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Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:57am On Jul 24, 2015 |
narrator the movie begins in sokovia(man just say poland) where our avengers are thankful that they still have careers jeremy renner Phew! Good thing i was retained despite my starring in that sh*tty hansel and gretel reboot scarlett johansson Yea and my gawd awful sci-fi assassin flick lucy didn't kill my chances with marvel either chris evans Thank you God for keeping me in the avengers after that crappy snowpiercer movie mark ruffalo Perhaps marvels cheapness over looked my starring in that cheesy flick now you see me robert downey jr Well at least you didn't star in some sick flick where you scored with your daughter why did i ever star in the judge? chris hemsworth It could be worse, you could be in a boring snow white reboot with kristen stewart narrator meanwhile in hydra quarters Thomas Kretschmann is sh*tting his pants Thomas Kretschmann Hey i thought i was a main villain? You mean i'm just a pre-credit sequence baddie? Ugh! So much for my high expectations narrators next the avengers are asking questions about their story continuity which marvel tossed in the trash robert downey jr Hey why am i in a battle suit? I thought i vowed never to be iron man again? I even destroyed all my suits what was that about? The suits don't even look different scarlett johansson And why am i not in prison for wiki-leaking government secret to the entire world? edward snowden yea america you owe me an apology chris evans Hey how come i have a motorcycle? Didn't i trash it in winter soldier? mark ruffalo How come when i turn into the hulk, my shirt rips up but my pants still stay on? chris hemsworth Hey how come i still have asgardian powers? I thought i was banished for treason at the end of dark world? Thomas Kretschmann And how did you find my base? I thought there was nothing to find? stan lee Well do you watch agents of shield Thomas Kretschmann Yuk! Does anyone watch that? stan lee Well *shrugs* tough sh*t you would have been aware that your base has been discovered jeremy renner Hey how come avengers can blow anyones country to sh*t don't we run into jurisdiction issues? stan lee Shut up jeremy renner And how come we kill a sh*t ton of people without the UN charging us with genocide? stan lee Didn't i say shut up? jeremy renner Why do they even call us the good guys when we save the world from self inflicted problems stan lee that's it! Shoot him shoot him now narrator jeremy gets blasted in the nuts jeremy renner Oh i just got wounded like i aint p*ssy enough, ugh I wonder who signs my pay checks now that shield has gone under? Cause i'm gonna need a hefty health insurance to hire a korean chick to fix my nuts back robert downey jr Dammit sh*t f*ck i just fired missiles at the hydra fortress but its protected by a blue force field? Apparently someone forgot to tell joss whedon this isn't a cartoon chris evans woa! Dude easy on the strong language remember this is a kiddy flick and we need to mind what we show kids robert downey jr is that why you graphically crushed those hydra agents throat with your shield and smashed them with your motorcycle? chris evans Er(changes topic) hey look the force field is down ATTACK!!! Thomas Kretschmann Holy f*ck they are in what do we do? Henry Goodman We could use the twins aaron taylor and elizabeth olsen Thomas Kretschmann Yea you mean the twins hitting on each other? someone please tell them this aint godzilla aaron taylor Ew! We are siblings? but we f*cking kissed and fondled our goodies and we have an annoying kid elizabeth olsen that was another movie, this is a different movie that's why we have st*pid hair styles and obnoxious eastern european accents Henry Goodman Guys guys suit up the avengers have bursted in here aaron taylor Agh! Don't worry godzilla will save us oh i forgot wrong movie RUN!!! Thomas Kretschmann Don't ask them to suit up you *diot they aren't ready what do you expect them to do? Henry Goodman Well one can cause an avalanche while the other can mind control the avengers into fighting each other take your pick Thomas Kretschmann Nah! Let's keep sending more hydra soldiers for the avengers to wipe their a*sses with, meanwhile i shall make my evil escape Henry Goodman How? By subpod?getaway train?getaway jet? Thomas Kretschmann Screw that! I'll escape by foot narrator chris evans bursts in elizabeth olsen Take that!*zaps chris evans* chris evans Hehehe that tickles hey guys our primary villains in this movie are teenagers please try not to testosterone them to death aaron taylor Hey look robert downey jr is out of his suit elizabeth olsen You mean the strongest and most valuable player that controls the avengers? chris evans Hey i thought that was me elizabeth olsen Pfft! Yea right aaron taylor And we also have an axe to grind with robert downey jr this is like a dream come true so how do we kill him? elizabeth olsen Kill him? Oh i have a better idea i shall GIVE HIM NIGHTMARES muahahahahahaha aaron taylor Night mares? I thought he already had those, isn't that the reason why he had those spongebob like panic attacks in iron man 3? elizabeth olsen No this nightmare is different it is a giant f*ck you to the audience YOU JUST WASTED YOUR MONEY AGAIN!!! Captain americas shield didn't break it was just a dream audience Really? All that was just another mandarin scam how disappointing joss whedon Oh we are just getting started this movie is one giant boat of disappointments stay tuned chris evans Yawn! I'm tired of this unfair fight. Lets call it a day(knocks out Thomas with his shield) Thomas Kretschmann Really? chris evans Hey scarlett time to tone down the hulk scarlett johansson *sigh* alright big guy lets get this over with(touches mark's palm) mark ruffalo Oh sh*t(creams his shots) scarlett johansson Phew! Thank God it didn't have to be another bl*wjob, hey why is my hair style short and colored different in this movie? chris evans Ok let's not confiscate hydra's work equipment so that it can be used as a base by another villain,oorah! AVENGERS MOVE OUT To be continued.... 8 Likes 1 Share
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Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by kobosmart(m): 9:14am On Jul 24, 2015 |
dancing soki, wa sheyre i don dey wait for person wey go yab this movie Abeg no to be continued finish am today this movie was rubbish severee: This part got me ROTFLing guy you dey craze |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by brothers(m): 9:24am On Jul 24, 2015 |
Marvel don phuck up super v batman go top them na 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by Eapps(f): 9:31am On Jul 24, 2015 |
Are you kidding this movie was awesome |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 9:35am On Jul 24, 2015 |
brothers: Yea i heard the superman batman flick is going to be good Its going to feature doomsday |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by brothers(m): 9:40am On Jul 24, 2015 |
@severe even tho they don't feeature anyone, superman vs batman is still going to be far better that this ridiculous avengers the mpvie was so daft 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by ovalrose(f): 8:34pm On Jul 25, 2015 |
kaiii this severee eh. I wonder how u come up with these.,so funny |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 9:08pm On Jul 25, 2015 |
ovalrose: they come from my pain and disappointment |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by Csami(m): 8:08am On Jul 26, 2015 |
I see u killing them again |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 8:38am On Jul 26, 2015 |
1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by GJames(m): 8:08pm On Jul 27, 2015 |
Waiting for more. Screen Junkies needs you severee |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:35pm On Jul 27, 2015 |
GJames:Loool @screen junkies those guys are awesome 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 7:26pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
narrator the avengers leave the scene without cleaning up the dead bodies they littered the forest with chris hemsworth hey ruffalo we did a herd count of all the people we murdered today and you have the highest share again, congratulations mark ruffalo I kill people? And i'm just worrying about that now? chris hemsworth Ha loki's sceptre lemme see how far i can chunk it into space robert downey jr no don't do that? chris hemsworth Why? robert downey jr Let's not dump the whole loki sceptre plot, let's go green and recycle it chris hemsworth Oh that's true let's just hope nothing evil comes from the sceptre even though it comes from a planet that almost killed us all in the last movie narrator they head back to base which is a robert downey jr Hey mark why are you wearing a lab coat? mark ruffalo Because i'm a geek scientist remember? robert downey jr Really? So the idea for hulk was stolen from dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde? ugh! Marvel mark ruffalo Ok loki's sceptre lets destroy it robert downey jr Actually i was thinking of recycling it mark ruffalo Ok you mean the way they tried to recycle the tesseract but ended up unleashing loki and a bunch of demon army aliens we had a hard time killing robert downey jr No i mean we should harness the artificial intelligence within the sceptre and use it to save the world while we go about our boring lives mark ruffalo An artificial intelligence from a sceptre? How did you create that? robert downey jr I'll rather not say, seriously an important plot detail like that will totally go unexplained mark ruffalo Why don't you get your house party protocol to protect the world or your remote iron man for that or better still LEAVE IT TO THE GOVERNMENT who should totally be informed before such a dangerous experiment robert downey jr Ehn! Who listens to you anyway? Hey paul activate the artificial intelligence in the sceptre while we are gone ok paul bettany Well shall i scan for any malware before uploading this unknown entity into your computer? robert downey jr Nah! Just run it through my good man mark ruffalo Isn't that how ben whishaw allowed javier bardem escape holding in skyfall? robert downey jr PARTY!!!! cobbie smulders We are having a party? Why? robert downey jr Er i don't know isn't that what super heroes do at the end of the day? cobbie smulders Yea maybe power rangers and terra hawks shouldn't we be at some pentagon strategy meeting or something i mean that's how peace keeping corps work in real life right? robert downey jr More st*pidity less realism stan lee Hey guys remember me i was the cameo character who didn't believe in super heroes well i'm in the sequel of that movie i'm a cameo character who is a groupie for the avengers am i wearing a disguise that makes me look different from the other guy? No! I look the exact same way seriously, why does marvel keep making me do these cameo appearances? i don't think anyone comes to a marvel movie to watch a ten second clip of marvel's obnoxious CEO anthony mackie Hey chris why didn't you take me with you to kick some hydra a*ss? chris evans Oh you're in this movie? I thought we were gonna act like you never happened so are we still looking for sebastian stan or......... anthony mackie F*ck no this is totally a cameo appearance excuse me while i go mingle with alchoholics try to forget that i belonged to an alchoholics anonymous support group in winter soldier okay? don cheadle Hey i'm also in this movie chris evans Ok what are the side kicks from our stand alone movies doing here? joss whedon Just wanna show those guys in the audience who call marvel racists for having an all white cast, look we even have an asian "stereotypical" nerd asian I'm not just a stereotype i hold the key to an important plot point and a new character joss whedon Which could have landed anyone in america but hey sucking asia's d*ck here to get asians to watch the movie so i shall make you korean for no reason robert downey jr So how is home? chris evans Too broke to afford a home i'm a hobo once more robert downey jr Wow and you are giving me sh*t for cursing? chris evans language!!! robert downey jr how can a dude called captain america indirectly sh*t on the american dream of owning a home? nice bomb to drop on the kids in the audience chris hemsworth Hey robert how is your girlfriend? robert downey jr Who gwyneth paltrow? Yea she is super wrinkled and looks like my mother perhaps that's why we chose not to cast her in this movie but she still exists though chris hemsworth Well my girlfriend is f*cking aston kutcher till i get back robert downey jr Ew! What a skank chris hemsworth Nah there are No strings attached i'll say your girlfriend is the skank robert downey jr No your girlfriend is a skank chris hemsworth No, yours robert downey jr No, yours mark ruffalo Hey scarlett you wanna get an unstable dangerous dude a shot of tequila? scarlett johansson Hahahaha you're so funny mark ruffalo No seriously i wanna get hammered tonight Why are you giving me f*ck me eyes? scarlett johansson Cause i've got the hots for you even though we had no chemistry whatsoever in the prequel, wanna take this heat upstairs? mark ruffalo Well if i could remember properly, when i tried bang liv tyler i almost turned into the green guy............ Wait a minute i haven't been laid since 2008? How frustrating grrrrrr! scarlett johansson *rolling eyes* i'll just go upstairs and rub one out mark ruffalo Hey chris you see that? Scarlett was totally flirting with me chris evans Nah she's an office sl*t she flirts with everyone(walks away) narrator meanwhile paul bettany has awoken james spader paul bettany Hello james spader why does that name sound familiar? james spader Cause i was in that movie with jack nicholson where i tried to have butt sex with michelle pfeifer paul bettany Woa! What are doing? Stop! No means no! I said stop! It hurts!....... my guess is whoever wrote this didn't realize this part plays out like an artificial intelligence is trying to r*pe a dude james spader Shh!(Dominates paul) oooo! I hear a parrrrrrtey? narrator Back at the party the avengers talk about dumb sh*t like trying to lift thors hammer which just so happens to be there don cheadle Lemme try lemme try grrrrrrr! (Sh*ts his pants) chris hemsworth I'm telling you only those who are worthy can lift my hammer robert downey jr So if we are to forge your palm print perhaps we can lift it Kind of like timothy daltons palm print signature gun in licensed to kill chris hemsworth Wow! Never thought of that possibility robert downey jr Yep me neither let's keep tugging at it like *diots mark ruffalo Lemme try robert downey jr We saw how the green guy couldn't lift it in the last movie so don't bother chris evans Lemme try it(lifts it a little) robert downey jr No way, how come chris gets to lift it?i'm more powerful than chris, mark and chris hemsworth combined chris hemsworth Really? robert downey jr Well yea, my suit actually stood its ground against you and your hammer in the prequel and i get to knock mark's tooth out later in this movie and i will gladly use chris evans here to pick my teeth when i'm done chris hemsworth Whatever hey scarlett wanna give it a try? scarlett johansson Nope because men are stronger than women and what a man can't do a woman can't even dream of it marvel Moral of the story: *tongue out* to feminine rights activists everywhere james spader hey guys i heard y'all having a party allow me open the dance floor with my steps from micheal jacksons thriller robert downey jr Oh coincidentally the party guests all left before you finished what ever you were doing, we are here to find out who is worthy of lifting chris hemsworth's hammer james spader How can you be worthy? Your stand alones all suck - Chris evans you leaked government secret but allowed a criminal get away because he was your non-aging friend from WWII - Chris hemsworth you were totally fooled with a fake death by a dude who pretended you arm was cut a second ago -Scarlett johanssen,jeremy renner and cobbie smulders are super boring and shouldn't be in this movie in the first place -Mark ruffalo they never explore any new grounds with your character and you always sound like a dork chris hemsworth Who sent you? james spader Really? i came out of the lab out back, i'm in a mecha suit you wanna guess who sent me dumbass? Robert downey jr Please don't tell me my plan back fired and activated a violent AI set to destroy the world? james spader No i'm here for peace robert downey jr Phew! james spader That's why i shall attack you with your mudane traffic warden robo-cops robert downey jr Why? james spader Eh so everyone can have a chance at defeating them i have cobbie,scarlett and jeremy renner to take under consideration you know robert downey jr No why are you attacking us what is your motivation as a villain? james spader Oh that's simple my motivation is to make the avengers extinct i mean to wage a war against the world for waging wars against themselves i mean i wanna set puppets free everywhere i mean....... robert downey jr still don't get that puppet concept you threw around in the trailer what does it mean you were never a puppet hell you weren't even a living being james spader Oh don't bother about that cause i'm not going to bother explaining it see ya got to go surf the web and cause havoc cobbie smulders Ok you know james f*cking with the internet is gonna be detrimental right? Why don't we design a defence programme to protect vital industries and information from cyber attacks chris hemsworth I got a better idea(grabs robert by the neck and starts shaking him like a rag doll for 2 seconds) this is your fault, this your fault don cheadle Wow that was necessary, did anyone notice that james appearance was kind of similar to how loki made his first appearance in the prequel? joss whedon Oh yea i noticed avengers one was seriously over hyped so i guess creating an avengers movie formular is a good business choice right? We are gonna do the exact same things we did last time and then wrap it up in new packs and call it fresh mark ruffalo Hey what's wrong with paul? robert downey jr Paul is dead mark riffalo really did james eat him up or something why does he look like that? Do computer programmes even get killed ugh! Marvel To be continued..... 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by SIRcumalot: 2:37am On Jul 31, 2015 |
It was a PtSD group not AA,
This is very funny. |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by mrmagoo(m): 9:38am On Jul 31, 2015 |
SIRcumalot: Don't mind him he is just a jobless attention seeker who enjoys to spread his ignorance with these needy and tasteless write-ups instead of just asking questions About things he does not understand @op you get time smh |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:19am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo: ouch! |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by mrmagoo(m): 10:35am On Jul 31, 2015 |
severee: That's all you can say my friend please never mention me again for such an irrelevant comment don't bring your neediness and childish behaviour to my side |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 10:49am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo: Come on we are just having fun here |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by mrmagoo(m): 10:57am On Jul 31, 2015 |
severee: Ok having fun by expressing your lack of knowledge on a good movie? Smh these people worked so hard to create such a movie but because some couch potato who knows nothing about film making does not understand it, they go around nitpicking on the movie and consider themselves smart |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 11:03am On Jul 31, 2015 |
mrmagoo:of course we know it's hard work na i've been on several movie sets from hell it's hard work to shoot a movie especially with an incompetent staff, the point of the matter is everyone works hard to shoot a movie whether good or bad or nollywood its expected its not something you have to keep praising over and over again and come on the movie was bad nothing personal |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by mrmagoo(m): 11:15am On Jul 31, 2015 |
severee: So mr film critic what made it a bad movie? The plot holes? or action scenes? Or the other shallow points you always lift? What about the. Conservative(political) theme of the movie? Or the ideal of sentiment which almost every marvel movie strings along with it? If you bring up points like that it will make your reviews less juvenile who cares if iron man destroyed his suit or if black widow and eric banner are not compatible? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by Eapps(f): 11:22am On Jul 31, 2015 |
@mrmagoo Seconded i loved this movie apart from the increase in action scenes It went deeper into the story of the characters which made them more human E.g: hawkeye's family, black widow and bruce banner,tony starks fear and mistakes etc It was realistic enough to show that their actions had consequencies and actually caused casualties especially the hulk ironman fight in wakanda and for once not everyone loved them even though their actions were noble its synonymous to the U.S and their perception to the middle east And don't get me started on ultron, he was a refreshing change to the MCU villain cluster he wasn't after some power source or world domination he just wanted peace and change which he resolved human extinction to be the only solution which made him more dangerous and upped the stakes in this movie, he wasn't the flashy look at me villain but more of a listen to me villain i really liked that about him marvel really tried this time, they really lived up to the hype |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 11:29am On Jul 31, 2015 |
Rotfl! Na wa una funny o if u're looking to sound deep to your friends go read a science book or watch a pretentious movie from lars von trier and pier pasolini but don't tell me nonsense like age of ultron was a deep movie with a deep message of all movies didn't you have a headache after watching it? 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by badinfluence: 3:39pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
And what was the problem with American Sniper.. age of ultron flopped but so far you've yet to show how.. you're just trying to bring logic and we all know sometimes in the movie world, logic is overlooked. If you're criticising movies based on logic then every movie is a bad one. Your write up on American Sniper was screaming 'I must be funny' and it didn't make any point.. no offence 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 4:20pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence: you mean the same way your comment screams i must be noticed? But it's cool anyway, so what other scripts of mine have you read? I'm bored i need to chat with someone at least till magoo gets back |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by SIRcumalot: 4:29pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
regardless of any bodies opinion this review is funny, O.P continue abeg. 3 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by Eapps(f): 4:40pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence: Pls what exactly is your idea of a movie flopping It made $1.3billion it,it holds a rating of over 70% if it was a flop then i wonder what you'll call a successful movie? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by badinfluence: 5:24pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
Eapps:I'm not talking about how it did in the market. If you actually are consistent with the comic universe, you'd know the movie was a big disappointment. Moreover it wasn't different from what we saw in the prequel. If you are familiar with the story of ultron, you'd know his depiction in the movie was a joke. 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by badinfluence: 5:31pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
severee:There's nothing seeking notice in that comment. It's just the truth.. I actually like looking forward to movie criticisms but what you did in American Sniper no follow.. Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 6:01pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence:nah it's attention seeking and not even the subtle kind you know, the kind where you just jump and go all "attack attack" especially when your point at the end was the exact same thing you read from mrmagoo earlier but don't worry attention seeking isn't a bad thing especially if you actually get the attention badinfluence:hehehe so you can rush in and attention seek? badinfluence: Are you serious? It was lazy, it was generic, it was super predictable I mean an ordinary man joins the army he becomes awesome then encounters another excellent soldier on the enemy's side that kills his soldier friends and sends him into Post traumatic stress disorder please haven't we seen that in hurt locker,enemy at the gates,jarhead,machine gun preacher and if possible every other war movie there is in hollywood? Come on, if its the awards it won well guess what? its a movie on chris kyle of course it will win something But its cool sha i'm not mad at you for liking it 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by badinfluence: 6:42pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
severee:So your long script was because it's generic.. then you should criticise 90% of the movies produced by hollywood.. and your criticism is exactly like 'movie sin counter'. Just saying sha 1 Like |
Re: Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron by severee(m): 7:08pm On Jul 31, 2015 |
badinfluence: 90% of hollywood movies are generic and that is why you think american sniper was a wrong movie to pick on? like i said you are free to like american sniper no need for the excuses and justifications i'm posting my avengers part 3 script today and i shall dedicate it to you enjoy badinfluence: wow! Thanks for the discovery you are so smart too bad people say it on every single thread of mine i believe Someone even beat u to it on this thread |
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