Why living with a Nigerian wife abroad is no longer fashionable

On a recent visit to a foreign capital, our reporter discovers that Nigerian men are having a rough time with their Nigerian spouses.

Simon (not real name) left Nigeria in search of greener pastures in the 1990s. He was lucky as he got work which allowed him to study, and after he obtained a master’s degree and got a better job, he headed to Nigeria to marry the love of his life.
He came to his hometown and got married to Nwanyi, a timid girl in her 20s, who had just completed her diploma course in one of the nation’s polytechnics.
The arrival of Nwanyi in Sweden was a turning point in Simon’s life, as he was able to quickly arrange for her to start schooling, while he was working round the clock to give his new wife a special treat.
A few years later, Nwanyi had given birth to three children, acquired a degree and started a job that engaged her in the morning when the children were in school.
As a result of schooling and interaction with other friends, Nwanyi came to the realisation that she was being denied her fundamental rights as a woman, and so she could no longer take nonsense from her husband.
Among the freedoms, Nwanyi was demanding, include the right to do what she likes when she likes, the right to own and control her salary, the right to party, and even have men friends and visit them when she pleases.
For Simon, her demands were not only outrageous but against the norms and customs of marriage in Nigeria, and so a fight ensued and Simon was jailed. The once timid Nwanyi took over his house, control of his children and brought a man in to live with.
The predicament faced by Simon is gradually becoming a common occurrence in Europe and America, where a lot of Nigerians are seeking greener pastures.
Tales abound of many young Nigerians who today have become vagabonds abroad, as a result of what women they came to Nigeria to marry, have done to them.
Okey Martins, a Nigerian living in Stockholm, Sweden said that he would have made it in Sweden, if not for the wife he came home to marry.
“I was advised by my parents to come home and marry. I did just that, but I didn’t know that the woman I brought from Nigeria to train and expose, was going to be my own downfall,” Martins said.
Why are marriages falling apart?
In Europe, the laws give women special preference, meaning they cannot be harassed, beaten or trampled upon, as is common in Africa and Nigeria in particular.
In 1992, the United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) adopted General Recommendation 19, which includes violence in the prohibition of gender-based discrimination: “violence that is directed at a woman because she is a woman or that affects women disproportionately [is discrimination]”. It includes acts that inflict physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other deprivations of liberty”. Violence against women is an internationally recognized human rights violation ,when either a public official or a private person commits the violence.

State participating to the CEDAW must take all the necessary measures to eliminate violence, including legal sanctions, civil remedies, preventative measures, (such as public information and education campaigns) and protective measures (such as support services for victims).
The European Union also adopted a political will to protect and promote women’s rights as evident in the Guidelines agreed in 2008, addressing discrimination as well as violence against women.
The Guidelines on violence against women and girls and combating all forms of discrimination against them promote gender equality, put in place effective, coordinated strategies, and address the impunity of those who have perpetrated violence against women. The document also prioritises women’s rights within the EU human rights policy towards third countries, and sets out a strategy for dealing with individual cases of human rights violations.

Hiding under these laws and guidelines, humble women married from Nigeria go into Europe and America, and unleash hell on their husbands who still believe in marriage as practiced in Nigeria, where the man remains the head of the family, and has all the powers to bring his un-submitting wife to her knees.
Dr Joe Ikara, an Abuja based marriage counsellor, said that most Nigerian men in Europe come back to marry as a way of reconnecting to their roots, and to stay abreast with their customs and traditions. “Because most of them have been away for so long or they left the country in their early years, they don’t understand what marriage to African women is all about. They become so different from what they were before they left the shores of Nigeria. They forgot that Nigerian women are quite different from western women. This leads to lots of frictions between these two cultures.

According to Chukwudi Nwokoye, author of Marital tragedies among Nigerians in Diaspora, “another challenge that often leads to conflict is the fact that most of the men come back and marry ladies who are in their 20s, while most of the men are in their 40s and 60s. They end up getting married to ladies that are available; women they thought are the best for them. They know next to nothing about these would-be wives, seeing them through the eyes of their sometimes over-zealous relatives, whose agenda for recommending the lady may be different. Moreover, the women with better qualities then for marriage are mostly in their twenties, who are young enough to be their daughters. There is a generational gap between these spouses that creates lots of tensions. Women are now so liberated that a 20 year old in this 21st century, is not the same as a 20 year old in the 20th century. The present women in their 20s are mostly exposed to lots of western cultures, no thanks to the internet, pop cultures, movies, cable news etc. They now want more and demand more out of marriage. The issue of being able to satisfy her sexually is not the problem now, thanks to numerous modern drugs which are available. The main problem here is that there are lots of value differences. The differences now involve what the man in his generation likes, and what the young lady in her computer/internet generation likes. There is this incompatibility. The man may like classical music, while the girl likes rap, the man may like African delicacies which the girl likes to explore western delicacies and so on.”

Inspite of the agony the men pass through in their attempt to maintain a Nigerian wife abroad, Chukwuma Joel said it was better than marrying a white woman. “Marrying a white woman involves so many things that men from Nigeria and other African countries are not cut out for. You may lose your children should you be deported for any reason. You may end up paying her alimony for the rest of your life, and worst of all, you become a toy in the hand of your wife and the law, which is solidly behind her.”
As Nigerian men abroad are caught between the dicey choice of whether to come home to marry or marry where they are, parents, villagers, relations are having sleepless nights ,as the weddings that were celebrated as the talk of town are crashing daily around the world, leaving behind bitter tales.

Source http://www.dailytrust.com.ng/daily/feature/35016-why-living-with-a-nigerian-wife-abroad-is-no-longer-fashionable

all these men are losers.
as a man you are supposed to cook, clean, pay rent and take care of your house-hold.
you are supposed to bath and dress-up your children by yourself.
your wife is only a helper, a servant.
if you leave your wife to do all those things, and tomorrow she does coup and takes over the house,
you start crying.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FOR THE HELPER/THE SERVANT.
DO NOT BE LAZY AND DO HOUSE WORK.

that thing called women enperwerment must be stopped all over the world xo the we can pound them like yam wen dey 4kup... first to comment though

What about hundreds of thousands of bad marriages between Nigerians living in Nigeria? What is responsible for that?
I think if your marriage is going to crash in Sweden, it will probably crash in Nigeria too.

This is one major reason i hate america & european countries(esp amelica). Over there girls run the world, men do the fighting/conquests, whereas women enjoy the spoil of the war and still yet, agitate for some crazyphilosophy they term 'gender equality'. They've turned their females into gold diggers and lazy whores . Take a look at the kardashian family(a typical american family setting), that household from mother-daughters-grand daughters are all 'hard-working prostitutes'.

Danrizzle:
This is one major reason i hate america & european countries(esp amelica). Over there girls run the world, men do the fighting/conquests, whereas women enjoy the spoil of the war and still yet, agitate for some crazyphilosophy they term 'gender equality'. They've turned their females into gold diggers and lazy whores . Take a look at the kardashian family(a typical american family setting), that household from mother-daughters-grand daughters are all 'hard-working prostitutes'.

The Kardashians are not a typical American family. Far from it. If they were, they wouldn't be on TV.

In the mountains we maintain harem of females who serve us with food and sex when we return from game hunt. Females who dont meet this obligation are clubbed mercilessly and relegated to slaves. I dont know where you wall dwellers learnt how to be so soft to the extent of arguing with mere baby-borners

Someone I know is about to make the same mistake. He just sold off his properties and businesses in Nigeria - raising about $200,000 - with the aim of relocating with his young wife and kids to the United States. He says he'd invest much of the money in training his wife in Nursing School, after which, hopefully, her income would be good enough to support the family.

However, knowing his wife for the snide schemer that she is, I have no doubt that this guy will get seriously f**ked up in due course. Precedents abound.

Aigbofa:
What about hundreds of thousands of bad marriages between Nigerians living in Nigeria? What is responsible for that?
I think if your marriage is going to crash in Sweden, it will probably crash in Nigeria too.

bro, i don't think i support this your post.

The issue now is not about the crash marriage but the consequence and aftermath of the crash.

Marriage crashes everywhere, irrespectives of the the geographical location.
Citing the Simon case as a study, if it was in Nigeria, both of them would just be disjointed by the court and the guy wouldn't be imprisoned.
Also, nothing like the woman claiming all the properties acquired by Simon.

tit:
all these men are losers.
as a man you are supposed to cook, clean, pay rent and take care of your house-hold.
you are supposed to bath and dress-up your children by yourself.
your wife is only a helper, a servant.
if you leave your wife to do all those things, and tomorrow she does coup and takes over the house,
you start crying.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FOR THE HELPER/THE SERVANT.
DO NOT BE LAZY AND DO HOUSE WORK.

If I slap u, ur destiny go reset...

That is not the problem. The problem is that you married someone you don't know anything about.

She comes from a good home, she is very humble (how did you know), she is a virgin, she is very traditional and she is beautiful. So, let us marry her.

You married her and now she has seen the "light" and wants to explore.

All am saying is that most of them abroad marry for all the wrong reasons.

Btw, Op that post is too long.

@op the case you cited has nothing to do with having a wife abroad as the same thing can happen here in nigeria . There are many nigerians abroad that are married to good women and men . Marraige issue are mostly due to the individuals concern. Your case is common when someone comes back to home to marry someone you never dated or get to know period.

lekkie073:
If I slap u, ur destiny go reset...

are you a moslim?

Tolexander:
bro, i don't think i support this your post.
The issue now is not about the crash marriage but the consequence and aftermath of the crash.

Bro, all bad marriages have consequences regardless of where it happened.
My opinion is that some people get married without knowing what it takes to make it work or for totally wrong reasons.

tit:


are you a moslim?

no...

How come all these laws protect only women? Men liberation has got to start or else we are done for!

Tolexander:
bro, i don't think i support this your post.

The issue now is not about the crash marriage but the consequence and aftermath of the crash.

Marriage crashes everywhere, irrespectives of the the geographical location.
Citing the Simon case as a study, if it was in Nigeria, both of them would just be disjointed by the court and the guy wouldn't be imprisoned.
Also, nothing like the woman claiming all the properties acquired by Simon.

What if Simon have a lot of debt? She's going to inherit some of it too.
I've heard of cases where the woman thought she was going to get a house only to get a huge mortgage she couldn't pay.

lekkie073:
no...

did your holy book say you should leave your house to your servant?

I have advised my sons never to take or invite their spouses overseas. In the same vein, i have told my son-inlaw behind to avoid making that costly mistake.

tit:
all these men are losers.
as a man you are supposed to cook, clean, pay rent and take care of your house-hold.
you are supposed to bath and dress-up your children by yourself.
your wife is only a helper, a servant.
if you leave your wife to do all those things, and tomorrow she does coup and takes over the house,
you start crying.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FOR THE HELPER/THE SERVANT.
DO NOT BE LAZY AND DO HOUSE WORK.

Please, did you read before replying?? And you ever sit down to review your would be replies before tapping submit??

The day Nigeria men learn to treat their wives like they want their mothers and sisters treated, our homes will have less problems.

swagwu:
that thing called women enperwerment must be stopped all over the world xo the we can pound them like yam wen dey 4kup... first to comment though

Lol!! Dude easy. A woman gave birth to you. I respect mine..

tit:


did your holy book say you should leave your house to your servant?

why should I cook for my wife....did Abraham normally cook for Sarah?

Woman and man is luck but marry white woman if you can put your pen in your trousers. If you can't don't try it.

Aigbofa:


The Kardashians are not a typical American family. Far from it. If they were, they wouldn't be on TV.

Please don't attempt to shield them.

ejikeme:



Please, did you read before replying?? And you ever sit down to review your would be replies before tapping submit??

yes, i read it.
and i am divulging a secret secret to you men.

all women know this. that is why when you first marry us, we do anything you say.

you stop cooking, you stop sweeping, you even stop going to the market.
we pick small quarrel with you and you start coming in the midnight hour.
before you know it, you are a stranger in your own house.
and we are in control.

if you doubt me, tell you wife that you will cook this evening.
notice how she will react.
that means you want to be incharge again.

Aigbofa:


Bro, all bad marriages have consequences regardless of where it happened.
My opinion is that some people get married without knowing what it takes to make it work or for totally wrong reasons.

ya, most of these people come home to pick the damsels thinking african woman will always have and live by the african mentalities not knowing these ladies will eventually go wayward as they begin to be conscious of the environmental differences in culture of the husband-wife relationships.

I believe you know there is an environmental influence on marriage stability?

lekkie073:
why should I cook for my wife....did Abraham normally cook for Sarah?

ibrahim marry four wives.
he was using divide and conquer with them
you never marry one wife finish,
you dey compare yoursef with ibrahim.

Danrizzle:
Please don't attempt to shield them.

I'm not shielding anyone. I don't care really.

He came to his hometown and got married to Nwanyi, a timid girl in her 20s, who had just completed her diploma course in one of the nation’s polytechnics

These guys basically chose women that they thought they could lord over.

Please learn the difference between SUBMISSIVE and SUBSERVIANT

Tolexander:
ya, most of these people come home to pick the damsels thinking african woman will always have and live by the african mentalities not knowing these ladies will eventually go wayward as they begin to be conscious of the environmental differences in culture of the husband-wife relationships.

I believe you know there is an environmental influence on marriage stability?

You are right. But some are successful still.