Her wedding day was one of happiness and merry making. But that was a few years ago when Wunmi Oyediji was still in love. Fast forward eight years and you have a completely different story from the sweet romance that led Oyediji to the altar.

Oyediji, a banker with a reasonable income, met Damilare when he was working in an IT firm in Lagos. But shortly after their marriage, Damilare lost his job and has had none since then, except for the mostly futile hustling he does at the Computer Village, Ikeja, Lagos State capital. The village is Nigeria’s IT hub.

For over five years, Oyediji has been shouldering the financial responsibilities at home like paying their children’s school fees, feeding and clothing the family.

Twice, she has tried to set up business for her husband and twice he has been unable to account for the money invested in the businesses. On several occasions, Oyediji has caught Damilare cheating on her and on a few other instances suspected him of attempting to dupe her.


“Apart from the fact that I don’t want to raise the children as a single parent, I also don’t want my marriage to fail. People will say the marriage failed because I’m richer than my husband and that’s why I’m not submissive to him. But that’s far from the truth. Some of my friends wonder if I’ve been charmed but those are the reasons I don’t want a divorce,” she said.

In many of such cases, the women suffer in silence because of a range of reasons including the stigma and the cultural issues associated with divorce. In Nigeria, divorce is frowned at culturally and so divorcees often have a hard time getting someone to remarry.

New trend?

Findings by Saturday PUNCH show that what Oyediji is going through appears to be increasingly becoming common in marriages, which goes against a culture of having men as predominantly breadwinners in homes.

Although many people blame the situation on the country’s socio-economic situation, which has thrown more men out of job, findings show that more men these days appear to be content with abdicating their responsibilities at home to their women.

However, this is not to say that some men in such circumstances are not genuinely working hard to provide for their families. But even such efforts have been described as little by a cross section of respondents who spoke with our correspondent.

Some of the respondents said the way the girl-child is often saddled with more domestic responsibilities than the male-child toughens and helps her to cope better with life challenges than the male child.

Indeed, most of the parents who spoke with our correspondent said they are more likely to send their female children on errands than their males. And often times, while the female child is being sent on multiple errands, the male child is sitting idle or clutching to his video game.

In the United States of America, a research by the Prudential Financial Group already found that over half of the country’s women are primary breadwinners in their households- 53 per cent precisely.

The research further “shows that 40 per cent of these women are either single or divorced and support themselves entirely, while 22 per cent of married women earn more than their husbands.”

Another recent study carried out in the US by Pew Research tracking back 50 years seems to confirm the trend. The research also shows a recent record share of wives being more educated than their husbands.

The report acknowledged that it used to be more common for husbands to have more education than their wives but that for the first time, the share of couples in which the wife is the one marrying a man with a lower level of education is higher than those in which the husband has more education.

For instance, the report stated that “among married women in 2012, 21 per cent had spouses who were less educated than they were—a threefold increase from 1960,” according to a new Pew Research Centre analysis of census.

But interestingly, the trend is not peculiar to the country’s educated class alone. It cuts across all strata of the society.

For example, a sample carried out in major markets in Lagos shows a scenario similar to the ones earlier highlighted.

A lot of the women at Ketu and Mile 12 markets in Lagos are travellers from adjoining states like Oyo, Ogun, Osun and Kwara, sending money home for the upkeep of their families.

One of the these traders from Oke-Ogun area of Oyo State, identified herself as Mrs. Ramota.

Ramota said though she labours everyday to send money home to her family, reports getting back to her concerning her husband had been unpleasant.

“In spite of all I do to feed my husband and four children, travelling up and down, I hear that he cheats on me whenever I’m not around. And he doesn’t do anything. He always waits for me to send money,” she said.

In her contribution, a marriage counsellor, Rev. Shade Toyin-Kehinde, agreed that the added responsibilities being given to the girl-child could be responsible for the perceived laziness in some men today. She, however, appealed to women going through such situations to shun divorce and seek counsel. She also advised young women in the process of making a choice for marriage “to pray, look well and also seek for counsel.”


http://www.punchng.com/feature/female-breadwinners-lament-we-slave-to-feed-our-househusbands-yet-we-cant-divorce-them/[b][/b]

Woris apunin 2 our men

OP, be sincere with yourself. Did you actually read the full report?.

Hint: You could do a summary next time. Maybe first four paragraphs then direct interested readers to the full report.

Chinum:
Her wedding day was one of happiness and merry making. But that was a few years ago when Wunmi Oyediji was still in love. Fast forward eight years and you have a completely different story from the sweet romance that led Oyediji to the altar.

Oyediji, a banker with a reasonable income, met Damilare when he was working in an IT firm in Lagos. But shortly after their marriage, Damilare lost his job and has had none since then, except for the mostly futile hustling he does at the Computer Village, Ikeja, Lagos State capital. The village is Nigeria’s IT hub.

For over five years, Oyediji has been shouldering the financial responsibilities at home like paying their children’s school fees, feeding and clothing the family.

Twice, she has tried to set up business for her husband and twice he has been unable to account for the money invested in the businesses. On several occasions, Oyediji has caught Damilare cheating on her and on a few other instances suspected him of attempting to dupe her.


“Apart from the fact that I don’t want to raise the children as a single parent, I also don’t want my marriage to fail. People will say the marriage failed because I’m richer than my husband and that’s why I’m not submissive to him. But that’s far from the truth. Some of my friends wonder if I’ve been charmed but those are the reasons I don’t want a divorce,” she said.

In many of such cases, the women suffer in silence because of a range of reasons including the stigma and the cultural issues associated with divorce. In Nigeria, divorce is frowned at culturally and so divorcees often have a hard time getting someone to remarry.

New trend?

Findings by Saturday PUNCH show that what Oyediji is going through appears to be increasingly becoming common in marriages, which goes against a culture of having men as predominantly breadwinners in homes.

Although many people blame the situation on the country’s socio-economic situation, which has thrown more men out of job, findings show that more men these days appear to be content with abdicating their responsibilities at home to their women.

However, this is not to say that some men in such circumstances are not genuinely working hard to provide for their families. But even such efforts have been described as little by a cross section of respondents who spoke with our correspondent.

Some of the respondents said the way the girl-child is often saddled with more domestic responsibilities than the male-child toughens and helps her to cope better with life challenges than the male child.

Indeed, most of the parents who spoke with our correspondent said they are more likely to send their female children on errands than their males. And often times, while the female child is being sent on multiple errands, the male child is sitting idle or clutching to his video game.

In the United States of America, a research by the Prudential Financial Group already found that over half of the country’s women are primary breadwinners in their households- 53 per cent precisely.

The research further “shows that 40 per cent of these women are either single or divorced and support themselves entirely, while 22 per cent of married women earn more than their husbands.”

Another recent study carried out in the US by Pew Research tracking back 50 years seems to confirm the trend. The research also shows a recent record share of wives being more educated than their husbands.

The report acknowledged that it used to be more common for husbands to have more education than their wives but that for the first time, the share of couples in which the wife is the one marrying a man with a lower level of education is higher than those in which the husband has more education.

For instance, the report stated that “among married women in 2012, 21 per cent had spouses who were less educated than they were—a threefold increase from 1960,” according to a new Pew Research Centre analysis of census.

But interestingly, the trend is not peculiar to the country’s educated class alone. It cuts across all strata of the society.

For example, a sample carried out in major markets in Lagos shows a scenario similar to the ones earlier highlighted.

A lot of the women at Ketu and Mile 12 markets in Lagos are travellers from adjoining states like Oyo, Ogun, Osun and Kwara, sending money home for the upkeep of their families.

One of the these traders from Oke-Ogun area of Oyo State, identified herself as Mrs. Ramota.

Ramota said though she labours everyday to send money home to her family, reports getting back to her concerning her husband had been unpleasant.

“In spite of all I do to feed my husband and four children, travelling up and down, I hear that he cheats on me whenever I’m not around. And he doesn’t do anything. He always waits for me to send money,” she said.

In her contribution, a marriage counsellor, Rev. Shade Toyin-Kehinde, agreed that the added responsibilities being given to the girl-child could be responsible for the perceived laziness in some men today. She, however, appealed to women going through such situations to shun divorce and seek counsel. She also advised young women in the process of making a choice for marriage “to pray, look well and also seek for counsel.”


http://www.punchng.com/feature/female-breadwinners-lament-we-slave-to-feed-our-househusbands-yet-we-cant-divorce-them/

+1

During the 'toxic patraiarchy', men slaved for centuries to feed their 'housewives' and neither divorced them nor complained. Now that the tables are turning as modern feminists have requested, complaints have started. And they haven't even completed one generation of carrying the responsibility yet.