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Hi, I need your opinions, analysis and corrections on my poem. I am a young poet (just started writing recently)

NO TITLE
This is a story untold
It is a beauty to behold
It all started in the beginning
What a sight to imagine

A look at the cloud
It makes a person proud
To be part of the creation
Created by the only creator

Take a glimpse at the sun
It beams and smiles in fun
It makes way for the moon
What a shift without a moan

A trip to the ocean
Makes one wonder with passion
The depth of the waters
A splash makes one sober

The earth witnessed a splash
It happened in a flash
The soldier ants begin to drain
What a special day to rain

The beauty of the rainbow
Makes me think of colours
As little as the star
It is bigger than the earth

A wonderful thing to say
It all ends one day
The beauty of the world will fade
The defaulters will be put to shame

[color=#990000][/color]Wow, i posted it t***** [modified]

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Dedicated to: MYLES MUNROE & HIS WIFE (I met him last year at a program organised by L.E.A.R.N. in LTV Blue Roof, Ikeja). You may be dead but your Legacy will live on forever. RIP.

THE UNCERTAINTY OF LIFE
The sound cuts across the globe
It awakes the world to be bold
What an amazing fact to be told
The controversial music unfolds

Silence pierces through the heart
Such a sigh like the sound of bat
The beautiful faces full of scar
It is the mark of ancient mistake

Hymns are flowing in the air
The whole stage is finally set
The body is laid to rest
In the final place of abode

A loud shrew cry is heard
From a land not too far away
The weakness of femining gender
Has reared it's face again

The living are left to wonder
If it was worth all the bother
A little piece of paper
Makes one free of hunger

The giant is left to wander
In his tiny new apartment
To face the inevitable panel
A judgement without appeal

*claps *claps *claps!
I believe you need a title fast.
It seems like you painter,You're painting pictures with your lines Ma.
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:
*claps *claps *claps!
I believe you need a title fast.
It seems like you painter,You're painting pictures with your lines Ma.
Ayamlaykorn

Thanks a million, my first commentor

Dedicated to All African Women
AN AFRICAN WOMAN
She walks with head high
Legs moving gracefully
Hips swaying left and right
Her nails as fresh as ever
Her smile lights the world
Her teeth as white as snow
Her face as smooth as silk
Her skin is like the ebony woods
Her hair so black and curly
She sits in style
She dresses gorgeously
She is admired by all and sundry
She is called the feminine beauty

She watches with kin interest
Hands moving from plate to mouth
One coughs, she rushes to get water
She watches over them like a mother hen
She is so over protective
She sleeps hungrily
They sleep joyfully
She abhors all insults
She bears all injury
Just to protect the one she loves
She is a mother indeed
She is the proverbial virtuous woman
She is known as a woman of substance

THE BEAUTY OF DUSK
The peaceful silence of the evening
Sends a cold chill down my spine
The trees fluttering and dancing
To the amorour songs of the pestle

Sonorous voices of lovers chanting
Makes the old wish to find love again
The birds chirps into the conversation
Beneath the beautiful village orchard

The moon beaming at its fullest
Sends its powerful rays down to earth
The children giggles, the old yawns
It is time to tell a tale

The river finally takes a nap
A relief after the hard day's work
Mamas grab their kids by the hand
It is time to sleep says the clock.

The wind revives its action
Scattering plates, the doors jamming
All hide under the cozy of their blankets
It makes it the perfect night

Dedicated to the Worlds Special
THE WORLDS SPECIAL
We are the world's most special
We move around with an amazing vibe
We are the trail blazers

We are the worlds most awesome
We may be blind
But we are not myopic

We are the worlds most fantastic
We may be lame
But we have gone around the world

We are the worldsmost talented
We may be dumb
But our hands speaks volume


We are the worlds most attentive
We may be deaf but we can hear,
The perfect silence of the world.

We are the worlds most healthy
We might be down with down syndrome
But we are not the cause of the worlds problem

We are the worlds most contented
We may be people with special needs
But we are not a problem child

We are the worlds most intelligent
We are the best of communicators
We have the world's best language

We are the worlds most creative
We are the best of artists
We are the best of scientists

We don't fancy your pity
Accept us just the way we are
We are like you, but a very special kind.

laykorn:
*claps *claps *claps!
I believe you need a title fast.
It seems like you painter,You're painting pictures with your lines Ma.
Ayamlaykorn

Indeed! She deserves another round of applause.

*currently done with another poem, its titled 'The Ism'.

joseph1832:
Indeed! She deserves another round of applause.

*currently done with another poem, its titled 'The Ism'.

Yeah,we'll meet at the launching of the NL Poets club tomorrow.
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:

Yeah,we'll meet at the launching of the NL Poets club tomorrow.
Ayamlaykorn

Cool, I look forward to it.

joseph1832:
Indeed! She deserves another round of applause.

*currently done with another poem, its titled 'The Ism'.

Tanx....a lot

Halooo dear ayozainy, you have good poems to read but not without little flaws.

You need to know what you want to do before you write. poetry is built on structure. Anyways, your dictions is okay and I could easily picture each poem you wrote...thumbs up.

you can visit the link in my signature to learn the types and forms of poetry.

noble cares.

noble4d:
Halooo dear ayozainy, you have good poems to read but not without little flaws.

You need to know what you want to do before you write. poetry is built on structure. Anyways, your dictions is okay and I could easily picture each poem you wrote...thumbs up.

you can visit the link in my signature to learn the types and forms of poetry.

noble cares.

Thanks.....i'll take that into consideration

ayozainy:
Thanks.....i'll take that into consideration

Ayozainy I suppose you're Ayomide Zaynab . Incase you're new here,noble4d is our respected teacher of poetry here on Nairaland. He cares a lot about us,like a shepherd does his sheep. You can always ask him your questions.
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:

Ayozainy I suppose you're Ayomide Zaynab . Incase you're new here,noble4d is our respected teacher of poetry here on Nairaland. He cares a lot about us,like a shepherd does his sheep. You can always ask him your questions.
Ayamlaykorn

Oohkay....tanx

ayozainy:
Oohkay....tanx

You've got message.
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:

You've got message.
Ayamlaykorn

kk, will reply tomorrow tho. Cos av got no subscription for now. Gracias

UNTITLED
It has happened again
Mother earth has awoken
To the cry of its inhabitant
A terrible disaster unforcasted

Tears flowing like a river
Boundless like the atlantic
The fire still unquenched
Heavens gate is receiving

A sweet, joyful night
Has turned into a nightmare
The voice of kids singing,
The echo alone we hear.

Suddeny, it all vanished
Like the wind in the summer
The song we now sing
The title we cannot tell

The land has lost its joy
The leaders of the future,
is history yet untold
Is there hope for tomorrow?

I cant believe that I was banned but thank God, the ban has been lifted
FREE VERSE

BAD IMITATION
The offensive display of wealth
By the country's so called finest,
The big boys and big girls
Has become second nature to some

A competition on the media
Is their everyday routine
Who wore it the best?
Is the question on most lips

The latest are on them
They are the indecent dressers
The borrowers of other cultures
Liars who market bloody lie

Showing off what is meant to be hidden
Is the style of the female counterparts
The so called role models
Have become harlots of fashion

They live in the G.R.A's
In houses known as mansions
With countless number of rooms
While they sleep in just one

Their garage is like a car park
Ranging from different shapes and sizes
The wasteful spenders, extravagant fools
The heavy drinkers, the womanizers

A little act of kindness
Is accompanied by some snapshots
It is carried on the dailies
An action with a weak intention

They live a flamboyant life
While thousands are out there
With no place to lay their head
With no food to eat, no hope of education

Only the unwise of men
Parades his wealth in front of the poor
Who has none to compete with.
He goes around minding his business.

Givers they say never lack
The little you give will help,
In changing the fortune of others
Forgo selfishness and embrace kindness.

I just want to be free
FREE/BLANK VERSE

CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY
The actions of some
Leaves others to mourn
Human is meant to be humane
Many are animals in human form.

They claim to be jihadists
Fighting for what cause?
Killing your fellow human
Makes you a living demon

The ignitors of war
What do you stand to gain?
Making millions homeless,
You leave so many in pain

Kidnapping your fellow human
Demanding for a ransome
Why dont you think twice?
It could have been you.

The ritualists, assassins, murderers
Do you have a heart at all?
The world does not end today
Remember the essence of creation.

Gathering wealth and more wealth
What does that make you?
A ruthless, oppressive capitalists
You would leave without a pin

You strike without thinking twice
Fighting for power you dont deserve
Your heart as hard as rock
You lack the feeling of humanity

Do you find joy in others sadness?
People are killed by the moment
Bombed, shot, maimed, massacred
These are all your actions

Many are shedding bloody tears
Have that pure conscience
You are no god to ignite fear
You are human with a flesh

Keep at the back of your mind
That the world will one day seize
You would live all you love behind
And face the greatest being.

Do you know what you just did? You just painted their lifestyle in "projective 3D" Goodjob comrade. Let's wait for OMA4U and noble4d to do some super-constructive criticism. Lol
Ayamlaykorn

Ayozainy, wow! Wow! I'm impressed. Drop your number, let me add you to Nairaland Poetry Club group on whatsapp.

A KYIRELLE
MY PHONE
I handle you with so much care
No one dears touch you when am there
I treat you like a priceless stone
I love you so much, my dear phone

Some might say it is obsession
I tell them it's my possession
No harm shall come your way, my own
I love you so much, my dear phone

You make me okay, when am not
Just a snapshot makes me feel hot
You only, know when am alone
I love you so much, my dear phone

Let them say you are just too small
I will tell them to mind their stall
Leave us alone, you are my bone
I love you so much, my dear phone

A SONNET BY MOI
Every morning begins with a journey
Man, animals, nature and all that rise
Our motive for struggling is for money
I just wonder what else in our heart lies

The wisdom to think has been left to sleep
We rush and seek out for what is not lost
Our purpose for living has long being freed
The sound of prayer is ignored like frost

The clock goes tick, tock by the passing hour
Man ignores, avoid the gift of letter
The brain just snobs the being with the power
He that says yes to prayers, our Father

Let all creations learn to worship Him
I wonder if nature can watch a film?

OMA4U:
Ayozainy, wow! Wow! I'm impressed. Drop your number, let me add you to Nairaland Poetry Club group on whatsapp.

Tanks a lot

laykorn:
Do you know what you just did? You just painted their lifestyle in "projective 3D" Goodjob comrade. Let's wait for OMA4U and noble4d to do some super-constructive criticism. Lol
Ayamlaykorn

Tanks for d encouragement

I must say am wowed with d symbolism of your poems, I Neva knew u are a poet. Thumbs up sis hope u walkby one day to read my poems too. Hoping to create my thread soonest

elgaitan:
I must say am wowed with d symbolism of your poems, I Neva knew u are a poet. Thumbs up sis hope u walkby one day to read my poems too. Hoping to create my thread soonest

Thanks a lot, i'll definately read your poems once you create the thread

NO TITLE
The world looks at her with hue
They say she she stinks and frowns
She does not fit in to the society
They say she is ugly and arrogant
They say she doesnt fit in to d society
She is a shame to those who had her
She is rejected wherever she goes
They spit on her with the back of their tongue
They chase her whenever she is sighted
She is called an abomination by those she loves
She is cursed wherever she goes
She looks at them with face pale
She stares at them with a blank heart
She tries to show emotion, but her face is still
She looks at d mirror and stares
She doesnt know who appears
She changes position, tilts head
She stares at her image
She is no different from those who chastise her
She doesnt lack a thing
She was the once radiant and proud woman
Who stands in d middle of d road and thousands stares.
She says a word, billions listen
She snaps her finger, millions run towards her
She eats and thousands run to pick the crumbs
She was once the pride of her family
What suddenly happened?
She lost focus, she lost direction
She bit the hands of those who fed her
Her children are weeping
Some are dying, other homeless
She had it all at her disposal
She wasted it all extravagantly
She calls her children, none answered
What happened to those who previously did?
They all paid for the crime they never committed
They were sent on a long journey
By animals in human form
They were slaughtered, raped, bombed
The few who escaped, ran to her sister
They joined the jeering croud to mock her
She stands in the middle of the ocean
With no friend, no family, none to call her own
She screams, no one hears
She regretted her actions and sort to make amends
It came too late
The head is now below the water.[color=#990000][/color]

I promised myself that I'll always post whatever poem I write here. Most times I write two poems a day, it depends on my mood though and my source of inspiration.
Most of my poems are without titles, any suggestions will be appreciated.

Slowly their legs moves
Their bottom just grooves
to the bata beats
seductive eyes stares
at the bosom bare

the ancient rhythm
by the ayan within,
nature joins the dance
the damsel giggles
the end of being single

as the shinning star
in the clouds so far
he sights her afar
their eyes lock by chance
he gave her that face

the period of joy
she knows no boy
that was what she said
is she a saint?
Time only can say

the elder at home
walks away alone
fuming and cursing
the young chic moaning
His face is beaming

From white to danger
shows the wrapper
the frenzy drumming
sends them dancing
the feast is just starting.


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