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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House (2971 Views)
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Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by serenityspot83(f): 11:13pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
Personally, I cannot stand it if a guy sees me poop. I won’t even let any man into the loo while I’m in there. Take it or leave it. I am Naijasinglegirl and I don’t poop! And neither should u! You’re a woman—have some class. And as much of a double standard as it is, he’ll be turned off by it. I am a master at bathroom etiquette. None of the guys I ever hung around with knew I pooped. I gave them the impression that when my body needs to undergo metabolism, I vomit out my waste through my mouth or an angel visits me every night to empty my bowels. Rules to follow: There are two major factors to consider which are sound and smell. Our nose and ears functions in a mutually exclusive way. That’s why there’s need to turn down the volume of your car stereo when you are trying to locate a mixed up street address. That’s why its more dangerous to release a silent fart during a catholic mass service than it is to fart at a club. SOUND This section is for when the smell is not a factor, but the sound is. For example, you know he wont be going into the bathroom soon (perhaps because he already went) but the walls are paper thin. If you’re at his place in the morning or evening, you can turn on the faucets, and showers, then pretend you’re brushing your teeth vigorously to mask the sound of your ploping. If he asks you why there’s so much noise in there, tell him running water calms your nerves. If appropriate, the best thing is to tell him you are going to take a quick shower. This is great because he thinks you are doing it as “prep” for “wowie time.” However, beware of two things: 1. The smell will be worse in a humid environment so use cold water. 2. Do a super fast wash-up afterwards because of the whole aforementioned “wowie time” thing he may be expecting. Flush as you plop. That’s pretty self explanatory. If its not going to be super weird for you to flush four or five times, then time your plops to the same time as the loud flushing noise. Beware: TIME PROPERLY! The loud part of the flush is not for a few seconds after you’ve pushed the lever. Put some toilet paper into the toilet before you begin. This absorbs the poop and thus prevents that telling back splash noise. Beware, it will smell worse if you use this method because the specimen is not submerged fully into the water. Extra Tip: Turn on the radio to the maximum volume or slot in one of those TerryG’s loud cds when your bowel starts giving you signs. Before you leave him in the bedroom or sitting room, tell him you absolutely love the TerryG’s song playing. Then after two minutes of dancing or singing along loud, excuse yourself. Chances are, he’ll leave the radio up until you come back. SMELL Smell is a tougher thing to conceal. At times it gets so bad his nose won’t only be traumatised. He might start hearing the smell of the poop. I’m sure you wouldn’t let it get to that cos you are a princess and barbies don’t poop! But if it happens, smell is all you need to worry about when the area he is sitting is far from the bathroom and the sound wont carry. If this is the case, here are a few tips: Before you get in there, pre warn him by giving him signs like “Boo, are you perceiving that awful smell from your bathroom area? Let me go check it out.” “Boo, let’s play hide and seek. I pick the toilet to hide.” “Boo, is someone working on the drainage outside?” “Boo, what’s that smell? Did a rat die in here?” Lock the door! Do your deeds as FAST as you can! Use the bathroom spray or, insecticide. Tell him you are helping to disinfect his bathroom if he asks. BEFORE you drop one AND after. Most people wait until after. Do not make this mistake. Crack a window or light a match (I usually move around with a matchstick). These are both “tell tale poop smell” concealers. If possible, don’t walk out of the bathroom till the smell goes out except you are walking out with a lawyer. LoL That way, the smell has a chance to dissipate by the time he needs to go in there again. If multiple flushes aren’t a problem, take advantage. The less time poop is sitting in the toilet, the less chance is has to stink up the room. If all else fails, accept that he will know you pooped. As unattractive as it might be, all mature men know that all humans poop. If he makes fun of you or sues you for a smelly poop , tell him to grow up. If he won’t grow up, he’s not mature enough for a relationship so its okay to break-up cos of a natural process like pooping. http://naijauncut.com/2014/09/24/naija-girl-teaches-other-girls-how-to-secretly-shit-in-their-boyfriendlovers-house/ 5 Likes |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by obisage(m): 11:34pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
chai... I am a victim of this method of pooing my girl spent 5 days in ma house and I didn't catch pooing throughout her stay. when I asked her she said she finds it difficult to poo at a place that's not her home. and I believed butmarvelled. I even went online to search how not to poo for 5 days, but couldn't find any concrete answer. cos I for one poo every day. at least once 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 11:39pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
pooing is not sexy at all |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 11:40pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
Hehehehhe...This one na "POO" thread 1 Like |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 11:44pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
penquin: pooing is not sexy at all When last did u poo? Cos I know u don't like doing things that are not sexy |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 11:45pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
@Kachisbarbie pls come over here,Ur attention is Highly needed! |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 11:46pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
priscaoge:in toilet as am typing |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 11:49pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
penquin: in toilet as am typing *CoversNose* And I know it must be "FLUSH ME NOT" kind of poo *Zooms Of d Thread* |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 11:53pm On Sep 24, 2014 |
priscaoge:yea it's not sexy u know. haha 1 Like |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by LaurelP(m): 12:09am On Sep 25, 2014 |
All dis strategy for just pooing Thank God am a man o Chukwu aju! |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by LaurelP(m): 12:11am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Btw Op, wats happening on ur Dp? |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by bigt2(m): 1:59am On Sep 25, 2014 |
God help you if its a latrine or shot put 1 Like |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 4:26am On Sep 25, 2014 |
...hiohiohiohio... Funny thread.... Hmmm....Can i do this??....That means I wont press phone and read magazine again??.... |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Jarchi(m): 4:58am On Sep 25, 2014 |
I thought beautiful angels don't poo,and if they do it turns to gold. 1 Like |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 7:30am On Sep 25, 2014 |
priscaoge: @Kachisbarbie pls come over here,Ur attention is Highly needed! yels |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 7:32am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Kachisbarbie:*and unibenstudent her bodyguard stands behind her* |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 7:34am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Kachisbarbie: Lmao What format do u use while Pooing |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 7:47am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Unibenstudent: *and unibenstudent her bodyguard stands behind her* taah, you are very dangerous and illegal. @priscaoge : all of the above |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 7:50am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Kachisbarbie:am certified to guard you with my life..madam 1 Like
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Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by chimerase2: 7:52am On Sep 25, 2014 |
For how many days will u continuing hiding I ma self I bring tissue paper for ma babe to shiiit, she will even ask me to accompany her self so wat re u hiding Wen I was growing up I tot de fine ladies don't mess or shyyyte but ma pretty sistas made me to had a retink |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by priscaoge(f): 7:54am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Kachisbarbie: Lmao...U see Y I called u...Hehhehehe I know say u don apply all d format |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by iornenge81(m): 8:04am On Sep 25, 2014 |
Why the lies. Be urself jare |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Caseless: 8:26am On Nov 10, 2014 |
All these in the name of poo? You cant cheat nature, baiby. D loo needs d poo, jst give it to it when u are called to d loo. Dont be greedy; free d waste and enjoy that sense of freedom. Abi u wan die! I'l look my gf in d eye and say: get d fhuck into d fhuckin toilet , drop d fhucking poo, 'freshen' up and come and give me some thing to knack in my bedroom. Dont give me that fhucking super-human trait there! 1 Like |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Caseless: 8:31am On Nov 10, 2014 |
LaurelP:just my question too. Serenityspot must answer. |
Re: Ladies: How To SECRETLY SHIT In Ur Lover's/bf's House by Nobody: 12:42am On Nov 12, 2014 |
All this wahala just to poo?? I give up! |
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