While most people attach great importance to
memories like their first kiss, their first love, first sex etc. One memory that will always remain fresh in my
head is my first flight experience.
I was a bit naive when it came to airports and was
really intimidated by the size of air-planes, but I
relied heavily on my interpretations from movies so I thought I’d be fine.

LESSON NO 1: TV CAN NEVER REPLACE REALITY
I don’t know if I’m right to call it my first flight. My
mother told me she had reasons to fly 6 times while I
laid in her womb, free from the worries of the world.
My heart was thumping as I stepped into the
domestic wing of Murtala Muhammed International
Airport, Lagos. My destination was the city of
Portharcourt, Rivers State.
I would have let my phobia for height cast me into
one of those rickety commercial buses but I had to be
in Port-harcourt in the next 5 hours for an
examination and I needed to take advantage of Aero
Contractors cheap ten thousand Naira flight.
After I was scrutinised at the checkpoint, one of the
officials told me I was three hours early for a
domestic flight.
It was going to be a long wait.
Everyone at the airport seemed to mind their own
business which is the complete opposite of what
happens at bus terminals. Two hours later, a public
figure with a small gang strode into the airport.
It was The Kokomaster.
From the front row I sat, I screamed at the top of my
voice
“DBANJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ”
My voice echoed and suddenly, everyone turned
towards the village girl except the guy I called.
Dbanj didn’t even wave at me to save me the
embarrassment.
Almost everyone seated were reading Businessday
newspaper.
They must be ‘the business class people’ I presumed.
When you are in Newyork, you gotta act like
Newyork.
For the first time in my life, I also grabbed a Business
day paper and buried my head between the pages.

I glanced at my watch only to realise I’ve been
waiting for two hours and thirty minutes. My next
challenge was how I was going to figure out which
one was my flight. The voiceover was speaking in
many tongues in an American accent. The only thing I understood was ‘ATTENTION’
She kept capturing my attention as she requested
but leaving my brain CPU high and dry each time.
Three hours and ten minutes I was still seated. A
woman tapped me from behind.

”Where are you going. You’ve been here for ages”
“Aero, Port-harcourt” I responded confidently.
“Ah! your flight was announced fifteen minutes ago.
Go there” she pointed at a narrow passage.

I silently cursed the heartless public announcer for
putting me in that position. I grabbed my bag and
dashed towards the direction she pointed. That was
when I came face to face with one of my worst fears.
An escalator!
Not like I’ve had opportunities to ascend or descend
on one before. I just feel I am escalaphobic from mere looking at pictures of an escalator which is a really
cool name for a neurosis.

"Hello, my name is Naijasinglegirl and I am
escalaphobic."

Imagine the respect I’ll get from the presidency if I
have to introduce myself that way in Aso Rock.
To hell with my fears. My 10,000 Naira Aero flight
was at stake. My heart began racing fast while I
placed my hands on the moving rail, took one
awkward step forward….the torture lasted about 38
seconds until it eventually flung me in front of a
small crowd.

“Oh, Dbanj girlfriend, so you’re on the flight too” one
guy in his early 30′s teased me.
I frowned and hissed at him.

LESSON NO 2: NEVER BE RUDE TO STRANGERS
Fast-forward fifteen minutes and I was finally seated
in the plane beside the teaser of all passengers.
“Let me help you buckle that” he offered to help with my seatbelt while I struggled with it.
“I can do it myself!”
“Then why are you acting like this is your first time
on a plane? Or is it?” He had the most annoying grin.
“This is my seventh time” I replied sternly.


LESSON NO 3: ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL
“Sorry to disturb then” he left me to my fate.
The plane eventually took off with my fingers
wedging my seatbelt buckle after my unsuccessful
attempts with it.
” Young lady are you okay?”
I looked up to see the air hostess smiling at me. She
said I had goose pimples right up to my forehead.
Very embarrassing for a ‘seventh-timer’. Another
hostess pulled a cart of food, drinks and snacks
beside me.
“What do you care for ma’am?”
Oh boy!
Free food!
God bless Aero Contractors.
There was nothing I didn’t order for. From assorted
animals, snacks to wines.
My co passenger watched me while I nibbled
hungrily. I didn’t even offer him like a typical
Nigerian.
When the bills came, it amounted to 3/4 of the cost
of my flight ticket. So basically, I went on a plane just to buy lunch?
“You say what?? But I thought the food was free” I pleaded with my puppy eyes.

God, don’t let them throw me out of the window. I
prayed silently.
If I had to pay for that, I was going to trek from Port-
harcourt airport to my destination.
My co passenger, aka Mr Teaser brought out his
wallet and rescued a damsel in distress.
“I’m so grateful” I thanked him while avoiding his
eyes.
Minutes later, I drifted into a sleep of shame.
I looked greedy even while I slept.
The last thing I remembered was the air hostess in
front of us. Those smiles were gone. Her beautiful
eyes were filled with tears.

“Attention! Attention!! Attention please!!! You are
advised to remain calm! There is no cause for panic I repeat! There is no cause for panic! I’m sorry but
there is cause for panic! Mayday! Mayday!!
Mayday!!!”
”Chinekeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ohhhhhhh. Mummy
oooooh plane crash, plane crasshhhhh. Who send me oooooo…. Aero is crashing ooooo” I was screaming at the top of my voice.

“Young lady, are you okay” the air-hostess was
tapping me. I looked up only to realise it was dream.

My co passenger and others were laughing
hysterically.
The ‘attention’ I heard in my dream was an
announcement telling us the plane was about to
land.
As I stepped out, Mr Teaser pulled my hands
“I’ve been flying on a monthly basis for more than
eight years and trust me, I’ve never met a first time
passenger as weird as you”

“I told you before It is my sev….” I smiled and pause
my sentence halfway.

http://www.naijasinglegirl.net

Hehehe.. If not that your gist was eventually hilarious, I'ld have multiplied the Advert charges for this section by the number of paragraphs and give you the bill

Hey I didn't believe the part of the story u said u where ask to pay for what u ate..and you ate meat,this and that for a local flight.being aero

Please edit,you are a port Harcourt girlo

Gush! I must have lost my sense of humour

lols

Interesting

Lol

Very hilarious!
However, nxt time u copy , try to edit it so it can be appealing to readers. I almost didn't read this. Am sure most won't. But it is a very hilarious story like I earlier stated.

Gosh I laffed so hard. I nid to start visitin dis girls blog

Spacebooked. She's lucky it wasn't Bellview or Sosoliso

SO ?

. .

NSG!!!!!!!
Welcome to Nairaland!!!!
Following you shaparly

Ok

Hilarious! Just reminded me of this!

So I attended this church programme last night.
Naturally, I don't listen to People when they pray in Church but, I did last night and Words from Sister Sandra's Mouth almost sent me into Coma..
Sister Sandra was seriously uttering these words;

*OH! Lord, Crash the plane of my SINGLENESS, Lord crash it!
*Consume me with the fire of WEDLOCK.Aha!
*Jehovah, ROAST ME! JAM me with the Lorry of HOLY MATRIMONY.
*BABA MI, BABA MI, detonate the BOMB of ENGAGEMENT in my life!
*STAB me with a man of your choice Lord.
*HANG my neck with the BONE of my BONE.
*IMPRISON my life with the RIBS of my RIBS.
*SHOOT me with an AK47 of True Love.
*KILL me tonight Lord with a HUSBAND......

I was mesmerized

Most Weird first timer

Ok 2

Please those who read should summarize

mr teaser got my rib cracked, OP hope you have learnt to always be real, People knows when you're faking it they just may not tell you so as not to let you down.

funny!

but I don't think some can act that wired for the first time funny!

but I don't think some can act that wired for the first time

^^^ See as people dey book space...SMH

Beautiful Write up..... sprinkled with lovely humor

Okay, I'll read later

i'm so fancy...
dont even know wat to say
funny

Cool storyline..... When is it going to hit the cinema

B

Ladystewie: i'm so fancy...
dont even know wat to say
funny

You already know oo!

This is a beautiful story, just like this was her 'first flight', this is also my 'first post' on NairaLand