Godmystrength: You are right. But i think what they want is a woman that they can just order around anyhow. Like someone they can command today to start working and she will start and maybe whenever they feel like, they command her to resign and stay at home and she does that. No argument or questioning. A woman that can be made to fit into their plan by fire by force.

In fairness to some men, they just dont up and decide, they consider some factors before suggesting that one parent should stay home, eg constant and consistent challenges with house helps, more responsibility at work etc. If they work together with their spouses and both decide for a while one should stay home then its cool, very small minority get up and decide for their wives and in most cases those ones are mostly control freaks with other issues

aisha2:

In fairness to some men, they just dont up and decide, they consider some factors before suggesting that one parent should stay home, eg constant and consistent challenges with house helps, more responsibility at work etc. If they work together with their spouses and both decide for a while one should stay home then its cool, very small minority get up and decide for their wives and in most cases those ones are mostly control freaks with other issues

Still staying home doesn't make one a good parent. I don't see myself being a better mother if I stayed home . . .

I probably may decide to work less hours to spend more time with my kids, but staying home permanently will make me bitter, resentful and definitely NOT a good mum.

Ujujoan:

Still staying home doesn't make one a good parent. I don't see myself being a better mother if I stayed home . . .

I probably may decide to work less hours to spend more time with my kids, but staying home permanently will make me bitter, resentful and definitely NOT a good mum.

Thats how you feel, I respect that but some other parent may feel differently and one has to respect their choices.

aisha2:

Thats how you feel, I respect that but some other parent may feel differently and one has to respect their choices.

True!

aisha2:

In fairness to some men, they just dont up and decide, they consider some factors before suggesting that one parent should stay home, eg constant and consistent challenges with house helps, more responsibility at work etc. If they work together with their spouses and both decide for a while one should stay home then its cool, very small minority get up and decide for their wives and in most cases those ones are mostly control freaks with other issues

Actually, it's a small minority that decides with their spouses

Godmystrength: It will be so unfair marrying someone with passion for tailoring and then forcing her to be a hair stylist after she gets married to you because that is what you want.
.

Duly noted.

I still believe it was wiser to make my expectations known before someone says (in marriage) that I'm forcing her to do what she didn't want to do

aisha2:

In fairness to some men, they just dont up and decide, they consider some factors before suggesting that one parent should stay home, eg constant and consistent challenges with house helps, more responsibility at work etc. If they work together with their spouses and both decide for a while one should stay home then its cool, very small minority get up and decide for their wives and in most cases those ones are mostly control freaks with other issues

I agree to some extent sha. But haven't you noticed that even for those that even have a discussion, most times, it is not as if the woman has a choice in the matter. It will be so obvious from all indication that the man is trying to tell the woman to say at home.
Only few men (i have seen some of the on NL) will have a discussion of such and at the end decides that HE stays at home for a while. It is just assumed that when there is a need for one of the parents to stay at home, it is automatically the woman.

Have you not seen threads like ''if the woman earns N600k and the man earns 100k, who should stay at home if need be?'' and the kind of responses there??

ITbomb:
Duly noted.

I still believe it was wiser to make my expectations known before someone says (in marriage) that I'm forcing her to do what she didn't want to do

yes. It was a good thing you told her before marriage. However, it is not out of place for her to be shocked. It is a good thing to look for a partner that already fits into your plans than look for a partner that you will have to make to fit into your plans

but on a lighter note, how come men are allowed/free/expected to have expectation but most expectations women have will/can be used against them?

Godmystrength: I agree to some extent sha. But haven't you noticed that even for those that even have a discussion, most times, it is not as if the woman has a choice in the matter. It will be so obvious from all indication that the man is trying to tell the woman to say at home.
Only few men (i have seen some of the on NL) will have a discussion of such and at the end decides that HE stays at home for a while. It is just assumed that when there is a need for one of the parents to stay at home, it is automatically the woman.
Have you not seen threads like ''if the woman earns N600k and the man earns 100k, who should stay at home if need be?'' and the kind of responses there??

Most of those responses are from teeangers still struggling with JAMB most Nigerian men hardly have time to stay on line and be answering "What If" questions, with traffic, school fees, projects, work, deadlines and spending time with family they are really too busy. Nigerian men can work sha.
Some of the men on nairaland do not represent Nigerian men sorry to say. A lot of them just talk and argue for talking sake and may not even be ready for marriage in the next 5 years neither do they understand what marriage means and entails. A while ago I had to beg for MEN to speak up and stop scaring single women here with the kind of things some of them say, so dont get carried away by what you read here after all am sure around you there are more good men than bad, just that its the bad ones we get to hear about.

Most couples I know who decided to do this talked extensively and agreed on this. For those domineering men, women who have a mind should not marry them, let them marry the ones who are okay with having their decisions made for them.

aisha2:

Some of the men on nairaland do not represent Nigerian men sorry to say. A lot of them just talk and argue for talking sake and may not even be ready for marriage in the next 5 years neither do they understand what marriage means and entails. A while ago I had to beg for MEN to speak up and stop scaring single women here with the kind of things some of them say, so dont get carried away by what you read here after all am sure around you there are more good men than bad, just that its the bad ones we get to hear about.

Most couples I know who decided to do this talked extensively and agreed on this. For those domineering men, women who have a mind should not marry them, let them marry the ones who are okay with having their decisions made for them.

okay. But i am just saying that i know there is a possibility of such men. For them to even think about it, is something to start with.

Godmystrength: okay. But i am just saying that i know there is a possibility of such men. For them to even think about it, is something to start with.

I agree hence women who want to marry such men should trash these things out and be on same page as regards family and career first.

aisha2:

I agree hence women who want to marry such men should trash these things out and be on same page as regards family and career first.

i agree with you.

Godmystrength: It is a good thing to look for a partner that already fits into your plans than look for a partner that you will have to make to fit into your plans

That has already been taken into consideration.

[s] she is reading Chem Edu [/s]

ITbomb:
That has already been taken into consideration.

[s] she is reading Chem Edu [/s]

Very good.

chemistry teacher in the making abi?

Godmystrength: Very good.

chemistry teacher in the making abi?

[s]chemistry lecturer in the making according to bukatyne [/s]

aisha2:
[/b]
Most of those responses are from teeangers still struggling with JAMB most Nigerian men hardly have time to stay on line and be answering "What If" questions, with traffic, school fees, projects, work, deadlines and spending time with family they are really too busy. Nigerian men can work sha.
Some of the men on nairaland do not represent Nigerian men sorry to say. A lot of them just talk and argue for talking sake and may not even be ready for marriage in the next 5 years neither do they understand what marriage means and entails. A while ago I had to beg for MEN to speak up and stop scaring single women here with the kind of things some of them say, so dont get carried away by what you read here after all am sure around you there are more good men than bad, just that its the bad ones we get to hear about.

Most couples I know who decided to do this talked extensively and agreed on this. For those domineering men, women who have a mind should not marry them, let them marry the ones who are okay with having their decisions made for them.

@ bolded, this is very true. Most mature Nigerian married men are too busy to come online to answer such questions. Thanks Aisha2 for the bolded.

ITbomb:

[s]chemistry lecturer in the making according to bukatyne [/s]

I see you

Except she lectures in a University near your house or in your compound, she cannot get home by 4:00pm if she has a 4:00pm - 6:00pm lecture. If she is not teaching near your house, na problem.

The most important thing is having a wife who cares about building the home. Such a wife will make sacrifices and learn how to prioritize if need be

ITbomb:

[s]chemistry lecturer in the making according to bukatyne [/s]

Okay sir.... Happy for you.

ammyluv2002: Exactly! Not even "can" but "should" be both!

Proverbs 31: 16-18 " She cinsiders a field and buys it oit of her earnings she plants a vineyard
17 She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for her tasks
18 She sees that her trading is profitable

No wise woman will choose to be a housewife even if her hubby pay her salary for staying at home

There is a difference between handwork and office work. I think that passage applies to skills/handwork , a woman with various skills, she has control of her time and make a lot of money from home. That's different from working in an office dear.

bukatyne:

I see you

Except she lectures in a University near your house or in your compound, she cannot get home by 4:00pm if she has a 4:00pm - 6:00pm lecture. If she is not teaching near your house, na problem.

The most important thing is having a wife who cares about building the home. Such a wife will make sacrifices and learn how to prioritize if need be

. Maybe she doesn't have to go for all her lectures. Abi no be Nigeria university again?

babygirlfl:

@ bolded, this is very true. Most mature Nigerian married men are too busy to come online to answer such questions. Thanks Aisha2 for the bolded.

Someone is getting scared, thanks Aisha for the consolidation.
@bukatyne, you are getting me wrong, I'm not that restrictive or narrow-minded, we have our dreams but we also have our wide ranges of tolerance

priest2u:
There is a difference between handwork and office work. I think that passage applies to skills/handwork , a woman with various skills, she has control of her time and make a lot of money from home. That's different from working in an office dear.

They are the same dear. You have to put in your best in whatever you do remember the bible says "i will bless the hands of your work" work is work whether skills or office work, the most important thing is that you have something doing

This post has to be commended and is against the mainstream view here that all naija guys are devils

This is why i find it absurd that some posters use NL posts as an indicator of Nigerian males

Its really weird

aisha2:
[/b]
Most of those responses are from teeangers still struggling with JAMB most Nigerian men hardly have time to stay on line and be answering "What If" questions, with traffic, school fees, projects, work, deadlines and spending time with family they are really too busy. Nigerian men can work sha.
Some of the men on nairaland do not represent Nigerian men sorry to say. A lot of them just talk and argue for talking sake and may not even be ready for marriage in the next 5 years neither do they understand what marriage means and entails. A while ago I had to beg for MEN to speak up and stop scaring single women here with the kind of things some of them say, so dont get carried away by what you read here after all am sure around you there are more good men than bad, just that its the bad ones we get to hear about.

Most couples I know who decided to do this talked extensively and agreed on this. For those domineering men, women who have a mind should not marry them, let them marry the ones who are okay with having their decisions made for them.

ITbomb:
Someone is getting scared, thanks Aisha for the consolidation.
@bukatyne, you are getting me wrong, I'm not that restrictive or narrow-minded, we have our dreams but we also have our wide ranges of tolerance

Good for you

pickabeau1: This post has to be commended and is against the mainstream view here that all naija guys are devils

This is why i find it absurd that some posters use NL posts as an indicator of Nigerian males

Its really weird

Oh well!

Most of the guys on NL pride themselves on being born cheats, wife first to greet etc.

Should we say most of them are just trying to spice NL or are they really serious and camouflage with good person persona outside their homes?

Afteral, most wife beaters do not beat their colleagues

Anyone is free to make his or her conclusions based on posts here

I dont believe a lot of what is said here anyway

People have e reputations to uphold

bukatyne:

Oh well!

Most of the guys on NL pride themselves on being born cheats, wife first to greet etc.

Should we say most of them are just trying to spice NL or are they really serious and camouflage with good person persona outside their homes?

Afteral, most wife beaters do not beat their colleagues

pickabeau1: Anyone is free to make his or her conclusions based on posts here

I dont believe a lot of what is said here anyway

People have e reputations to uphold

pickabeau1: Anyone is free to make his or her conclusions based on posts here

I dont believe a lot of what is said here anyway

People have e reputations to uphold

E reputation of a terrible fellow?

That's incredibly sad

I would understand someone faking a good husband/wife, rich, beautiful, influential but faking a terrible naija husband?

Na wa

bukatyne:
Oh well!
Most of the guys on NL pride themselves on being born cheats, wife first to greet etc.
Should we say most of them are just trying to spice NL or are they really serious and camouflage with good person persona outside their homes?
Afteral, most wife beaters do not beat their colleagues

Take a lot of things here with a pinch of salt, from experience the matured ones who make mature comments have families and understand what it takes. A lot of the others are those who have once again failed WAEC instead of spending time building a life they are here abusing their mothers and fathers forming bragado.

We have mature men in this session but you know the once with nothing are those who shout and scream most

bukatyne:
E reputation of a terrible fellow?
That's incredibly sad
I would understand someone faking a good husband/wife, rich, beautiful, influential but faking a terrible naija husband?
Na wa

Its called bragado, this is probably the only place their screams and rants of how "Powerful" they are can be heard. In real life they may probably be washing plates with their mothers holding over a cane

@ bukatyne

I don understand what you mean by this..

I am saying peopl make statements to achieve certain things

Those who do runs outside marriage will not come online to boast..
those who beat their wives will not come out to say it..

aisha2:

Its called bragado, this is probably the only place their screams and rants of how "Powerful" they are can be heard. In real life they may probably be washing plates with their mothers holding over a cane

someone just came to my mind....