EfemenaXY:

Na wa o!

What sort of "mother" are you?

If you were my sister, I most certainly would have given you two very hot slaps to reset your thinking! In all your posts, I see not a single line of empathy towards your vulnerable daughter! You're only (slightly) interested in your sons and more interested in roping in another man.

All that negative energy you're using in fighting baby124 and people on a faceless forum - use that inner will power and force to go get your daughter, woman! How can you sleep at night??!! Don't you get nightmares of your baby girl crying out for her mother? Do you even know if that child is alive and well?

I definitely support the notion that you should close those legs of yours tight and focus on building a home for your three children. Yes, Nigeria is hard but it's still way better than many other war-torn countries out there, where women dare not walk alone un-chaperoned! Yes, it's tough but there are many others in worse situation than yours, less healthy than you, but are still making something of their lives.

If you're really focused on what your priorities should be, i.e: your kids, you wouldn't have the time for yourself, much less entertaining thoughts of a man. When you go out actively searching for a man, they'll smell your desperation from a mile off and keep clear of you. If on the the other hand you come across as a determined chic only interested in building her empire for her kids and giving them the very best of life, you'll be surprised at the number of men queuing up to date you / ask your hand in marriage.

No man wants a liability and right now, that's exactly what you are. Infact, you're no better than your husband who wanted to get rich quick via babalawo - and that's the person you've comfortably left your girl child with??

SMH (Scratching My Head) at you! You sound ready to be someone's 2^nd, 3^rd, or even 4^th wife with the lame excuses you've been coming up with!

U wer asked 2giv advice not dish out slaps k? Y r Nigerians so quick 2 judge? Y wnt u put ursef in d victims shoes for once and view tyns frm her perspective? All dis anger u r pouring out isn't called for. Dats nt hw 2giv advice. U can rave and rant al u wish... If she decides 2 tk her boys bak 2 der fada u or I can't do nada abt it! D truth is dat we can only offer advice (not threats or insults) its her decision to mk.
Dnt get me wrong am nt tking sides but I read ur response and its filled wit anger... Dats nt healthy! Wen offering an advice try 2 stay calm, by abusing or using insultive words u push d person ur advicing away. A gud word is enough, just one word is enough 2 mk her change her mind not ur insults or threats.

Juz passing sha!

goldenijay:




U wer asked 2giv advice not dish out slaps k? Y r Nigerians so quick 2 judge? Y wnt u put ursef in d victims shoes for once and view tyns frm her perspective? All dis anger u r pouring out isn't called for. Dats nt hw 2giv advice. U can rave and rant al u wish... If she decides 2 tk her boys bak 2 der fada u or I can't do nada abt it! D truth is dat we can only offer advice (not threats or insults) its her decision to mk.
Dnt get me wrong am nt tking sides but I read ur response and its filled wit anger... Dats nt healthy! Wen offering an advice try 2 stay calm, by abusing or using insultive words u push d person ur advicing away. A gud word is enough, just one word is enough 2 mk her change her mind not ur insults or threats.

Juz passing sha!

Would you mind terribly if I asked you to re-type that out in English?

I don't do text speak. If it's too much of an effort for you, then kindly refrain from quoting me.

Thanks!

apunku:



u simply dnt understand and and i guess u never will coz ur not in ma shoes, my husband wen i marryd him was nt rich it was in d bid 2 b rich dat he went to the cult..... so dnt tink its d money am after k? the problem wit we Nigerians is tha weneva its anoda person s corpse its nt as painful as if it wer urs.... its so easy 4 u 2 met out advise bt if it wer u in my shoes wat wil u do? answer the question logically witout a biased mind and stop throwing insults k?

I hope you are aware that you can't marry another man without properly divorcing your husband? I advice you take one step at time, dont worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. Think positively, you can fully take care of your kids more than any man can do. Just believe in yourself , things might not be alright now but they will be fine with time. My mum does not have formal education, she hardly read or write yet I can't count how many people she's feeding and has trained in school up to university level with her petty business.

Na wa oh. They tried touse you for rituals they didnt suceed, now you want to give them your sons. Hmmmm
You want to remarry Had 3 kids in 3 years, what happens to those kids?? It doesnt seem to concern you. Why keep birthing kids without any plans for them? After these 3 now, you want to drop them and go and birth more??

Madam, You have 3 responsibilities, sit up and take care of them, they are your responsibility NOT YOUR PARENTS. Go to social welfare and report, let them draw a support plan for your kids from your husband, so it can help you raise them. You are a mother not a teeanger with no worries, face them and grown up, this should be your primary focus and anyone you want to marry now has to accept you and your 3 kids dont go throwing them on anyone else. The kids didnt ask to be born, they have been abandoned by 1 parent already.

For others please dont have kids till you understand what it takes, till you are ready to lay down your own life to ensure that child gets a good life not just birth and start looking for where to throw them when the journey gets tough. A child is not like a spouse whom you can divorce or abandon, a child yours for life, your responsibility

Am so pained with this story abeg. I have read "I" and "Me" several times not "us" and "my kids". Do you understand parenthood? Is getting a man the only solution out of the lack you face?

I hope you didnt join in shouting #bringbackourgirls# when you havent fought to bring back your own girl. You are okay dropping your kids with him on the mere assumption that he wouldnt use them for rituals do you understand desperation? When he doesnt see anyone else to use wont he sacrifice his own kids?

I cant take that risk. I insist you go to social welfare and legally sort out child support and legally divorce first, focus and build a life with your kids. I am so sad for those kids, only God knows what that girl is facing, oh Lord. When I almost died from grief for an unborn child, another will have this child and leave her in harms way. HMmmmmmmmmmmm it is well

pickabeau1: Tragic story


Working hard is not always tantamount to financial success

Have u considering giving up the children for adoption..

when the mother is alive?



the truth is that op married into a useless family. A family that sees nothing wrong in using the wife for money rituals.tufiaaaaakwa


am even suprised she has the heart to live her daughter in the hands of her mil exposed to a ritualist



so you do the training while they come 15years time to pick the boy.am sure by now you already know why he married you "baby making machine tins' which you are only useful for.he doesn't even see you as wise or grown enough to share his problems with (another loophole) if he thought you were that young why then did he marry you instead of his mother who is "wiser and older than you" (did you ask him)



Lastly are you sure this man married you properly. No be say na lagos marriage aka live in lovers.you just get belle and off you go to his house and turn yourself to his wife



the wicked truth from all ican read here is that



1.your husband DOESN'T LOVE YOU NEITHER DO HIS FAMILY GIVE A FK ABOUT YOU

2.THE reason he married you has been achieved so you are not useful for anything again

3. You didn't know him well to know whether he is a normal human being or a ritualist

4.any man that can CONVENIENTLY use his wife for attempted rituals can use his daughter. Its just a matter of time. You will go to his house searching for your daughter one day and they will cook up one intresting super story for you e.g she had an accident on her way back from school. That's if they let you in



Lobatan.advice-you bera go and pick up that girl because if he remarries the child go hear am from her step mom

Chair cover
kanwulia
efemena
sophyrocks
aisha
chilli sauce



over to you. This matter dey vex me abeg

SAMBARRY: when the mother is alive?



the truth is that op married into a useless family. A family that sees nothing wrong in using the wife for money rituals.tufiaaaaakwa


am even suprised she has the heart to live her daughter in the hands of her mil exposed to a ritualist



so you do the training while they come 15years time to pick the boy.am sure by now you already know why he married you "baby making machine tins' which you are only useful for.he doesn't even see you as wise or grown enough to share his problems with (another loophole) if he thought you were that young why then did he marry you instead of his mother who is "wiser and older than you" (did you ask him)



Lastly are you sure this man married you properly. No be say na lagos marriage aka live in lovers.you just get belle and off you go to his house and turn yourself to his wife

Stop opening your eyes joor....u be jagaban?

People have been known to give up their kids for adoption.
She is struggling

Ahan madam baby that's too harsh na.the only problem I have with her is dumping her daughter with the mother of a ritualist.she has a right to move on with her life na.afterall aaliyah ssng that if you fall, get up, dust yourself up and try again

baby124:
I really don't know what you are looking for. And so what about being 30? What is it about 30 you are afraid of. Yes I said close your legs for now. You have 3kids you can't take care of. Forget about man. The right man you are looking for won't even look at you if you have not built yourself. Except you want to end up in a polygamous home. And please don't tell me to watch my mouth you rude thing. Like you have not learnt from your first marriage. You want to find another 'rich' man to take care of you after escaping being cooked by ritualists. One will think you would have learnt by now. Smh

It's better for her to struggle with the kids than for her to leave her kids in unsafe hands for goodness sakes



this is annoying. It doesn't cost the man nothing to remarry and when he does the little girl will go through hell from her step mom.the hell she will go through id nothing compared to living in poverty with her own mom.if she goes to school sef thank God


many women hate their husband's ex kids no matter how much they pretend because it reminds them of their husbands ex and so they will visit the anger on the kids

pickabeau1:


Stop opening your eyes joor....u be jagaban?

People have been known to give up their kids for adoption.
She is struggling

That is where I am upset with her . like chair cover will say LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.look before choosing who you will make the father of your children. When you choose a primitive man to be the father of your kids, we start reading stories that touch. Mshewwww

aisha2: Am so pained with this story abeg. I have read "I" and "Me" several times not "us" and "my kids". Do you understand parenthood? Is getting a man the only solution out of the lack you face?

I hope you didnt join in shouting #bringbackourgirls# when you havent fought to bring back your own girl. You are okay dropping your kids with him on the mere assumption that he wouldnt use them for rituals do you understand desperation? When he doesnt see anyone else to use wont he sacrifice his own kids?

I cant take that risk. I insist you go to social welfare and legally sort out child support and legally divorce first, focus and build a life with your kids. I am so sad for those kids, only God knows what that girl is facing, oh Lord. When I almost died from grief for an unborn child, another will have this child and leave her in harms way. HMmmmmmmmmmmm it is well

apunku: @ sophyrocks u dnt understand my husabnd won't use his children 4 rituals coz dey r his blood! Accroding to him I am nt his blood... He had his old mother livin wit us den and he dint use her...

lol this further proves my earlier assertion that he DOESN'T LOVE YOU.



It beats me that you can let a man who doesn't love you impregnate you. Babe abeg wear your thinking cap and move on with your life and if you want to go into prostitution the sky is big enough for you since you claim you are still young. Don't annoy me abeg.


you have 2 options. Take your kids and create a good life for them that they will thank you tomorrow OR



Dump your kids with whoever and go into full scale prostitution since nigeria is hard and there is no work

Afterall you will get paid for srx which is more important than your kids welfare even if they are ebola customers

Struggling?

ok...

SAMBARRY: It's better for her to struggle with the kids than for her to leave her kids in unsafe hands for goodness sakes

this is annoying. It doesn't cost the man nothing to remarry and when he does the little girl will go through hell from her step mom.the hell she will go through id nothing compared to living in poverty with her own mom.if she goes to school sef thank God

many women hate their husband's ex kids no matter how much they pretend because it reminds them of their husbands ex and so they will visit the anger on the kids

I had a friend who grew up with wealthy relatives and had to go live with them when her dad died because her mum felt she would get better chances in that environment as she(her mum) felt she might not be able to afford to give her the things they could.My friend is a mother today and vows that she would never ever ever let her children go live with someone else while she is alive.I asked but you got to go St Saviours,FGGC shagamu,live in a mansion in VI and she said to me i would have rather lived with my mum in a hut(I know it's easy to romanticise what you might have had which I tell her but she lived it so I can't discount her experiences).She said they tried and it's not like they were mean to me but my heart broke every time my mum came to see me with my brother and I could not go home with them.Her point was if they could afford those schools it made no difference if she lived with her mother or with them.She said they tried and she might have never gotten to where she was today without that level of education and exposure but it was just never the same and she always always felt like the poor cousin.

The point of my long epistle is like has been said by so many others on this thread please please try to get your daughter back.I believe you are enlightened enough to be able to use the internet and type as you did you would be able to get something doing to sustain yourself and your children.Start small and be ready to work hard but truly if your Inlaws are as mean as diabolical as you have claimed your daughter is too young to be without her mother.

damiso: I had a friend who grew up with wealthy relatives and had to go live with them when her dad died because her mum felt she would get better chances in that environment as she(her mum) felt she might not be able to afford to give her the things they could.My friend is a mother today and vows that she would never ever ever let her children go live with someone else while she is alive.I asked but you got to go St Saviours,FGGC shagamu,live in a mansion in VI and she said to me i would have rather lived with my mum in a hut(I know it's easy to romanticise what you might have had which I tell her but she lived it so I can't discount her experiences).She said they tried and it's not like they were mean to me but my heart broke every time my mum came to see me with my brother and I could not go home with them.Her point was if they could afford those schools it made no difference if she lived with her mother or with them.She said they tried and she might have never gotten to where she was today without that level of education and exposure but it was just never the same and she always always felt like the poor cousin.
The point of my long epistle is like has been said by so many others on this thread please please try to get your daughter back.I believe you are enlightened enough to be able to use the internet and type as you did you would be able to get something doing to sustain yourself and your children.Start small and be ready to work hard but truly if your Inlaws are as mean as diabolical as you have claimed your daughter is too young to be without her mother.

Your friends experience is quite different from that of the poster, Poster wants to remarry and is only worried that noman would find her desireable with 2 kids so bringing back her daughter is not in the agenda she prefers to even take them all back to their dad who may or may not use them for rituals.
I didnt grow up with my parents but I had the best upbringing possible, wouldnt change a thing, if you are not told you wont know and we are as united as a rock.

Your friends experience is peculiar to her, and in that case her mother did what was in her best interest, today she is enjoying the benefits am sure. This mother here just sees the kids as excess baggage she wants to shed off, she has parents helping out even in their own lack, she says she doesnt have a good job okay instead of asking help here if need be someone may link her up with something better she thinks the solution is with finding another husband.
I have given her the option of going to welfare as the man is still ALIVE and so should be responsible for part of his kids uptake she is not even responding to that, she just wants to drop the kids with whoever and move on. Ifbetter welfare for her kids was her reason for wanting to give them up then I am in full support but in this case she isnt even sure that the children wont turn up dead she just assumes yet she is willing to take the chance. I am sure if your friends mother knew the family to be known ritualists or wicked people she wouldnt keep her daughter with them for a second

Haba aisha this is so not true, are u reading one part of the story, did u read where she said her income can't make ends meet, she is struggling , if she can't afford to train her children in school, will dy be better off hawking in the street instead of with their ritualistic father that will probably send the to school.
ThE only problem I have with the poster is she shud have taken the girl child instead
The op talk about marriage only came in when she said she's not up to 30 maybe she's 27 and she is suppose to live her life as a single parent right? Let's say anoda 60years alone

Let us face fact and be real for once.
I think the poster shud give up her children for adoption now, or return them to their father whilE she struggles to stand on her feet. When she has done that, she can go back for all her children or she can return the boys,pick the girl while she's still struggling
When she has made it den she can go get her kids
BTW this is nigeria child support no dey work for here.


It is really hard to be in poster shoes now? What she is going tru can only be imagined
For those saying she kept giving birth, how in da world how u suppose to know that ur family will scatter in five years time, everyone gets married to build a home and raise kids in love,
Some are fortunate and some are not
IRony of life

aisha2:

Your friends experience is quite different from that of the poster, Poster wants to remarry and is only worried that noman would find her desireable with 2 kids so bringing back her daughter is not in the agenda she prefers to even take them all back to their dad who may or may not use them for rituals.
I didnt grow up with my parents but I had the best upbringing possible, wouldnt change a thing, if you are not told you wont know and we are as united as a rock.

Your friends experience is peculiar to her, and in that case her mother did what was in her best interest, today she is enjoying the benefits am sure. This mother here just sees the kids as excess baggage she wants to shed off, she has parents helping out even in their own lack, she says she doesnt have a good job okay instead of asking help here if need be someone may link her up with something better she thinks the solution is with finding another husband.
I have given her the option of going to welfare as the man is still ALIVE and so should be responsible for part of his kids uptake she is not even responding to that, she just wants to drop the kids with whoever and move on. Ifbetter welfare for her kids was her reason for wanting to give them up then I am in full support but in this case she isnt even sure that the children wont turn up dead she just assumes yet she is willing to take the chance. I am sure if your friends mother knew the family to be known ritualists or wicked people she wouldnt keep her daughter with them for a second

rofemiguwa: Haba aisha this is so not true, are u reading one part of the story, did u read where she said her income can't make ends meet, she is struggling , if she can't afford to train her children in school, will dy be better off hawking in the street instead of with their ritualistic father that will probably send the to school.
ThE only problem I have with the poster is she shud have taken the girl child instead
The op talk about marriage only came in when she said she's not up to 30 maybe she's 27 and she is suppose to live her life as a single parent right? Let's say anoda 60years alone
Let us face fact and be real for once.
I think the poster shud give up her children for adoption now, or return them to their father whilE she struggles to stand on her feet. When she has done that, she can go back for all her children or she can return the boys,pick the girl while she's still struggling
When she has made it den she can go get her kids
BTW this is nigeria child support no dey work for here.
It is really hard to be in poster shoes now? What she is going tru can only be imagined
For those saying she kept giving birth, how in da world how u suppose to know that ur family will scatter in five years time, everyone gets married to build a home and raise kids in love,
Some are fortunate and some are not
IRony of life

And who says no man will want her with her kids?
When you build yourself and add value a good man will find you, getting a man is not a means to an end.

I have giving her a good option go and report to social welfare so their father would support legally. Looking for husband is not the solution to their state of lack

rofemiguwa: Haba aisha this is so not true, are u reading one part of the story, did u read where she said her income can't make ends meet, she is struggling , if she can't afford to train her children in school, will dy be better off hawking in the street instead of with their ritualistic father that will probably send the to school.
ThE only problem I have with the poster is she shud have taken the girl child instead
The op talk about marriage only came in when she said she's not up to 30 maybe she's 27 and she is suppose to live her life as a single parent right? Let's say anoda 60years alone

Let us face fact and be real for once.
I think the poster shud give up her children for adoption now, or return them to their father whilE she struggles to stand on her feet. When she has done that, she can go back for all her children or she can return the boys,pick the girl while she's still struggling
When she has made it den she can go get her kids
BTW this is nigeria child support no dey work for here.


It is really hard to be in poster shoes now? What she is going tru can only be imagined
For those saying she kept giving birth, how in da world how u suppose to know that ur family will scatter in five years time, everyone gets married to build a home and raise kids in love,
Some are fortunate and some are not
IRony of life

This is a very nice comment.

..

rofemiguwa: Haba aisha this is so not true, are u reading one part of the story, did u read where she said her income can't make ends meet, she is struggling , if she can't afford to train her children in school, will dy be better off hawking in the street instead of with their ritualistic father that will probably send the to school.
ThE only problem I have with the poster is she shud have taken the girl child instead
The op talk about marriage only came in when she said she's not up to 30 maybe she's 27 and she is suppose to live her life as a single parent right? Let's say anoda 60years alone
Let us face fact and be real for once.
I think the poster shud give up her children for adoption now, or return them to their father whilE she struggles to stand on her feet. When she has done that, she can go back for all her children or she can return the boys,pick the girl while she's still struggling
When she has made it den she can go get her kids
BTW this is nigeria child support no dey work for here.
It is really hard to be in poster shoes now? What she is going tru can only be imagined
For those saying she kept giving birth, how in da world how u suppose to know that ur family will scatter in five years time, everyone gets married to build a home and raise kids in love,
Some are fortunate and some are not
IRony of life

I don't know the intricacies of the adoption process in Nigeria but can you give up your children for adoption and then go back for them? Is it possible like when kids are placed in foster care here and then returned to the parents when social services are now convinced they are fit to parent again?Nigerians generally are not that keen on adoption and often prefer adopting babies(newborns esp ) if possible so really I would like to know if it's possible.

EVERY1 is saying bringback ur daughter......but nobody is feeling ds girl pains lke i do rite now.no 1 is ready to contribute lke send ur acc numb,take 10kobo join take support so dat it can encourage her o.but if she dies out of stress n pains dere will be d same pple to go n throw party n cuk jollof rice.mehn nawa 4 dis life o all deir mouth just dey sweet lke say e dey easy.well my advice 4 u my dear is dat follow ur hrt.my opinion o

odingidiong: EVERY1 is saying bringback ur daughter......but nobody is feeling ds girl pains lke i do rite now.no 1 is ready to contribute lke send ur acc numb,take 10kobo join take support so dat it can encourage her o.but if she dies out of stress n pains dere will be d same pple to go n throw party n cuk jollof rice.mehn nawa 4 dis life o all deir mouth just dey sweet lke say e dey easy.well my advice 4 u my dear is dat follow ur hrt.my opinion o

Parenthood involves a lot of stress and sacrifices.

She isn't the first parent out there having it rough, neither is she the last. Her kids didn't ask to be born. She chose to have them. So it's her responsibility, no matter how tough she finds it, to look after then and bring them up to the best of her ability. She owes it to them.

Believe me before you explained how exactly you feel like not easy to get job,single etc i thought about it too and felt your pain. Stil you have no garantee that a man wil marry you after 3 kids(wether they'r with you or not). The only garantee you have is now(kids). Your chances at true love/marriage is the one that wil accept your kids. You worry too much about yourself n future with lil thoughts for kids. Yes stop and ponder on some of the 'trash' above cos there are truths in it. Ok if you marry now, have kids and it fails less than 4 years what 'l you do? On the contrary your sons at age 15 'll never leave a mother that solely raised them, infact they may never forgive their dad, your girl 'll easily 4give dad instead but wil care for you more than sons. If you give them up all, they may never forgive you by the time you realise your mistakes esp your girl(you best should know how it feels to grow without mum) even if you keep in touch the void 'll always be there. My practicable advice is get your gal. If it means sending them to govt schs, cheap quality food,meal n shelter whatever your lil can afford whilst you struggle for the better 'l b immeasurable, fulfiling n rewarding. They are the garantee(future) you trully have now not the unseen/uncertain future you are laying claims to. TRUST IN GOD.

EfemenaXY:

Na wa o!

What sort of "mother" are you?

If you were my sister, I most certainly would have given you two very hot slaps to reset your thinking! In all your posts, I see not a single line of empathy towards your vulnerable daughter! You're only (slightly) interested in your sons and more interested in roping in another man.

All that negative energy you're using in fighting baby124 and people on a faceless forum - use that inner will power and force to go get your daughter, woman! How can you sleep at night??!! Don't you get nightmares of your baby girl crying out for her mother? Do you even know if that child is alive and well?

I definitely support the notion that you should close those legs of yours tight and focus on building a home for your three children. Yes, Nigeria is hard but it's still way better than many other war-torn countries out there, where women dare not walk alone un-chaperoned! Yes, it's tough but there are many others in worse situation than yours, less healthy than you, but are still making something of their lives.

If you're really focused on what your priorities should be, i.e: your kids, you wouldn't have the time for yourself, much less entertaining thoughts of a man. When you go out actively searching for a man, they'll smell your desperation from a mile off and keep clear of you. If on the the other hand you come across as a determined chic only interested in building her empire for her kids and giving them the very best of life, you'll be surprised at the number of men queuing up to date you / ask your hand in marriage.

No man wants a liability and right now, that's exactly what you are. Infact, you're no better than your husband who wanted to get rich quick via babalawo - and that's the person you've comfortably left your girl child with??

SMH (Scratching My Head) at you! You sound ready to be someone's 2^nd, 3^rd, or even 4^th wife with the lame excuses you've b
een coming up with!

Dnt b insultive ok she is Jux asking 4 advice nt insults.... Y can't Nigerians Jux give advise witout addin insults? Is it bcoz our way of life is so diff or hard dat everyone is always looking for a punching bag and any person seeking advice gets all d anger we have bin bottling up inside?
If u and all odas dat have bin jetting insults @ apunku shud swear dat u AV Neva med a mistake in ur life b4. D fact dat d lady is asking for advice shudnt mk her ur punching bag! If u ril u can't stay focused or matured enof 2 give ur advice n go den dnt comment @ all.
I am nt supporting anybody bt take a second n put ursef in d ladyz position hw do u tink she wil fil seeing all d insults? Dnt u tink dat 4 a person 2 actually com out wit his/her problem say wota don pass garri? All Doz ppl dat r shouting 'close your legs' dnt b surprised dis lady myt actually b mor Chaste dan dey r! 4 all we knw she cud av bin a virgin @ marriage! Hence d naivity.
I dnt knw apinku from Adam bt I choose 2 spik up against all d insults I have seen jetted @ her! I choose 2 spik up 4 a lady dat is @ a cross road n nids gud ADVICE not insults! I choose to say dat we can b like our counterparts in d werstern world who offer advice civily and nt wit insults
He who has ears.... HEAR!

I wish you well OP. The Lord God Almighty will see you through.
Instead of taking them back to their father, try your aunties and uncles... Then you can have time to focus on yourself and build yourself.
With regards to your parents, are you the only child?
Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Be bold and try to go see your daughter maybe once a month.
It is well with you.