Hello dear nairalanders,

We were married barely 2years when he died in 2005.
I am currently remarried with a beautiful daughter but i keep remembering him especially today.
My husband is great even with the normal marriage issues but i really do love my husband dearly

But i know i shed a tear today and i kept muttering like my late hubby can hear me, that I loved you
why do I still feel the pain and miss him even after all this time

eyah
shows you truly loved him
and you don't expect to just forget him just like that now, since you truly cared about him
all is well
just don't dwell on him
and channel all your energy on your new family

That's what makes us HUMAN.


My advise, it's time to move on by putting a foreclosure to that chapter of your life.


SH*T HAPPEN TO US ALL.

Truth is you are never going to forget him.

You're human. All izz well.

You must have loved him and it's not going to be easy to forget him just like that.
However,you have to channel your energy into your new family.I hope you don't carry any sense of guilt.
Life must go on.

very true

Iaz93: Truth is you are never going to forget him.

You're human. All izz well.

My dear, you have to move on.. ThankGod you have another family now, focus on it...besides, if you love your current husband and he treats you well, the thought of your dead husband wouldn't come readily since it's been 9 years already..

Move on!! He's resting already and wouldn't be happy with you still crying over his death, so brace up and focus on your current family..

Things like this touch the softer part of me and renders me unusually speechless.

Just stay strong. Please try. Don't create a weird situation with your present husband. Be strong please.

thank you so much guys.

Usually he comes to mind when my hubby has done something that hurt and i uncounsciously compare them like ' Eze would never have done something like that' etc

But today there was just no reason for it. woke up normally had some real good loving but on our way to work his memory came at me and i almost wished my last hubby was here. Later this afternoon, the thoughts returned and tears escaped my eyes. even i couldnt believe i cried for him after 9years. the ache is still there even when i thought i was over him.

I'll keep trying my best to give my present family my all, God is my strength

I have just one advice for u... Move on

How u will ask me?

First, take away all his personal belongings.... I know it is not easy just to let them go like that... But you really need to move on. You know where ur mistake is? U still refer to him as "my husband"...

Madam, he is late and u are not married to someone else... U should have kill his emotions before going into the new marriage. It will be better for u to do this now than leave it for later. What is past is past, don't let it disturb ur future... It is stale... It will create cobwebs for ur future path...

Many will say I am not feeling it?

I lost my dear brother once and I was in ur shoes... I miss him too... Sometimes shedding tears, but in tearing that wall down, I started with his pictures.... And I conquered there alone even though I still have his personal items with me... I know he is past now and can't disturb my emotions with respect to moving ahead.

Move on lady.

oluchikeh: Hello dear nairalanders,

We were married barely 2years when he died in 2005.
I am currently remarried with a beautiful daughter but i keep remembering him especially today.
My husband is great even with the normal marriage issues but i really do love my husband dearly

But i know i shed a tear today and i keep muttering like my late hubby can hear me, that I loved you
why do I still feel the pain and miss him even after all this time

Madam; how u use dey Do ; the thing? Within a period of barely 10yrs; u don capture 2 complete husbands; when girls dey run around, dey visit different churches, dey fast 70 days n 70 9ts , de go 4 counselling up n sown; still no show.... Abeg mek u share. D mericine ;u dey rub 4 face, or d location of d okombo man u dey use; mek our young ladies; also benefit; similar blessings like u....

Raymondenyi:
Madam; how u use dey Do ; the thing? Within a period of barely 10yrs; u don capture 2 complete husbands; when girls dey run around, dey visit different churches, dey fast 70 days n 70 9ts , de go 4 counselling up n sown; still no show.... Abeg mek u share. D mericine ;u dey rub 4 face, or d location of d okombo man u dey use; mek our young ladies; also benefit; similar blessings like u....

Hi Ledaface,

Thanks for your comments. I have destroyed everything that i have physically that belongs to him except the death certificate which i was advised to keep. it is not like i think of him everyday but once in a while he comes to mind and i can easily shrug it off but today I felt deep pain as though he had recently died.

Secondly he is not an ex, he is late. wht else would i call him besides my late hubby. he was a dear friend even before we began to date and marry, we knew even when we dated others. he is probably the only man who knows me FULLY in every way. we were married less than 2years but had known each other much longer than that. he was the proverbial soul mate and was torn from me. I saw him die in LUTH and was anointing the dead body thinking he was just in a coma. even if I live till 100years i know that i can never forget him, I'll need amnesia to do so.

when i married my current husband i told my brother that my greatest joy is that despite the pressure (because they were 3 persons at the time) i eventaully married the person I really liked. My dear husband now is not perfect but he is definitely a consoliation from God to me and he has successfully made marriage worthwhile for me. we are currently 4years in marriage and i wont exchange him for anyone else alive because he is my pride and above all is really committed to his family.

I am way past comparing both men, they are different but today I dont know what happened and this is the second time since i got married that i have had this intense feeling of missing my late hubby and make no mistake it has nothing to do with sex ( I am a thoroughly satisfied woman sexually). I guess he will always have a place in my heart

sorry about your loss.Its very difficult to forget but you need to try.I lost my husband about nine years ago too and I have still not been able to bring myself to re-marry.I was almost running out of my mind until I brought it up here in nairaland. Their counsel was beautiful and it has helped me a lot.You need to make a determined effort to remember him without pain.Its difficult but possible. May God help you

Goodevening..
Ma'am.. I guess the reason you're finding it hard to forget him is cos he left you when the fires of your love were still burning bright and strong and didn't have a chance to enjoy it.. I advise against locking up tho'.. The easiest way to deal with grief is to vent. So,let the tears flow and cleanse the grief away.
Put your efforts into your marriage and kids and with time you'll be okay.
Hope i made a bit of sense? Forgive me if i didn't

@ op, i feel ur pains! Will advise u remove ur profile picture.

It is the shock of the loss.
I dont know how to explain it.
Stiil takes my breath away...how did I get here? How did this happen?
Truth is, it stays with U. It is a part of U and it is part of what makes U strong.
.
Even if U dont have his personal items. Even when there is no logical reason why you should feel the loss so strongly...it still takes Ur breath away.
.
But I have learnt to embrace these feelings. Because no matter how vulnerable it makes me feel, I know that just beside is a spring from which I draw strength.
If U dont know how it feels to be down, how would U know what it feels like being at the top?

It shows you really love him deep down.

Wish I have a girl that will love me like this.

We never die sef,dem don forget us.

Thanks @winneygirl you so aptly put it.
Thanks pedestal82 I've removed the pix. God bless you all

Op, sorry oo but is it your time of the month?

I'm dumbfounded

oluchikeh: thank you so much guys.

Usually he comes to mind when my hubby has done something that hurt and i uncounsciously compare them like ' Eze would never have done something like that' etc

But today there was just no reason for it. woke up normally had some real good loving but on our way to work his memory came at me and i almost wished my last hubby was here. Later this afternoon, the thoughts returned and tears escaped my eyes. even i couldnt believe i cried for him after 9years. the ache is still there even when i thought i was over him.

I'll keep trying my best to give my present family my all, God is my strength

He is still around you as a guiding spirit, thats where the magnetic transmission of thought from his soul comes to your sub-conscious. He is watching over you and when you feel that deep feeling of him, he is there by you. He loves you too, and is not going to leave you anytime soon. Take heart.

oluchikeh: Hello dear nairalanders,

We were married barely 2years when he died in 2005.
I am currently remarried with a beautiful daughter but i keep remembering him especially today.
My husband is great even with the normal marriage issues but i really do love my husband dearly

But i know i shed a tear today and i keep muttering like my late hubby can hear me, that I loved you
why do I still feel the pain and miss him even after all this time

leave the dead alone!
unless you don't love the living!
holding to it has a negative effect when your present accepts the "statement in his head,you don't love him"

oluchikeh: Hi Ledaface,

Thanks for your comments. I have destroyed everything that i have physically that belongs to him except the death certificate which i was advised to keep. it is not like i think of him everyday but once in a while he comes to mind and i can easily shrug it off but today I felt deep pain as though he had recently died.

Secondly he is not an ex, he is late. wht else would i call him besides my late hubby. he was a dear friend even before we began to date and marry, we knew even when we dated others. he is probably the only man who knows me FULLY in every way. we were married less than 2years but had known each other much longer than that. he was the proverbial soul mate and was torn from me. I saw him die in LUTH and was anointing the dead body thinking he was just in a coma. even if I live till 100years i know that i can never forget him, I'll need amnesia to do so.

when i married my current husband i told my brother that my greatest joy is that despite the pressure (because they were 3 persons at the time) i eventaully married the person I really liked. My dear husband now is not perfect but he is definitely a consoliation from God to me and he has successfully made marriage worthwhile for me. we are currently 4years in marriage and i wont exchange him for anyone else alive because he is my pride and above all is really committed to his family.

I am way past comparing both men, they are different but today I dont know what happened and this is the second time since i got married that i have had this intense feeling of missing my late hubby and make no mistake it has nothing to do with sex ( I am a thoroughly satisfied woman sexually). I guess he will always have a place in my heart like i

young lady(it has nothing to do with bedmatic resources),it is ...............
don't worry!you will understand when you get a bit older.

Billyonaire: He is still around you as a guiding spirit, thats where the magnetic transmission of thought from his soul comes to your sub-conscious. He is watching over you and when you feel that deep feeling of him, he is there by you. He loves you too, and is not going to leave you anytime soon. Take heart.

Bro this is a lie! It's very false, the dead know nothin. I wonder why pple believe this

@OP i know your late husband loves you and will want you to be happy again. So be happy dear and face your family. I know someone in a similar situation and the truth is,its never easy to bear this kind of loss.

oluchikeh: Hello dear nairalanders,

We were married barely 2years when he died in 2005.
I am currently remarried with a beautiful daughter but i keep remembering him especially today.
My husband is great even with the normal marriage issues but i really do love my husband dearly

But i know i shed a tear today and i keep muttering like my late hubby can hear me, that I loved you
why do I still feel the pain and miss him even after all this time

Tears almost rolled down my cheek while reading this. From the comments am seeing here, it's obvious everyone of us in this forum shares with u in ur grief BUT we are talking about 9years here. 9 solid years after and with a new family. Ah, the question u have to ask your self is this. What advice will you give to young women got widowed few years into their marriage?? If u dont see ur late hubby as late, then u cant advice others.

Am happy you remarried, if only my beautiful young cousin would do same.

ichidodo: You need closure..go pay your respects to your late spouse.......that is your closure..

huh?

What respects?

How?

oluchikeh: Hello dear nairalanders,

We were married barely 2years when he died in 2005.
I am currently remarried with a beautiful daughter but i keep remembering him especially today.
My husband is great even with the normal marriage issues but i really do love my husband dearly

But i know i shed a tear today and i keep muttering like my late hubby can hear me, that I loved you
why do I still feel the pain and miss him even after all this time

There's absolutely nothing wrong with missing him now, in 10 yrs from now, or in 50 yrs from now even. The simple fact is that you lost a loved one. You will never forget it and there will always be periods now and again when the remembrance and pain will come on strong. You have moved on already with life, you are perfectly well adjusted as far as I can see. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're feeling. No need questioning yourself or feeling guilty.

Humans don't just completely forget loved ones they've lost. You won't either.