so so spot on.tnkz for dis.
most pple are victim of these buh out of ignorance do not see harm in it or see it as error on their path.

Keeping worthless friendships and contacts is usually the beginning of emotional infidelity. A married man or woman has no business chit chatting with the opposite sex for the fun of gists. If you aren't discussing business, then what are you chatting about?I don't subscribe to married people keeping friends of the opposite sex just for friendship sake.

Guilty as charged

it happens in church too.u will see d ladies claiming bro jamiu, bro wasiu, bro nazareth etc is a mentor.he is jst guidin me.meanwhile she has narrated her whole life nd relationship to him.
Ignorance @ its peak

Olami90: it happens in church too.u will see d ladies claiming bro jamiu, bro wasiu, bro nazareth etc is a mentor.he is jst guidin me.meanwhile she has narrated her whole life nd relationship to him.
Ignorance @ its peak

That is ehen, "Na from clap, them they enter dance," Some people can't even explain how they started becoming fond of the other person

shadowwalker101: this hoes ain't loyal
[img]http://www.?aff=391[/img]

How loyal are the dudes too?

scarpa: True talk even though am guilty of it

I am also very guilty...

Hisvoice: Possibly..Marriage makes you lose your best friends though the line of connection may not be totally cut.I know you won't like it either if your partner is having opposite sex as bestie..

I beg to disagree marriage is an institution where we would test our self discipline and our capacity to be trusted,you can have a million friends from the opposite sex and still be free from infidelity....

Henrypraise: The problem dat dis post addresses is a serious marriage issue dat no one wants to talk abt.

Friendzoning is d bedrock of dis emotional infidelity. So many married pple ar guilty of dis.

Also wen u start seeing n takin ur kids as ur partners or ur brothers and sisters as ur partners whilst neglectin ur husband/ wife, my dear u ar havin an emotional affair. Ur husband/ wife shud be ur partner in almost all tins n shud cum first.

I quite agree with you. Another main reason is that communication is missing in so many homes and most partners tend to find solace elsewhere (Work place,church,internet,etc). Also, some people have turned themselves to a 'local counsellor'..You will hear things like 'am just helping her' 'advising her'. Wetin be Ur own? Mk he/she go see professional cousellor na..Can count few who fell into extra marital affairs through this...Life!

women take note.. There is nothing like a platonic relationship between the opposite sex. Guys will always declare their true intentions, it's only a matter of time. My two cents.

You've got control over your actions, but you've got none over the consequences of your actions...

[quote
author=Hisvoice]A new sort of infidelity has been on the rise for
decades, and it’s one of the biggest threats to marriage and courtship:
‘emotional affairs.’ Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of
opportunities for ‘emotional affairs,’ surpassed only by the Internet.

A relationship without sex can be just as intense, or more so than the
intimate one. Why the crisis?

To understand the intensity of emotional infidelity, it helps to see the
dynamics as an addiction, a form of addictive love. That’s because it’s
easier to let go of a toxic pattern when you depersonalize the
experience.

It’s not about ‘how’ special the person is or makes you feel, it’s about
the neurochemicals that get activated when you think and behave a
certain way that keeps you stuck in the damaging pattern! It isn’t a
coincidence, for example, that persons with alcohol and other addictions
are more likely to get into toxic relationships. Seeing the
problem as an addiction also gives you access to proven steps to
identify and break free of the toxic patterns.

Why addictive?

An addiction to an activity, person or substance puts a person’s brain
and body in an intoxicating trance that, on the one hand, does not allow
them to think clearly and make informed choices, and on the other hand,
‘rewards’  them for the toxic behavior with the release of certain
chemicals that provide quick-fixes of pleasure in the body. Albeit
temporary, there is also pleasure from lowering or numbing pain, shame
or guilt, as it provides distance from taking responsibility to resolve
the real issues of life and marriage (which risk failure). What are the
warning signs?

There are at least 12 warning signs to alert you to take action to
protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’

1. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.

If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If
it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in treacherous
waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies
(to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong.
Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of
opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only
‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases,
an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find
interesting and attractive poses risks.

2. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues. 

Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and
problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an emotional bond between
two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away
to another person, regardless of the justification, is infidelity, a
betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that
emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond in human relationships,
much stronger than a intimate one. 

3. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partner. 

Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your
marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not getting to
make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone
else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s also a breach of trust.
And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an
illusion that you, your happiness, your comfort and needs are totally
valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the
test!). 

4. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner. 

Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what
is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’ and
‘unfulfilling’ about the partner.  This builds a case ‘for’ the
friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust, this
unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and
‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that associate
pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly. 

5. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait
to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re
apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of
expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward
centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively
thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong.
After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?

6. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the
start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one
that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual
‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional
intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the
love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a
‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in
terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re
contributing.

7. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing,
being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you
spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a
result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not
joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members
notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.

8. Keeping what you do secret and covering up your trail.

Secrecy itself is a warning sign. It creates a distinct closeness
between two people, and at the same time grows the distance between them
and others. Secrets create a special bond, most often an unhealthy one.
For example, there may be a false sense of emotional safety and trust
with the person, and an unwarranted mistrust and suspicion of the
partner, or those who try to interfere with the ‘friendship.’

9. Keeping a growing list of reasons that justify your behaviors. 

This involves an addictive pattern of thinking that focuses your
attention on how unhappy you are, why you’re unhappy, and blames your
partner and marriage for all aspects of your unhappiness. It builds a
dangerous sense of entitlement and forms a pool of resentment from which
you feel justified to mistreat your partner or do what you need to
increase your happiness without considering the consequences.

10. Fantasizing about a love or intimate relationship with the
person. 

At some point, one or both persons begin to fantasize about having a
love or intimate relationship with the other. They may begin to have
discussions about this, which adds to the intensity, the intrigue and
the intoxicating addictive releases of neurochemicals that make the
pattern more entrenched.

11. Giving or receiving personal gifts from the person.

Another flag is when the obsession affects your buying behaviors, so
that you begin to think about this person when you are shopping,
wondering what they like or would show your appreciation. The gift
choices are something intimate items that you would not give ‘just’ a
friend. Gifts send clear messages that the two of you are a ‘close we’
set apart from others, and that the relationship is ‘special.’

12. Planing to spend time alone together ot letting it happen.

This is the warning sign that, when not heeded, most often pushes
partners to cross the line from a platonic to a intimate relationship.
Despite good intentions and promises to one another that they would not
let ‘anything’ happen, it’s a set up, a matter of time, when
opposite-sex friends flirt with the availability of time alone.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2012/07/12-warning-signs-that-its-emotional-infidelity-and-not-just-friendship/[/quote]

Mtchew..........
If some one likes you naturally it doesnt mean anything bad.
Wisdom is profitable to direct, you should know your limits and boundaries, so you wont cross it.

1miccza:

I beg to disagree marriage is an institution where we would test our self discipline and our capacity to be trusted,you can have a million friends from the opposite sex and still be free from infidelity....

. True..but not having opposite sex as the best friend that you crave to be in company with after marriage. Self discipline and trust always have 'set boundaries' and 'friendship limitation' on their checklist. Even at that,situations may shake our discipline..Are you saying CRUSH disappears after wedding? Pls make me learn

Hisvoice: . True..but not having opposite sex as the best friend that you crave to be in company with after marriage. Self discipline and trust always have 'set boundaries' and 'friendship limitation' on their checklist. Even at that,situations may shake our discipline..Are you saying CRUSH disappears after wedding? Pls make me learn

In my own view,if one has a best friend before marriage,the tendency that you'll get married to that person is very high and in situations where we don't it simply means you got married to the person whom you feel is your best under the circumstances except if the person married for the wrong reasons.. If of course one marries the best friend under the circumstances any other best friend should be a counterfiet....

nice one

That movie,[ b]temptation[/b](the confession of a marriage counsellor) comes to mind after readin this

Alishachris: when you are meant to be together, no amount of emotional infidelity can stop that. i believe in fate. Peace

you know not what is being discussed

Yea! Tell em! D married guys dt wil b sayin der besties r females,calling demselves always n chattin on bbm . Tellin each oda confidential issues n in d end dey say der r jw friends buh dey r already developin feelings. 4 each oda.guys dunno som women v fraggile emotions. So wen d lady started showngow she feels dey want back out n things turn out uglyin some cases affecting d marriage....

this is so timely.a lot of illicit or illegal relationships in the work place start like this.i was almost a victim but was saved by the bell.work

this is so timely.a lot of illicit or illegal relationships in the work place start like this.i was almost a victim but was saved by the bell.

Joavid: I guess that would mean my best friend cannot be from the opposite sex
Your bestie is suppose to be your confidant, you know?

. After marriage your best friend and confidant should be ur husband.

hermesprogidy: women take note.. There is nothing like a platonic relationship between the opposite sex. Guys will always declare their true intentions, it's only a matter of time. My two cents.

seriously? Are you talking from experience?

piagetskinner: That movie,[ b]temptation[/b](the confession of a marriage counsellor) comes to mind after readin this

haha, that movie was something else.

i could not believe she fell for that guy, wasnt it obvious what he was after from the getgo.

"are you feeling hot right now", seriously, that's as corny as can be.


could be seen from a mile too.


remembering birthday and all that.


anyway, lord have mercy sha, its not easy i guess.

[img]http://4.bp..com/-kVH_l60GmqQ/UkIMBfN39aI/AAAAAAAAA58/OPzdmU8pHjc/s600/follow+me+i+know+a+shortcut.jpg[/img]

It was because of points 4,5,7-12 that i saw.in my fiance then that made me see clearly that the.bobo is gone and that is d worst kind.of cheating. He even.started.silent.treatment blaming it on me and.emotional imbalance. Ladies , please watch out, that girl may be your replacement of u start.seeing all these.signs.

Yes

joywendy: seriously? Are you talking from experience?

hermesprogidy: Yes

Thank God you said you were talking from experience, the fact that it happened to you or someone you know does not mean that it would also be the same for someone else.

joywendy: Thank God you said you were talking from experience, the fact that it happened to you or someone you know does not mean that it would also be the same for someone else.

you are not even a guy, guess what? Am one and every guy always asks for sex @ the end. It's only a matter of time.