Hello nairalanders, i have been married for two months now but my marriage is turning into something else, we are not happy as we use to be when we were dating,my husband even shouts at me, we argue alot even when he is wrong he will never accept his fault. It pains me alot, i really want us to be happy like we were when we were dating, please house help m

You need to understand that things will always change, either for better or for worse.
Your role is to adapt and manage that change to achieve your desired objectives.
If my understanding of your situation is correct, I suggest you talk less (argue less with your husband).
Make him happy, accomodate most of his faults, and support him. Actually that is your role in the marriage - to help your husband, not to argue and confront. If you can't control yourself when an argument is about to take off, just pour some water into your mouth and hold it there until he calms down).
Some men are something else. Look upto God and bring him into your marriage. Don't give up, my dear. 


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FROM THE TABLE OF REV FATHER

PLS COMMIT YOUR MARRIAGE INTO THE HANDS OF THE LORD AND YOU WILL DERIVE HAPPINESS FROM IT. GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

You get to know the Real man you married after marriage. - - - - patience and understanding is the word.

2 months into marriage is too earlier 2 get fed up,

jjj

I agree with what has been said here.

Sometimes our husbands feel the need to assert their role as 'boss' early on. You must learn to lead from behind.

Each of you is trying to find their place in the marriage and find their 'roles' this period has its pains and can only be made smoother by the woman. By keeping quiet even when he is wrong you show that you're the one in charge. There will come a time when you are playing (gisting), laughing and joking that you will be able to bring up the things that bother you about the marriage.

Speak to your mother or better yet speak to his mother she can provide valuable insight into her son, daily living insight that you may be able to use to your advantage.

Please hang in there the reward is so worth it. Both of you are being 'trained' to the other and it will pay off in the end.

May I ask how old you and he are?
How long did you court?
do you live alone?
Is his scolding/yelling done in private?
Did he behave like this before you married him?
Did you discuss expectations about marriage before marriage?
Are his requests unreasonable?
Does he provide for you?

Mohawkchic: I have a tiny harmless e-crush on you No homo

lol. You're welcome

take it easy girl,the solution is patience,do more of watching and keeping your mouth shut,is not easy i agree,that is why it is said that marriage is another institution without graduation.you will see some things you never expected,his character will change whether for good or bad.so try all your best to make yourself happy,as for his friend staying with you,i don't think is wise,but ignore his behaviour and make yourself happy,i wish you well.

I agree to all that have been said,but the nail has not been hit on the head.
the way to my heart is, sex
my dear sister if u want ur husy to always listen to u dont deny him of sex
even when u are very tierd try not to refuse him
cos this will really help it work for me
i have been married for 3yrs now,after 3months of unhappy marriageand now found a solution to my problem
after reading so many marriage column
now am very happy that all my friends are saying ur marriage is so different.
but dont forget that GOD is the author of marriage so always go back to him cos that is my first KEY
TRY THIS TWO U WILL SMILE

@Poster,

2 months is too early to give up.

U hv to be like Queen Esther & nt like Queen Vashti.

Ur home shd be a place where ur hubby can run to.

When he comes home, NEVER nag him. Nagging means, saying, why r u home late, why did u leave ur clothes on d floor & repeating them over and over again.

Patience is important.

Making love is important. U were created 4 ur hubby. NEVER deny him sex.

That friend needs to leave. Call your hubby when he has eaten & tell him that, u want d friend to go.

If you have smth imp to say to ur hubby, cook for him and when he is full, tell him without shouting.

First year of marriage is always like that. You are learning to know each other.

Best Advise that, I had from my sis in law's mum was that, do not have any friends especially best friends. They end up taking ur hubby.

Make ur hubby ur best friend.

U r welcome Dellynash.

Afterall, d bible says, d older women shd counsel d younger women.

Holla anytime!

Peace in ur home in Jesus's name!

Amen oh abujabooks.

I agree with abujabooks, 2 months to me is actually not too early. After all you weren't raised in the same home.
3 things to have in mind is Clean, Cook& Sex. You have be consistent in all these. You can only try, you can never be perfect.
There is never an end to arguements in marriage, just know when to let go. Concerning others put your man first, pray over your marriiage and watch God bless it.
Good luck.

Hi there,
I am very sorry about ur situation in marriage especially at this early stage, but it is nothing unusual.The 1st thing i want u to realize is that dating is different from married life, hence this is the time u really learn about ur spouse.My advise is that rather than getting discouraged u should know that u have some work to do.Find out what gives him a lift in his spirit(what makes him happy especially about u) because he loves u but he himself might be passing thru some hard times,also try find out what u were doing during ur courtship that u've either stopped or attaches little importance to now that u are married.Remember that good communication can seal a deal quickly and easily try petting him, men luv it, then, above all pray to God for his help for he his there for u.

I find that hubby is most relaxed after sex or a meal. But your husband maybe different so find that most relaxed moment and talk to him. But dont talk about what is bothering you but talk about your "love" moments recall things like:

What did you think when you first saw me?

When did you know that you loved me?

What do you like most that I do for you?

Talk about life when you were dating, make him remember, recall and recount those moments when you were dating. Make him remember what it felt like when he held you like an egg. And tell him how much you love him, how much you are in love with him, how much you appreciate him and all he does, how he is a good husband and provider and let him know that you will follow him to the ends of the earth.

Dont ever during these "feel good conversations" nag him about anything or talk negatively. Just boost him up. Lead from behind.

@ Topic,

I think both of u should try going for marriage counselling.

[size=13pt]I think you and your husband should sit down and talk things out, who knows sumthing might be wrong at work, stress maybe that's why his withdrawing, or maybe you nag too much
But na wa oooooo just 2months
[/size]

.

[center]As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman,
Though she bends him, she obeys him,
Though she draws him, yet she follows,
Useless each without the other.[/center]

no be God?:

I agree to all that have been said,but the nail has not been hit on the head.
the way to my heart is, sex
my dear sister if u want ur husy to always listen to u dont deny him of sex
even when u are very tierd try not to refuse him
cos this will really help it work for me
i have been married for 3yrs now,after 3months of unhappy marriageand now found a solution to my problem
after reading so many marriage column
now am very happy that all my friends are saying ur marriage is so different.
but dont forget that GOD is the author of marriage so always go back to him cos that is my first KEY
TRY THIS TWO U WILL SMILE

U soud like a woman that surrender to her man~~You better stop it!!

Just 2 months? What kind of man brings his friend to come and stay with him and his new wife just 2 months after marriage? I'm a man, and i must say that the behavior of Nigerian men worries me a lot. They act like idiots at times. They have their priorities upside down. But some of our women are not helping matters either, they are so busy fronting and pretending about their feelings. Poster, be true to your feelings. Feed your husband then call him and open your heart to him. Let him know exactly what his bothering you. Quit any form of pretension and fake acts, let him know where you stand. Not by being rebellious but with love. Goodluck. You must see to it that that freeloading friend of his must leave your house! A shameless friend !

SeanT21:

U soud like a woman that surrender to her man~~You better stop it!!

And please dont listen to advise like these ones. This another Nigerian woman that is taking the western culture to the extreme. Listening and understanding your husband is not called Surrender, it is called compromise for the good of both the husband and wife.

gbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!!!!!!!

@SEANT21. . .

That was a wrong advise there!

its wrong. . .i guess you were just joking right?

@poster - like other sister and mothers had said,please be came and as a man,i would tell you that men love to take control on their home as soon as they get married. . maybe some issues are bothering him at work or something.

dont give up,just pray. . .while dating,he must have taken you out,why not try taking him out this time to some of those places. . .make him feel happy and don't talk or reply while his angry or something . . its like that.

moreso,that friend must leave. . .what's that? he even have the guts to bring in a girl frend to your home. . .thats rubbish!!!!!