Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Mickeysho(m): 9:09pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
rattlesnake: but not to come and read jargons Fear of wasting ur mb? Sori |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by redcliff: 9:10pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
nikkyshyne: Gush! I must have lost my sense of humour Gbam! |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by allanphash7(m): 9:10pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
LWKMD |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by nikkypearl(f): 9:14pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
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Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:14pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Nice story iyawo andyblaze 1 Like |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:17pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Absolutely hilarious.... Awww bless I could not stop laughing, oh well, there's always a first time for everything. But seriously babes, yours is a STORY. Thanks for sharing....really cracked me up. 1 Like |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by oluwanoni: 9:19pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Hilarious....this is the second topic on nairaland this month that got me cracking....op nice write up tho |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by StealthyMe(m): 9:20pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Typically a Nigerian lady...still be claiming knowledge even if they're ignorant Cool Story Though... |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by gbaskiboy: 9:23pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Very hilarious write up, don't fake what u are just be real |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Atmmachine(m): 9:25pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Op.. Weed is not good for you. None of your family members have been on a plane.. Who bought the flight ticket for you / ?? Na only okada & molue you sabi |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by wittytezzy(m): 9:26pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
I'm afraid anybody that believes this craapy lot as real badly needs to have his or her brain checked |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Skywalker5(m): 9:29pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
i read this story last year. who is recycling story again? 1 Like |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:29pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Lmao...so hilarious, I'm guessing it's fiction anyway |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by asema646(m): 9:33pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
hilarious |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:33pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Liar, local flight, served you those meals and you had to pay?
.
Story for the gods |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Burger01(m): 9:43pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Though it's a story but meals on flights are free plus you dont really have assorted kinds of food. Maybe they now serve bush meats on Aero 2 Likes |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 9:56pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
skyscrapper: Hey I didn't believe the part of the story u said u where ask to pay for what u ate..and you ate meat,this and that for a local flight.being aero
Please edit,you are a port Harcourt girlo Why are you spoiling her business?? The last time i checked you were also a horrible blogger that came up with Davido owning a private jet.........Why put sand for her garri, even a blind man would know it was a make up story just to attract traffic to her blog. 6 Likes |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Janetozi(f): 9:57pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
What do u call a situation when one is laughing & tears is coming out of his/her eye? Maybe "laughtearsing" op u got me laughtearsing 1 Like |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by leo1234(m): 9:58pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
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Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by adesbreath: 10:02pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Even while you slept you looked greedy.... I can't get that outta my head it's really funny and well said. |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by marcyemi(m): 10:05pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Lols..... Its sound funny, but its what every first timer could learn from |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by sparkleboy(m): 10:05pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
LMaO . NAija singlegirl, I love your writings. |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by anitank(f): 10:06pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Jarus: This first flight thing is overhyped joor. I heard so much tales about flYing and I expected to experience what people say. But there was no big deal. Didn't exeprience anything special, or worthy of special recall. No special experience, positive or negative. Just like a normal ride. Funny how I remembered you when I opened this thread, and there you are. I might not explain things here, but thank you in so many ways!!! |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 10:06pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Nollywood needs you. |
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Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by mu2sa2: 10:11pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
holyboss: Most Weird first timer |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by mu2sa2: 10:15pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
rattlesnake: Please those who read should summarize I would have but how am i sure that you will read even the summary. |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by Nobody: 10:19pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Funny and interesting. Sounds real. |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by chibyksveejay(m): 10:23pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Naijasinglegirl: While most people attach great importance to memories like their first kiss, their first love, first sex etc. One memory that will always remain fresh in my head is my first flight experience. I was a bit naive when it came to airports and was really intimidated by the size of air-planes, but I relied heavily on my interpretations from movies so I thought I’d be fine.
LESSON NO 1: TV CAN NEVER REPLACE REALITY I don’t know if I’m right to call it my first flight. My mother told me she had reasons to fly 6 times while I laid in her womb, free from the worries of the world. My heart was thumping as I stepped into the domestic wing of Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos. My destination was the city of Portharcourt, Rivers State. I would have let my phobia for height cast me into one of those rickety commercial buses but I had to be in Port-harcourt in the next 5 hours for an examination and I needed to take advantage of Aero Contractors cheap ten thousand Naira flight. After I was scrutinised at the checkpoint, one of the officials told me I was three hours early for a domestic flight. It was going to be a long wait. Everyone at the airport seemed to mind their own business which is the complete opposite of what happens at bus terminals. Two hours later, a public figure with a small gang strode into the airport. It was The Kokomaster. From the front row I sat, I screamed at the top of my voice “DBANJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ” My voice echoed and suddenly, everyone turned towards the village girl except the guy I called. Dbanj didn’t even wave at me to save me the embarrassment. Almost everyone seated were reading Businessday newspaper. They must be ‘the business class people’ I presumed. When you are in Newyork, you gotta act like Newyork. For the first time in my life, I also grabbed a Business day paper and buried my head between the pages.
I glanced at my watch only to realise I’ve been waiting for two hours and thirty minutes. My next challenge was how I was going to figure out which one was my flight. The voiceover was speaking in many tongues in an American accent. The only thing I understood was ‘ATTENTION’ She kept capturing my attention as she requested but leaving my brain CPU high and dry each time. Three hours and ten minutes I was still seated. A woman tapped me from behind.
”Where are you going. You’ve been here for ages” “Aero, Port-harcourt” I responded confidently. “Ah! your flight was announced fifteen minutes ago. Go there” she pointed at a narrow passage.
I silently cursed the heartless public announcer for putting me in that position. I grabbed my bag and dashed towards the direction she pointed. That was when I came face to face with one of my worst fears. An escalator! Not like I’ve had opportunities to ascend or descend on one before. I just feel I am escalaphobic from mere looking at pictures of an escalator which is a really cool name for a neurosis.
"Hello, my name is Naijasinglegirl and I am escalaphobic."
Imagine the respect I’ll get from the presidency if I have to introduce myself that way in Aso Rock. To hell with my fears. My 10,000 Naira Aero flight was at stake. My heart began racing fast while I placed my hands on the moving rail, took one awkward step forward….the torture lasted about 38 seconds until it eventually flung me in front of a small crowd.
“Oh, Dbanj girlfriend, so you’re on the flight too” one guy in his early 30′s teased me. I frowned and hissed at him.
LESSON NO 2: NEVER BE RUDE TO STRANGERS Fast-forward fifteen minutes and I was finally seated in the plane beside the teaser of all passengers. “Let me help you buckle that” he offered to help with my seatbelt while I struggled with it. “I can do it myself!” “Then why are you acting like this is your first time on a plane? Or is it?” He had the most annoying grin. “This is my seventh time” I replied sternly.
LESSON NO 3: ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL “Sorry to disturb then” he left me to my fate. The plane eventually took off with my fingers wedging my seatbelt buckle after my unsuccessful attempts with it. ” Young lady are you okay?” I looked up to see the air hostess smiling at me. She said I had goose pimples right up to my forehead. Very embarrassing for a ‘seventh-timer’. Another hostess pulled a cart of food, drinks and snacks beside me. “What do you care for ma’am?” Oh boy! Free food! God bless Aero Contractors. There was nothing I didn’t order for. From assorted animals, snacks to wines. My co passenger watched me while I nibbled hungrily. I didn’t even offer him like a typical Nigerian. When the bills came, it amounted to 3/4 of the cost of my flight ticket. So basically, I went on a plane just to buy lunch? “You say what?? But I thought the food was free” I pleaded with my puppy eyes.
God, don’t let them throw me out of the window. I prayed silently. If I had to pay for that, I was going to trek from Port- harcourt airport to my destination. My co passenger, aka Mr Teaser brought out his wallet and rescued a damsel in distress. “I’m so grateful” I thanked him while avoiding his eyes. Minutes later, I drifted into a sleep of shame. I looked greedy even while I slept. The last thing I remembered was the air hostess in front of us. Those smiles were gone. Her beautiful eyes were filled with tears.
“Attention! Attention!! Attention please!!! You are advised to remain calm! There is no cause for panic I repeat! There is no cause for panic! I’m sorry but there is cause for panic! Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!!” ”Chinekeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ohhhhhhh. Mummy oooooh plane crash, plane crasshhhhh. Who send me oooooo…. Aero is crashing ooooo” I was screaming at the top of my voice.
“Young lady, are you okay” the air-hostess was tapping me. I looked up only to realise it was dream.
My co passenger and others were laughing hysterically. The ‘attention’ I heard in my dream was an announcement telling us the plane was about to land. As I stepped out, Mr Teaser pulled my hands “I’ve been flying on a monthly basis for more than eight years and trust me, I’ve never met a first time passenger as weird as you”
“I told you before It is my sev….” I smiled and pause my sentence halfway.
http://www.naijasinglegirl.net Hehehe...its juz lyk d narrative essay I wrote in secondary school |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by NaLaugh: 10:24pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
lirusehn: like seriously i LMAO like gush!!!!
Sentences like this should be illegal, and carry a minimum 12 month incarceration term. @Topic Cool story. 3 Likes |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by poiZon: 10:26pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
Superstar007: Hilarious! Just reminded me of this!
So I attended this church programme last night. Naturally, I don't listen to People when they pray in Church but, I did last night and Words from Sister Sandra's Mouth almost sent me into Coma.. Sister Sandra was seriously uttering these words;
*OH! Lord, Crash the plane of my SINGLENESS, Lord crash it! *Consume me with the fire of WEDLOCK.Aha! *Jehovah, ROAST ME! JAM me with the Lorry of HOLY MATRIMONY. *BABA MI, BABA MI, detonate the BOMB of ENGAGEMENT in my life! *STAB me with a man of your choice Lord. *HANG my neck with the BONE of my BONE. *IMPRISON my life with the RIBS of my RIBS. *SHOOT me with an AK47 of True Love. *KILL me tonight Lord with a HUSBAND......
I was mesmerized chISOS!!!!!!!!!!!!! IYAMMI! Dis kind dof prayings can makes a dieing mens to cough. 1 Like |
Re: My First Time On A Nigerian Plane (hilarious) by LaconicINC: 10:27pm On Aug 26, 2014 |
You are a clown bookmarked your blog already Naijasinglegirl: While most people attach great importance to memories like their first kiss, their first love, first sex etc. One memory that will always remain fresh in my head is my first flight experience. I was a bit naive when it came to airports and was really intimidated by the size of air-planes, but I relied heavily on my interpretations from movies so I thought I’d be fine.
LESSON NO 1: TV CAN NEVER REPLACE REALITY I don’t know if I’m right to call it my first flight. My mother told me she had reasons to fly 6 times while I laid in her womb, free from the worries of the world. My heart was thumping as I stepped into the domestic wing of Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos. My destination was the city of Portharcourt, Rivers State. I would have let my phobia for height cast me into one of those rickety commercial buses but I had to be in Port-harcourt in the next 5 hours for an examination and I needed to take advantage of Aero Contractors cheap ten thousand Naira flight. After I was scrutinised at the checkpoint, one of the officials told me I was three hours early for a domestic flight. It was going to be a long wait. Everyone at the airport seemed to mind their own business which is the complete opposite of what happens at bus terminals. Two hours later, a public figure with a small gang strode into the airport. It was The Kokomaster. From the front row I sat, I screamed at the top of my voice “DBANJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ” My voice echoed and suddenly, everyone turned towards the village girl except the guy I called. Dbanj didn’t even wave at me to save me the embarrassment. Almost everyone seated were reading Businessday newspaper. They must be ‘the business class people’ I presumed. When you are in Newyork, you gotta act like Newyork. For the first time in my life, I also grabbed a Business day paper and buried my head between the pages.
I glanced at my watch only to realise I’ve been waiting for two hours and thirty minutes. My next challenge was how I was going to figure out which one was my flight. The voiceover was speaking in many tongues in an American accent. The only thing I understood was ‘ATTENTION’ She kept capturing my attention as she requested but leaving my brain CPU high and dry each time. Three hours and ten minutes I was still seated. A woman tapped me from behind.
”Where are you going. You’ve been here for ages” “Aero, Port-harcourt” I responded confidently. “Ah! your flight was announced fifteen minutes ago. Go there” she pointed at a narrow passage.
I silently cursed the heartless public announcer for putting me in that position. I grabbed my bag and dashed towards the direction she pointed. That was when I came face to face with one of my worst fears. An escalator! Not like I’ve had opportunities to ascend or descend on one before. I just feel I am escalaphobic from mere looking at pictures of an escalator which is a really cool name for a neurosis.
"Hello, my name is Naijasinglegirl and I am escalaphobic."
Imagine the respect I’ll get from the presidency if I have to introduce myself that way in Aso Rock. To hell with my fears. My 10,000 Naira Aero flight was at stake. My heart began racing fast while I placed my hands on the moving rail, took one awkward step forward….the torture lasted about 38 seconds until it eventually flung me in front of a small crowd.
“Oh, Dbanj girlfriend, so you’re on the flight too” one guy in his early 30′s teased me. I frowned and hissed at him.
LESSON NO 2: NEVER BE RUDE TO STRANGERS Fast-forward fifteen minutes and I was finally seated in the plane beside the teaser of all passengers. “Let me help you buckle that” he offered to help with my seatbelt while I struggled with it. “I can do it myself!” “Then why are you acting like this is your first time on a plane? Or is it?” He had the most annoying grin. “This is my seventh time” I replied sternly.
LESSON NO 3: ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL “Sorry to disturb then” he left me to my fate. The plane eventually took off with my fingers wedging my seatbelt buckle after my unsuccessful attempts with it. ” Young lady are you okay?” I looked up to see the air hostess smiling at me. She said I had goose pimples right up to my forehead. Very embarrassing for a ‘seventh-timer’. Another hostess pulled a cart of food, drinks and snacks beside me. “What do you care for ma’am?” Oh boy! Free food! God bless Aero Contractors. There was nothing I didn’t order for. From assorted animals, snacks to wines. My co passenger watched me while I nibbled hungrily. I didn’t even offer him like a typical Nigerian. When the bills came, it amounted to 3/4 of the cost of my flight ticket. So basically, I went on a plane just to buy lunch? “You say what?? But I thought the food was free” I pleaded with my puppy eyes.
God, don’t let them throw me out of the window. I prayed silently. If I had to pay for that, I was going to trek from Port- harcourt airport to my destination. My co passenger, aka Mr Teaser brought out his wallet and rescued a damsel in distress. “I’m so grateful” I thanked him while avoiding his eyes. Minutes later, I drifted into a sleep of shame. I looked greedy even while I slept. The last thing I remembered was the air hostess in front of us. Those smiles were gone. Her beautiful eyes were filled with tears.
“Attention! Attention!! Attention please!!! You are advised to remain calm! There is no cause for panic I repeat! There is no cause for panic! I’m sorry but there is cause for panic! Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!!” ”Chinekeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ohhhhhhh. Mummy oooooh plane crash, plane crasshhhhh. Who send me oooooo…. Aero is crashing ooooo” I was screaming at the top of my voice.
“Young lady, are you okay” the air-hostess was tapping me. I looked up only to realise it was dream.
My co passenger and others were laughing hysterically. The ‘attention’ I heard in my dream was an announcement telling us the plane was about to land. As I stepped out, Mr Teaser pulled my hands “I’ve been flying on a monthly basis for more than eight years and trust me, I’ve never met a first time passenger as weird as you”
“I told you before It is my sev….” I smiled and pause my sentence halfway.
http://www.naijasinglegirl.net |