My wonderful NLers, abeg I need your help in solving a very serious issue, I have an idea of what to do, but I want listen/read inputs from matured minds before I make my decision known.

As a career bachelor, I met a young lady that makes me more than willing to imprison myself in wedLOCK, I cherish every moment I spend with her. Now the problem is that my mom doesn't like her, scratch that, the entire family don't like. Reason?
1. She's from a not so financially strong background( that if I marry her I will also marry a huge baggage of responsibilities from my in laws)
2. She is still a student.
3. I'm way taller than she is.(I'm 6ft and she is about 5Ft 7" )

My people, I'm so confused. I'm the only child in the family so I can't really make a drastic move without hurting someone. Truth is any decision I take will really hurt someone.

So matured minds in the house I need your advice on this issue.

Your parents .. scratch that, your family won't be the ones to live or spend the rest of their lives with her, if you want her, you have to stand by her, a famous love quote says , love is like everything else, you have to fight for it

One thing that should be clear to you first of all is that this is your future and happiness we are talking about here.

At some points in your life you'll have to take steps that some people will not like.

Her reasons for not liking her are not serious issues if you ask me.

As for your in-laws, you are not marrying their daughter in order for you to help them solve their financial problems. Don't think that it's your responsibility to carry their burden on your head. As long as they are healthy and can work for their survival, you just help where you can after all they've been surviving before you came into the picture. You are not coming into their family to become their bread winner.

You said she is still a student, what level? I guess you will have to take over her educational expenses. Well, if you are financially capable, go ahead.

You also said she's short at 5ft7"? Does your mum want her to also be 6ft? Or is she afraid of you giving birth to dwarfs? She need not worry 'cos your kids could pick up their genes from her taller ancestors. By the way 5ft7" is not short.

Your mum would have had a stronger case if her objection was based on her behaviour. But if she's well behaved and responsible, I see no reason why you can't walk down the isle with her.

I reckon her family has been surviving before you came along so that one isn't a problem, especially if your wife understands that her family isn't your responsibility, ask yourself, is she the kind of woman that would wage war if I don't 'dash' her family all my money? Does she believe people should fend for themselves, rich inlaw or not?etc.

The difference in your heights is not that much na, if anything that's very ideal for a couple or would you prefer your wife be taller than you?

At the end of it all, you are the one who would live with whoever you marry so search your heart to find the answers you need, whatever you do, don't tell your family to go to hell, just find a way to win them over(assuming you are sticking with the girl)if they are proving difficult, be patient and use wisdom in all your dealings, family is family and somehow always need each other.

What level is she on as a student?If she is almost through with school and is studying a good course,I don't think that should be a problem.If you would have to support her in school,you have to consider that and the financial implication.
Marrying from a not too financially strong family is not a problem except the family will expect you to take care of them.There are families with such expectation when you marry their daughter.
There's not so much difference in height between you two.She has the average height of a woman.
Deal with your family with wisdom,not fighting them.I hope the girl is of good character.You should bring her around and let her warm her way into their hearts.

Guys, thank you so much for your advice on this issue. You guys just made my load lighter, God will continue to bless you all.
As for her level in school, she'll be going into her 400level next year and her course is a 5year course, as for taking care of her educational expenses, that's not an issue.
Her behavior/character so far is way above average(that's putting into consideration that women pretend alot) its just that I don't understand what draws me to her.
On her family not making me the ATM, true but remember that this is Africa where you marry not just the individual but also the extended family.
My personality is the type that can make a decision and stand by it, but considering my position in the family, other family members opinion is important on this particular issue.

CzarChris:
Guys, thank you so much for your advice on this issue.
On her family not making me the ATM, true but remember that this is Africa where you marry not just the individual but also the extended family.

Of course you will assist the family as much as you can but you will have to set boundaries for the good of your own home. Goodluck.

Some of your family's concerns are founded. The height one is ridiculous though. Cos a 5.7" lady is tall in my opinion.

Some not-so-wealthy families have some level of pride that will not make them turn you into their source of livelihood. What kind of family is she from? Are they the type to leech on people or are they content with the little they have? Is your lady the sensible type that will "protect" you from her family's greed? These are things you should critically consider.

As for her education, i will say; wait till she's done. What's the rush? She will be done in 2016, you can plan the wedding towards the end of that year.

Whatever you do, make sure you have your parents blessing and approval before you two get married. Good luck.

Nothing wrong with the lady or your family.

YOU ARE THE ONLY PROBLEM!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo IMMATURE!

Kanwulia:
Nothing wrong with the lady or your family.

YOU ARE THE ONLY PROBLEM!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo IMMATURE!

Congrats you've gotten my attention, do have any other thing say? Or are you through?

Thanks guys, this helps.

My only concern is on the financial standing of her family.
My brother, this is Africa where both husband and wife share the responsibility of both family.
It seems you are the bread winner, so be prepared for more responsibilities which can either bankrupt you or make you an average man for life.
I can not advise you to burden yourself with the responsibility of your girl's family.
After a few years of marriage, love will not be able to push the burden and it will be cleared to you that you have more load to carry.
I can tell you that it is something you can not avoid if you finally marry her.
Can you say "No" when demands come from her family?
Can you "close your eyes" when they are in need and they can not ask you?

chiefinalowo:
My only concern is on the financial standing of her family.
My brother, this is Africa where both husband and wife share the responsibility of both family.
It seems you are the bread winner, so be prepared for more responsibility which can either bankrupt you or make you an average man for life.
I can not advise you to burden yourself with the responsibility of your girl's family.
After a few years of marriage, love will not be able to push the burden and it will be cleared to you that you have more load to carry.
I can tell you that it is something you can not avoid if you finally marry her.
Can you say "No" when demands come from her family?
Can you "close your eyes" when they are in need and they can not ask you?

This is the main point, the crux of the matter, my dad is late. I have a lot projects on my hands, both long term and short term, my mom reminded me of these and that I don't have a sibling to help me achieve these. Can I carry those responsibilities and also be able to absolve pressures coming from my in-laws? Honestly, its this point that actually made me stop and think.

CzarChris:
This is the main point, the crux of the matter, my dad is late. I have a lot projects on my hands, both long term and short term, my mom reminded me of these and that I don't have a sibling to help me achieve these. Can I carry those responsibilities and also be able to absolve pressures coming from my in-laws? Honestly, its this point that actually made me stop and think.

What exactly does your mom want? Ask her plainly. She wants a woman who will contribute to your project?

There must be a TEST before a TESTIMONY.Everything will be okay, it's just a matter of time.Don't let anyone make decisions for you.It's better you make a mistake yourself than allowing someone else make it for you.

My fiance's mum who used to instigate everyone against me for good three years is now like my mum now.She even called some minutes back and she called yesterday. If you love your girl, don't leave her, it might take years before your people agree but what matters is that you are with the one you love.All you need now is Prayers and NEVER give in to their pressure, They will try all they can but at the end they will get tired.In my case some my fiance's siblings even called to tell me they would kill me.

Never let their pressure push u to cheat on your girl, always assure her you will always be by her side and above all, my dear, be prayerful.Cheers

aisha2:


What exactly does your mom want? Ask her plainly. She wants a woman who will contribute to your project?

Not necessarily, more or less a lady who won't give me distractions while achieving my goals.

anthoniaz:
There must be a TEST before a TESTIMONY.Everything will be okay, it's just a matter of time.Don't let anyone make decisions for you.It's better you make a mistake yourself than allowing someone else make it for you.

My fiance's mum who used to instigate everyone against me for good three years is now like my mum now.She even called some minutes back and she called yesterday. If you love your girl, don't leave her, it might take years before your people agree but what matters is that you are with the one you love.All you need now is Prayers and NEVER give in to their pressure, They will try all they can but at the end they will get tired.In my case some my fiance's siblings even called to tell me they would kill me.

Never let their pressure push u to cheat on your girl, always assure her you will always be by her side and above all, my dear, be prayerful.Cheers

thanks

CzarChris:
thanks

You are welcome.

CzarChris:
My wonderful NLers, abeg I need your help in solving a very serious issue, I have an idea of what to do, but I want listen/read inputs from matured minds before I make my decision known.

As a career bachelor, I met a young lady that makes me more than willing to imprison myself in wedLOCK, I cherish every moment I spend with her. Now the problem is that my mom doesn't like her, scratch that, the entire family don't like. Reason?

you are a grown man!
impose yourself on your family, not the other way. no family member chooses for me - i choose what i want or desire & they follow my lead. take that cue!

1. She's from a not so financially strong background( that if I marry her I will also marry a huge baggage of responsibilities from my in laws)

how does this affect anything? your wife-to-be is on her way to achieving something. why should her family background matter to you?

2. She is still a student.

mark zuckerberg, bill gates, etc were once students.

3. I'm way taller than she is.(I'm 6ft and she is about 5Ft 7" )

this is the funniest bit.
unless you dunno a lot about measurement, there's no significant difference between 5'7" and 6 feet. you are only 5 inches taller. with her heels & hair, you guys would stand shoulder to shoulder.

My people, I'm so confused. I'm the only child in the family so I can't really make a drastic move without hurting someone. Truth is any decision I take will really hurt someone.

this is the more reason they would even listen to you. you are the only child - use your status as the only child to win your parents to your side.

So matured minds in the house I need your advice on this issue.

you have not provide anything concrete issue against this woman. height, financial background & her studentship are too secondary. go and marry this woman and let your parents follow your lead.

coogar:


you are a grown man!
impose yourself on your family, not the other way. no family member chooses for me - i choose what i want or desire & they follow my lead. take that cue!




how does this affect anything? your wife-to-be is on her way to achieving something. why should her family background matter to you?



mark zuckerberg, bill gates, etc were once students.



this is the funniest bit.
unless you dunno a lot about measurement, there's no significant difference between 5'7" and 6 feet. you are only 5 inches taller. with her heels & hair, you guys would stand shoulder to shoulder.



this is the more reason they would even listen to you. you are the only child - use your status as the only child to win your parents to your side.



you have not provide anything concrete issue against this woman. height, financial background & her studentship are too secondary. go and marry this woman and let your parents follow your lead.

Thanks for your contribution, but life is not always as black and white as we wish it were.

CzarChris:
Thanks for your contribution, but life is not always as black and white as we wish it were.

when you say she's from a not so strong financial background, do you mean her family is poor and majorly educated or they're poor with little or no education ?

anthoniaz:
My fiance's mum who used to instigate everyone against me for good three years is now like my mum now.She even called some minutes back and she called yesterday. If you love your girl, don't leave her, it might take years before your people agree but what matters is that you are with the one you love.All you need now is Prayers and NEVER give in to their pressure, They will try all they can but at the end they will get tired. In my case some my fiance's siblings even called to tell me they would kill me.

Shuuuu! E reach like that? And you still chook head enter? Thank God it ended well. Trust me, not all stories like this end well. I still won't advise anyone to see 'a burning furnace' and jump in.

CzarChris:
My wonderful NLers, abeg I need your help in solving a very serious issue, I have an idea of what to do, but I want listen/read inputs from matured minds before I make my decision known.

.
3. I'm way taller than she is.(I'm 6ft and she is about 5Ft 7" )

I don't get it your family has a height requirement for marriage? Usually the man is taller or did you want to say she is 6ft and you are 5'7?

Phema:


Shuuuu! E reach like that? And you still chook head enter? Thank God it ended well. Trust me, not all stories like this end well. I still won't advice anyone to see 'a burning furnace' and jump in.

My dear, na just God.

CzarChris:
Not necessarily, more or less a lady who won't give me distractions while achieving my goals.

People are giving advice but you seem to have a ready defensive response for everyone. Bros do what you want na your life. Free the lady so a man and family who appreciate her as she is can be with her

CzarChris:
Thanks for your contribution, but life is not always as black and white as we wish it were.

aisha2:

People are giving advice but you seem to have a ready defensive response for everyone. Bros do what you want na your life. Free the lady so a man and family who appreciate her as she is can be with her

I'm really trying my very best to be civil here but people like you just want something to set me off. I asked for advice over something that ha been giving me sleepless nights and your here acting all beefed up and ready to war? Over what? Cos I said life is not white and black? I should just go all out and disobey my mum? Because of what? Love? If you don't have regard for your parents, some people still do.
i came here to find ways of finding a middle ground here were no one gets hurt and nobody's ego is bruised. Some people gave real advice here that I've already started implementing.
If I didn't feel anything for her, do you think I would be here for advice? . To comment is not by force.
People like you and Kanwulia should learn the meaning of maturity and intelligent response from these Nairalanders below

anthoniaz(f)
Odilafta
Phema
eleojo23
freecocoa(f)
DaBullIT(m)

Maybe you are not ready for marriage.
You have so many projects- but obviously wife and family do not fit in right now.
As a mother of grown kid`s I can tell you some women do not want to share their sons or what he has. Your mother has worked so hard and cried many tears raising you and now another woman is comming just like that to take everything she laboured for away.

It is your duty to talk to your mother, assure her of your love and that she will always remain dear to you, get her to meet and like your partner.
Your mother might just be scared of loosing most of you, especially as she raised you alone.

You need to be diplomatic on this one.

Calm down @OP. People here just want to help you. I'd advise you listen and not be defensive. Now to the main issue, answer these questions truthfully.
Do you love her?
Does she love you back?
Before now, who has been responsible for her education ?
Is she the materialistic type?
Does she truly support your dreams and visions in life?
Does she take her academics seriously or is she the type that sees marriage as her long term goal?
Does she act like she can't do without your money?
Is she worth all the trouble ?
If your answer to the last question is Yes, I'll say stick with her. Allow her to finish and for now, limit the way she relates with your family members so they don't keep picking on her. Its your duty to protect your woman and not allow all these gists flying here and there to affect her

@op, there is no need for me to waste my time on this.

1. Complete your projects

2. Don't marry the girl cuz you don't love her

CzarChris:
I'm really trying my very best to be civil here but people like you. . . . . . BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!


. . . . . . . To comment is not by force.
People like you and Kanwulia should learn the meaning of maturity and intelligent response from these Nairalanders below

You must think everyone comes to NL to be PHOCKED by TOADS. . . .to get a meaningless end-of-year award. Ha!

You berra be off to see the WIZARD of OZ for A FEW BRAIN CELL!

Hopefully, YOUR NUMB-SKULL would not need some fertilizer!

I replied you politely. . . You are indeed a MATRIMONIAL HAZARD!
Grow up and be a man FIRST!
Having a tad functional "PENIZ" does NOT make you one for a poverty-STRICKEN victim looking to USE YOU TO ESCAPE POVERTY. . . . So she at least STOP SHARING A POT OF STEW AND DECAYED, FRIED-ICE-FISH with 5000 village members. . . . however temporary!

bennyrazz:
@op, there is no need for me to waste my time on this.

1. Complete your projects

2. Don't marry the girl cuz you don't love her

Thank you! I guess I'm not the one who see this.

mutter:
Maybe you are not ready for marriage.
You have so many projects- but obviously wife and family do not fit in right now.
As a mother of grown kid`s I can tell you some women do not want to share their sons or what he has. Your mother has worked so hard and cried many tears raising you and now another woman is comming just like that to take everything she laboured for away.

It is your duty to talk to your mother, assure her of your love and that she will always remain dear to you, get her to meet and like your partner.
Your mother might just be scared of loosing most of you, especially as she raised you alone.

You need to be diplomatic on this one.

Good points.