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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: Transcendence (2420 Views)
Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron / Swing And A Miss: Half Of A Yellow Sun / Swing And A Miss: Captain America Part 2 (2) (3) (4)
Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 8:33pm On Oct 15, 2014 |
Narrator at warner bros complex chris nolan meets with greedy movie executives chris nolan Hey there boys do you know what time it is? It's time to once again insult the intelligence of movie viewers worldwide and rip them off while we are at it greedy executives Really? How? Our big ticket item batman is sold already and man of steel didn't do sh*t for us, I don't like this it looks like they are seeing through your bs mr nolan chris nolan not this time I've a story which was ripped off from a five minute irrelevant sub-plot of that bullsh*t movie winter soldier greedy executives What subplot? chris nolan The part where chris evans and scarlett johansson chat away with some dude who downloads himself into a 1960 computer with a USB portal, we will be literarily stealing from it even up to the part where the computer dude st*pidly ordered hydra to fire a missile at the lab that destroyed him along with it greedy executives Hmmm lazy script wrapped in fine clothes that sounds like a good idea just like when we ripped off the plot of oceans 11 for inception ,wrapped it all up and passed it on as a deep and intelligent movie they totally ate that sh*t up chris nolan So are we in business? greedy executives Hellz yea narrator Next we see some geek convention where that horse-teeth chick from iron man 3 bores us with her unattractive appearance and lack of personality horse-teeth chick from iron man 3 Welcome to the geek convention we are here to bore you to death by presenting the latest, revolutionizing yawn! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yikes I'm sorry dosed off there for a second johnny take over Johnny depp (Snapping from sleep) blah! Angelina jolie, penelope cruz, maria cortillard(sees his ugly as f*ck love interest) holy sh*t I'm still in this bullsh*t movie? *sigh* Okay I'm making an AI machine which is pastor adeboye,oyakhilome and tb joshua wrapped in one somebody shout hallelujah audience WTF? Why is johny depp so boring in this movie? He is even worse than he was in the tourist Johnny depp I'm playing a parody of bill gate and steve jobs so I have to be extra creepy and boring for this role audience Boo! Dude if I wanna see steve jobs I'll go watch bloomberg man I came here to watch a movie that will blow my mind johnny depp relax I'm still doing steve jobs here wait till I get my bill gates and mark zuckerberg on audience You mean self centered double crossing douche?thanks for the spoiler now we shall try to act suprised when that happens johnny depp Oops my bad narrator Then all of a sudden, terrorists who think technology is evil attack johnny depp because that lousy concept is back in hollywood lame terrorist Yea check it out I just saw terminator 3 and I believe in the lousy message that one day robots will take over the world so now AI I shall twist your sh*t up by shooting johnny depp with radio active bullets just in case he doesn't die from the multiple shot wound the radiation is gonna get him and perhaps not turn him into a super hero stan lee I heard that lame terrorist then I am going to blow up a lab and poison some AI dudes cake so what do you think? audience Well we would have taken you more seriously if you didn't look like a meth addict tripping balls lame terrorist O yea? Then what do you think about this?(Shoots himself in the f*cking nugging) audience yea right that doesn't make you look crazy at all johnny depp Damn this dude wasn't kidding radio active bullets? They have that now? who makes these things? horse-teeth chick from iron man3 I'm still wondering how you aren't dead already chris nolan for forceful plot extension reasons plus its a nolan movie everyone survives radiation poisoning just ask batman in TDKR johnny depp Oh my God I'm dying I'm so demoralized horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Don't worry we will upload your consciousness into a computer and everything will be alright JOHNNY DEPP Ha ha honey thanks for trying to make me laugh but I'm in no mood for jokes............what? So people now download their subconscious into machines are we really accepting that now? this feels like an episode of dexters laboratory I feel even more embarrassed than in lone ranger *cough* * cough* oh God my time has come horse-teeth chick from iron man3 I'm so sorry narrator They kiss robert downey jr,javier bardem,ben affleck hey johnny how does my c*ck taste? johnny depp Ugh! Sick! Yuk! Pitui! This movie is like a house of pain my agent is so getting fired after this erk!(Dies) narrator but with the help of paul bettany,horse-teeth chick from iron man3 is able to turn johnny depp into a computer trust me it looks as silly as it sounds chris nolan Why do I get the feeling people aren't really falling for this bullsh*t like they did inception? horse-teeth chick from iron man3 No.9?eagle eye?i-robot? Apparently I think this silly movie is bringing back bad memories chris nolan What? No no no no this is way different from those movies this is a breakthrough in hollywood horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Hide and seek?,colossus?demon seed? chris nolan No this one has action, thrills,intelligent deep stuff and I'm actually sending a message with this film horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Blade runner?2010?electric dreams? chris nolan *rolling eyes* okay fine its straight out of the hollywood cliche book let's just overact the next few scenes the way we did in inception and hope it pays off To be continued.... 4 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by thenairama(m): 11:41pm On Oct 15, 2014 |
severee:On A more Serious note I prefer when the Guy acts normally than When he is trying to be funny Just like when he did public enemy he was phenomenal |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by itstpia1: 3:19am On Oct 16, 2014 |
Is all that supposed to be funny? I don't get it. |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by GJames(m): 3:44am On Oct 16, 2014 |
Guy just start making your own honest trailer videos 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 8:42am On Oct 16, 2014 |
itstpia1:my guy no vex I watched this piece of sh*t movie yesterday and I just had to rant , I couldn't help myself |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by brothers(m): 8:50am On Oct 16, 2014 |
Welcome back ode |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by Nobody: 1:43pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
Lol.....pls just stop |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 2:18pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Johnny depp computer mode activated johnny depp (Gaggling mouth) ugh I can still taste ben afflecks pubs next time honey try warning me first ugh horse-teeth chick from iron man3 so honey you are a computer now what do you wanna do? johnny depp I'm a computer now? Cool upload me into a p*rn website at once so I can get my freak on horse-teeth chick from iron man3 ahem! johnny depp Em, I mean upload me into wallstreet so I can make my wife an over-night billionaire and ............. horse-teeth chick from iron man3 yea and we could take trips with you in my sidekick phone and go shopping and sunbath in a swim suit under the carribean sun johnny depp Swin suit? Are you going to be eating and trying to gain some weight? horse-teeth chick from iron man3 What? And ruin my crack addict figure? No way johnny depp Then in that case f*ck that, instead we shall build A bond-villain fortress in the middle of no where so that I can continue with my experiment because I love science you see paul bettany O_o okay This is kinda creepy .I mean How do we even know this is Johnny,or some evil .com pretending to be him? horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Pfft! Of course its him what? now computers make people evil all of a sudden? Common paul bettany Any ways this is too risky let's just delete him thereby destroying the world's greatest scientific break through, wasting our time and funding and of course killing our friend horse-teeth chick from iron man3 What?! That's a terrible idea why don't we just upload him into the internet I'm sure we will be okay two year old toddler Why not just study him for sometime know his next moves and go with either option depending on whether you can contain him or not? I mean that's what scientists do right? chris nolan Hmmm that's a pretty good idea but you know what? Common sense is forbidden in chris nolan movies so get that kid off the set people horse-teeth chick from iron man3 Yea that's right get outta here kid and you too paul leave paul bettany I'm not leaving here whatever decision we make here affects the existence of civilization as we know it so I'm pretty flustered right now!(2 seconds later) you know what f*ck it do whatever you like I'm going to a bar to go hit on chicks narrator paul bettany goes to a bar to get hammered when he approached by kate mara kate mara Hey, stranger! Come here often? paul bettany Of course I......Ugh! Really? What's with the ugly ladies in this movie? Where are the abbie cornishes? And the paula pattons and the naomi harris? Can I at least have a rosamund pyke? First johny depp gets a woman who looks like she is from sesame street and now I'm getting a f*cking transversite prostitute? kate mara how dare you? narrator kate nabs paul paul bettany Oh God where are you taking me? Who are these dudes? Oh sh*t please don't r*pe me I'm too intelligent to be gangr*ped why are you taking my phone you want to record the abhorring incident? kate mara Man shut the f*ck up I'm not a bloody bar troll, I'm the leader of a bullsh*t terrorist group and I'm using your phone to track down johny depp to destroy him paul bettany Really? a terror group is headed by an anoxeric chick? Just how much of losers are you guys? kate mara if angelina jolie could beat up men 10 times her weight in hand to hand combat in the movie salt and scallet johansson could snap necks with her broom stick thighs in winter soldier then............ paul bettany We should blame the lazy casting directors of hollywood kate mara I was gonna say that I can be the head of a terror group paul bettany No seriously casting directors really suck just like when they made zoe saldana play brian mills in columbiana and they made maggie Q play nikita I mean what is so femme fatale about a bunch of chicks who give you b*ners rather make you sh*t your pants kate mara *sigh* will someone put a doc tape round his mouth already? horse teeth chick from iron man 3 Uh oh trouble time to upload an entire human unto the internet this could take a while(2seconds later) all done johnny depp Aw yeah! time to head over to FBI computers and tell them about the bullsh*t terrorist group and where they can find them hmm ah! Hey google how do I get to FBI computers? narrator Johnny storms FBI computers and exposes the hideout of the lame terrorist cell(because their house is made of a giant computer that can be easily traced through the internet) and leaves the whole world to keep pondering on the location of ISIS then he storms wallstreet and makes horse teeth chick from iron man 3 a trillionaire and ignores the hobos,soup kitchens, refugees around the world and even other scientists who need funding for experiments and research, at FBI quarters cilian murphy notices that the lame terrorist cell has infiltrated their computers cilian murphy what da? Morgan freeman again? Why are you appearing in terrible films all of a sudden first it was dark knight rises, then olympus has fallen,oblivion and now this? What gives man? morgan freeman what do you want me to do? Relax and count all my cash? And bask in past glory why don't you ask robin william how that worked out for him? cilian murphy that was a very insensitive morgan freeman Speaking of insensitive why does nolan keep chunking out all these bullsh*t films at our expense and he keeps hiring you what are you his secret gay-lover or something especially when we know you can't act cilian murphy F*ck you man I have a golden globe morgan freeman After playing a transversite you mean? cilian murphy Why am I even arguing with you? I'm untop of you in this movie you are my b*tch wait that didn't come out right morgan freeman We’ve been infiltrated by some unknown force and all the AI scientists are extinct except me cos apparently I don't eat cake, I work from home and I look nothing like an AI scientist there! You know us now we shall be appearing in the next few scenes #Peace To be continued... 3 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by itstpia1: 3:43pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
severee: your write up is wasting megabytes though. 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 3:51pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
itstpia1: you can't put a price on quality ranting My friend 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by itstpia1: 6:54pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
dont force nlers to do so. |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 11:12pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
itstpia1: Don't force nairalanders to put a price on quality ranting sure that makes sense 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by brothers(m): 11:47pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
severee: hehehe you just dey mad |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by lechiffre: 11:59pm On Oct 16, 2014 |
Just reading and laughing this is so much better than the real movie |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by itstpia1: 4:00am On Oct 17, 2014 |
lechiffre: haba nlers una sabi kissass sha. 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by friendlyadvice: 7:40am On Oct 17, 2014 |
severee: Lol how you know say them hold meeting? I liked the movie a bit although it was very dissapointing Abeg show mercy |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by 33117(f): 7:57am On Oct 17, 2014 |
Hmmm mr.op how long will it take you to finish this one now cause the x men took forever |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 8:03am On Oct 17, 2014 |
33117: Nah! Don't worry I will be really quick with this, the delay with x men was writers block and I was very busy during that period besides this transcendence is a very boring movie with no highlights so I shd be done really soon |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by brothers(m): 8:07am On Oct 17, 2014 |
severee: Ashewo! Because say na gal u come dey form gentle man ode |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 8:18am On Oct 17, 2014 |
brothers: SMH when will you ever get sense? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by lechiffre: 8:24am On Oct 17, 2014 |
itstpia1:isn't being an a$$ kisser better than a desperate attention seeker? Just look around, the op is making fun of you and nobody has your time no one is interested in you, so just stop cause you are embarrassing yourself smh 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by itstpia1: 4:32pm On Oct 17, 2014 |
Why are you miserable? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by lechiffre: 8:51pm On Oct 17, 2014 |
itstpia1:. eiyah nothing to say right? Kpele Next time just keeping quiet is a better option compared to such weak comments smh 4 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by Csami(m): 1:30am On Oct 19, 2014 |
Severee ma man! Where have u been all this while? I've missed your honest trailer. Just so u know, that was a really bad movie if one starts to think about it. |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 10:42pm On Oct 19, 2014 |
Csami:. oga I dey o I wan be give my sef early retirement but when I see this transcendence movie. Omo I just vex |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 10:28pm On Oct 21, 2014 |
narrator the other lame terrorists(who johnny depp can't trace for reasons? )hold a meeting in a sh*t hole and have paul with them kate mara Paul we brought you here because we know you want to join our lame terrorist squad paul bettany How did you figure that one? kate mara Because you once wrote an article that claims that AI will be the end of the human race paul bettany Okay now that makes you ugly and st*pid are you for real? After all our colleagues that y'all killed I'm supposed to hop into your st*pid terror cell just because I wrote an article? (2seconds later) ok I'll join where do I signup? kate mara On you knees paul let me lay my hands on you, do you reject progress and all its works Including fighting sickness and poverty? paul bettany Yes I do kate mara Do you accept backwardness as your lifestyle and companion? paul bettany Yes I do kate mara Do you believe in the silly notion that one day robots will take over the world and f*ck us over? paul bettany Yes I do believe kate moss So now rise brother paul you are one of us now you are one of the lame terrorists paul bettany O yea now what's the order of business kate mara Our messenger pigeon just brought us information saying that horse teeth chick from iron man3 is now a multi-billionaire who is building a dr. Kanaga quarters in the middle of no where , that's pretty creepy so we shall be paying her a visit with a garrote poisoned cake and radio-active bullets you know how we roll paul bettany Well johnny depp is now a computer and we don't know what he is up to so the best thing to do is spread the word out that he is a computer and let the geek police handle it kate mara Oops! I just sent our messenger pigeon back to our correspondent we will have to do our broadcast to the world in two years time when the pigeon returns paul bettany Why don't you just send a text or a mass email or even walk over to a news station I mean that will take way less time kate mara Hello? We are a lame terrorist group being smart will defeat the purpose besides we hate technology paul bettany Technology? Like the GPS you used to track johnny depp or the radio active bullets you fired at johnny depp or the sophisticated explosives you used on the AI labs or the........ director/chris nolan CUT! narrator 2 years later johnny depp has built the perfect laboratory johnny depp Thank you dexter for helping me build my lab dexter No problem you know what else can spice up your lab? Nano-bots it eats up anything faster than pirhanas and turns people into mindless zombies johnny depp Cool I should totally get one of those horse teeth chick from iron man3 Uh honey what are you doing? johnny depp scaring the f*ck out of you that's what watch me puppet control this dude while I in all my naivety expect you to not lose your sh*t clifton collins jr Hi horse teeth chick from iron man 3 its me johnny in this dudes body watch me do a strip tease huh? horse teeth chick from iron man3 Wait you used technology to control the human mind? I think this is turning into a harry potter movie clifton collins jr. I now have super strength and agility with Voices in my head? I think this is turning into a raimi spiderman movie chris nolan yep I missed working on super hero movies so I just had to squeeze in a meaningless super villain sub plot clifton collins jr. So..........what do you think? horse teeth chick from iron man3 I think this movie is gonna tank I want out man time to call my agent and a divorce attorney too you are creeping me out johnny depp o yea let's see how you call your lawyer or send a mail when I'm online horse teeth chick from iron man3 I can take a cab johnny depp good luck finding your attorneys office when the cab drivers GPS starts tripping horse teeth chick from iron man3 fine I'll walk then narrator horse teeth chick from iron man3 invites cilian murphy and morgan freeman over to her lab cilian murphy Thanks for inviting us horse teeth chick from iron man3 Wow! I'm even surprised you dudes didn't come over till now I mean weren't you people supposed to investigate how I made multi-billion dollars over night? morgan freeman Or that america's paranoid government didn't flip the f*ck out about an unlicensed illegal structure/terrorist base lookalike in the middle of nowhere cilian murphy Yeah well you pay your taxes so I assumed that you are a good person horse teeth chick from iron man3 Hmmm a government agent visiting a industrial complex and hosted by a chick/villain who illegally became rich and plans on ruling the world? now the movie is turning into a james bond movie from the 60s chris nolan what can I say? I'm a fan of james bond flicks that would explain why I ripped off the snow chase scene from On Her Majestys Secret Service and put it in inceptions climax it will also explain why the climax of TDKR looked like the climax from moonraker cilian murphy Yea all that is remaining now is a cat and tons of brainless goons horse teeth chick from iron man3 As a matter of speaking,I got a group of universal soldiers knock-off I have over there cillian murphy Huh?. horse teeth chick from iron man3 Oh they totally volunteered for this they so weren't forcefully done please promise not to freak out when you leave? cilian murphy I promise narrator cilian murphy takes two steps out of the lab and begins to freak out narrator We have to stop this we have to stop johnny so let's shut down the internet and destroy every single computer in the world To be continued.... |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 11:29am On Oct 30, 2014 |
morgan freeman shut it down? common isn't that a bit of a stretch? the only threat we face is her mindless super soldiers which she perhaps kept aside iron man 3 stan lee Hmmm I heard that morgan freeman And besides the lab is located at like a billion miles away from the city , it even relies on independent power supply so why don't you report to your superiors and have them shut it down in like 2 hours we would even forget this ever happened cillian murphy f*ck that man I say we go jack bauer on their a*sses and don't tell me what to do you are just a p*ssy government scientist ]b]morgan freeman[/b] Hey don't even think of bullying me dude my president is black and I have a higher reasoning than you do ]b]cillian murphy[/b] your president is black huh? Why don't you ask trayvor martin how that worked out for him who knows in my case I may even get a medal morgan freeman *sigh* cillian murphy Or better yet I'll get the lame terrorists to blow up the facility and take the fall for my clandestine mission morgan freeman yea right like they will fall for that narrator the lame terrorists totally eat it up because you know............they are lame next morgan freeman strolls into the lame terrorist super secret location to talk to paul morgan freeman Hey paul how is it going please I need you to sign this document that totally excludes the FBI from your fast and the furious 6 criminal /gov't allignment operation going on paul bettany Dude aren't you going to at least act surprised that I'm still alive morgan freeman What has two thumbs and does not give a f*ck THIS GUY!(Points at himself) paul bettany Yea well about that I was thinking we should just go ahead and lamely throw outdated explosives into the lab till it gets blown to sh*t and alert the police as well as fist fight their super soldiers which will end up either killing us or getting us arrested because subtlety isn't the way we roll and oh we are going to need your help. morgan freeman F*ck no man I ain't helping you with that. (2 seconds later) ok fine I'm in kate mara Now here's the plan we shall blow up a couple of their billion solar panel thingies and shoot a handful of insignificant bad guys paul bettany How would you know they are bad guys? kate mara Because they would be using their super powers duh? paul bettany What if he is an innocent passerby they just experimented on without his knowledge or just another worker who isn't a hostile or just ............. kate mara (Scowls) paul bettany *rolling eyes* okay fine kate mara Take that! super soldier(shoots one of the super soldiers) super soldiers very funny like that will have any effect on me now if you would excuse me I will just wolverine heal myself and come back to murder you all I'll be one second paul bettany surprise surprise kate mara Shooting him didn't work? It always works did I mention this was our uranium special? How do we kill him now? paul bettany We could lure him into that. (points at some box) kate mara And how does that help? paul bettany I don't know for some reason the cage cures everything kate mara Hmmm sounds lame enough I'll do it narrator using the ellen page jogernaut trick from xmen 3 lame terrorists are able to lure the super soldier into the cage which is a hybrid of the glass trap from the avengers and the cure from xmen 3 stan lee I heard that chris nolan hey f*ck off old man you've been stealing from DC remember? you didn't think of making an iron man movie till you saw batman and you didn't think of making winter soldier till you saw red and you didn't think of making the avengers till you saw watchmen you brought out guardians of the galaxy after dc did green latern even right now I heard you are pulling iron man vs captain america outta ya a*sses just because of the batman vs superman we are coming up with so go f*ck a goat and see if I care stan lee *grumbling*(walks away) kate mara Ahem guys? We are shooting a lame movie here, okay hahaha now you've lost your powers I shall murder the f*ck out of you because I'm crazy you see paul bettany Hey I've collected one of the nano robots from his blood sample and i've hacked into johnny's source code using the hollywood policy don't ask don't tell kate mara Okay so where is it? paul bettany Its right here on the table kate mara I can't see sh*t paul bettany May be you should use the microscope I mean you shouldn't have a problem with that right now since you are now into technology and sh*t kate mara Yea I'm kind of defying the storyline right now and all those AI scientists we killed only to become dependent on them once more I mean is there a message you are trying to send with this gesture nolan? chris nolan Er.....nope however that reminds me I should go work on some bullsh*t commentary I'll give during the movies premier to make people actually think the movie is deep later guys. To be continued..... |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by forreelinc(m): 9:36pm On Oct 30, 2014 |
severee:lol no mind them na so them go dey copy themself up and down |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 9:55pm On Oct 30, 2014 |
forreelinc:. Yes o this movie alone has like four different marvel movie subplots tied to it na copy and paste for 3D theatre na e sure for them now gone are the days when they make movies to wow you |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by forreelinc(m): 10:00pm On Oct 30, 2014 |
severee:they are just playing it safe too safe if you ask me though because its becoming boring no risk takers anymore |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by severee(m): 8:27pm On Nov 04, 2014 |
paul bettany So now all we have to do is find a way to install the virus into the master AI and it'll all come crashing down its a #NoBrainer morgan freeman Good work, you see cilian we don't have to risk society and civilization just to shut johnny down cilian murphy morgan freeman why are you smiling? paul bettany Oh that sh*t is still going to happen we are totally going to tank civilization as we know it because once we shut johnny depp down we would have to disconnect from all devices that have access to the internet morgan freeman O_o right! Just like how you have to drive your porsche off a cliff just cause its batteries don't work? So what happens if you buy new devices that haven't been used? paul bettany No no no, you can't do that cause this is a super high tech virus. This virus will eat up your M.board. It’ll grill your graphics card and just when you think its done it will leap out of the USB ports and burn your sh*t to the ground morgan freeman *sigh* narrator horse teeth chick from iron man 3 is beginning to realize just how creepy johnny is( really? Like you didn't catch pirates of the carribean) johnny depp hi honey! horse teeth chick from iron man3 *gasp* oh my God please don't hit me johnny depp Hit you? Why you are the only one capable of spouse abuse here is you I mean you can like totally delete me if you don't like what I say, anyway I just wanted to tell you, YOU'VE GOT MAIL horse teeth chick from iron man3 you read my emails what gives dude? johnny depp Hmmm I'm sensing some hostility here are you okay? Take it easy your blood pressure is spiking horse teeth chick from iron man3 and now you are checking my heart rate and. Tempo? For the love of christ what do I have that is still private? johnny depp your mosquito bite b*obs? horse teeth chick from iron man3 oh how nice you peeked at me in the shower? How did you do it satellite?CCTV? johnny depp Er............... I think everyone with an imagination knows what your b*obs look like trust me I never peek when you shower cos there ain't nothing to see like really horse teeth chick from iron man3 And now you are checking with my fans to know what they think about me? johnny depp fans? You got any of that? Are you kidding me? you're one of the most boring chicks in hollywood even standing beside me still ain't doing you any favours horse teeth chick from iron man3 dating a computer is so not fun...... johnny depp not to mention pretty loony too! narrator horse teeth chick from iron man3 dashes out of blofeld quarters when the lame terrorists abduct her and drag her flat a*ss back to their lame quarters lame terrorist that's right we are still in this movie guys horse teeth chick from iron man3 Hey paul what's good if you don't mind, I would like to completely not act surprised that you are still alive and would just like to get down to business paul bettany *rolling eyes* fine! Johnny has ejaculated his nano bots into the sky which has polluted the sky and is contaminating the skies and rivers and shall cause global nanobotization horse teeth chick from iron man3 How did you figure that? paul bettany That puddle of rainwater is not pure that means the whole of the sky is contaminated horse teeth chick from iron man3 Wow you are basing all that on this one puddle of rainwater? paul bettany Wow just thinking about that, it really sounds lame I guess some of their lameness has rubbed off on me anyway we wanna destroy johnny and we need your help horse teeth chick from iron man3 Oh cool how can I help paul bettany We are gonna download a virus into you so you can upload online and destroy johnny horse teeth chick from iron man3 Ok but I don't think infecting me with herpes can take down johnny paul bettany No no I mean a computer virus you know trojan, I love you bug,recycler? horse teeth chick from iron man3 O_o how the f*ck is any of that possible director Yea I know chris nolan totally sucks let's just go with it narrator horse teeth chick from iron man3 returns to blofeld quarters and finds johnny in human form because yea that can happen horse teeth chick from iron man3 What da? Where did you get your body from and how did you get it to work? johnny depp Em............Er.........Well......... director (whispering) avoid the question you dumbass johnny depp Oh right (changes topic) you b*tch you are here to destroy me horse teeth chick from iron man3 you read my mind again? johnny depp Didn't need to do that b*tch its zero point energy first you stormed outta here like you were on fire only to return with a 1960s james bond assault squad consisting of crazy terrorists and dumb federal agents. horse teeth chick from iron man3 Oh! er you saw that johnny depp What I still don't get is why do everyone wanna kill me I'm a man whose soul is stuck in a freaking computer how is no one totally psyched about it? cillian murphy Oh sh*t johnny has totally shot through our lame plan let's fall back to plan B morgan freeman And what is plan B? cillian murphy We are totally going to go crazy and randomly throw bombs at the building and hope there isn't a nuclear reactor in the facility morgan freeman *sigh* if only we had just reported to your superiors they would have totally air struck the facility without breaking a sweat cillian murphy *scowls* morgan freeman *rolling eyes* alright fine hand me a mortar hold on is rebecca aware of your plan B cillian murphy throw the f*cking thing already narrator boom boom motherf*cking boom and er yea that's right BOOM!!!!!!!!! universal soldiers knock-off Oh hey look at those guys are totally assaulting our base...................ehn! They will be fine horse teeth chick from iron man3 Ouch! I have been mortally wounded by an exploding mortar universal soldiers knock-off no one hurts horse teeth chick from iron man3 and gets away with it GET THEM!!! But slowly so that the movie audience shall be bored to death and unable to demand a refund. johnny depp lucky I'm in human form right?(Picks her up and takes her to the lab) kate mara Hey johnny! Upload the virus or I blow paul's head off paul bettany hey! Why me? I thought I was part of you guys? I totally took an oath and all johnny depp choose between the dude who tried to kill me or my lovely wife oh God the dilemma, the suspense horse teeth chick from iron man3 Is there really a dilemma? I mean you can heal me and upload the virus you know save the both of us johnny depp Er...........the explosion totally knocked out the power so I can't save you both horse teeth chick from iron man3 Power failure really? what are you? a NEPA spokes person? What about your billion solar panels they are barely vanquished even the vandalized panels are repairing itself or is the explosion also damaging the sunlight cause if that's the case Then we are f*cked johnny depp Well er...........em.......the facility is damaged by the assault horse teeth chick from iron man3 yea you mean the facility that is about ten stories underground? johnny depp can't you see I'm trying to be in a dilemma right now narrator in a surprising/lame turn of events johnny chooses paul paul bettany OMG johnny hated his wife so much that he chose a dude who wants him dead over her this means he was totally............. johnny depp tada! I was totally human the whole time see? horse teeth chick from iron man3 and you are just telling us now? Erk(dies) paul bettany Wow so the real johnny was actually a fan of iron man 3 and universal soldier yuk! That's sick johnny depp What? Lame movies have fans too (dies) narrator and all over the world there's a total shut down of technology just like the end of terminator 3 cillian murphy[\b] oops! [b]morgan freeman Told you narrator its time for chris nolan to make one of his bullsh*t speech on the movies real life reference chris nolan Er yea for reference well its a totally lame movie so I shall be putting all blame on the director just like I did in man of steel warner greedy executives told you they've seen through your bullsh*t this is the last time I shall be producing one of your bullsh*ts chris nolan What about my hybrid project warner greedy executives Hybrid project chris nolan I call it interstellar its a hybrid of armageddon and gravity so what you say? warner greedy executives Well we are greedy and st*pid so you are on End |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Transcendence by friendlyadvice: 11:27pm On Nov 04, 2014 |
wait o are you joking? Did johnie depp really die at the end of the movie because honestly I was too bored to finish the movie, if he did then the movie is very meaningless didn't they design the computer to keep him alive? |
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