1) The magic wand seekers: This group are the kind that would happily seek a magic wand to ''un-wind'' everything Nigerian bit about them. They usually want to associate themselves with every aspects of their host countries, they tend to keep mostly non-Nigerian friends and would at every given opportunity distant themselves from anything Nigerian in its entirety. They even go to the extent of imitating the default version of either Afro-Americans or Caribbeans and would do everything possible to disguise their accents, mode of dressing, etc so as not to be remotely linked to Nigeria. They end up with spouses that are usually not from Nigeria and won't mind if their Nigerian names disappear into oblivion as each of their generations emerges with time. They hate 9ja so bad that you can't even trace them through their kids... You could tell she is from 9ja but she go tell you she Puerto Rico... Shiiooor...

2) The fish outside the water: This group don't usually get what the fuss is about abroad and would at every opportunity wanna return to Nigeria. If they are not complaining about the weather, they taking fight with the food, pristine orderliness, the culture, etc... Phrases like, ' take me back to Lagos', 'I'm dey miss 9ja', 'Oh boy,life no dey here o', are the usual hymns in their mouth... In fact, when u take them to the seven wonders of what abroad could offer them, they won't succumb as there is nothing sweeter than life in 9ja for them... Their sole purpose of going abroad are to shop and see few friends... After that, they back home...

3) The Romans in Athens: This group love abroad and are well suited to its demand but will never do away with their ''Nigerianess''... They attend Nigerian gatherings, can't do without Nigerian food, keep Nigerian friends and are not even afraid to rock their native attires on the streets of New York or the alleyways of Paris... ''Go to hell, I'm a Nigerian'' is their usual slang and are not ready to tone it down. Their host country might mistake it for sheer gut or plain rudeness, their fellow Africans might mistake it for ''being loud''... Anywayz, they don't care. They tend to marry other Nigerians but if they ever marry non-Nigerians, they make sure they ''Nigerian-lize'' their spouses and kids as much as they can...

4) The river banks strollers: This group of Diasporas are mainly students that walk on the peripheries of the host countries without actually immersing themselves into it.. They are sent to study abroad in prestigious universities by their parents ( sponsors) but that's all they do, STUDY. They don't delve into the cultures of their host countries usually because they don't need to.. All their needs are well catered for, so no need to support themselves by finding employment. They would log on to YouTube at every opportunity to watch Nollywood movies and are usually aloof about the grand scheme of things in their host countries. They attend the usual 9ja parties and raves and are usually eager to display dad's cash at such events.. They leave when their course is completed to Nigeria but leave without really being changed or influenced by their host countries. You will usually find them in Nigeria's political sphere in the future because dad's connection might have brought them there.. They might be bad at governance despite their foreign qualification, and you know why!

5) The newly redeemed: Shall I say the preachers... Yes, they have been abroad for some years, yes, they see how things are meant to work differently! Yes, they see how bad Nigeria is lagging behind but won't make the rest of us rest.. Some call them Nigeria's harshest critics. You find them on Nairaland, always wanting to release their built up venom at every opportunity.. We like their concern, we admire their shared and newly found enlightenment but they just won't make us rest. If their relatives in Nigeria call from home, bad governance and why Nigeria stinks badly will be the top root of their conversation. Their relatives back home have had enough ...... Their relatives are left thinking, '' despite all this ya yabbing of our country, ain't we surviving? ''..... ''Abeg keep quiet joor and let's change topic, Broda London, Ms New York.. They are also Nigeria's passionate defenders when Ghanaians wanna yab 9ja Yes, they are full of paradoxes... Only them can yab their country but that's where it ends... No other nationality must put mouth join.... haha


6) The villain in that interesting movie: Their antagonists call them chancers, their fans call them smart.. I call them criminals because they are usually associated with nefarious acts. This group pride themselves in exploiting the system of the host countries to their advantage and would at every opportunity rub the spoils in our faces. Yahoo Yahoo and other scams aren't far away from them... They only tolerate conversation that are money making through unlawful means... People say they are the kind that give Nigeria bad names overseas but their sympathizers disagree, they say it's slavery payback time....They usually flashy by nature and are beehives for girls... Besides their relatives and genuinely close friends, every other person they come across must be exploited.... They are usually very unpredictable ( why wouldn't they be because they want to avoid being caught) and people that know them won't lose a sleep if they change numbers frequently or disappear without saying goodbyes... ... When they attend churches, it isn't to be saved but to catch more unsuspecting preys who have mostly just come into the country... They are great charmers, haha.... The smart 1s among them end up with booming businesses while the stupid 1s end up in jail or are deported.... Life is a game and they just playing it!!

7) The wanderer in the wilderness: Immigration trouble is their main concern and are sometimes trapped in a world that looks gloomy and bleak. Some of them are shocked by the harsh realities of living abroad and are reluctant to go back home because their relatives are expecting the foreign currency.. They always wear the concerned look and always look despondent... . They usually embrace their faith with vigour and you will find them in churches and mosques of their host countries in numbers, seeking God's face for breakthroughs. They are usually law-abiding but live their lives in fear and with little confidence. Their once brightened charisma that people usually associate with them back in Nigeria has left them. The positive thing however about this group is that they are one good news away from being reinvigorated... A favorable letter from immigration is what is needed for their countenance to lighten up or a dream job.... Cheer up oooo... He go better.....

8 ) The perfect recipe in the soup... Soup being their host countries and the perfect recipe refers to them. They are the smart and creative Diasporas that recreate meaningful lives for themselves through lawful and smart means. Some think they are extremely lucky as to why things quickly fell in place for them.. Others think they are the consummate migrants that thrived on their ingenuity. ''Freshies'' envy their sophistication, long term migrants admire their successes. They function excellently well in both Nigerian and non-Nigerian gatherings and are great at connecting the two cultures together. They see a meeting point; a fusion in both cultures where others see division. They try all kinds of food and live a life of balance and reasoning. Yes, they are Nigerians and can also be Americans, French, British, etc and are happy to be called both. They talk less and are more action-orientated.. Shall I criticize Jonathan or shall I rally my colleagues to set up a scholarship scheme back home for the less privilege? They always choose the latter, not because they are happy with things in Nigeria but see themselves as agents of change. After all, If they aren't they won't be where they are 2day.

Which 1 you be? If you have any more put, abeg join am there....

Happy Sunday....

Very true.....

The one that couldn't care less about people shoving the "act and think like a Nigerian" bullshoit in her face.