Often times, women don't believe a man can be truly faithful so when they have everything going so good in any type of relationship, they start to feel uneasy which leads them to activating their CSI mode. The downside of this act is that, surely they will find something which most often than not are usually nothing to raise the trouble alert level. These little things are then magnified out of proportion due to their mindset at that point in time. This has led to the destruction of several once happy relationships and marriages.

The question now is; How difficult is it to trust your partner without having to snoop around looking for what is not? Aren't we even gonna be happier not know certain things?

Over to ya'all ma fellow forumites.

Not difficult

That is the problem generalisation brings and sadly those men who can't take personal responsibility for their own actions are every where screaming "all men also cheat" sadly many women who may have seen one or two examples quickly join the train.

Being open in a relationship solves a lot. When you build a honest open relationship you build trust, trust is earned, and it's hard work to keep it going. Most people expect automatic trust even when they are so secretive and sneaky.
If a man cannot give you a straight answer without so much story there will be doubts.
If you cannot freely leave your phone and always seem to be hiding and locking it there would be doubts and those doubts will lead to the csi mode.

As a woman I have done csi in previous relationships where I had doubts and I was not getting the truth and the csi helped me greatly or else I would have been married to a closet gay man who wanted to use me as a cover. When I met my spouse from day 1 he was shockingly honest and open, he has never locked his phone for 1 day and I have never touched his phone to look for anything.

Some men feel it's not macho to be honest and so this can create issues of trust. I believe when you are open and clear there would be less distrust and distortions.

Nothing to add-NTA

[quote author=aisha2]

Being open in a relationship solves a lot. When you build a honest open relationship you build trust, trust is earned, and it's hard work to keep it going. Most people expect automatic trust even when they are so secretive and sneaky.
If a man cannot give you a straight answer without so much story there will be doubts.
If you cannot freely leave your phone and always seem to be hiding and locking it there would be doubts and those doubts will lead to the csi mode.




Some men feel it's not macho to be honest and so this can create issues of trust. I believe when you are open and clear there would be less distrust and distortions.[/quote]


On point!

The same thing is happening to me right now. last nite just cos a girl just replied my whatsapp message after a long time when I just reformatted my phone with "lol", all hell was let loose and my babe insulted the living day light out of me and has even packed her things and left. She said she is my gf that I am a devil, bastarrrd, demon bla bla bla. She was shouting all thru the night till almost mornin. She just evicted herself by herself

aisha2: .

You have spoken well my dear, but sometimes girls do assume that honest guys are just pretending.

Before I started my last relationship, I was chating with her on facebook one day when the issue of guys and cheating came up. (I haven't made my intentions known to her by then). She was just going on and on about how guys cheat and stuffs they do on facebook. I didn't know how to change her mentality bout us so I sent my pwd and username to her and asked her to check my inbox. Hopefully that will make her understand that all men are not thesame.

She was surprised to see that but after checking my inbox she called me on phone(she took my number from my account)to tell me that I have deleted all my chats with ladies. Can you Imagine? So I told her to keep checking, hopefully one of the ladies will reply my deleted chats.

What I have come to understand is that these girls that have this mentality of all guys being cheats ar cheats.

Well. Not really. Broken hearts NEVER mend.
You can't blame them abi?
Once bitten. . . .twice shy!

It only takes one BAD APPLE to spoil the whole bunch!

A psychological problem that can never be cured!

What one man/woman sows. . . . . .another MUST REAP! The viscous cycle continues!

Tallesty1: You have spoken well my dear, but sometimes girls do assume that honest guys are just pretending.

Before I started my last relationship, I was chating with her on facebook one day when the issue of guys and cheating came up. (I haven't made my intentions known to her by then). She was just going on and on about how guys cheat and stuffs they do on facebook. I didn't know how to change her mentality bout us so I sent my pwd and username to her and asked her to check my inbox. Hopefully that will make her understand that all men are not thesame.

She was surprised to see that but after checking my inbox she called me on phone(she took my number from my account)to tell me that I have deleted all my chats with ladies. Can you Imagine? So I told her to keep checking, hopefully one of the ladies will reply my deleted chats.

What I have come to understand is that these girls that have this mentality of all guys being cheats ar cheats.

Some people have deep insecurities those need help.for a sane person you go into a relationship with an open clean mind not judging that person from the actions of others when the person looses your trust then you start acting up.

However, some people have so ingrained the all men cheat mentality and keep pushing it forward like some trophy. When I say that is not true they say "just that you haven't caught that man cheating yet but he will cheat"
So really some girls will believe that and enter a relationship waiting and anticipating the day she will "catch him cheating" even when he has given no reason for suspicion, every action twisted and misinterpreted the TV

aisha2:
Being open in a relationship solves a lot. When you build a honest open relationship you build trust, trust is earned, and it's hard work to keep it going. Most people expect automatic trust even when they are so secretive and sneaky.
If a man cannot give you a straight answer without so much story there will be doubts.

And here was i feeling like i was the only one that thought this way.

Were you reading my mind? Most people believe in automatic trust. Nothing like that exists. Maybe benefit of doubt is near automatic not even automatic . But trust is constantly being evaluated and worked on every second of the day.


Seriously, what you just stated up there is the basics for any long lasting and happy relationship.

aisha2:

Some people have deep insecurities those need help.for a sane person you go into a relationship with an open clean mind not judging that person from the actions of others when the person looses your trust then you start acting up.

However, some people have so ingrained the all men cheat mentality and keep pushing it forward like some trophy. When I say that is not true they say "just that you haven't caught that man cheating yet but he will cheat"
So really some girls will believe that and enter a relationship waiting and anticipating the day she will "catch him cheating" even when he has given no reason for suspicion, every action twisted and misinterpreted the TV

That's where communication comes in. I won't entirely blame the girl here although she shares a greater part of it but you can't also leave out what the guy's action or inaction might have been.

People believe talking and just "saying it" is communication. Does the person understand what you are saying? Are you effectively passing you message across?

There's more to communication than just talking. I would say talking takes like 20% of communication. Does the body language of the person talking tally with what they say? You need to walk the talk before someone can at least start trusting your words. It's that simple. All falls back to that word of yours "there's no automatic trust".

BluStreak: .

The question now is; How difficult is it to trust your partner without having to snoop around looking for what is not? Aren't we even gonna be happier not know certain things?

Over to ya'all ma fellow forumites.

Not too difficult I'd say.......
Only a fool walks boldly into marriage anticipating the day he/she will catch his/her spouse cheating.....
But its always advisable for one to leave his/her mind open and ready for any development....... That's To be on the safer side.
Generally, humans can't/shouldnt be trusted BUT one should atleast truth his/her spouse TO A CERTAIN EXTENT...... Because LACK OF TRUST IN A MARRAIGE SERVES AS A FOOTHOLD TO PROMISCUITY.

LyndaRoyce:


Generally, humans can't/shouldnt be trusted BUT one should atleast truth his/her spouse TO A CERTAIN EXTENT...... Because LACK OF TRUST IN A MARRAIGE SERVES AS A FOOTHOLD TO PROMISCUITY.

You trust them that's why you choose to walk down the aisle. But don't say because you have trusted them now everything is automatic and you should just turn a blind eye to glaring errors and acts of distrust all because you have trust them. Your spouse you trust should constantly work on sustaining that trust.

You can tell me you don't drink, yes you have upheld that for months and now i believe you but you can't tell me i should trust you that you haven't done otherwise when i meet you six months later in a beer palour with half empty Star bottles in your front. Lol.

lrguru: The same thing is happening to me right now. last nite just cos a girl just replied my whatsapp message after a long time when I just reformatted my phone with "lol", all hell was let loose and my babe insulted the living day light out of me and has even packed her things and left. She said she is my gf that I am a devil, bastarrrd, demon bla bla bla. She was shouting all thru the night till almost mornin. She just evicted herself by herself

Is she living in your house already??

When you guys are busy endorsing the men- are-polygamous-in-nature anthem, what do you expect?

Godmystrength: Is she living in your house already??

she is not leaving in my house. She came to visit on tuesday and was suppose to leave soon

aisha2: That is the problem generalisation brings and sadly those men who can't take personal responsibility for their own actions are every where screaming "all men also cheat" sadly many women who may have seen one or two examples quickly join the train.

Being open in a relationship solves a lot. When you build a honest open relationship you build trust, trust is earned, and it's hard work to keep it going. Most people expect automatic trust even when they are so secretive and sneaky.
If a man cannot give you a straight answer without so much story there will be doubts.
If you cannot freely leave your phone and always seem to be hiding and locking it there would be doubts and those doubts will lead to the csi mode.

As a woman I have done csi in previous relationships where I had doubts and I was not getting the truth and the csi helped me greatly or else I would have been married to a closet gay man who wanted to use me as a cover. When I met my spouse from day 1 he was shockingly honest and open, he has never locked his phone for 1 day and I have never touched his phone to look for anything.

Some men feel it's not macho to be honest and so this can create issues of trust. I believe when you are open and clear there would be less distrust and distortions.

what is csi

lofty900: what is csi

Crime Scene Investigation to the best of my knowledge

lofty900: what is csi

Crime scene investigation

lrguru: The same thing is happening to me right now. last nite just cos a girl just replied my whatsapp message after a long time when I just reformatted my phone with "lol", all hell was let loose and my babe insulted the living day light out of me and has even packed her things and left. She said she is my gf that I am a devil, bastarrrd, demon bla bla bla. She was shouting all thru the night till almost mornin. She just evicted herself by herself

Maybe she has packed herself out for another amiable person
Shouting all through the night?

Just mess up my day the next day.. no sleep

*Yawns*The answers to your questions are above ^

lrguru: Crime Scene Investigation to the best of my knowledge

thanks and lol @ ur signature

aisha2:
Crime scene investigation

thanks as well

lofty900: thanks and lol @ ur signature

u welcome