasses"

Poor Johnny

Bold work you have here.