While divorce is becoming acceptable in today's society, unfortunately, child abandonment is a baffling subject, because one just can't comprehend why a parent would coldheartedly abandon their own 'flesh and blood'. A slight doubt in paternity could be the reason behind this unfortunate developement, but in today's world, when DNA has sucessfully quelled such doubts with a 99% accuracy, that hasnt prevented these cowardly men from taking this less dignifying route by severing ties with their children.

It is no longer news that the black community has been hit hard by reports of child abandonment, neither is it a surprise that kids, growing up in a single parent family are more likely to engage in societal vices. I read a report about a certain celebrity, whose father, would call him up on his birthday or so, tell him to meet him at the airport. The excited kid would show up at the airport to wait for his father, who would be a no-show. Speak of cruelty, which may damage a child's emotional health.

Some prominent blacks have had tales of woe of being abandoned by their father, for the 'other woman', perhaps, or for drugs, etc. Child support, which could remedy the problem, posed by a single parent, suriving on one's income can easily be defeated. Some of these heartless men would connive with their employers to pay them "under the table". So no revenues can be substantiated. And for the truant ones, an attempt to sneak back into their ward's lives sometimes occur when the younger generation has hit a gold mine. The charitable ones have accomodated them, while the unforgiving ones, have also turned their backs on them. Today, I was reading about Dame Shirley Bassey, a Welsh singer, who has attained celebrity status, on account of her singing career. No big deal, but here is the truth about her heritage , her dad was from Nigeria. Apparently, (if he is still alive) he may have lost out, if his sucessful daughter has not reached out to him.

In Nigeria, I never heard of men, abandoning their children for whatsoever reason. On the other way round, they were the ones who fought tooth and nail for child custody, (and in most cases, winning the judgement) and then, forbidding their former wife from visiting them. The vengeful ones could go a step further by attempting to poison the children's thoughts about their mother. It does happen, but in the USA, (regarded as the land of milk and honey) some men, would gladly heave, "What a relief to be free from this burden", why is that?

This is obviously a discussion for Americans

Perhaps the guys did not want the babies. Why are the women getting pregnant without agreeing with the guys? Why did both parties do the thing without protection?

Quite a few things to ponder there. Besides, I dont think that's a Nigerian thingy, it's mainly an American/western issue.

HMM

many Nigerians abandon their children don't be under any illusions about that. If you take into account the number of people searching for their fathers in the UK alone born between the 1960s and 1980s alone then you will be shocked. Many Nigerian men have kids out of wedlock all across the world either in their younger years or whatever and go back to Nigeria to start their lives like nothing happened leaving many many children behind. You wont hear of such abandonments in Nigeria but trust me the Nigerian men do abandon children all about. I have close friend of the family whose dad left him here with his mother and went on to start a new life in Nigeria. (if you notice it is mostly with white women they abandon their kids, you will find those searching for fathers to be of white mothers and black or Nigerian fathers). However there was a Nigerian lady in my church who was abandoned here with 3 kids by her husband.

Yes many black men do abandon their children , so much for the shout of black pride. Lets not even talk of America, Lol it is appalling how many black men just leave their children its a disgrace. UTTER DISGRACE , PPL BE TRUE . MANY MANY BLACKMEN DO THIS , LETS NOT LIE

why did the women involved not consider discussing the issue of pregnancy before embarking upon a journey that would culminate in child bearing?

I have seen a few people also who said their dads abandoned them and went to africa. It's not all about men. Why should women be so keen to embark upon child-bearing journeys with men who are not married to them?

is the issue of bringing a child to this world supposed to be such a casual thing?

Eurphoria:

You wont hear of such abandonments in Nigeria but trust me the Nigerian men do abandon children all about. I have close friend of the family whose dad left him here with his mother and went on to start a new life in Nigeria.

This just tells me that women in Nigeria must be smarter than women in the west who always try to teach Africans the way to do things

Easyy:

This is obviously a discussion for Americans

Perhaps the guys did not want the babies. Why are the women getting pregnant without agreeing with the guys? Why did both parties do the thing without protection?

Quite a few things to ponder there. Besides, I don't think that's a Nigerian thingy, it's mainly an American/western issue.

What of the almajiris in northern Nigeria? Who abandoned them to go abegging for alms in the name of islamic education?

It dose not make the women in Nigeria smarter.
It is the state that helps out.
If the Nigerian Goverment will pay welfare to single mothers in Nigeria and house them.
THem you will see them.

A lot of the women believe they will keep the man if they have a baby for him, or that he will shape up after he sees the baby. Sometimes, if the man already has a baby and the baby he has and happens to love dearly is a boy, yet he is not with the mother, the new woman he has stupidly thinks that is she produces him a girl, he will love the baby girl more so than the boy and forever be proud of her for giving him that precious little girl.


I can't tell you how many foolish women I know who cry after their man leaves them because they had a baby. Having a baby should be carefully thought out. If two people agree that they will have the baby, then so be it but if the woman thinks a baby will keep a man, she is sadly mistaking. In some cases like the Nigerian men who have baby's abroad, and a wife back home who also has children for him, they will abandon their baby's as well but the woman abroad who has the Nigerian mans baby any time he is in town, if the woman is still foolish, she will let him come around to sleep with her. Some women are just very lonely and they come up with ridiculous ways to con a man into staying around. Needless to say, those tricks rarely work.


A topic Started in Nairaland where a woman said she was pregnant by a Married Nigerian man. She wanted sympathy because he in directly told her he was not leaving his family and if she could get an abortion. She said she didn't want to get an abortion and she later said she only knew him for three months before she got pregnant. Why she would want to be having a baby by a man she has only known for three months is beyond me. She claimed she came to Nairaland to find out if it is true that if the Nigerian mans family finds out about her baby, is it true that his wife will leave him. She seemed to be more concerned about his family leaving him if they found about the baby she would be having for him.

I don't feel bad for the women at all who foolishly have babies that was not planned by both the mother and father but I sure do feel sorry for those children that are a product of 50% wanted and un wanted pregnancy.

Where I live, more and more cases are coming about where the men are getting full custody of their children or they are getting joint custody of their children. The cases of the child being abandoned in are becoming less because the men see that they now have options. Those options being that the father can be with the baby with out the mother around to use the baby against him. The fathers now are realizing that in America, they have just as much of a parental right as the mothers, it didn't use to be that way. Now they just have to go to court to show the courts that they want to take those rights for granted other wise the mother will be the only primary parent that can make the rules for when the father can see the child. If she is not mad with him, he may see the child, if she is mad that he has another girlfriend, he may never see the child again until that girlfriend is no longer in the picture. Fathers don't want their child being used against them because if feels like their life is being ran by the baby mama from hell. That is coming to an end now due to the fathers fighting for parental rights.

Bunch of nonsense!

Sista:

A lot of the women believe they will keep the man if they have a baby for him, or that he will shape up after he sees the baby. Sometimes, if the man already has a baby and the baby he has and happens to love dearly is a boy, yet he is not with the mother, the new woman he has stupidly thinks that is she produces him a girl, he will love the baby girl more so than the boy and forever be proud of her for giving him that precious little girl.

Have you ever heard of something called "unplanned pregnancies"? You think all those 14 yr old girls went in with the intention of having a baby to keep the man or make him shape up?

Sista:

In some cases like the Nigerian men who have baby's abroad, and a wife back home who also has children for him, they will abandon their baby's as well but the woman abroad who has the Nigerian mans baby any time he is in town, if the woman is still foolish, she will let him come around to sleep with her. Some women are just very lonely and they come up with ridiculous ways to con a man into staying around. Needless to say, those tricks rarely work.

Again hearsay based NOT on facts but on the nebulous stories of a few who just happen to be Nigerian! Get your facts right!

Sista:

Where I live, more and more cases are coming about where the men are getting full custody of their children or they are getting joint custody of their children. The cases of the child being abandoned in are becoming less because the men see that they now have options. Those options being that the father can be with the baby with out the mother around to use the baby against him. The fathers now are realizing that in America, they have just as much of a parental right as the mothers, it didn't use to be that way. Now they just have to go to court to show the courts that they want to take those rights for granted other wise the mother will be the only primary parent that can make the rules for when the father can see the child. If she is not mad with him, he may see the child, if she is mad that he has another girlfriend, he may never see the child again until that girlfriend is no longer in the picture. Fathers don't want their child being used against them because if feels like their life is being ran by the baby mama from hell. That is coming to an end now due to the fathers fighting for parental rights.

Which men are now fighting for their "parental rights"? Do those rights include paying child support for twenty unplanned children from a mere welfare package? Which options are open to a 19yr old boy who has 3 children from 3 different 16 yr old girls?

While I don't dispute the fact that some women use pregnancies to trap men, I
sincerely believe that the overwhelming majority of the young single mothers,
particularly in the U.S., get pregnant unwillingly.

They are just having sex for the fun of it. They fail to realize that a guy that is a
smooth talker, dresses nice and so on, may not necessarily make a good father. A
lot of these girls get pregnant for guys that don't even have a job, so whether the
guy is responsible or not is not always as important to these girls. It is the "cool"
factor that takes precedence.

The situation among Black Men in the U.S. is particularly alarming. Even though you
never planned to get a girl pregnant, once you have a baby, you need to face the
responsibility. Go and get a DNA test if in doubt about the paternity. Why neglect
the child ? Really Callous men I tell you.

I agree with GNature.

GNature:

While I don't dispute the fact that some women use pregnancies to trap men, I
sincerely believe that the overwhelming majority of the young single mothers,
particularly in the U.S., get pregnant unwillingly.

They are just having sex for the fun of it. They fail to realize that a guy that is a
smooth talker, dresses nice and so on, may not necessarily make a good father. A
lot of these girls get pregnant for guys that don't even have a job, so whether the
guy is responsible or not is not always as important to these girls. It is the "cool"
factor that takes precedence.

The situation among Black Men in the U.S. is particularly alarming. Even though you
never planned to get a girl pregnant, once you have a baby, you need to face the
responsibility. Go and get a DNA test if in doubt about the paternity. Why neglect
the child ? Really Callous men I tell you.

Gnature well said i agree

Unwillingly or willingly? Cos, if it is unwillingly, then you cant blame the 'victim', but if it is willingly, you can blame the victim.

IRRELEVANT !!!! what do you put a gun to his head for it to become unwilling? come off that

Eurphoria:

IRRELEVANT !!!! what do you put a gun to his head for it to become unwilling? come off that

lol. Unless drugged, I think it is always willing, if you decide to have sex you are taking a risk of pregnancy both parties are therefore responsible. It's quite simple. That's why you should also not try to get drunk 'cos you are deciding to make yourself vulnerable to others so you can't complain unless drink was spiked!

Thanks Eurphoria and ell77

Ndipe:

Unwillingly or willingly? Cos, if it is unwillingly, then you can't blame the 'victim', but if it is willingly, you can blame the victim.

Ndipe,

The problem is that the guys are abandoning their children even though the girls are getting pregnant for them unwillingly. The guys can't use the fact that the pregnancy was unplanned as an excuse not to be part of their children's life. So even though a girl gets pregnant unwillingly, the guy is to blame if he doesn't step up to the plate and
be a father to the child.

ell
precisely

The girl gets pregnant WILLINGLY to trap the the bobo into a relationship, not UNWILLINGLY. If she was an unwilling participant, she would not have slept with him, unless it was against her will (Shame). The shame on single parenthood is usually a factor, which also accounts for the high number of abortions in the world.

What of the man? he knows what can happen.
I know men that follow to count the day of the girlfriends period up to safe days , unsafe days etc etc

Ndipe:

The girl gets pregnant WILLINGLY to trap the the bobo into a relationship, not UNWILLINGLY. If she was an unwilling participant, she would not have slept with him, unless it was against her will (Shame). The shame on single parenthood is usually a factor, which also accounts for the high number of abortions in the world.

all this willing and unwilling business is bollocks and you know it. Don't get carried away with minor, irrelevant detail. Pls just focus on the issue . Instead of being finicky with words

The only way a man is not a party to it is if the Girl stole his Sperm.
Maybe After a Mouth Action inject the spem from her mouth into her(This is what Boris Backer claimed that time)
Or steal it out of a condom

Both parties should have thought out the consequences of their actions and taken precaution. It is usually the party who has less to lose that takes less precaution so if a girl thinks she has more to lose should a guy run away when she gets pregnant, she should be more sensible and plan careful rather than getting carried away by sex.

The guy probably knows that he can run away should the girl get pregnant and so has less to worry about. the girl should also plan carefully about the possibility of this UNKNOWN guy running away should she fall pregnant.

it behoves both of them to think carefully before doing it

ok ok ok ok ok  ok  both parties should have thought of the consequences, blah blah----could ave, would ave, should ave!!  yeah we know. The deed is done now the point is why abandon the child? everyone has been carried away by sex before, .  

Ndipe:

The girl gets pregnant WILLINGLY to trap the the bobo into a relationship, not UNWILLINGLY. If she was an unwilling participant, she would not have slept with him, unless it was against her will (Shame). The shame on single parenthood is usually a factor, which also accounts for the high number of abortions in the world.

at 14? Such a girl must love this man to want to trap him into a relationship!

david
which useless love, like you say at 14.

or not get enough love from her parents

this must be some special girl who gets pregnant willingly just to trap a man into a relationship. Where is this girl? Mars or Venus?

You only need to look at  at American shows to see this topic discusssed day in day out. Why  do they have so many cases of abandonment?


AND
why this abandonment by callous father? HOW COME ,

Every man's first instinct is that of survival so if the guy thinks that the presence of a little baby in his life will ruin the progress he wants to make, he'll bolt. It's bitter but it's the truth and girls had better know it.

not EVERYMAN, NOT AT ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CUP OUT TO ME.

MY  former colleague GOT pregnant and wanted to abort badly but her boyfriend begged and begged her NOT TO

Any man who's first instinct not one of survival is not a man. Maybe I need not go into details with you about that. It's the natural constitution of most Nigerian, and probably African men