NL what can I do about my home? My new husband and I are not connecting anymore. We mostly argue even when I try to be the one to compromise. I think he is caring more about being the man of the house rather than being a peacekeeper. He focuses on being the decision maker rather than the details of any decisions being made. I dont feel like my input is being used in our home. There is ALWAYS a debate and rarely a time for happy moments. There is no closeness, no intimacy, just fighting even when I am silent. We were not like this before. What can I do?

Well I can't say anything since this is only your side of the story but from Ur version, I can deduce that you are a feminist and you're probably contesting for the control of the house ( I may be wrong tho). Anyways, to protect Ur marriage, you av to be condescending sometimes. Let his wish be done sometimes and not try to force urs on him.


#my_1_kobo

U guys are only passing thru a phase of marriage,it happens to every marriage but dont worry,be strong,U will overcome.more importantly try to find his weak side towards you and use it to win him over always when there is a situation

It breaks my heart when I read stuffs like this.

Ma'am you know what, just STOP debating. By ‘stop’ I mean you should voice your opinion about something when the need arises and leave him to it. Even when he's wrong, just let him know he's wrong. Don't debate over it. You don't have to keep proving how right you are or how wrong he is. Too much Talk is a problem.

And to get back to the peaceful ‘before life' I also suggest that you set the mood and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and how fast your bond and love is breaking. Sacrifice something and make yourselves happy.

Zedric:
Well I can't say anything since this is only your side of the story but from Ur version, I can deduce that you are a feminist and you're probably contesting for the control of the house ( I may be wrong tho). Anyways, to protect Ur marriage, you av to be condescending sometimes. Let his wish be done sometimes and not try to force urs on him.

You just know they don't have anything useful to offer in form of advice when they start throwing the 'F' word around unnecessarily.

May some of you not develope HBP and eventually quench ontop one word, IJN. Amin!

.

Stop fighting, stop quarreling start communicating. Find a way to get him to understand.
Before my husband and I would quarrel when we wanted to make expenditure. He felt I was being to miserly and I was trying to avoid us getting into financial challenges. We both had good reasons to hold our grounds but a bad way of expressing it.

What did I do? When he brings an idea instead of shutting it down immediately as I would do before I would hail him and let him know it was a great idea, then I would go and do a total break down financally of what we need to get it done. By the side I would have alternatives ready but I wont show him. I Would only show him the breakdown for what he wants and he himself will allude to the fact that it wont be financially reasonable then I would produce the alternative and we will agree on what to do kiss and do the needful.

What am I saying? Find a better way to get through to him, find a common communication ground. Dont shut down his idea but find a smart way to accept his and also suggest yours. Dont make him feel emasculated

Ma'am we can't jos advice you when we don't know the basis of your grudges...
And you only told us your own side of the story... who go wan say his/she is guilty

My candid advice.
If truly you've been trying to maintain serenity in your home.
Apologize whenever you at fault,
Try to listen to his own decision if it reasonable follow it, if it not, peacefully make him understand why his decision isn't reasonable afterall he is your hubby you'll have a way to talk him.
Allow him to be the man of the house and you be the peacemaker, i bet you... you'll enjoy your home.

Now concerning the closeness and the intimacy..
You guys need to sit down and talk.
''Like what happen to us"
''We weren't like this before"
"the closeness and the intimacy isn't there anymore" Give instances
Tell him the way it was written on the thread
Pour out your mind, don't be scared or shy... if he doesn't make love to you anymore say it, tell him

he is a man...let him be the man of the house

what sorts of things do you argue about?

Let him be.
You married a traditional man, and you want to put your 'input'. Doesn't make sense to me.
This is not the time to be demanding for rights. You should have taken care of that before marriage.

Phema:


You just know they don't have anything useful to offer in form of advice when they start throwing the 'F' word around unnecessarily.

May some of you not develope HBP and eventually quench ontop one word, IJN. Amin!

I'm guessing you didn't even read the post, u say a word and Ur brain read meaning to it. Cool bro

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!
You too complain jor! :
You must be a feminist!
Many apologies!

Scanty info.
U want folks to help, be open.
Chaircover asked a vital question.
Ur unbiased answer is needed.

Try to compromise ...
Try means you make effort but you don`t quite achieve the goal.
He is struggling to be the head and decision- maker...
Struggling to attain something he does not have.

I think you have asked a question and at thesame time answered it without realising it.

OP Chaircover- I salute you, Long time!

if its ur first year of marriage.its usually lyk dat.alot of reasonz y its lyk dat.ask any couple

southex:
NL what can I do about my home? My new husband and I are not connecting anymore. We mostly argue even when I try to be the one to compromise. I think he is caring more about being the man of the house rather than being a peacekeeper. He focuses on being the decision maker rather than the details of any decisions being made. I dont feel like my input is being used in our home. There is ALWAYS a debate and rarely a time for happy moments. There is no closeness, no intimacy, just fighting even when I am silent. We were not like this before. What can I do?

Oh dear! I think your hubby is a member of NL. With all the garbage being fed men on this forum by the time we get married there won't be any man with logic left except those holding on to " A man is the head of the house".

Aprime:
It breaks my heart when I read stuffs like this.

Ma'am you know what, just STOP debating. By ‘stop’ I mean you should voice your opinion about something when the need arises and leave him to it. Even when he's wrong, just let him know he's wrong. Don't debate over it. You don't have to keep proving how right you are or how wrong he is. Too much Talk is a problem.

And to get back to the peaceful ‘before life' I also suggest that you set the mood and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and how fast your bond and love is breaking. Sacrifice something and make yourselves happy.

Exactly! what is the point in being right all the time but unhappy.