Following, bt too short

A very interesting story with wonderful twists.

Dorisbest dear, do you really want criticism or should I just flatter you with compliments and walk away? I ask because I don't want a repeat of T. Dan's saga here. Thanks.

Weldone for the courage to write in the first place.

AudreyTimms: A very interesting story with wonderful twists.

Dorisbest dear, do you really want criticism or should I just flatter you with compliments and walk away? I ask because I don't want a repeat of T. Dan's saga here. Thanks.

Weldone for the courage to write in the first place.

I did not know of T.dans case, but I'm in support of this..
@ Dorisbest do you want compliment or criticism-scrap that- a critical look into the work.

Divepen:
I did not know of T.dans case, but I'm in support of this..
@ Dorisbest do you want compliment or criticism-scrap that- a critical look into the work.

In T. Dan's case, some people came out of the numerous compliments to criticize his work though they did it by comparing him with someone else. So some people came out to throw insults at them and criticize them. It wasn't funny. One of them has totally left nairaland because of it.

So that's why I'm asking if she really wants criticism 'cause I don't want anyone to throw insults at me for speaking the truth.

AudreyTimms:
In T. Dan's case, some people came out of the numerous compliments to criticize his work though they did it by comparing him with someone else. So some people came out to throw insults at them and criticize them. It wasn't funny. One of them has totally left nairaland because of it.

So that's why I'm asking if she really wants criticism 'cause I don't want anyone to throw insults at me for speaking the truth.

That what I've been avoiding too...
Because I've seen some writers who stopped writing because of criticism..
Well... As for me ooo... The only Novel I will ever finish-Life Under The Table- was birth out of criticism, which I'm always opened to.

Divepen:
That what I've been avoiding too...
Because I've seen some writers who stopped writing because of criticism..
Well... As for me ooo... The only Novel I will ever finish-Life Under The Table- was birth out of criticism, which I'm always opened to.

Really? Then I'll take my time to read it and criticize it with FIRE in my mouth!

AudreyTimms:
Really? Then I'll take my time to read it and criticize it with FIRE in my mouth!

abeg come do am fast. Ooo...
But this fire thing :/

AudreyTimms: A very interesting story with wonderful twists.

Dorisbest dear, do you really want criticism or should I just flatter you with compliments and walk away? I ask because I don't want a repeat of T. Dan's saga here. Thanks.

Weldone for the courage to write in the first place.

thanks 4 ur consent, Audrey. Criticism is number 1 reason Y am posting this story. I will be exceedingly glad if you help me in criticizing this work of fiction.

Welcome, Tbrak

Tbrak: Following, bt too short

am using phone. Is not easy to type with phone but I will try and lenghten it.

Divepen:
I did not know of T.dans case, but I'm in support of this..
@ Dorisbest do you want compliment or criticism-scrap that- a critical look into the work.

yea. Criticism is all I really want. Compliment won't take me far though it is a form encouragement. All useful comment will be appreciated.

CHAPTER 26
Shalimar was packing her belonging. She was really happy to go home and stayed with her father. They had developed a strong bond for each other. During weekend, her father could take her to sunshine Island and other places of interest. They could have fun like father and daughter and then drove her to the hostel.
Someone knocked at the door. She went and opened the door.
'Pastor Blessed.' She gave him a peck.
'I can see you are good to go.' Blessed said as he walked into the room.
'Hmm...mm.' She smiled. 'Amy left yesterday.'
'She told me.' Blessed was dazzled by the warmth of her smile. Now is the time to propose to her. He thought. It was definately the will of God that they should be together.
'Please take a pew.' Shalimar offered.
He sat down.
'What can I offer you?'
'Water.'
Shalimar went in and returned with a glass of water for him.
He drank the water in one gulped.
'Wow!' Shalimar smile. She collected the glass and dropped it in a reading table.
They became silent. They stole a glance at each other until their eyes met.
Shalimar blushed, wondering why she was always feeling uncomfortable in his presence. For God sake, he was a pastor who deserved a decent woman not someone like her.
'I think I'm ready to go.' she said shyly.
'Ok.' Blessed jolted out of his reverie, blinking continuously. He had been thinking of how Shalimar would react when he proposed to her. What if she turned down his proposal? No, she won't. He wasn't a pessimist. He knew God's will would be done.
'Please help me carry some of my luggage.'
As he was about carrying her luggage, his phone fell down.
Shalimar picked the phone for him, wondering why he was behaving in an unusual manner.
'Thank you.' He held her hand. He was transfixed by her beauty. He couldn't say anything but just stared at her. He felt good staring at her.
Shalimar was feeling uncomfortable as silence crept in gradually. She mustered courage and asked him what was wrong with him.
'I love you.' Blessed replied.
Shalimar blinked and swallowed hard.
'I want you to be the mother of my unborn children.' Blessed continued. 'I will love you and treat you with the fear of God. I will...'
'Oh! Blessed!' Shalimar cut in. She thought she was hallucinating but no, it was reality. She saw the sincerity in his cat-like eyes. It was the first time someone had sincerely professed his love for her. Tears streaked her beautiful eyes. 'I could love to spend the rest of my life with you but you know my condition. Of what use is an hen who cannot lay eggs.'
'It's the will of God that we should be husband and wife. You will have children. Even if you don't, we can adopt but I know my God will not let me down.'
'Ok, what do you think people will say. That their beloved pastor neglect all the single well-behave sisters in lord and chose to marry a prostitute. That doesn't go well with me. I don't want people to be pointing accusing finger at me and beside...'
Blessed place his index finger on her mouth. 'stop procrastinating. God forgave your sins and I believe you won't go back to your vomit again. It doesn't matter if the world does not forgive you. You and I is all that matter to me. People will always talk. That is why we have mouth and tongue. They are doing their work.'
'I love you Blessed. I will marry you. I will be faithful to you with all my heart.'
Blessed was the happiest man on planet earth as he put a ring into her middle finger. The hugged themselves tightly.
After they left, Inem and Paul came back. Inem opened the door and they went inside. She felt empty.
'Shalimar is gone.' she muttered.
'Thank God. Now we can have this room for ourselves.' Paul added.
They repose on the bed, chit-chat for a while before dozing off.
Inem had known Paul through her elder brother who was his friend at Maritime academy.
It wasn't easy for Paul to wooed her since she thought she was in love with Ubong but when Ubong had told her that he was in love with someone else, she had call Paul and told him that she loved him. Now she has no reasons to regret her action. They guy was madly in love with her and thank God she loves him too.
Someone barged into the room.
Paul and Inem sat up with a jerk.
'Sir.' Paul blurted.
'Am sorry I came to look for Amy. Ubong pretended as if he doesn't know Paul. He felt a bit jealousy as he glared at Inem. He prayed inwardly, he doesn't loose two things at the same time.
Amy had send him a text to informed Mama that she was coming with her fiance. He had felt devastated and betrayed. He had tried her lines but they were switch off. So he decided to visit her. How could she betrayed him so badly? He had waited patiently for her and now what was his reward. He had barged into the hostel out of impulse. Now he rued his action.
'She left yesterday. I hope all is well.' Inem pondered why he was glaring at her that way. Has she done anything wrong?
'Ok. Thank you.' He stomped out.
TO BE CONTINUE

Ah, now am here! weldone dear doris

Just4yhu: Ah, now am here! weldone dear doris

thank u

Dorisbest:
yea. Criticism is all I really want. Compliment won't take me far though it is a form encouragement. All useful comment will be appreciated.

God help us.
Erm... Pastor Blessed is blessed...
My eyes is in exam mood...
I only came here to ease the tension and to cool my brain...
I was just thinking oo.
That if you take time to read the last update again, you might see some errors my eyes did not see...

Yes pastor Blessed is Blessed.

Divepen:
God help us.
Erm... Pastor Blessed is blessed...
My eyes is in exam mood...
I only came here to ease the tension and to cool my brain...
I was just thinking oo.
That if you take time to read the last update again, you might see some errors my eyes did not see...

thanks alot. Have read it again and ve not seen the errors please help me out.

Boldndbeautiful viewing. I like your name

Dorisbest: Yes pastor Blessed is Blessed.

thanks alot. Have read it again and ve not seen the errors please help me out.

Doing dat

I might be wrong, as I am most time, but I think some of the corrections if scrutinized, you might get more insight than these..

*warm of her smile-- Warmth of her smile....

*Shalimar went in and came back and gave him a glass of eva water--- Shalimar went in, and returned with a glass of water for him(Might do).

*They became silence.--they became silent...

*Shalimar blushed. She wondered why she's always feeling uncomfortable in his present:--- can be...
Shalimar blushed, wondering why she was ........... presence.


*For God sake, he was a pastor and--- Change to who he deserved a decent w]oman not someone like her.

* Am--- I'm
*She picked the phone, (remove she), wondering.

* Sat up with a jerk(eliminate 'Ed)

@ Dorisbest, you are still the best, none of these is who you are ... You are a writer and a 'righter' ( you correct mistakes, I believe if you see anyone that is true you would correct them.

Divepen: I might be wrong, as I am most time, but I think some of the corrections if scrutinized, you might get more insight than these..

*warm of her smile-- Warmth of her smile....

*Shalimar went in and came back and gave him a glass of eva water--- Shalimar went in, and returned with a glass of water for him(Might do).

*They became silence.--they became silent...

*Shalimar blushed. She wondered why she's always feeling uncomfortable in his present:--- can be...
Shalimar blushed, wondering why she was ........... presence.


*For God sake, he was a pastor and--- Change to who he deserved a decent w]oman not someone like her.

* Am--- I'm
*She picked the phone, (remove she), wondering.

* Sat up with a jerk(eliminate 'Ed)

@ Dorisbest, you are still the best, none of these is who you are ... You are a writer and a 'righter' ( you correct mistakes, I believe if you see anyone that is true you would correct them.

I ve modify. Thanks so much. It is so helpful. I need more of ur help. The story will soon come to an end. Thanks again.

Hmmm......@Divepen, you have tried. Kudos to you.

@Dorisbest, I really don't know where to start from 'cause there are like a million and one things to correct.

I was telling my hubby yesterday that there's more to being a writer than just having an interesting story.

I'm going to start with your strengths. I applaud your courage in writing such a story. I mean a spiritual story if I can call it that. People might not really fancy such stories that have something to do with things like marine spirits and all but me, I see it as a plus for daring to be different.

I also like the way you introduced other characters and their lives though an inattentive person might get lost in them. I also love the twists. For example, how you made Daisy to be the sister of the adopted daughter of the hero (forgive me, I have forgotten their names. It's from reading so many stories here)

Now to the flaws. My first observation is from the very first episode. Why would a girl go and bathe in the house of a guy she just met? I can understand going home with him but I surely can't understand bathing there?

I'm so sorry to say this but your use of grammar is all wrong. You use past tense instead of present tense and vice versa and some inappropriate words. Divepen brought out a few of them but the truth is that the entire story needs a lot of grammar correction. E.g She gave a sigh of relieved instead of- She gave a sigh of relief.
The best I can do for you here is to edit your next update for you to see what I'm talking about.

You said the story is coming to an end soon. I hope you don't mean the hero, UBA and the heroine will get married so easily. Can't there be a new twist or something?

Besides, these marine spirits don't give up easily especially due to the fact that she was actually one of them and not just possessed by them. While the devil knows God's powers are supreme, that doesn't stop him from trying. I'm talking from experience, not mine but from a friend.

I rest my case for now. I hope my criticism will be taken with love. Thanks

I just started reading Ÿ̲☺u̶̲̥̅̊я̲̅ story yesterday and I might confess, it's quite interesting.

Dorisbest: Boldndbeautiful viewing. I like your name

Tenks ϑε̲̣̣ąr.

Thanks Audrey.

AudreyTimms: Hmmm......@Divepen, you have tried. Kudos to you.

@Dorisbest, I really don't know where to start from 'cause there are like a million and one things to correct.

I was telling my hubby yesterday that there's more to being a writer than just having an interesting story.

I'm going to start with your strengths. I applaud your courage in writing such a story. I mean a spiritual story if I can call it that. People might not really fancy such stories that have something to do with things like marine spirits and all but me, I see it as a plus for daring to be different.

I also like the way you introduced other characters and their lives though an inattentive person might get lost in them. I also love the twists. For example, how you made Daisy to be the sister of the adopted daughter of the hero (forgive me, I have forgotten their names. It's from reading so many stories here)

Now to the flaws. My first observation is from the very first episode. Why would a girl go and bathe in the house of a guy she just met? I can understand going home with him but I surely can't understand bathing there?

I'm so sorry to say this but your use of grammar is all wrong. You use past tense instead of present tense and vice versa and some inappropriate words. Divepen brought out a few of them but the truth is that the entire story needs a lot of grammar correction. E.g She gave a sigh of relieved instead of- She gave a sigh of relief.
The best I can do for you here is to edit your next update for you to see what I'm talking about.

You said the story is coming to an end soon. I hope you don't mean the hero, UBA and the heroine will get married so easily. Can't there be a new twist or something?

Besides, these marine spirits don't give up easily especially due to the fact that she was actually one of them and not just possessed by them. While the devil knows God's powers are supreme, that doesn't stop him from trying. I'm talking from experience, not mine but from a friend.

I rest my case for now. I hope my criticism will be taken with love. Thanks

Amy was desperate, so she decided to do what her helper asked her to do. You can imagine what a desperado can do.
*
As for the grammatical errors, am an imperfect human (still learning) that is Y I need your help.
*
maybe there will be a new twist but right now, I don't have anything to add to it since the book was written 5yrs ago(while in S.S.S. 2)
I don't believe any child can come from the devil because before a native start incantation, he first of all acknowledge the supremacy of God.
And the reason Y Amy was set free easily was because they were given an option(Sarah sacrifice herself) hence the goddess could not possess her anymore.
Thanks once again. I truely appreciate your help.

boldndbeautiful: I just started reading Ÿ̲☺u̶̲̥̅̊я̲̅ story yesterday and I might confess, it's quite interesting.



Tenks ϑε̲̣̣ąr.

THANKS 4 READING

Don't even knw what to start commenting on but please just try 2 look into the corrections already ruled out.Keep doing the best

seunviju: Don't even knw what to start commenting on but please just try 2 look into the corrections already ruled out.Keep doing the best

thanks 4 ur consent

Doris,More update please......i felt overwhelmed reading the last update,it remind's me of somtin else.

uchebest2006: Doris,More update please......i felt overwhelmed reading the last update,it remind's me of somtin else.

coming very soon

mrdrizzy: quite an impressive story,kept wanting to read more


Bt Nne go easy on the words,from the setting amy wasnt frm a well educated/improved home, so i dont get why i'm seeing doloros,grotosque,plethora and so on frm her and her sis,or am i missing something here,didnt anybody noticed it


I hope i'm nt too late to comment,nice write up dear

Are u telling me that someone with SSCE can't speak those simply english?

Dorisbest:

Are u telling me that someone with SSCE can't speak those simply english?

madam, where have you been na? It seems you've totally forgotten this work.

I must commend your effort on putting these piece together, it had been nice story that affect every aspect of human life.

my take on this work is that few errors that had been identified by my co-readers is part of what makes it interesting and l will like you to go over it and make necessary correction to give a nice shape.

may the pool of wisdom deposited you continually flow as the Solomon of our time....... keep the good workup I must commend your effort on putting these piece together, it had been nice story that affect every aspect of human life.

my take on this work is that few errors that had been identified by my co-readers is part of what makes it interesting and l will like you to go over it and make necessary correction to give a nice shape.

may the pool of wisdom deposited you continually flow as the Solomon of our time....... keep the good workup

Dorisbest, where are you and why are you negleting this work. Come update na