My neigbors mother-in-law is coming from Nigeria next week. I have tried to teach her some simple greetings but she refuses to learn yoruba. I have also told her that she will need to kneel in front of her mother-in-law when comes to show respect. She refuses.

I am respectful and will show her her due respect but my question is: By me kneeling and greeting her in her language is that showing disrespect to my neighbor, who is also my friend? How will the mother-in-law view this behavior from me? I dont want to look like a fool?

Any suggestions. I dont want any embarrasment to fall on my husband's shoulders because his wife did not show respect to her. If that makes any sense to you.

If you neighbor refuses to kneel, I think she might feel slighted that you went ahead and knelt.

But in me not kneeling for will that show disrespect?

I myself is having a hard time with the customs and culture of Nigerians but your request is rather silly and beyond me. You kneel before God not man, woman or child.

Cayon, what you don't know, you ask. It might seem silly to you, but that's the culture. Kneeling is not for worship, but a sign of respect for the Yoruba people. No one forces you to go on your knees and believe me, if you don't kneel, no thunder will strike you. Just needed to clarify that for you. Thanks.

Sistawoman, if you want to go ahead and kneel for your neighbor's MIL, go ahead and do so. If your neighbor's wife doesn't feel comfy doing so, no problem. Not everyone is comfortable going on their knees. It comes pretty easy for me, because I have done it for the past 28yrs of my life. So go ahead and be free.

Cayon:

I myself is having a hard time with the customs and culture of Nigerians but your request is rather silly and beyond me. You kneel before God not man, woman or child.

I dont see anything silly in her request.May be you are.Ask what you dont know especially when it comes to other's culture.

sistawoman:

But in me not kneeling for will that show disrespect?

well, I have been wondering,are you to married to a Nigerian?Although you did not mention that to me.You seems to know a lot about us.No wahala,go ahead and kneel for whoever you want to kneel to.it's an act of respect in our culture.It's like a normal greeting to the elderly.If She does not want to do it that's her wahala

if she wont kneel down , fine, just go ahead and do your thing

theopops:

Cayon, what you don't know, you ask. It might seem silly to you, but that's the culture. Kneeling is not for worship, but a sign of respect for the Yoruba people. No one forces you to go on your knees and believe me, if you don't kneel, no thunder will strike you. Just needed to clarify that for you. Thanks.

oops, sorry I didn't know its a cultural thing. But I still stand by what I said before. You bow down before God not man

timba_bng:

if she wont kneel down , fine, just go ahead and do your thing

Attah boy, i share your sentiments

I think the mother in-law should be a little bit considerate in observing that she's not a Yoruba, on like my on tribe we don't knew down in greetings but we don't especially (the female) offer hand shake first to who is older than you.
Let the son educate his mother by letting her know that we're from a different cultures.

If you kneel and your neighbour doesnt it might make her look bad in front of her mother-in-law,but i dont see anything wrong with greeting her in language though.

I noticed that my response to this thread was removed. So who moved it.

What's up with all these tradition/customs of kneeling down? So, you are even dictating to your neighbor to be subservient to her mother inlaw? As long as the two women have a cordial relationship, kneeling down is definitely out of the context. Or which would you prefer, a subservient daughter inlaw who detests you privately, or a daughter inlaw who can relate to you while still retaining respect for you. Leave the woman alone!

What's up with all these tradition/customs of kneeling down? So, you are even dictating to your neighbor to be subservient to her mother inlaw? As long as the two women have a cordial relationship, kneeling down is definitely out of the context. Or which would you prefer, a subservient daughter inlaw who detests you privately, or a daughter inlaw who can relate to you while still retaining respect for you. Leave the woman alone!

Women kneeling down is by no means being subservient; it's just a sign of respect for the elders in yoruba land. If you are
ignorant of other people's culture, don't bother responding to a thread regarding other people's culture.

I'D have to@arnold, because there is no way I will sanction the idea of a woman kneeling down as a 'sign of respect' to another person. Out with that, this is modernity, and if you are tolerant of such culture, you might as well support the scarification of baby's face for tribal marks in the name of culture.

Ndipe:

I'D have to@arnold, because there is no I will sanction the idea of a woman kneeling down as a 'sign of respect' to another person.

Who's asking you to sanction anything here

Ndipe:


you might as well support the scarification of baby's face for tribal marks in the name of culture.

Now you are bringing tribal marks into this. Like I said earlier, you have no business responding to a thread of this nature.

If you don't subscribe to the idea of people kneeling down as some do in their culture, tough luck.

The people that practice this are fine with their tradition and could care less what your opinion about this is.

The thread starter didn't say anyone forced her to kneel down. She is doing it on her own will.

I hope you read that part of her post.

Ndipe, with every culture, there are the good and the bad. The best you can do, is pick the good ones. I am a Yoruba girl and I love, love going on my knees to greet my elders. I remember when I got to the States, I used to bend my knees when I gave things to people. Yes, I got the weird looks, but did it bother me? No way. Lets try to respect other people's culture. Thanks, Bro.

Sistawoman, do you.

@arnold, even if it is part of your culture, but a non native is not comfortable with it, do you have to force it down their throat? Read what sistawoman wrote. " I have tried to teach her some simple greetings but she refuses to learn yoruba. (na by force)? I have also told her that she will need to kneel in front of her mother-in-law (why?)when comes to show respect. She refuses.

Ndipe:

@arnold, even if it is part of your culture, but a non native is not comfortable with it, do you have to force it down their throat?

Read what sistawoman wrote. " I have tried to teach her some simple greetings but she refuses to learn yoruba. (na by force)? I have also told her that she will need to kneel in front of her mother-in-law (why?)when comes to show respect. She refuses.

Sistawoman is a black american woman asking another black american woman to kneel down. They are both married to
Nigerian men and the Nigerian men are not forcing anything down their throats.

Again, sistawoman is kneeling down at her own will and is asking her fellow american to respect the tradition. It is not
by force or anything. She is speaking on her own behalf.

You have taken this thread and completely twisted it out of its original context.

I tire for una Nigerians.

. . . .abi o o . Na so them dey do

I don't see what I am doing with my neighbor/friend to be forcing her but more along the lines of encouraging her. Her marriage is in big, big trouble and I am really trying to get her to see that this opportunity with her MIL is one in which she can build a good r/s thus helping with her marriage.

But her reluctance to do anything African is probally why her marriage is falling apart right now.

Sistawoman, butt out of your neighbor's marital problems. Have you not heard of the saying, "three is a crowd"?

Ndipe:

Sistawoman, butt out of your neighbor's marital problems. Have you not heard of the saying, "three is a crowd"?

Exactly.
Sistawoman can kneel, prostrate, wear waist beads and dance owigiri to the neighbors mother in law to emphasize culture
that doesn't mean anyone should join her.

Ndipe:

Sistawoman, butt out of your neighbor's marital problems. Have you not heard of the saying, "three is a crowd"?

d woman never minds her business

if i were u sistawoman i will take ndipes advise and mind ur business,leave ur neighbours marital problem alone,u r married face ur hubby and leave other pple alone

Well the mother-in-law is here and my neighbor took my advice and greeted the mother-in-law properly. She even came to me last night asking for a few words in yoruba to great her MIL this morning.

The MIL came at just the right time and will be here until December. this maybe just what they need to heal thier marriage. It feels my heart to see her husband at home more, to see him being loving toward his wife. She in turn is trying to learn the languague and even made egusi (sp) soup with us last night.

Sistawoman, honestly, you get time for your hands since you feel it in "my heart to see her husband at home more, to see him being loving toward his wife".

Hey Sistawoman,


Good to know that you could speak a bit of Yoruba.  Really good for you.  It's always good to know your roots and to take pride in it, no matter what.  Indeed, it makes you become stronger.





kiwi992.

Ndipe:

Sistawoman, honestly, you get time for your hands since you feel it in "my heart to see her husband at home more, to see him being loving toward his wife".

I always have time for my friends. isnt that the true meaning of friendship. She is not only a neighbor but a close friend.

sistawoman:

I don't see what I am doing with my neighbor/friend to be forcing her but more along the lines of encouraging her. Her marriage is in big, big trouble and I am really trying to get her to see that this opportunity with her MIL is one in which she can build a good r/s thus helping with her marriage.

But her reluctance to do anything African is probally why her marriage is falling apart right now.

You're such a hypocrite. Your marriage was on the rocks less than a month ago. Ndipe gave you very good advice . . . mind your own business!

sistawoman:

I always have time for my friends. isnt that the true meaning of friendship. She is not only a neighbor but a close friend.

yours doesnt sound like "friendship" to me. Even best friends know where to draw the line.

sistawoman:

I always have time for my friends.  isnt that the true meaning of friendship.  She is not only a neighbor but a close friend.  

friends,i mean every friend needs their privacy,smtimes we impose on them wtout knowing

lets set aside our differences    listen,once a woman is married,and has got a family to take care off,i hands off her marital problems,especially if me myself im married

no matter how close one is to a friend ,once there is a change in status one has got to mind his or her own business

ma advise to u is mind your business,don't involve yourself in watever that has got to do wt pples marriage or marital problems

u will be trying to help them ,but they will turn against u one day

didnt your mum tell u all this?

davidylan:

You're such a hypocrite. Your marriage was on the rocks less than a month ago. Ndipe gave you very good advice . . . mind your own business!

yours doesnt sound like "friendship" to me. Even best friends know where to draw the line.

God bless u

@sistawoman
try to better your own marriage,concentrate on your hubby and leave another womans house alone ooooooooooooooooo

if u coninue like this ,im so sorry u might not last long in your marriage,for heavens sake your man might not be complaining,but everything u do,he watches wt his every eyes,and is calculating wtout your knowledge

no nigerian man wants to spend d rest of his life wt a nosy wife

eh, davidi she o ni fi obirin ye sile ni?

sistah, welldone jare. helep am heal the marriage bo. bring am come nairaland bo to come learn a thing or two. there are more food on the food section don't forget. teach her how to make designer stew and orishirishi o. surely the marriage will not foreclose  

rampagain, my mama told me that so i will remember when i settle down. oyinbo matter na different thing. you see Jerry JerrySpringer and Maury eh