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Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 9:23pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一 █║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│ PROLOGUE: (Back in mid 90s, a young boy named Alesh was born into a moderate and respected family as the 3rd son and last out of 5 children. However, he grew up to be different from his siblings by doing all sorts of vulnerable things which often gets him into trouble.) ︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一︻┳═ 一 "IN THE BEGINNING(Life as a Sperm)" 700 million sperm running into the oval like Hussein Bolts on the track. A war was being fought by the sperms running into my mother's womb and I fought to be the last man standing! The story begins… (Aya, Gbishaun, Gbo, Gba, Gbim.) "Yeeh my head o..." "Haha, see all this mumu, na una wan be last born shey? For here? I die!" My sarcastic life started back then when I was still a drop of sperm. I'm supposed to be my parent’s first child, but due to the enjoyments I experienced in the womb, I let my siblings come out before me. The reason is that I overheard my mother, when she had her first pregnancy, praying to God that he should bless the family with money, so that she and my father can take good care of their first baby. However, I sensed that my family is an AJEKPAKO FAMILY and I don't want to come and suffer; so I refused to transform into a baby. My mother carried me for 10 months and I still refused to transform. DECEMBER 25 1993 My mumsy who is a typical muslim and an Alhaja, went to redemption camp at Lagos- Ibadan express way in disguise. The reason is that she had an X-ray scan, and the doctors discovered that I wasn't transforming into a child and so she went to the church for deliverance. While in the church, she met other women of similar issues; and while sitting close to another woman, I heard some moans while I was eating and drinking the Gala and Lacasera that my mumsy took earlier. "Aah, Ouch, Yeah, Come On, Oh Yeah. I'm cummiiiiiing..." 'Na so I para drop Gala. Shooo! Na wetin I hear so? Who dey f*ck?' It was then I discovered that sperms are not ordinary. The other woman that was sitting next to my mum was Nnamdi's mum. It happened that Nnamdi was having an intercourse with another female sperm inside his mother's womb. *** Back to the story. *** "Hello o, can anyone hear me?" I asked amusedly. Suddenly, a voice that was similar to mine, responded. "Guy how far, are you a learner? It seems you just got into the womb not quite long." I was still amused and I asked... "Who are you?" "I have no name for now, but I heard my dad, telling mum that I'll be named Nnamdi when I get delivered." He replied. "Oh wow, I never knew we sperm could communicate with sperms from another womb." I smiled. "Well, now you know. I thought so 6 years ago when I killed over 500 million male sperm that wanted to come out before me." Nnamdi confessed. "So what about the female voice I heard earlier?" I asked. "Oh! See JAMB question o...hahaha...don't mind me, I used to hear my mum say that whenever a stranger asked her if she's still pregnant." He replied and we both laughed. He further told me that the girl that was moaning is his reproductive girlfriend, and they have been dating for the past 4 years. Moreover, the conversation was cut short when the Church Pastor E.A Adeboye, announced that the pregnant women should come out for deliverance. Therefore, Pastor Adeboye proceeded with the prayers and to my surprise; there came a bright light like a fluorescent lamp. "Oh boy, wetin be dis, you too dey see am?" I asked Nnamdi. "Oh boy, me too I no know o..." He replied. However, the pastor and his ministers started praying deeply; and I overheard them calling the Angels to come and see through the womb of the women. Not too long, I heard Nnamdi screaming very loudly. "Oh poo! Angel Michael, wetin be your own na, Why you flush my babe enter bladder? Abeg leave me for here make I dey enjoy my life for here!" Nnamdi protested." I was in shock when I heard that. 'Could an Angel get inside our mother's inner body for real?' I was lost in thought and not for long till I saw a human shape coming towards me. Then, I saw Angel Gabriel. His eyes were as white and bright as a Range-Rover Sport's full-light, he has a tattoo of Jesus on his muscular right arm, his wings were large, curvy, shining, and while his most striking feature was the Gallas (Mohawk) he had on. "Hahaha...your father yansh, God don catch you today. You want make your mumsy dey disturb God to turn you to pikin abi? Oloshi ni e o.()" He said. "Ahn-Ahn...Gabriel Baba, Tuale, Owo meji fun eyan kan.(Greetings) Baddo, no be so o...you know say my parents dem be Ajekpako and I never ready to go suffer for that 'face me-I slap you' house wey dem dey live. You know as E dey go now, you just dey fresh for Heaven, how everybody, your babe, your hoes, your..." "Jesus Christ!!!" He cut me off; and continued..."Ehn-Ehn, you wan dey whine me abi? Shey I get tribal mark for face? Beside, na who tell you say anything like LovePeddler or Olosho dey exist sef?" "Aaah, see Jamb question o..." I replied with my tongue out. Before I knew it, a thunderous switch of a three-mouthed Kòbókò whip, landed on my fore-head...TWARKCH! TWARKCH! TWARKCH!!! "Lahillaha-Illallah...Jeeesu...Sango o" I cried out loud. "Angel Gabriel, Iyalaya e." I cursed him. Without letting me relax, he took a new pose, the type of Christiano Ronaldo's, when he's about to take a Free-kick. "Na me you they insult shey? I go nearly kill you before your mama born you." He stated, and there came more whips. On the other side, I could hear Nnamdi's grown cuz he was having a fight with Angel Michael. "Oh boy, wetin dey happen inside your estate na?" I asked while in pain. "Huurgh...yeeeh...Oh boy, na Shawn Michael - /Gbish...Gboa...Gbim/ Sorry, Angel Michael na him wan kill me for here o. E don flush my babe enter bladder." All of a sudden, Angel Gabriel started sweating cuz the power went out in the prayer tent where enormous amount of Air-Conditioners were fixed; he probably might not have experienced the heat before. However, he stopped the beating as his fluorescent eyes was getting dim; and I also used the opportunity to hide under my mother's right kidney. From the other side, I heard Nnamdi saying..."Please, not Choke Slam, no, no, no..." I was surprised! "So E don reach Smack-Down level for there!" All of a sudden, Angel Gabriel started searching the intestine and the liver area. "Oh poo, NEPA don bring light back." As the Angel got a inch closer to the kidney where I was hiding, I took the courage and gave him an H.B.K.(Shawn Michael's Smack- Down) and he tumbled with a back-flip. What a great amusement..."Shooo, so I fit fall you sef and you dey form Baddo since." I boasted. He was in shock that my super kick dropped him and he came at me with a blow; then we started a Gidigbo fight.(Yorùbá wrestling) While fighting, I knew there was no way I'm going to win, so I held his two wings and rolled on to his back. Before he could shake off, I gave him a Back Breaker (Chris Jericho's Smack-Down) and he fell inside the bladder. "Nnamdi, Nnamdi...Hold his wings and roll unto his back, you'll get easy access to beat Michael." I advised. "Beta Pikin, Washere!" He replied and I heard him say "Rest In Peace." "What Wait, Wait, Wait...Na Angel you wan give 'Undertaker Smack-Down?' No go let Baba God vex o, just give am R.K.O(Randy Orton's Smack Down) or give am 6.1.9!(Rey Mistelrooy's Smack-Down)" I advised again. "Oh! Washere, your head dey there." He replied and the next thing I heard was a thunderous sound of Mass-Destruction. "Oh my God! Nnamdi ti na Angel Michael pa. (Nnamdi has beaten the hell out of Angel Michael)" I said in amusement. Moreover, time went on and we both cheered to the victory; but were exhausted and hungry due to the fight we had earlier. Nnamdi taught me a lot of evil skills on how to forcefully request for food, and the one I used was the 'Suarez System!' Nnamdi taught me how to bite even though we weren't seeing each other, his communication experience with other sperms from his 6 years stay, made him explain in details. However, I tried the Suarez System by first biting my mum's small intestine and she shakes. I bit the large intestine too, but she only shakes again. "Guy, E no dey work na, my mama no want buy wetin I go eat o." I was frustrated. "You be mumu sperm, Bite am well, squeeze your teeth, handle the kidney wellaaa, hungry must surely catch your mama." He advised. "E go beta for you Nnamdi." And I went for my mum's right kidney. 'Greee...yeeun...yeeee...' And my mum started purging. "I dey hear am for here, I say squeeze your teeth well, well. Bite anything, if hungry no catch am, go bite her Heart." He advised; and I got angry. "You be were. Make I bite my mama Heart; make she go get Heart Problem abi? Oloshi." I got mad at him. "Oh boy, are you a learner? Your mumsy no fit get HP through one bite naw, I don dey bite my mama for the past 6 years and if she don take the Alomo wey I request, everything so settle." He confessed. "HP ko, Toshiba ni!" I hissed. To my happiness, the kidney bite actually worked cuz my mum excused herself from the prayer ground and went to eat Amala and Ewedu, my favorite meal. Thanks to the Suarez System. 5 hours past and Pastor Adeboye got tired when he didn't receive any spiritual feedback from the Angels; and he postponed the Night of Deliverance to last Friday of the following month. All the pregnant women left the prayer tent and set to go back to their various home. I could hear several women crying because of miscarriages and other pregnancy defects. Their weeping was emotional and for the first time, I was touched to start a kind conversation with Nnamdi. I however persuaded Nnamdi through our Sperm World Communication (S.W.C), explaining the reason why we should consider our families current situation and cooperate to transform from sperm to child. He disagreed to that, but when I told him that we could be best friends if we exchange each other’s house address, and therefore find each other when we grow up; then he agreed! When exchanging house address, we both got to know that we live in the same area but different house numbers. His house number was Yaba-left, Block 666, while mine was Yaba-left, block 419, position 69, behind ‘Missionary Stylist Saloon. ‘ In conclusion of 'Life as a sperm,' we were both contemplating on who to go into the cervix first, before we heard the sound of Ak-47...Gboah, Gboah, Gboah... "What the Hell Nnamdi, na you mess? Jeeesuuu!!!" That was when I quickly agreed to acclimatize and lose my sperm form to fertilize the eggs in my mum. I vanished into the womb with the hope that Nnamdi also did the same, and so; I became useful to a mother. ︻┳═一 I NEED YOUR OPINIONS BEFORE UPDATING CHAPTER II. Copyright: Alesh Keem 2014©® █║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│ ***HOUSE OF ARTCESTORS™ ***ARTSASSIN-NATION™ █║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│ 4 Likes
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Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Nobody: 9:29pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
We're following closely. Please update. Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 9:30pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
Please, Ejo, Abeg, Biko, I need your opinions..... thanks for reading.... |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by benega: 9:30pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
Interesting |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 9:38pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
laykorn:Thanks boss, I will 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 9:38pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
benega:Thanks boss |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Emmykul4love(m): 10:24pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
Wahoooo,interesting.................front seat things...........pick my alomo with my popcorn..................waiting for the next update |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by stuff46(m): 11:16pm On Nov 05, 2014 |
oboy yu have every riqht to go ahead |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Dyoungstar: 12:31am On Nov 06, 2014 |
ضوجعزبسل تيررززلسات ننوزل نبةةثف عيارون ين تيتا 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by festwiz(m): 4:47am On Nov 06, 2014 |
See as i gallant for front page, alomo and yogurt is not the same thing as bayruoz. Following also, check the link on my signature 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Fatalveli(m): 8:36am On Nov 06, 2014 |
*barges into the thread with my iphone 6, aleesh come lead me 2 d VIP section and control one chick for me.... U knw dat kind tin nah 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by myndd(m): 8:57am On Nov 06, 2014 |
Following |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Jackossky(m): 9:19am On Nov 06, 2014 |
Sitting down peacefully,next beside me is a beautiful chick,conversing wit her and waiting for the next update with my alomo in hand *waiter* |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by MzOG(f): 11:15am On Nov 06, 2014 |
Lol.. Life as a sperm.... Funny. Following all d way. 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Nobody: 11:51am On Nov 06, 2014 |
Emmykul4love:Front seat? Pay 1k I'll give up my seat. I no first you reach here? Ayamlaykorn 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:00pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
Emmykul4love:lol, thanks boss, update comes in 2 hours time..plz endorse for front page |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:01pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
stuff46:my oga...i hear..plz endorse for f.p oo |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:04pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
festwiz:i commented on it yesterday...thanks bro |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by justcome99(f): 4:08pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
[Abi oquote author=AleshKeem post=27760572]Thanks boss, I will [/quote] 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 7:14pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
CHAPTER II
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Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 7:17pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
"THE LITTLE DEMON" AUGUST, 1994. (8 months and 3 weeks past since I've been in the womb and my mother got registered for Anti- natal in a Hospital that is not very far from our house.) At the hospital, the doctor told my mum that it's possible she go to labour at any moment, since its almost 9 months already. I listened to their conversation carefully and different thoughts were running through my mind at the same time. I wanted to stay for at least 13 months, beating the 12 months period that 'Professor Albert Frank Einstein' used in his mother's womb. I didn't want to be a normal person, I wanted to be a Genius. It was a rainy day and my mother was eating a mango fruit when my father came to the hospital in his old and dirty 'Bajaj' motorcycle. He had bought a 'Lucozade Boost' energy drink on his way, and he poured some in a cup for his wife to drink. I enjoyed its sweet taste too. They were having a boring conversation and that got me dizzy while listening. However, I noticed that the room in the womb was becoming smaller, darker and thicker. I wasn't feeling comfortable. The walls had tightened, and it was like I was in a dungeon. I pushed the womb walls very hard, I kicked and used my fist so as to get more space, but all was in vain. "The baby is kicking, honey I can feel it." My mother told her husband, not knowing that I have decided to stay for more than the expected nine months. In less than a minute, I could hear footsteps, rushing into the ward. I heard the doctor's short conversation with my dad, she was telling him to go and gather the baby materials he had bought earlier. Meanwhile, I was kicking harder and my mum was in severe pain. The nurses brought a stretcher and my mum was put on it. They moved her to the delivery room and then prepared to get me out of her womb. I was kicking hard and she was screaming at the peak of her voice. Her body was restless. Within some time, I could hear the nurses saying..."push, push, try harder." I could see a passage which was displaying the doctor's hand. As my mum was pushing, the Doctor was trying to get catch me. She however got hold of my left leg and was trying to force me to come out. As she was pulling my leg with both hands, I was powerless. She drew it harder and I could feel the air outside of my mother's womb. I was getting away from the womb. The nurses keep shouting "push harder," and the witch was forcing my leg to come out fully. Moreover, she got a grip of my other leg and I was about to give up when my hands got hold of my mum's ribs. I pulled back with all my strength and the doctor's hands were coming inside the womb. She drew me with great force and half of my body came out. She wanted to use the force for the second time, but it was unsuccessful as I shadow-kicked her in the face, the kind of kick that would knock down any wrestler, if used by 'Shawn Michael.' She let go of my leg almost immediately. "The baby is going back. I don't believe this. He just came out. He just..." She was confused and the nurses were all amused too. I found my way back into the womb which was now spacious and I drank some of my mum's blood. It felt great, accomplishing victory by defeating someone from the outside. I stopped kicking and my mum was relieved of the pains. For a second, I wondered where Nnamdi could be at the moment. I would like to tell him of my victory since he's also like me. Not too long, my mum explained to the doctor that she wasn't feeling the pains anymore, but rather very hungry. The confused Doctor then instructed the nurses to take care of the messes while she's gone, and she touched my mum's tummy, pressing her hands on to the navel. I got pissed because her hands were destructive and irritating; so I swiftly came out of the womb and puke on her ugly face. "Demon! Demon!! Demon!!! They all screamed very loudly and dashed out of the delivery room, leaving the poor pregnant woman alone with the 'Little Demon.' I peeped outside the womb and imagined myself, being chased all around by the Doctors and nurses. I gave an evil grin and paused for a second. 'No, no, no, I can't be born yet. Albert Einstein used twelve months in the womb and I'm almost in my 9th; I must exceed his duration. Yeah I must.' I said to myself, and dived into the womb like a Dolphin. ︻┳═ 一 WATCH OUT FOR CHAPTER III. Copyright: Alesh Keem 2014©® █║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│ ***HOUSE OF ARTCESTORS™ ***ARTSASSIN-NATION™ █║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│█║▌│█│ |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 7:21pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
Please I need ur encouragements...sirs and mas.... endorse for front page ....thanks |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Nobody: 8:35pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
Move on brother. I'm feeling you! Ayamlaykorn 2 Likes |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 8:50pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
MzOG:have u read Chapter 2 tanx for following |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by RichieBrown(m): 10:49pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
Nice story, love the twist n turn....criminal minded, infact continue |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Trizyd(m): 11:54pm On Nov 06, 2014 |
following 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by adewaletb2(m): 8:43am On Nov 07, 2014 |
Hey boss this tori makes brain...waiting for the next update. |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by Emmykul4love(m): 11:07am On Nov 07, 2014 |
Hmmmmmm just imaging wat kind of pikin you are |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:42pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
Emmykul4love:lol, plz endorse for fp |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:42pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
adewaletb2:thank u My oga...abeg emdorse for f.p |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by AleshKeem(m): 4:43pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
RichieBrown:lol.....yeah....tanx boss 1 Like |
Re: Secret Life Of A Nigerian Teenager by MhizEnkay(f): 4:52pm On Nov 07, 2014 |
Hm. I dont like the angels part tho'.. Still waiting for the Nigerian 'teenager' 2 Likes |
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