Just one fear. I am scared of myself. Not really scared but kind of unsure if i have a firm handle on it. I.e My tolerance level. Once i get pissed off by someone or something i can virtually turn cold, unresponsive and very uncommitted to things.

And truth is one needs a large dose of tolerance for things to work out well.

claireshan: Fear of Three minutes husband

smh

Fear of Love..........

Fear of losing my body after childbirth.
Fear of not being a good mother. . . Children these days have atrocious manners.
Fear of divorce
Fear that we'll become a staid couple who are bored with themselves and cheat on each other at every turn.
Worst of all: fear of having a homosexual child.

for me

Sophyrocks: I also have the fear of been stuck to the wrong person. Mehn, thats sickening. Gosh, its a life sentence. To death maybe! Thats why im trying soooo hard as not to allow that happen. I can't sentence myself to that kind of life. I am enjoying my singlehood and my marriage must not be the opposite. The rest of my years before i leave this earth must not be spent miserably. Never!! God will help us all. Marriage no be beans.

In marriage you cannot have someone who is completely wrong or right in the real context as there can be no perfection in humans.

I think we should all ask God for a spouse who isn't perfect but whose imperfections we can bear and cope with as thou the imperfections weren't there in the first place, bearing in mind that just as we are coping with someone's imperfections, someone is also coping with ours. The acceptance of this fact will go a long way.

Note: i am not saying that principles, standards and whatever you stand for should be compromised by all means.

KingAdeOluomo1: Omo alata indeed .
Big time olosho

I dey gbadun that girl die, fvckery is a major consideration to her in everything....

damiso:

@bolded is not negotiable from 0-5 years esp When I want a nap their daddy takes them out.If you are not settling fight you have to explain "why' a million times.

@post Loss of my spouse at a young age maybe.I try to be an optimist and deal with situations as they arise.

This one is a very real fear for me given the dangers of his line of work.
I just consciously avoid thinking about it.
What will be will be

shizzleStar:
In marriage you cannot have someone who is completely wrong or right in the real context as there can be no perfection in humans.

I think we should all ask God for a spouse who isn't perfect but whose imperfections we can bear and cope with as thou the imperfections weren't there in the first place, bearing in mind that just as we are coping with someone's imperfections, someone is also coping with ours. The acceptance of this fact will go a long way.

Note: i am not saying that principles, standards and whatever you stand for should be compromised by all means.

Nobody is perfect including me. I know very well that we have choose our battles wisely.

My point is, happiness is most important to me in marriage. There is no need getting married when i know fully well i won't be happy in it. hence, the wrong person is completely out of the books. Being stuck to the wrong person is worse than Death. In death, you can rest, no problems no worries. But in being stuck to the wrong person, your problems never end. Psychiatric hospital is very close to you. Abeg o.

Sophyrocks:

Nobody is perfect including me. I know very well that we have choose our battles wisely.

My point is, happiness is most important to me in marriage. There is no need getting married when i know fully well i won't be happy in it. hence, the wrong person is completely out of the books. Being stuck to the wrong person is worse than Death. In death, you can rest, no problems no worries. But in being stuck to the wrong person, your problems never end. Psychiatric hospital is very close to you. Abeg o.

Only a dead brain would do that. Every point you made above, i concur with. You missed my point however.

I tried to highlight the point that imperfection doesn't mean a spouse is wrong, by imperfection i mean behaviour/attitude that can be overlooked or that one could cope with, things like flaws in dressing, poor social etiquette and other domestic behavioural lapses. Eg a socialite wife may marry a nerd who is averse to parties/live shows, the man may be the best father and husband but she could refer to him as a wrong man (jokingly or not) cos they are worlds apart far as their social lives are concerned.

Note by coping with imperfection, i do not in any way mean staying back in abusive/violent, unhappy marriages, NO! Hope you get my point now?

shizzleStar:
Only a dead brain would do that. Every point you made above, i concur with. You missed my point however.

I tried to highlight the point that imperfection doesn't mean a spouse is wrong, by imperfection i mean behaviour/attitude that can be overlooked or that one could cope with, things like flaws in dressing, poor social etiquette and other domestic behavioural lapses.

Note by coping with imperfection, i do not in any way mean staying back in abusive/violent, unhappy marriages, NO!

I understand you perfectly. Im only trying to explain my comment. You are right. Having common moral values is also important. Lifestyle of a partner also needs to be considered.

As for the bolded, many ladies are already doing it and some are on the verge of doing it. Thanks to desperation and society. Pressure and desperaton can make people have dead brains i guess.

Sophyrocks:

I understand you perfectly. Im only trying to explain my comment. You are right. Having common moral values is also important. Lifestyle of a partner also needs to be considered.

As for the bolded, many ladies are already doing it and some are on the verge of doing it. Thanks to desperation and society. Pressure and desperaton can make people have dead brains i guess.

You are right! in fact not only desperation and society, because that would sound like decision made as a result of external pressure(and to a large extent that's what it is) but another big reason is GREED.

Many young girls are so money conscious that when they see a seemingly 'loaded' guy they just jump into marriage without knowing jack about him, source of wealth etc, as long as he is loaded, that covers every other thing, even if he is twice their age or even if they will be 3rd wives, love doesn't count at all, to them money answereth all things ...lol.

So you can add as well that greed makes people have dead brain

shizzleStar:
You are right! in fact not only desperation and society, because that would sound like decision made as a result of external pressure(and to a large extent that's what it is) but another big reason is GREED.

Many young girls are so money conscious that when they see a seemingly 'loaded' guy they just jump into marriage without knowing jack about him, source of wealth etc, as long as he is loaded, that covers every other thing, even if he is twice their age or even if they will be 3rd wives, love doesn't count at all, to them money answereth all things ...lol.

So you can add as well that greed makes people have dead brain

So True.

299: Fear of financial struggle

For real this is mine too. That's why I keep my head up and remain focused. I haven't gone on any holiday in almost two years. Whenever I am about embarking on one I just cancel it at that last minute and channel the resources for things to benefit them.

cococandy: Fear of a ruined body from child bearing
Some women never go back to how they were before pregnancy.
I PRAY I won't be one of them.

And stubborn kids who won't let me have a nap in peace.

LoL @ stubborn kids who won't let you have a nap. I'm in that exact situation now, my 2 girls have refused to let me be, I sent their nurse to the market and they've given me hell. Most children are like that but well worth the troublem

@ OP, I fear infidelity and death.

@OP
fear is a big word...but i would say one of the reasons i dont believe in marriage is simply because a piece a paper cant change how i feel about someone (or act towards them), especially not in this day and age where you can get all the perks of marriage without having to actually marry anyone.

death of a partner
fear of no more affection/love
losing my figure as a result of childbirth

i have no fears whatsoever. This is because marriage is not a do or die for me.If it doesnt work out, i'm not afraid to sign the papers

So many fears. Unfortunately, most people (females) overlook the warning signs because they are too engrossed in preparing for the wedding day.

onegig: Just one fear. I am scared of myself. Not really scared but kind of unsure if i have a firm handle on it. I.e My tolerance level. Once i get pissed off by someone or something i can virtually turn cold, unresponsive and very uncommitted to things.

And truth is one needs a large dose of tolerance for things to work out well.

With this level of self-reflection you should do very well

I am afraid it won't work out and the children will have to live without both parents under one roof

acidtalk:


Common. What happened to our parent's generation where they believed and practiced the "for for better for worse" and stuck to their partners irrespective of their shortcomings. Not forgetting they were less spiritually going folks like we have today.

Isn't it obvious that we have more hipocrites today than ever.

More like wives sticking to their husbands irrespective of their shortcomings.

none. rather one should be ready to face any problem that rises in the marriage.

jumzzy448: none. rather one should be ready to face any problem that rises in the marriage.

How would you face being beaten up?

carefreewannabe:

How would you face being beaten up?

can't say for now cos have not found myself in such situation. so till then.

Fear of loving my spouse too much and be blinded to his shortcomings

egopersonified: Fear of loving my spouse too much and be blinded to his shortcomings

Interesting.

You seem to be a passionate and devoted woman.

OP mine is fear of marrying the wrong person.

carefreewannabe:


With this level of self-reflection you should do very well

Thanks. But seriously its even getting harder. Sometimes you have all these lovely thoughts about the future cooked up in your head but when reality sets in you just discard everything you have learnt and worked for.


I would just continue to work on it and try and work on my other weaknesses and just be open to anything that happens. God knows best.

onegig: Thanks. But seriously its even getting harder. Sometimes you have all these lovely thoughts about the future cooked up in your head but when reality sets in you just discard everything you have learnt.
I would just continue to work on it and try and work on my other weaknesses.

I have even bigger hopes for you now.

There is a gap between theory and reality, it's good you know it.

carefreewannabe:

I have even bigger hopes for you now.

There is a gap between theory and reality, it's good you know it.

Hmmm.. Ok o. If you say so.

True! There's a gulf of difference between theory and practical. Hope is the only thing can just make one sane. Else you would just worry yourself to death.

onegig: Hmmm.. Ok o. If you say so.

True! There's a gulf of difference between theory and practical. Hope is the only thing can just make one sane. Else you would just worry yourself to death.

I think you should try to accept that nobody is perfect and that people make mistakes, just like you do. It will make it easier for you to put up with your partner's shortcomings