It is common to hear married women discussing among themselves that at the beginning of their marriages, they were very good and obedient to their husbands but their ungratefulness and betrayal made them, become very stubborn. They accuse men of contributing to making them stubborn wives.

Malama Maimuna Abdullahi said at the beginning of her marriage, she was very loyal and respectful to her husband. She did not say or do anything to hurt his feelings, and in the event that something distasteful happened between her and the husband, she would develop feverish condition due to fear and would have a sleepless night.

However instead of assisting his wife to maintain the tempo, Maimuna's husband took her simplicity and innocence for granted, "He abused my simplicity by becoming so overbearing in the house. I had no right to express my opinion on any issue, even if it affects my welfare. The house became like a Military Barracks where everything is about order and tacit obedience," said Maimuna.

When things became unbearable for Maimuna, she decided to break the shackles by protesting and refusing to accept things that were unnecessarily imposed on her, "Tired of his bossy behavior, I decided to set myself free by retorting and refusing to accept injustice done to me," she added.

Now because of her husband's inability to reciprocate good behavior with appreciation, Maimuna can reply and protest her husband's overbearing manners without fear, fever or sleepless nights, "Now if he says this, I respond accordingly without any fear and would have a deep sleep, snoring without any fever."

Another woman that shared her matrimonial experience, on the condition of anonymity said at the beginning of her marriage, she was very loyal and respectful to her husband. Her dream before the wedding was to make her matrimonial home a paradise for her husband. When she got into the house, she strove hard to have her dreams fulfilled, "Because I was thinking we were one, I could spend the last kobo in my purse to make our house a comfortable one. I used to prepare assorted dishes and drinks for my heartthrob; I adored him and kept serving him with joy and respect. I was doing all this thinking we were now an entity unified by love," she said.

Like Maimuna, this woman is now a changed person and she attributed it to her husband's indifference. According to her, despite her efforts to please her husband and make him happy, he was not appreciative. He refused to see her as a partner and while her income was for the family, his own was for himself. Instead of appreciating what she was doing, he was always trying to find faults with her, "When I realized that my husband was not thinking about me the way I was thinking about him, I decided to also keep aloof. I keep to myself by doing just what is basic in the house. I don't go extra mile to create a paradise for him. He is now like a stranger to me."

Are Husbands Seeing It The Same Way As The Wives?

"I partially agree with them because there are truly some men that are unappreciative of their wives good behaviors." Mallam Isa Inuwa, a civil servant with two wives said. "These kind of husbands kill the morale of their wives and by so doing, many unsavory behaviors will emanate from them."

He however, added that despite the obvious fact that desperation could lead to obstinacy, some women are by nature stubborn, "Much as I agree with them on this issue, I must confess that it is not all women that are facing this problem. There are women that are stubborn by nature and even without their husbands contributing in any way, the trait which is inborn in them will manifest and they will be hard to tame." He opined.

Another respondent, Suleiman Abdullah said women are having problems with their husbands because most of them are yet to understand the nature of men. He said a wife should not expect her husband to say thank you for some pleasant things done to him, "This is not because men are unappreciative. It is just their nature but deep inside them they are appreciating it and are even reciprocating in their own ways," he said.

He added that women should in the first place bear in mind that marriage is an act of worship and for that basic fact they should do everything for the sake of God. "If you know that obeying and pleasing your husband is an act of worship, you will not stop it simply because the husband is not showing appreciation. Keep it on, I'm assuring you that deep inside him he is appreciating but is not showing you because of his nature. You should do it because you are not doing it because of him but because of God and God has so many ways of rewarding good deeds."

Abdullahi said that the greatest mistake a wife can make is to be confrontational with her husband, "Whatever the case, a woman should not be confrontational with her husband. I cannot expect the woman I married and is under my care to challenge me on an issue. I can't take that from her, instead of challenging me, she should rather keep quiet and do what I want even if she is against it and can later on in a polite manner express her contrary view." He said.

He maintained that a man's priority during courtship is to get the woman and he can do anything to get her but after the marriage, she ceases to be a priority to him. How to cater for her is now his main priority. "So she should not expect him to be thanking her for every good thing she does and this is not because he no longer loves her but because it is not his nature to do that. But if she is patient, one day he will show his appreciation in an unimaginable way," he said.

Abdullahi who is married to two wives advised women to bear patiently with their husbands and do things because of God, doing so according to him will definitely endear them to their husbands and they will be rewarded by God. He added that if a woman decides to be a boss also while dealing with her husband, she will end up as a loser because it is unlikely that two bosses will live under one roof.

He further added that couples should endeavor to create a good atmosphere through seeking divine intervention because the devil is the enemy, "Pray for God's protection against the evil of the devil because of the role he is playing in matrimonial lives."

Source: allafrica.com /Article by Halima Musa

It happens even in relationships, a girl will be loyal and respectful then the guy will decide to be disloyal, when all hell breaks loose he will cry foul

Mondisweets:
It happens even in relationships, a girl will be loyal and respectful then the guy will decide to be disloyal, when all hell breaks loose he will cry foul

Nope, strong willed men do not cry foul.They'll simply show her the other side of him that she never knew it exists.

Simply pull out those essential things in her life that she is already enslaved to in her heart, she will come back to her senses.

Unless the man is an iidiot.

This article is trying to articulate a death leg.

Women are just pretenders.

And when they finally stop pretending; you get the notion that they've change by getting stubborn.

Nothing more.

Basic human response that does not just apply to marriage. You give all your best in a relationship with someone,the person takes you and whatever you give for granted, you realize there no point and save your energy or channel it towards something else..for most women ,their children after all regard has been lost for the husband.
To every action/inaction,there's usually an equal/opposite action/inaction

Truckpusher:
Nope, strong willed men do not cry foul.They'll simply show her the other side of him that she never knew it exists.

Simply pull out those essential things in her life that she is already enslaved to in her heart, she will come back to her senses.

Unless the man is an iidiot.

i say don't show me the not so nice side of u unless u want to see my not so nice side too

slimyem:
Basic human response that does not just apply to marriage. You give all your best in a relationship with someone,the person takes you and whatever you give for granted, you realize there no point and save your energy or channel it towards something else..for most women ,their children after all regard has been lost for the husband.
To every action/inaction,there's usually an equal/opposite action/inaction

I somewhat agree with your post, and what the OP said is plausible and does happen. Sometimes, you just push people to the limit, and when it gets to that stage - they have no choice but to respond. I'm a living witness, and youthful exuberance, when you get certain extreme care and love you never envisaged from partners - you sometimes take it for granted. So, I understand.

However, it's not always just about the females being victims and males being the villains. It goes both ways, and OP needs to address the other side.

didnt really read all of it but as for the topic in question..
yes! sometimes husbands do contribute to their wives sturborness....
(note the word SOMETIMES)
if anyone here has seen this nollywood movie "mr and mrs" you'ld probably know what i'm talking about...

SirShymex:


I somewhat agree with your post, and what the OP said is plausible and does happen. Sometimes, you just push people to the limit, and when it gets to that stage - they have no choice but to respond. I'm a living witness, and youthful exuberance, when you get certain extreme care and love you never envisaged from partners - you sometimes take it for granted. So, I understand.

However, it's not always just about the females being victims and males being the villains. It goes both ways, and OP needs to address the other side.

Bananabender is sure doing a good job in your life
Babes, chop kiss
more power to your elbow

Mondisweets:
i say don't show me the not so nice side of u unless u want to see my not so nice side too

How do you plan to pull this through?

julisa2020:
didnt really read all of it but as for the topic in question..
yes! sometimes husbands do contribute to their wives sturborness....
(note the word SOMETIMES)
if anyone here has seen this nollywood movie "mr and mrs" you'ld probably know what i'm talking about...

Good reference there. Recommend that movie for every couple both married and undecided. As someone said, the assessment is right but it also goes both ways.

Abdullahi said it all. A reasonable woman will reason like him, while a silly one will spoil for confrontations.

Was here!

alutacontinua:


Bananabender is sure doing a good job in your life
Babes, chop kiss
more power to your elbow

Lol, don't let "bananabender" start taking credit for something she has nothing to do with. I'm still trying to convert her to womanism, and it seems the paradigm shift is slowly but surely going to happen.

I wrote extensively on what I posted here in my diary on here last year, about my last relationship - and the lessons learnt. And I have spoken about it a few times on the forum in the past. Only if I could go back and do it again, based on experienced gain. But you just can't go back into the past. It's part of growing up and learning.

Rob Hill Sr. said it best with this quote:

...
He added that women (or men) should in the first place bear in mind that marriage is an act of worship and for that basic fact they should do everything for the sake of God. "If you know that obeying and pleasing your husband (or loving and protecting your wife) is an act of worship, you will not stop it simply because the husband (or wife) is not showing appreciation. Keep it on, I'm assuring you that deep inside him (or her) he (or she) is appreciating but is not showing you because of his (or her) nature. You should do it because you are not doing it because of him (or her) but because of God and God has so many ways of rewarding good deeds."
...

Lower expectations on both sides.

slimyem:
Basic human response that does not just apply to marriage. You give all your best in a relationship with someone,the person takes you and whatever you give for granted, you realize there no point and save your energy or channel it towards something else..for most women ,their children after all regard has been lost for the husband.
To every action/inaction,there's usually an equal/opposite action/inaction

Exactly. That abdullahi man must be a beast. No wonder he is a polygamist! Polygamists are only about satisfying themselves which is why he could talk like a typical caveman that he is. No wonder their women dnt ever have a say. And by the way, its only an animal that never shows gratitude towards the good others do for him. How can that abdullahi man say men are ungrateful insensitive animals? Does he think every other man was poorly trained as he is? What is there to say simple 'thank you'? What? What sort of useless Ego is that? I pity any man who follows his ideology. Such a man should never expect pampering from his wife all through his marriage. No wonder women are advised to ignore their husbands' bad attitude and focus on the kids only. That is what the women that commented in the Op decided to do na. Become indifferent.
In Normal relationships, if u do too much to please one person, u will end up spoiling him or her and of course, you would be taken for granted. If u want to be treated nicely, treat others the same way. Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you. Simple!

Truckpusher:
How do you plan to pull this through?

this is a notion i live by, " what u dedicate to me, is what you will definitely get back in return"

zboyd:
It is common to hear married women discussing among themselves

Zboyd,
Your posts are always polarising?

Both spouses can be the casue in part or whole of the others intransigence. But each should take responsibility for their choices, responses and behaviours.

What?


TV

There is certainly a limit to what one can take all in the name of love. Some people are good at taking advantage of other people's meekness and humility. But i know that it would get to a point where the person will understand that he or she is being taken for granted and buckle up.

@topic, it's both ways.

It's simply biology, you adapt to your environment for good or for bad. Choose yours.

One sided post as usual.

A stubborn woman will be stubborn.

A meek and gentle woman will be meek and gentle.

Most men prefer the latter for peace of mind.

That Mr and Mrs movie was bulshit.

lt applies to both, none should take each other for granted for everyone has a limit to what can be tolerated.

Pavore9:
lt applies to both, none should take each other for granted for everyone has a limit to what can be tolerated.

When spouses feel taken for granted, they can be vulnerable to anyone who pays attention to them and makes them special and desirable.

Stillfire:
It's simply biology, you adapt to your environment for good or for bad. Choose yours.

End of discussion.

@topic

I was already stubborn before marriage.

Poor bloke. Sigh

jennykadry:


End of discussion.

@topic

I was already stubborn before marriage.

Poor bloke. Sigh

I perceive that as a strong sense of self, not stubbornness. You know what you want, what you will or will not tolerate in a relationship, refuse to be treated like a doormat by anyone and not afraid to challenge pre-conceived male notions of what a 'good woman/wife' is or isn't.

Bottom line, you demand respect and expect to be respected in return.

And if some men can't handle it - too bad!

zboyd:


Bottom line, you demand respect and expect to (be) respected in return.

Is this what you meant to write?

zboyd:


I perceive that as a strong sense of self, not stubbornness. You know what you want, what you will or will not tolerate in a relationship, refuse to be treated like a doormat by anyone and not afraid to challenge pre-conceived male notions of what a 'good woman/wife' is or isn't.

Bottom line, you demand respect and expect to respected in return.

And if some men can't handle it - too bad!

And you know her before to decide that this is what she meant?
Zboyd you sha.

Well, I see things differently.

Reading that article is enough to make one's hackles rise. The "men" portrayed in it are nothing more than pre-historic animals expecting absolute servitude from the woman without so much as a "thank you" or acknowledgement for their efforts. Even a complimentary grunt wouldn't go amiss for such desperate women.

Anyway, not all men think and act that way. Anyone who does deserves to have a rebellious wife for the rest of his selfish life.

Some men are tyrants o. Abeg tell that Mallam Suleiman Abdullah TO MARRY A SEX DOLL THAT CANNOT TALK BACK.

Dog POO.

jennykadry:


End of discussion.

@topic

I was already stubborn before marriage.

Poor bloke. Sigh

Lol. So he's the cool one? Awww. I think this arrangement works. Two people can't be hot. That house will just burn down one day.

Stillfire:


Lol. So he's the cool one? Awww. I think this arrangement works. Two people can't be hot. That house will just burn down one day.

Yes he is

freshdude2:
Is this what you meant to write?

lol

No.

Will correct.