You have not finished enjoying life and all it has to offer.You now know the endtime is near with all the talk going round town about Signs of endtime and wars breaking out everywhere.You really want to make heaven but you are not yet ready to drop your wordly behaviours.Dont worry i am here for you.This is how to Decieve the Nigerian God and make heaven.
1. You Must be Born Again.
This is a key part of your plan.it is one of the Nigerian god’s requirement for people to make heaven.Dont worry i know you are not ready but this is simpler than it looks.All you need to do is to go to any of those churches near your house.When you get there wait probably before the final prayer is said,the pastor will make an announcement calling on people like you who havent given their life to christ to come to the front of the church.As you make your way to the front make sure you put on a Sober and sad look like you are really Sorry for all the One night stands you have had in the past even though you are planning on having another one that night.Make sure u act this part well because the Nigerian God is watching you closely,you dont want him to edit your name out of the book of life,do you?.The pastor at this time will tell you to say some prayers after him,make sure you say it out loudly even though you dont mean it.After the prayer then you can smile like someone who has just been released from guantanamo,the Nigerian God will also smile with u and secure your place in the book of heaven.
2. Go to Church
Now that you are born again the Nigerian God will be looking to see you in church on sundays.Dont disappoint him,make sure you make it.it doesnt matter what time you arrive what matters is your behaviour when you arrive.Service starts by 8am and ends by 12pm and you arrive by 11am just before the end of the sermon.The Nigerian God is visibly angry by now.so you have to act in a way that will please him.When you get to the enterance of the church walk in quickly like someone who is going to check his pot of soup he forgot on the fire.This shows
the Nigerian God you know you are late and trying to make up for the lost time.When you get to your seat dont just open your bible and join the sermon like you know what its all about,you have to first bow down your head like you are ashamed of yourself for coming late.maintain that position for a minute then mutter some words after which you can bring up your head.By this time the Nigerian God would have forgiven you for coming late.He is a Loving God.
3. Pay Your Tithe.
You are barely making a living and now the Nigerian God is requesting for 10% of your earnings.Dont worry,the Nigerian God knows that the hustle in Nigeria is real.just put any amount more than #2000 in an envelope and drop.The Nigerian God knows what the minimum wage in Nigeria is and judges everyone based on that amount.so even if you work with Mobil or Chevron just remember that the Nigerian God doesnt know how much you earn the only data with him is the minimum wage.so 10% of that is what you should give.
4. Always ask for Forgiveness.
This is very important before and after comitting a Crime (sin).So if you are at your workplace and about to inflate those contract figures remember the key word “God Forgive Me” followed by Amen before you proceed in inflating the figure.Also when you are about to go visit that your mistress at the hotel in Festac remember to Say the key word when you get to the room door before entering.This helps to calm down the Nigerian God and hold him by his word which says “He will forgive all those who seek forgiveness”.This ensures your name is not edited out of the book of Life.
5. Create a Fellowship centre in your house.
Sometimes you need to go to extreme measure to please the Nigerian God so as to ensure your name keeps being in the book of heaven.The best way to do that is to set up a fellowship centre in your house on wednesdays.it will only last an hour and it has benefits too aside from pleasing the Nigerian God.you can use it as an avenue to display your house to those pretty ladies in your church.Once they know you have a nice house and seem commited to the work of God,the rest is history.before you know it you will be having seperate fellowships with them on other days,you know what i mean.*winks*
Do all these and i assure you that your place in heaven will be secured while your worldly hustle continues hitch free. THIS ARTICLE was first published on Gistreel.com by Chinua Onwukike(nuahall.)

Lol... I guess the Nigerian God is different.. And can even be deceived

Yes o.

Inkman:
Lol... I guess the Nigerian God is different.. And can even be deceived