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Stats: 1062839 members, 1235745 topics. Date: Friday, 24 May 2013 at 02:22 AM
|Re: A Womans Strength by X_factor(f): 6:47am On Mar 01, 2011|
Alsan 333, I blooged about you as promised and sent you an email but I'm not sure how often you check those so I'm risking the wrath of the moderator and putting it here as well. Hope you see is soon.
|Re: A Womans Strength by X_factor(f): 7:41am On Mar 01, 2011|
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 11:53am On Mar 03, 2011|
It’s great to be the boss. The boss at home and H.O.D in my office. I never have to say sir to anyone because my word is final. I mean right now I am in a city on official business and my wife was very much against it. She was scared because it’s known for religious crisis but I told her am going anyway because really, what does she know?
Its 3p.m and a religious crisis has broken out in the city. I am trying to escape with my driver. As we drive off we see a group of men with machetes at a roadblock. My driver screeches to a halt. Ah oga, e don hapin. What has happened? Ah oga my salary no cover this one he says as he struggles with his seat-belt. You want to abandon your boss? Dem abandon Jesus, who you be? With that he dashes into the bushes; and I immediately follow suite.
As we lay in the bushes I find out I am lying next to a soldier ant colony. I try my best to bear the pain but one foul ant bites me in the wrong place. I let out such a hideous cry that two of the men run for dear life. The rest quickly gather around us. You pots-of-poo their leader bellows, what is your religion? I stand there trembling like a premature piglet, “whatever you want it to be sir”, I reply. YOU BE FOOL he says. Yes sir I reply, it’s an established fact in my village. So you believe what we believe? You have made me an instant believer sir. After about five minutes of discussion and a few slaps they ask us to run and not look back. As we run I say to myself I will never laugh at Peter for denying Jesus again.
My driver gets me to his sister-in-laws place, a pretty lady in her late twenties and she houses us until the crises is over. Ah oga I no know say you fit talk sir, sir, sir like that o he says. It was a systematic strategy I reply, we are alive aren’t we?
It’s been two months and the memories are still vivid in my mind. I get a call from my drivers’ sister-in-law. She’s in my state visiting a friend so I decide to pay her a visit and another and another until strange thoughts creep into my head. A voice says “be careful, that’s how David got into trouble”. Am no peeping Tom I reply, I can handle it. A week passes and I find out I can’t handle it. I sit thinking about her curves until I finally fix an appointment with her at a hotel for Saturday evening. On Saturday morning I wake up to kiss my wife and find her cooking my favorite dish. All this for me? Yes she replies, your wife always knows. Yes I reply you always know my favorite dishes. I will be off with the guys today and will be back late. Do you really have to, she asks. Yes I reply. Okay just don’t waste my food. After eating her delicious lunch I take a shower and head out for my tryst. Its 4.19p.m
At about 5.30p.m I meet her at the hotel room; she looks so sexy and goes into the bathroom to freshen up. As I sit on the bed in anticipation I feel a rumble in my tummy and know this isn’t mee mee time. As she comes out I rush in and sit on the toilet trying to “release the crakon”. After about three minutes it feels as if my intestines are abandoning ship, with a loud cry I release the demon from my bowels. She knocks on the door in alarm asking if am okay. Fine dear, I reply, I’ll be out in a minute. After flushing five times “thunder sub” refuses to go so I just cover the toilet lid (dear me this isn’t sexy at all). As I come out she says “I would have sworn you were in labor in there”. As a trickle of sweat drops down my brow, I look at her and say “my dear, poo can kill “.
I lie down as she uses tissue to dab my sweat. Thank heavens the toilet was nearby she says. Yes I reply, tummy trouble is no respecter of persons. How do we know it wasn’t tummy trouble that made the prophet Elijah run faster then a horse back then? She gets up to throw the tissue in the toilet and I hear a loud ELELE!!!!!!!!!!(dear me the thing that refused to flush). I know this date is officially over. Fifteen minutes later as I drop her off I say “am sorry about all this, it’s all for the best because I honestly don’t think I could live with myself if we did it. She shrugs her shoulders saying “okay, I can’t imagine cuddling someone who gave birth to what I saw anyway’. My first affair, what a disaster!
It’s Sunday morning and I ask my wife for some multivitamin pills because I still feel a bit weak. Just check my bag she says. As I go through her bag I see some strange pills. I google them and find out they make you practically sit on the toilet, ehhhhhh!!!!!!!! Honey did you em put anything in my food yesterday morning? She looks at me and smiles, like I said when I was cooking dear, your wife always knows.
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 11:56am On Mar 03, 2011|
@ J, i have posted the last story i wrote, as you requested
@ X factor please check your box
|Re: A Womans Strength by FibbA(m): 1:53am On Mar 05, 2011|
This sounds original and interestng as well. I can't wait for the next story.
|Re: A Womans Strength by kaylonda(f): 10:08pm On Mar 06, 2011|
OMG! Aslan mba nu, you are the man. Thanks for making my day
|Re: A Womans Strength by kaylonda(f): 10:18pm On Mar 06, 2011|
OMG! Aslan mba nu, you are the man. Thanks for making my day
|Re: A Womans Strength by X_factor(f): 7:11am On Mar 08, 2011|
Aslan are there any edits by the forum on this, can you please email original if there are?
|Re: A Womans Strength by 1one(m): 11:04am On Mar 08, 2011|
Oh mighty Aslan!, you are really living up to the "Aslan" name, You are totally off the hinges, so i was looking at my phone reading your threads and forcing myself to control the high octane pressurised laugh that was welling up from inside becos i was in a public place, didn't want to be seen as a goodlooking-well dressed-They just swore for him-mad man.Where really got my tickle buds was where the mother inlaw put a large mirror in front of the spaghetti devouring husband, That was a blast, Abeg keep it coming, there's this saying in yoruba,i dont know how to put it because i'm a perpetual "E" grader in youruba language, but maybe you can complete it, E bi to o'n bo ko ni ton be(its supposed to mean that where this stories are coming from it wont finish), You get the idea.cheers
|Re: A Womans Strength by cinorita: 10:02pm On Mar 08, 2011|
Hi Aslan,Your story is one in a million. I hope this is not your last story as you said because am looking forward to read more of your stories
|Re: A Womans Strength by cinorita: 1:59pm On Mar 09, 2011|
IF YOU ARE THE HUSBAND AND YOU FIND OUT THAT YOUR WIFE KNOWS WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
|Re: A Womans Strength by X_factor(f): 1:00am On Mar 10, 2011|
He's probably have used gasolin and match.
|Re: A Womans Strength by Eebrahym(m): 6:54am On Mar 13, 2011|
You just succeeded in making my day
|Re: A Womans Strength by Ogholaja(m): 2:01pm On Mar 14, 2011|
It is our decision to enroll in the school of foolishness that makes us to graduate with a degree in misfortune.
|Re: A Womans Strength by X_factor(f): 11:43am On Mar 26, 2011|
check out a review, read something different:
FABULOSITY NOUVEAU: Fearless Fourteen by Janet Evanovich: A Book Club , http:///uaok80w
|Re: A Womans Strength by ikebemaste: 7:24pm On Aug 10, 2011|
the story is nooce, wonder if the first n 2nd story were set in Naija or some oversea country
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 4:47pm On Sep 08, 2011|
@ all thanks for your comments.
|Re: A Womans Strength by dumodust(m): 9:50pm On Sep 16, 2011|
Nice any of these real?
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 7:04pm On Mar 29, 2012|
@ dumodust, not really
|Re: A Womans Strength by Uniquexty(f): 10:53am On Jul 02, 2012|
OMG, u are too good. More please.
|Re: A Womans Strength by thiscounts(m): 9:03pm On Jul 03, 2012|
aslan is naturally good with d gift of d gab showing us what literature is truly all about.. .something to savour vicariously...I'm enjoying this!
|Re: A Womans Strength by Aparche(f): 2:39pm On Jul 04, 2012|
am impressed, you have made my day
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 8:19am On Jul 30, 2012|
thanks all @uniquexty i have replied your mail
|Re: A Womans Strength by avicky(f): 11:02am On Jul 30, 2012|
aslan333: Are women meant to like wrestling? My elder sister does and she used me to practice her moves while we were growing up. Am not saying am a wimp or anything it’s just that she took my fathers size and strength and left me with very little. But now we’re all grown up and it’s a happy time in the family because my elder sister has finally found Mr. Right. She has had her fair share of guy troubles (which she is very sensitive about) so we’re thankful she’ll soon be strolling down the aisle. With so much love in the air I decide to send my sister a bible verse on love and ask my wife to text one to me. She sends me 1John 4vs 7&8 and I tuck it away to be sent later that day.This got me rolling on the floor.
Weldone! More power to your elbow.
|Re: A Womans Strength by avicky(f): 11:13am On Jul 30, 2012|
This should be forwarded to the frontpage ASAP to loosen some uptight hormones.
Aslan, u're da bomb! Keep it coming!
|Re: A Womans Strength by Cuddlemii: 2:56pm On Jul 30, 2012|
aslan333: thanks all @uniquexty i have replied your mail
Is there more of your stories? Can you keep writing as I am sure a lot of viewers would appreciate & enjoy it
|Re: A Womans Strength by aslan333: 3:40pm On Jul 30, 2012|
@cuddlemii I was in a particular frame of mind when writing those stories and don't have anymore in my book. I would much prefer if they came naturally and right now i seem to dwell alot more on my land of shadows/diary of me threads. great to know everyone enjoyed them
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