Some married women shared with dsuperwoman.com their different marital experiences. We asked them the lessons they've learnt in marriage as a result of being married. Those lessons that they couldn't have learnt from reading books or listening to tapes or even mama's speech but by personal experience. This is what they said...





ANGELLA

lessons i have learnt in marriage that only experience have taught me are
1) As a woman in marriage you should be patient,tactical and strong willed.
2) wise enough that there are some friends you need to stay far away from. hardworking enough to save yourself unnecessary financial drama




ESTHER (married for 3 years)

Patience. I'm an impulsive person, I always want to get things done ASAP in my own way but with marriage I had to learn how to slam the break and consider all parties involved. My husband and the kids. Patience is a virtue and a key tool in making a home work. That's the biggest lesson marriage has taught me so far.





 
DUPE (married for 25years)

My name is Mrs Dupe Adesina and I have been married for 25yrs. I learnt so many things through the years but the most important one is Commitment to God through daily prayers. it wasn't easy at the beginning until we learnt how to pray together with the help of the Bible. A couple that prays together stays together.



Another great lesson is saying 'sorry' to each other after hot arguments or squabbles. Even if I felt I was right and he was wrong, I would still ask for forgiveness the next day if he was still angry with me. The sooner we realise our mistakes n ask for forgiveness, the quicker we can move forward. Keeping malice wit each other would b sending wrong signals to the children.



Another lesson is training your kids with one voice. It wasn't nice for me as a young mom then to say our son must have a bicycle while his dad insisted it wasn't the right time, we must never allow the children to divide us. Any decision we want to make about them must have been made in their absence before giving the verdicts in their presence.



Couples should also learn how to compliment each other often and often,like saying 'I love you' and 'you look great',these makes the marriage stronger and stronger.



Its also good to share same bed everynite even though you have different rooms. After a hard day's job,u both get home,shower and take ur dinner,its good to retire to the same bed where you can share ur experiences at work and also discuss abt the home affairs until sleep takes its toll on you. Sharing different rooms can gradually destroy a marriage. Sleeping in same room and same bed connects us better,its nt always abt sex...



To keep a marriage stronger,couples should go on regular dates, creating time for fun has helped a lot. So many things I have learnt but as I earlier said Put God first and train your children in the way of God so they can be useful to God, you and the society.



Lastly in this computer age,we should not allow our desktops, laptops, phones or any gadgets to create a gap between us and our spouses, we should log out of all social networks to have time for our partners, we should stop receiving unnecessary calls either from colleagues or friends. When your at Home ,give your time hundred percent to ur partner unless there are pending office works to complete. Thanks for taking time to read/listen





SOLATU

THE SCHOOL CALLED MARRIAGE
Marriage is the only school where u get the
Certificate before you start. It's also a school where
you will never graduate.
It's a school without a break or a free period.
It's a school where no one is allowed to drop out.
It's a school you will have to attend every day of
your life.
It's a school where there is no sick leave or holidays.
It's a school founded by God on the foundation of love. The walls are made out of trust. The door made out of acceptance, the windows made out of understanding. The furniture made out of blessings The roof made out of faith.
Be reminded that you are just a student not the
principal.
God is the only Principal.
Even in times of storms, don't be unwise and run
outside.
Keep in mind that, this school is the safest place to
be.
Never go to sleep before completing your
assignments for the day.
Never forget the C-word...Communicate.
Communicate to your classmate and to the Principal
If you find out something in your classmate that you do not appreciate.
Remember your classmate is also just a student not a
graduate, God is not finished with him/her yet. So
take it as a challenge and work on it together.
Do not forget to study the the main textbook of this school - (the Bible).
Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it
the same way. Sometimes you will feel like not
attending classes, yet you have to.
When tempted to quit find courage and continue.
Some tests and exams may be tough but remember
the Principal knows how much you can bear and yet
it's a school better than any other.
It's one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and
happiness accompany each lesson of the day.
Different subjects are offered in this school, yet
love is the major subject.
After all the years of theorizing about it, now you
have a chance to practice it.
To be loved is a good thing, but to love is the
greatest privilege of them all.
Marriage is a place of love, so love your classmate. More grace from God.





From experience I think Marriage is based on three (3) major factors


1. Endurance
2. Adjustment and
3. Patience




These powerful factors makes every marriage a success

Although some rely on the word 'LOVE', but love does not stand the test of time, it is 'ONLY' the foundation in which marriage is built.


Let me briefly explain the three (3) outstanding factors. I called (EAP)


1. Endurance comes to play when you see or noticed some unimaginable lifestyle or character or attitude in the life of your spouse of which you did not in any way like or appreciate, because you have entered into that marital vow or connection, you have no option than to 'stay put' (if there is any word like that) and be in that union. That is where the scripture 1 Peter 3:1-7(NIV) 1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. My emphasis is on vs 1b. 'Even if they do not do what is pleasing to God' you just have to endure...


2. Adjustment: Your lifestyle may not be his; your background may not be like his own, your family life is not like his, the programmes you watch on TV may not interest him or his to you either, his kind of food may not be the one you like, all you need to do is to adjust to his own, if not, there will be chaos and the purpose of marriage will not be achieved and thirdly Patience.
 

3. Patience: There are times you meet storms and hurdles on the way, things generally might not work the way it ought to be, the roads might be too rough for you to tread on, the sea might be raging, 'there is no money to afford a meal' you gat to be patient. Better times and days are ahead of you. You have to wait upon the God of your Salvation, you have to look unto the Author and Finisher of your faith, you have to trust Him cos every good and perfect gift comes from Him alone. The ability to be patient in times of storm is what makes you a 'Married Woman', a 'Wife' and a KVirteous Woman' You will be victorious and will laugh and eat the fruit of your labour. More GRACE.




JUDITH (Married for 3yrs been together for 7yrs)




When you get married you would realize that you discover new things about your partner everytime that may not always be good but if you do these it will be fine:





1. Learn to always communicate with eachother no matter what it maybe talk about it and either settle or compromise.


2. Love needs to be renewed everyday no matter how heads over heels you both were when you got married if you are not good friends you will get bored of eachother fast, so establish a strong friendship, laugh with eachother, talk about work and whatever happened during the day EVERYDAY.


3. Dont ever go to sleep after a fight without settling that will open doors for things that may end up distancing your relationship and eventually kill it.


4. Learn to tolerate and share your space, you are leaving with a new person n learning new things daily, no one is perfect even you aren't and he still accepts you so do same.


5. Dont for whatever reasons discuss your marital life with a 3rd party unless maters get out of hand and you cant handle it, in a situation like that talk to your parents or an elderly responsible person maybe your pastor or relative you trust but not your 'friends'.


6.Learn to settle your issues with your husband together maturely not by insulting or raising your voice and attracting other people.


7. Be creative in your marriage, do things differently in your cooking, sex life, dressing, and change once in a while just so things dont become boring, have fun and enjoy your time together.


8. Marry a man that respects you, motivates and encourages you, a man that wants you to grow and become a better person, a man that helps you plan and believes in you.


9. Respect his space.


10. Always pray for him because whatever becomes of him will fall back on you and a prayerful wife is a strong tower for her Husband to hide. Don't marry a man because he is rich marry him because you want to wake up by his side everyday and he has something no one else has that makes you feel complete.





Source: http://www.dsuperwoman.com/2014/10/girls-chat-what-are-those-lessons-youve.html?m=1

Very good advise.

I have always gone out of my way to make my marriage exciting for my husband and myself. Catering to you husbands needs should always be you top priority. Feeding his stomach and his intimacy drive being at the top of the list

Chai u sound like a wonderful wife. If I were a m, I would definately want to marry u