Mondisweets: firstly get to know what actually happened then react

. Hmm...intresting, and if you get to find out your spouse is at fault?

Fkforyou: . Hmm...intresting, and if you get to find out your spouse is at fault?

my dad keeps a gun, he will just have to wait until then and see what happens to him

TribalEAST: now how would you react?

lets just say my father is not someone anyone would want to mess with

No matter the situation , a good wife will never slap her MIL. Even if she was slapped first, I expect her to wait for me to return and handle the matter.

A wife slapping your mother says a lot about her up bring

Mondisweets: my dad keeps a gun, he will just have to wait until then and see what happens to him

. Lol...funny,but to be honest if am in that postion I might overeact I.e I would have slapped my wife first then I`ll try to settle the matter and posibbly appologise to her later.She did something I've never done in my life I.e hit my mum and I think its very disrespecful of her.....but I pray I never be in that position.

MARKone: What sort of wife would slap her MIL

Is it possible

And what manner of husband will tolerate such

Hope it does not happen.



Its a bad thing.

Fkforyou: . Lol...funny,but to be honest if am in that postion I might overeact I.e I would have slapped my wife first but I tried to settle the matter and posibbly appologise to her later.She did something I've never done in my life I.e hit my mum and I think its very disrespecful of her.....but I pray I never be in that position.

Remember that she is or will be someone else's mom. Your children's mom. The question I have for you is will you slap your wife in front of your children. Especially your tennage your children

TribalEAST: a wife has no right to slap her mother in law cos it shows a sign of disrespect to her husbands entire family,

I see.

And his mother slapping his wife? Does that not show that she has little or no respect for her son's nuclear family and no respect at all for her inlaws?

TribalEAST: a good reason why many men will return the slap on behalf of their mother to please her and also to prove a point that the wife has no right to take laws into her own hands irrespective of whatever her mother in law might have done wrong.

Wooowwww!!!

Did I just read that right? Like seriously? That statement of yours is just soooo wrong and I'll explain why:

~ First of all, there is never a good reason for violence! Especially in a marriage / union where you have very young, impressionable kids watching and learning from their parents' examples. Returning slap for slap equates to using violence to solve violence, and you don't need me preaching to you that two wrongs never make a right.

~ Secondly, a real man would not take action to "please his mother". Whatever action he takes, irrespective of the circumstances, should be action taken because he knows within himself (personal conviction) that it's the right thing to do, and not because he wants to please mama. For a supposedly mature, married man to take sides by pleasing one at the risk of displeasing the other reeks of immaturity and gross lack of self-confidence to hold his own ground in the face of conflict. Only a person with very poor conflict resolution skills will sink that low.

~ Re: the bolded bit of your latter comment, nobody is infallible and that includes his mother! Yes, I get that most men feel close and duty bound to protect their mothers, but they also have a duty to love, cherish, and protect - yes protect their wife. Additionally, no one and I mean absolutely no one has a monopoly of violence. If you absolutely believe that the wife has no right to take the law into her hands, then that belief should be extended to the man himself and his mother. i.e neither the man, nor his mother have the right to take the laws into their own hands too. Fair's fair.

TribalEAST: After the retaliation, a man can now inquire as to what might have led to the incidence.

After the retaliation?

You mean after he's slapped his wife back? He should then "inquire" about what happened? Sorry, that's medicine after death. The physical strength of a woman is no match to that of a man - an angry man at that.

So what if in his blind rage he dealt his wife with a leathal blow? Then what? Ask her dead body to come judge matter??

Again, I reiterate that violence does not solve violence. It's best not to make decisions when angry because a hand lifted in anger at another may cause irreparable damage. I hope you understand that.

TribalEAST: If the mum did something wrong, the son would have to scold her in the absence of his wife. This pattern of scolding should be applied when it's the mother that slapped the wife. You give her the respect she deserves for being the elderly one which means she might have seen something hidden to you all.

Now this is the problem I have with most Nigerians displaying this sort of age/respect mentality.

A wise person would respect their age in the first place and not put his / herself in a situation that opens them up to ridicule. If the MIL had any respect for her own self in the first place, she wouldn't raise her hands against the wife to start with, no matter what the provocation. Infact, she should (by virtue of her advanced age) be able to discern when a situation is degenerating, and be smart enough to diffuse the tension before it gets out of hand. She should be smart, wise, and too proud a person to descend to the level of having a slanging match with wife in the first place, or exchanging hurtful words to the point where they both loose control and start hitting out at each other.

I am a mother and a daughter-in-law. As a wife, nothing under the stars would ever make me raise my hand in anger against my MIL, no matter what the provocation might be. And as a mother, heaven forbid that I loose my dignity, pride, and self-respect by raising my hands against my sons' or daughter's wives / husband. Mennnn....I'm way too modern, too posh for that sort of shyte.

Finally, I disagree with your statement about even if the fracas between wife and mama was caused by mama, the man should scold his mum in the absence of his wife. When resolving conflict, it's best for all parties involved to be present in the spirit of openness and honesty. Sneaking behind his wife's back to tell his mum off is not only childish at best, but would pave the path for mistrust and the complications that go with favoritism. No one is perfect and above mistakes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child correcting a parent as long as this is done in a respectful manner.

So applying this, why can't the man, his mum, and his wife sit down at the table (like adults) and quietly resolve their differences? Would it kill the parties involved to quietly air their grievances with each other? The mentality of he who shouts the loudest gets the best / quickest response is yet another issue / weakness with many Nigerians. We aren't barbarians.

TribalEAST: A mother can never be replaced but a wife could.

Another reason why many marriages are doomed even before they've begun. Entering a union / marriage with that mindset is setting yourself up for failure because you're already showing bias even before you've started. If you believe that the wife is disposable, then why get married in the first place?

Non can be replaced. A man who truly loves his wife and mother would understand that both women in his life - though playing different roles, are irreplaceable.

TribalEAST: If a son keeps quiet the moment the wife slaps his mum, then he should pray the news never reaches the ears of his father, his siblings and the rest of his family members. Such a son should just consider it that he has lost himself a family. His wife can dump him for someone else but his family can't. This is not being bias but being reasonable according to the cultures of africa. If the wife felt the mother in law did something offensive to her, she shouldn't have let her husband find out in that manner. Such a wife holds no regard for her husband and can disrespect anybody. Without the mother, she won't be married to him....without the mother's labour and care, he won't be where he is today. Husband and wife ought to always consider that.

I've already addressed most of the points you've given here, in my earlier statements. Suffice to say, there should never be a situation / occasion / opportunity for violence to rear it's ugly head in any relationship. Mutual respect and effective communication should be the order of the day. With both of those principles firmly in place and religiously upheld by all the parties involved, then there really shouldn't be any cause for violence / people slapping their brains out at each other.

To say the wife can dump the husband at any time is not totally correct. Can the man not also dump his wife if he feels his relationship isn't working out? So it goes both ways. As per the bolded bit, even so - can the man marry his mother? Can he?

Neither is more important than the other. A real man would understand that and will love, cherish, and respect both of these jewels in his life. Remember also that your young, impressionable sons and daughters would be watching and learning from you. So it's in the interest of all parties involved to show love, respect, and lead by example.

^^^^ How would you react if your MIL slaps you? P.S I know she would never do that,am just assuming.

JiggamanGh:

Remember that she is or will be someone else's mom. Your children's mom. The question I have for you is will you slap your wife in front of your children. Especially your tennage your children

. No.

So much Ado over nothing.. sumtyms it's not about give and take... Before anybody talks of rights here, lemme make sumtin very clear...
My mother cannot provoke me enough to make me slap her, even if she slaps me, I won't retaliate... That being said, I cannot tolerate anyone slapping my mum when she did not slap the person first... If my wife cannot tolerate my mum enough to wait for me and report but chooses to slap her just because she was provoked, I would slap the living daylight out of her for provoking me by slapping my Mama too... My mum provoke her, she slap, she provoke me by slapping my MUM, I slap.. balanced equation... Not forgetting the fact that she might be in the mortuary if she tries it and my younger brother happens to get home before me... ABEG WIFES, make una leave right out of this matter oh, Don't slap your mother in-law, your husband would not take it no matter how calm he claims to be, except he was not raised by the same mother...
If my mother slaps my wife sef, I don't expect her to even slap back, except she can slap her own mother if her mother slaps her... Me sef would not do anything even if my mum flogs me with a cable... let my wife wait for me to come back and help my mother pack her things back to wherever she came from..

And for the other side, I won't slap my mother in law or Father in law if they slap me... Not if I have any iota of respect for parenthood and what it signifies, even my mum would not support me... I would simply tell my wife to send them off, I won't even do it myself...
ABEG, let us respect other pples parents as we respect ours...

EfemenaXY:

I see.

And his mother slapping his wife? Does that not show that she has little or no respect for her son's nuclear family and no respect at all for her inlaws?



Wooowwww!!!

Did I just read that right? Like seriously? That statement of yours is just soooo wrong and I'll explain why:

~ First of all, there is never a good reason for violence! Especially in a marriage / union where you have very young, impressionable kids watching and learning from their parents' examples. Returning slap for slap equates to using violence to solve violence, and you don't need me preaching to you that two wrongs never make a right.

~ Secondly, a real man would not take action to "please his mother". Whatever action he takes, irrespective of the circumstances, should be action taken because he knows within himself (personal conviction) that it's the right thing to do, and not because he wants to please mama. For a supposedly mature, married man to take sides by pleasing one at the risk of displeasing the other reeks of immaturity and gross lack of self-confidence to hold his own ground in the face of conflict. Only a person with very poor conflict resolution skills will sink that low.

~ Re: the bolded bit of your latter comment, nobody is infallible and that includes his mother! Yes, I get that most men feel close and duty bound to protect their mothers, but they also have a duty to love, cherish, and protect - yes protect their wife. Additionally, no one and I mean absolutely no one has a monopoly of violence. If you absolutely believe that the wife has no right to take the law into her hands, then that belief should be extended to the man himself and his mother. i.e neither the man, nor his mother have the right to take the laws into their own hands too. Fair's fair.



After the retaliation?

You mean after he's slapped his wife back? He should then "inquire" about what happened? Sorry, that's medicine after death. The physical strength of a woman is no match to that of a man - an angry man at that.

So what if in his blind rage he dealt his wife with a leathal blow? Then what? Ask her dead body to come judge matter??

Again, I reiterate that violence does not solve violence. It's best not to make decisions when angry because a hand lifted in anger at another may cause irreparable damage. I hope you understand that.



Now this is the problem I have with most Nigerians displaying this sort of age/respect mentality.

A wise person would respect their age in the first place and not put his / herself in a situation that opens them up to ridicule. If the MIL had any respect for her own self in the first place, she wouldn't raise her hands against the wife to start with, no matter what the provocation. Infact, she should (by virtue of her advanced age) be able to discern when a situation is degenerating, and be smart enough to diffuse the tension before it gets out of hand. She should be smart, wise, and too proud a person to descend to the level of having a slanging match with wife in the first place, or exchanging hurtful words to the point where they both loose control and start hitting out at each other.

I am a mother and a daughter-in-law. As a wife, nothing under the stars would ever make me raise my hand in anger against my MIL, no matter what the provocation might be. And as a mother, heaven forbid that I loose my dignity, pride, and self-respect by raising my hands against my sons' or daughter's wives / husband. Mennnn....I'm way too modern, too posh for that sort of shyte.

Finally, I disagree with your statement about even if the fracas between wife and mama was caused by mama, the man should scold his mum in the absence of his wife. When resolving conflict, it's best for all parties involved to be present in the spirit of openness and honesty. Sneaking behind his wife's back to tell his mum off is not only childish at best, but would pave the path for mistrust and the complications that go with favoritism. No one is perfect and above mistakes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child correcting a parent as long as this is done in a respectful manner.

So applying this, why can't the man, his mum, and his wife sit down at the table (like adults) and quietly resolve their differences? Would it kill the parties involved to quietly air their grievances with each other? The mentality of he who shouts the loudest gets the best / quickest response is yet another issue / weakness with many Nigerians. We aren't barbarians.




Another reason why many marriages are doomed even before they've begun. Entering a union / marriage with that mindset is setting yourself up for failure because you're already showing bias even before you've started. If you believe that the wife is disposable, then why get married in the first place?

Non can be replaced. A man who truly loves his wife and mother would understand that both women in his life - though playing different roles, are irreplaceable.




I've already addressed most of the points you've given here, in my earlier statements. Suffice to say, there should never be a situation / occasion / opportunity for violence to rear it's ugly head in any relationship. Mutual respect and effective communication should be the order of the day. With both of those principles firmly in place and religiously upheld by all the parties involved, then there really shouldn't be any cause for violence / people slapping their brains out at each other.

To say the wife can dump the husband at any time is not totally correct. Can the man not also dump his wife if he feels his relationship isn't working out? So it goes both ways. As per the bolded bit, even so - can the man marry his mother? Can he?

Neither is more important than the other. A real man would understand that and will love, cherish, and respect both of these jewels in his life. Remember also that your young, impressionable sons and daughters would be watching and learning from you. So it's in the interest of all parties involved to show love, respect, and lead by example.

below is another reasonable comment for you to try digesting since you failed to comprehend my points due to your feminist spirit.

njokusboy: So much Ado over nothing.. sumtyms it's not about give and take... Before anybody talks of rights here, lemme make sumtin very clear...
My mother cannot provoke me enough to make me slap her, even if she slaps me, I won't retaliate... That being said, I cannot tolerate anyone slapping my mum when she did not slap the person first... If my wife cannot tolerate my mum enough to wait for me and report but chooses to slap her just because she was provoked, I would slap the living daylight out of her for provoking me by slapping my Mama too... My mum provoke her, she slap, she provoke me by slapping my MUM, I slap.. balanced equation... Not forgetting the fact that she might be in the mortuary if she tries it and my younger brother happens to get home before me... ABEG WIFES, make una leave right out of this matter oh, Don't slap your mother in-law, your husband would not take it no matter how calm he claims to be, except he was not raised by the same mother...
If my mother slaps my wife sef, I don't expect her to even slap back, except she can slap her own mother if her mother slaps her... Me sef would not do anything even if my mum flogs me with a cable... let my wife wait for me to come back and help my mother pack her things back to wherever she came from..

And for the other side, I won't slap my mother in law or Father in law if they slap me... Not if I have any iota of respect for parenthood and what it signifies, even my mum would not support me... I would simply tell my wife to send them off, I won't even do it myself...
ABEG, let us respect other pples parents as we respect ours...

TribalEAST: below is another reasonable comment for you to try digesting since you failed to comprehend my points due to your feminist spirit.

Guy, do you know how much I detest people who resort to snide remarks when they either:

a. Run out of points to counteract my points in an argument / debate?

b. Resort to name calling when they fall short of appropriate vocabulary to express themselves?

For the record, you quoted me first on this thread. You chose to take me on. If you can't handle me, then simply say so. There's no shame in admitting defeat, neither would I bite you.

Questioning my comprehension abilities or calling me a feminist isn't necessary nor will it change my views. If I wanted to address Njoksuboy, I would have.

Thank you.

EfemenaXY:

Guy, do you know how much I detest people who resort to snide remarks when they either:

a. Run out of points to counteract my points in an argument / debate?

b. Resort to name calling when they fall short of appropriate vocabulary to express themselves?

For the record, you quoted me first on this thread. You chose to take me on. If you can't handle me, then simply say so. There's no shame in admitting defeat, neither would I bite you.

Questioning my comprehension abilities or calling me a feminist isn't necessary nor will it change my views. If I wanted to address Njoksuboy, I would have.

Thank you.

you're feeling fly about yourself . You are only reasoning from a woman's point of view forgetting the fact that it's we men that are on the hot seat. If you ask a mother in law to make her contribution to the matter, she's most likely to support mother in laws likewise wives supporting wives. Since the topic is posed for men to answer, why not allow them debate among themselves instead of you bringing in sentiments? FYI, majority of men on the thread have supported my view though they know it's a difficult decision to make.

TribalEAST: you're feeling fly about yourself . You are only reasoning from a woman's point of view forgetting the fact that it's we men that are on the hot seat. If you ask a mother in law to make her contribution to the matter, she's most likely to support mother in laws likewise wives supporting wives. Since the topic is posed for men to answer, why not allow them debate among themselves instead of you bringing in sentiments? FYI, majority of men on the thread have supported my view though they know it's a difficult decision to make.

C'mon, you can do better than this.

Compose yourself, then calmly read through the points I made in response to your write-up, then counteract them, point for point.

Take your time...there's no hurry as I don't mind waiting.

And yes, I always feel "fly" about myself.

Fkforyou: ^^^^ How would you react if your MIL slaps you? P.S I know she would never do that,am just assuming.

Why would she slap me? Based on what?

EfemenaXY:

C'mon, you can do better than this.

Compose yourself, then calmly read through the points I made in response to your write-up, then counteract them, point for point.

Take your time...there's no hurry as I don't mind waiting.

And yes, I always feel "fly" about myself.

I understand your tactics- you're simply trying to evade my points by refering me to your earlier post. Everything you want concerning that post of yours can be found in my earlier posts and the one above.

aaronson: First off,something has transpired before both parties or either of them gave slap,As a real Niqqa that I am....I would make the slapper tender apology to the slapped,figure out and iron out their differences,those guys who claim to slap back their wife hmmm I guess that shows how much yall love your wife,the one who sleeps with you in bed,cook your food and most importantly the courier of your next generation and bear it in mind that if the father of your wife was present,he would have to slap you too.

Opp, u are a correct Nigga, as u said earlier, you are a real man no doubt!

EfemenaXY:

Why would she slap me? Based on what?

. Remember I said assuming,infact this whole thread is based on assumption and didn`t give further explaination or reasons why.

EfemenaXY:

Why would she slap me? Based on what?

let's say she just slapped you. What would you do?

izaray: Opp, u are a correct Nigga, as u said earlier, you are a real man no doubt!

what will you do if your son watches while his wife slaps you?

Fkforyou: . Remember I said assuming,infact this whole thread is based on assumption and didn`t give further explaination or reasons why.

izaray: Opp, u are a correct Nigga, as u said earlier, you are a real man no doubt!

Thanks ma'am,you one in a trillion

Crocz: You wife slap your mum?...where did you find the wife in the first place b4 you marry her?...smh

In the trash.

TribalEAST: let's say she just slapped you. What would you do?

Do you go about just slapping people without provocation? Is that normal behaviour?

The only people I'm aware of that freely go about just slapping people for no just cause are the crazy / mentally unbalanced. So if that were the case, two things:

1. I have no business getting married to someone from a family that's got a history of mental illness.

2. I avoid loonies and always give them a wide berth. So contact is impossible in the first place.

Now do these answer your "what if" questions?

Fkforyou: . Remember I said assuming,infact this whole thread is based on assumption and didn`t give further explaination or reasons why.

Again:

EfemenaXY:
Do you go about just slapping people without provocation? Is that normal behaviour?
The only people I'm aware of that freely go about just slapping people for no just cause are the crazy / mentally unbalanced. So if that were the case, two things:
1. I have no business getting married to someone from a family that's got a history of mental illness.
2. I avoid loonies and always give them a wide berth. So contact is impossible in the first place.


Now do these answer your "assumptive" questions?

I can never date (let alone marry) such mannerless kind of woman in lyf

So if this incident happens to someone i know, i'l blame d man for marrying such uncouth human being as a wife.

aaronson: Thanks ma'am,you one in a trillion

#smile#

TribalEAST: what will you do if your son watches while his wife slaps you?

Holy ghost fire, may God forbid dat, pls refer ur question to d gods! Cos i will never try dat to my mother inlaw

No matter how she push me to d wall

I will always respect my hussy by avoiding dat,

So some1 else can't do it to me,

cos i was told dat, we will always reap wat we sold, i rest my case

If I ever slap my future mother in law I will check myself into a psychiatric home for evaluation. And even if she slaps me I can't slap her back. I just can't raise my hand on an elderly person.

havilla: If I ever slap my future mother in law I will check myself into a psychiatric home for evaluation. And even if she slaps me I can't slap her back. I just can't raise my hand on an elderly person.

it's been long I came across a nairaland lady who reasons well. May YAHWEH provide you with a very happy home.