If you have been wondering why the
government of Goodluck Jonathan has
achieved precious little in the
monumental fight against corruption in
Nigeria, the answer is very simple. There
is actually no corruption in Nigeria.
Nigerian politicians are thieves, but they
are not corrupt.
This is the erudite position of our dear
president, who happens to be the first
president in the history of Nigeria to have
the distinction of a Ph.D. President
Jonathan says: "What many Nigerians
refer to as corruption is actually stealing.
Stealing is not the same thing as
corruption."
This is a profound statement that has
since become the subject of many
doctoral dissertations on Nigeria. It has
also provided a very Nigerian
contribution to the English language.
Nigerian "doublethink"
Our president is not alone in this
assessment. The Chairman of the ICPC
(Independent Corrupt Practices
Commission), Ekpo Nta, agrees with Mr.
President. He also insists it is wrong to
confuse stealing with corruption. The
distinguished chairman says: "Stealing is
erroneously reported as corruption. We
must go back to what we were taught at
school to show that there are educated
people in Nigeria." He then likened the
Nigerian penchant to regard theft as
corruption to be as erroneous as calling a
roadside mechanic an engineer.
This perspective has brought great relief
to Nigerians. We always thought there
was too much corruption in the country,
so it is fantastic to learn that there is no
corruption at all. We are just thieves. It is
necessary to bring this new insight to the
attention of Transparency International,
which persists in listing Nigeria as one of
the most corrupt countries. We need to
tell the world that we have "re-based" the
corruption index in Nigeria and found it
to be totally non-existent.
The only problem here for Ekpo Nta is
that we might have to scrap his
organisation. If there is no corruption in
Nigeria, there is no point having an
Independent Corrupt Practices
Commission.
Since Mr. President educated us that
corruption is different from stealing,
other eminent Nigerians have also found
it necessary to make similar Orwellian
clarifications towards the obfuscation of
the truth. Here are some examples of this
peculiarly Nigerian "doublethink."
"PDP governors are thieves but APC
governors are corrupt."
Murtala Nyako was not impeached as
governor of Adamawa State during the
many years he was in the PDP. He was
only impeached after he decamped to the
APC. This shows a critical difference
between the PDP and the APC. While
PDP governors are thieves, they are not
corrupt. However, APC governors are not
thieves, but they are steeped in
corruption. Stealing is accepted as our
national pastime in Nigeria, but
corruption will not be tolerated by the
Jonathan Administration. PDP governors
pocket government money, but they are
not corrupt because they make sure it is
shared with their colleagues in the
legislature.
However, when PDP governors decamp
to the APC, they become corrupt. They
become selfish and do not allow stolen
money to go round. This breeds
corruption. This explains why the
government does not have any problem
with them while they are still in the PDP.
In the PDP, it is understood that
politicians steal for the good of the
public. But in the APC, politicians steal
for the good of their families and their
party. This is unacceptable. Therefore,
any PDP governor that decamps to the
APC must be impeached.
Rabiu Kwankwaso was a very good and
upright public-servant as PDP Governor
of Kano. But after he switched to the APC,
he became negatively transformed.
Accordingly, President Jonathan was
quick to inform Nigerians that the
governor corruptly enriched himself with
public funds. This is what happens when
politicians move from the PDP to the
APC. They become corrupt and are then
handed over to the EFCC. But if they are
smart and quickly return to the PDP,
their EFCC file is promptly closed.
"Stealing public funds is a sign of
progressive politics."
APC is a progressive party. Therefore,
when APC governors steal public funds;
this must be seen in the context of
progressive politics. APC governors steal
money for the sake of building physical
infrastructures; while PDP governors
steal money for the sake of "stomach
infrastructures." It is well-understood in
Nigeria that building physical
infrastructures is definitely more
progressive than PDP's "amala politics."
Many of the roads, schools and other
dividends of democracy evident in APC
states were done with stolen money. The
progressive element in this process is
that money stolen from one state is
sometimes transferred to another state in
the interest of the redistribution of
resources. Moreover, a lot of the stolen
money is used to build party structures
and to fight elections. This is progressive
because if it is not done, Nigeria might
end up as a one-party state, and no right-
thinking person who is concerned about
the enthronement of democracy in
Nigeria would like that to happen.
Bearing this in mind, it then becomes
clear that, although Murtala Nyako was
impeached as Governor of Adamawa
State on the grounds that he corruptly
enriched himself with government funds,
this does not in any way diminish his APC
credentials. Nyako belongs to the new
breed of APC progressives who engage in
the in the redistribution of the resources
in their states. This offended the PDP
who don't have the interests of the people
at heart.
"Democracy does not entail voting in
elections."
Nigerians should be made to understand
that the fact that we have a democratic
system does not mean the people should
be allowed to vote. Because the generality
of Nigerians are considered by our
intelligent politicians to be stupid and
foolish, they cannot be expected to vote
for the right candidates. That means we
need to rely on enlightened godfathers to
"select democratically" our public
officials for us. We also need to ensure
that while people may be allowed to cast
their votes in elections, their votes must
not be allowed to count.
For there to be true and effective
democracy, elections must be judiciously
rigged. Otherwise, we might end up with
the kind of thing that happened recently
in Ekiti where, with soldiers and
policemen protecting the right of the
people to vote, they voted out the erudite
governor, Kayode Fayemi, and voted in
Ayo Fayose. This kind of aberration
needs to be discouraged in true
democracies.
A PDP Senator confessed that on Election
Day, the electoral officials in his
constituency were surprised to see his
mother at the polls. "Mama, what are you
doing here?" they berated her. "Don't you
know that you have already voted?"
Two local chiefs then complained to the
Senator afterwards that they were not
allowed to vote for him. When he made
enquiries as to why this was so, the
electoral official involved was irritated.
"Honorable Senator," he declared, "you
won the election by a landslide in this
constituency, so what are they
complaining about?"
"That is not the issue," protested the
Senator, "they want to be able to vote for
me themselves." But the electoral officer
refused to be persuaded. "Then Senator,
they must be traitors," he declared. "If
they are still complaining, even though
you won the election, it means they were
not planning to vote for you. We cannot
allow that to happen."
"Belonging to the APC does not mean you
are not a member of the PDP."
There are many PDP men in APC clothing
and many APC men in PDP agbada. One
such example is His Royal Highness, the
Turaki of Adamawa. The Turaki was in
the PDP, and then he was not. Then he
was in the PDP again and now he is not.
The Turaki is something of an invisible
man: now you see him in the APC, then
you see him in the PDP.
Although he is currently masquerading as
an APC member, there is no doubt that
HRH reserves the right to resurrect any
time in the future as a member of the
PDP again. In the same way that some
people have dual nationality, so also the
Turaki has more than dual party
memberships. His right to this is
guaranteed under the Freedom of
Association clause in the Nigerian
Constitution.
This insurance policy is necessary given
his nationalist presidential ambitions. If
he is not chosen as APC presidential
candidate later this year, and if APC loses
the 2015 presidential election, the Turaki
can be expected to throw away his APC
membership card and become a staunch
PDP man once again. Nigerian political
parties don't bear grudges. They accept
prodigal sons back home, even those as
compulsively prodigal as the Turaki.
Is Aminu Tambuwal, the Speaker of the
House of Representatives, a PDP man or
an APC man? Nobody seems to know. It
is even possible that the Speaker himself
might not be able to answer the question
with any degree of certainty. Currently,
Tambuwal sits on the PDP side of the
aisle. He occupies a position reserved for
the majority PDP party. However, to all
intents and purposes, he is also an APC
man.
"Having a doctorate does not mean you
are educated."
There are now so many doctors in
Nigeria. Many of these are doctors of
ignorance. Time was when having a
doctorate signified you have attained the
height of academic excellence. Not any
more in Nigeria. Doctorates are now
bought and sold in flea-markets. Just give
a few million stolen naira to any of the
"jekuredi" universities and they will
readily award you a Doctor of Philosophy
in a field of your choosing.
If you don't have stolen money to throw
around; don't let that deter you. Just
award the degree to yourself. How do you
think the late Sikiru Ayinde Barrister
obtained his doctorate?
Ekiti state is said to have the largest
concentration of doctorates in the
country. But you can tell that this does
not mean they are educated because they
voted for Fayose instead of Fayemi. That
should tell you how uneducated they
really are. (Kindly post other examples of
Nigerian "doublespeak" on my blog).

Source
www.m.allafrica.com/stories/201407220200.html/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fm%3Fq%3DNigerian%2Bpoliticians%2Bare%2Bthieves%252C%2Bbut%2Bthey%2Bare%2Bnot%2Bcorrupt%252C%2BBy%2BFemi%2BAribisala%26client%3Dms-opera-mini%26channel%3Dnew

According to GEJ

You can as well say "She is a prostitute but she does not F*ck

Morelike, Nigeria president is a PhD holder, yet a clueless illiterate

lol @ Corrupt Jona's Corruption doctrine...

The man is a gross and dangerous assault on humanity...