Salaam Aleykum fellow Brothers and sisters in Islam.
I want you people to advice me on what to do because am very confuse.
I am a student in one of the Universities in Nigeria. In my first year I met a guy who is from the eastern part of this country that was asking me out I declined because He is a Christian Although I liked his person. But he insist it’s not a problem that we should just allow God see to it I still stood my ground and he accepted and choose to be my friend. And later I met a Muslim guy was happy because of the love he professed and his characteristics as a Muslim and we happen to be from the same state and speak the same tongue. I fell in love with him so much that I got to know other family member. Till date I and the sister are so close that people find it hard to believe we are not related. But lately things took turn when I knew he was cheating on me, the first time I caught him red handed, he came pleading that I just had to forgive him thinking he will change this time he actually break my heart by cheating on me again with a Christian girl and from the eastern part of the state.

I could not really bear the pains because I was so into the relationship I never cheated on him, I told him about my male friend some times he will say that I may be cheating on him with this guy the truth is we were just friends. My guy was actually cheating on me due to sex and nothing else.

I refuse to go into a sexual relationship and I told him at first he accepted the later he started pressurizing me by saying he can’t cope since he has had sex before it’s difficult for him to abstain after about 8months relationship with me. And he ended up cheating on me with a girl we all knew in the house as a friend and she even knew we were dating. It’s so painful that she is not even ashamed about it. To the extend that when I call my guy she picks the phone to warn me to stay clear off her guy it really baffles me. I cried for months and still can get over it. My friend never knew that my guy’s sister is not my cousin and he was the one that stood by me and today am so much in love with him. He never bothers me about sex for like 2 and half years now that have known him and does anything to make me happy, Am considering having sex with him soon not for anything but for love even if I don’t end up marrying him because is so frustrating meeting our fellow Muslim that will still be demanding for premarital sex. And am 22yrs and still a virgin.
The truth is my parents will not even hear of it an Igbo and a Christian for that matter.
Am just confuse, I find happiness in him and he does too but how do we go about it?
Should I stay with him or wait for another Muslim guy?
Please advice me on what to do
Jazakullah Khairan

Sister,

I pray that you find a true muslim guy that will treat you better than the other guy. Do not have sex with the Xtian (or the muslim for that matter), you will find out at the end that it's not worth it simply because it is a sin.

Pray to Allah for strenght. If you are true and sincere, Allah will send you your soul mate.

Please, safeguard your Islam, the xtian guy is not right for you. I wish you well

@Mariaba: « on: Today at 04:39:36 PM »

Salaam Aleykum fellow Brothers and sisters in Islam.
I want you people to advice me on what to do because am very confuse.
I am a student in one of the Universities in Nigeria. In my first year I met a guy who is from the eastern part of this country that was asking me out I declined because He is a Christian Although I liked his person. But he insist it’s not a problem that we should just allow God see to it I still stood my ground and he accepted and choose to be my friend. And later I met a Muslim guy was happy because of the love he professed and his characteristics as a Muslim and we happen to be from the same state and speak the same tongue. I fell in love with him so much that I got to know other family member. Till date I and the sister are so close that people find it hard to believe we are not related. But lately things took turn when I knew he was cheating on me, the first time I caught him red handed, he came pleading that I just had to forgive him thinking he will change this time he actually break my heart by cheating on me again with a Christian girl and from the eastern part of the state.

I could not really bear the pains because I was so into the relationship I never cheated on him, I told him about my male friend some times he will say that I may be cheating on him with this guy the truth is we were just friends. My guy was actually cheating on me due to sex and nothing else.

I refuse to go into a sexual relationship and I told him at first he accepted the later he started pressurizing me by saying he can’t cope since he has had sex before it’s difficult for him to abstain after about 8months relationship with me. And he ended up cheating on me with a girl we all knew in the house as a friend and she even knew we were dating. It’s so painful that she is not even ashamed about it. To the extend that when I call my guy she picks the phone to warn me to stay clear off her guy it really baffles me. I cried for months and still can get over it. My friend never knew that my guy’s sister is not my cousin and he was the one that stood by me and today am so much in love with him. He never bothers me about sex for like 2 and half years now that have known him and does anything to make me happy, Am considering having sex with him soon not for anything but for love even if I don’t end up marrying him because is so frustrating meeting our fellow Muslim that will still be demanding for premarital sex. And am 22yrs and still a virgin.

Mariaba, be patient. If you are a virgin, it is a good thing. Do not lose the virginity, now with a man who is not your "HUSBAND!" Note I am not saying that he is not committed and dedicated. But he is not your husband. If he wants you, he will wait until both of you are married.

Now, if you are a true muslim, your friendship with a man should be with a "purpose, and must not be deep to the point that you are now considering having sex with him." Any sex outside "marriage" for muslim, male and female, is forbidden by Allah. Its in the Qur'aan. Read Surah Nisaa (the women). Omo mi, aburo mi, avoid all kind of illicit sexual acts. Allah says in the Qur'aan that one should not "come close" to illicit sex. You are too close to it, and it is this single reason that is leading you to wanting to lose yourself respect, to a man who as far as i am concern a stranger who has to right to get to your heart. If you want him, tell him about Islam. Let him become muslim and when he cant do without Islam, then marry him, as the reward of both of you, on earth. Your reward because you worked for his salvation into paradise, away from Hellfire. For him, because he accepted "guidance for salvation, through your hand!"

Now, look, don't fail yourself. Struggle against the temptation. Limit your being together with him, or any man for that matter to an enviroment where you will not have that sexual temptation, the urge of sleeping with him. Don't forget he is not your husband. And you can not be sure that he is the one. Finally, muslim woman's chest is not for non-muslim man to mount.

As I am writing you, I pity myself because I am in America and i have many neices in Nigeria in your age group. I wonder what their situations are. How are they doing in Islam? I think you need to improve your Islam. We are all here for you, as support for the pleasure of Allah.

The truth is my parents will not even hear of it an Igbo and a Christian for that matter.
Am just confuse, I find happiness in him and he does too but how do we go about it?
Should I stay with him or wait for another Muslim guy?
Please advice me on what to do
Jazakullah Khairan

There is nothing wrong with Igbo people. My sister was married to Igbo man. Her divorce from him is probably because she was too much. I am married to an Igbo woman. She is a delightful muslim woman. The Igbos are closer to the Yorubas by tradition than the Bambaras or Soyinkeh of Mali. Would your parents object to a muslim Fulani of Mauritania who wants to marry you, if you are willing? The only thing wrong i the picture of the young man in school with you, is that he is not a muslim. Thats all. His ethnicity is irrelivant, because we are all sons and daughters of Adam (AS). And when your young man becomes muslim, and faith has captured his heart, if he interested in you hen, do not hesitate to marry him, so that you can have a good muslim family together.

May Allah protects you. Amin. If you want you can communicate with me on aqeedahfirst@yahoo.com Tell him to communicate with me, too. I will like to introduce Islam to him. he seems to be your Trial as in "Fitna." Work hard to protect yourself and your religion.

this is very serious, But I believe anything can come out from the experience.

Beware of marrying a man just because his only password is that he is a muslim, It is a trial. BEware of marrying a man just because he claim to love you,

what many of us seem to have ignored is that, the man you will marry is known afforehand to the creator,

many people are impatience with Love, hence they fall into the hand of Mr or Mis wrong, what we call love is in many way, lust,

dear poster, take it cool and be calm. Pray to god, be friend to all but do not compromise your conviction as long as you are in the right path. Let God do it for you,

You will surely smile at last, And if your igbo man turn muslim, that would mean something to you are him, but it would be tough, yet, anything can happen.

to your progress.

Mariaba

I refuse to go into a sexual relationship and I told him at first he accepted the later he started pressurizing me by saying he can’t cope since he has had sex before it’s difficult for him to abstain after about 8months relationship with me.

This Guy is not fitted to you for true relationships that are you dreaming for, he is just looking for pleasurable girl who will fall on his own trap to have sex. And that is not you to fall for his lustful appetite to go with him. If you are truly having a strong faith in Allah avoiding such things which is unlawful for your own goodness is the best thing to do. Why not concentrate to your study, instead of falling in love into a puppy relationship, which might distract your career in the future. If you like to be successful in life and marriage you should concentrate to your schoolwork first. After finishing your college more good people/guys are just looking for women who are successful in their life, with a good moral character and value you have possess, I think you can get the right man in your life for a long-time relationships.

@Sister will you marry me?

I wont ask you for sex while we're unmarried. In fact, I would teach you Islam in a stylic fundamental way but yet kind and affectionate.

@ topic: this is a great quandary.

Am considering having sex with him soon not for anything but for love even if I don’t end up marrying him because is so frustrating meeting our fellow Muslim that will still be demanding for premarital sex. And am 22yrs and still a virgin.

Try as much as possible to keep yourself and never cross that line. You may lose more than your thinking. Be sincere and prayerful. Learn 'Duha Istikhara' (prayer for guidance), the way it was taught by the prophet and make sure you do it often. Seek prayers from your parents and your love ones. Allah is always merciful to the sincere and steadfast people.

@Poster

Be careful, he is a wolf in sheep clothing. He is interested in what you could offer him and not your future. Why not stand your grounds and if he leaves, it means he is not yours but if he really loves and want you, he would wait for his time and probably speed up geeting married to you. Why the rush in what he would enjoy for the rest of his life?

Please pray over it and don't lose your virginity over a person that would leave you after getting what he wants and would go about telling his friends that he got you afterall your 'shakara'. Pray for guidance and before you know it, your real husband would come knocking at your door.

If he can't cope without sex, let him fast and if he can't, let him marry and put you in his house, besides, you can still be going to school in your husband's house. Its a great sin to have sex before marriage.

He would wait if he loves and wants you.

babs787:

@Poster

Be careful, he is a wolf in sheep clothing. He is interested in what you could offer him and not your future. Why not stand your grounds and if he leaves, it means he is not yours but if he really loves and want you, he would wait for his time and probably speed up geeting married to you. Why the rush in what he would enjoy for the rest of his life?

Please pray over it and don't lose your virginity over a person that would leave you after getting what he wants and would go about telling his friends that he got you afterall your 'shakara'. Pray for guidance and before you know it, your real husband would come knocking at your door.

If he can't cope without sex, let him fast and if he can't, let him marry and put you in his house, besides, you can still be going to school in your husband's house. Its a great sin to have sex before marriage.

He would wait if he loves and wants you.

@bold, are you not also guilty of that?. Did you marry a virgin?. Did you marry all the girls you disvirgined?.

@Redchic

It's an advice. if you fall into a trap, wouldn't you want to protect your sister from doing the same?

Salaam Alekum
Infact i just cant express my gratitude to all of You that have contributed to this post
I never knew we still have people like this in Islam to be sincere He is the second Muslim guy have dated that is why i give up hopes that all muslim guys should be the same but pretending in the outer shell. Am really very greatful for your contribution.

The truth is i just wish this my Igbo guy will convert but to be sincere it will really be difficult like what one of the posters said but nothing is not possible. He is someone that reminds me of salaat when its time for it. and If he comes for visit he likes to Salaam to me and ask me if have observed my prayers before any further disscusion. duing Ramadan, he knows the rules and abide to them. And above all he is ready to learn things about Islam and to know the do's and dont.

Infact this is usually fun when we discuss about our believe and hear each others view about a particular Issue

I will stick to what you all advice because i know you all want the best for me. But deep down i know if we eventually dont end up together, His memories will always linger with me no matter where I will be.

Salaam

@frizy

I wont ask you for sex while we're unmarried. In fact, I would teach you Islam in a stylic fundamental
way but yet kind and affectionate.

I assumed your are kidding right

@Mariaba: Frizy is not kidding. Thats a muslim love for you. I can vauch for him. He is like a son to me. A good muslim brother he is.

Mariaba, if you are looking for a good husband, and not a way to get disvirgined, my guy Frizy is for you. InshaAllah, when you are ready for the marriage, if Allah provide the means for me, I will foot the dowry and the wedding bill, for the pleasure of the Most Merciful.

@Frizy: if she is ready, please don't waste time. She can be in school and be married. You will help her islam. Your wife will begin to learn the manners of islam. Wearing Hijab, etc.

mariaba should know that you have not asked for her picture or anything before you are proposing. This is Islam. may Allah increase your Iman, Frizy. And if Mariaba is your wife, may Allah make her a saliha for you. Amin.

Mariaba:

@frizy

I assumed your are kidding right

You seem confused because I asked for your hand in marriage when I haven't even seen you. . Anyway, I was just joking, but just as babs said, don't loose your virginity because of a guy who you think loves but yet enjoin upon you evil. For that is not love my sister. Am a guy as well, and the moment a guy starts to ask you for sex while you're unmarried, what he has for you is lust not love. The only way to trap such a guy is to tell him to marry next month then you would give him all he wants afterwards. Believe me, an unsincere guy will run.

So that's the deal. Finally, don't think many so called muslims and nigerians really understand the gravest of the sin in having sex before marriage, they don't. If you're a seeking a high status with Allah, doing that nullifies it and brings you to the level of the lowest of the low. I ask you to read the Koran to strengthen your faith sister.
Salam.
Frizy

olabowale:

@Frizy: if she is ready, please don't waste time. She can be in school and be married. You will help her islam. Your wife will begin to learn the manners of islam. Wearing Hijab, etc.

mariaba should know that you have not asked for her picture or anything before you are proposing. This is Islam. may Allah increase your Iman, Frizy. And if Mariaba is your wife, may Allah make her a saliha for you. Amin.

olabowale:

@Mariaba: Frizy is not kidding. Thats a muslim love for you. I can vauch for him. He is like a son to me. A good muslim brother he is.

Mariaba, if you are looking for a good husband, and not a way to get disvirgined, my guy Frizy is for you. InshaAllah, when you are ready for the marriage, if Allah provide the means for me, I will foot the dowry and the wedding bill, for the pleasure of the Most Merciful.

OMG!!! I just saw this after posting. Uncle mi, am very sorry but I have one Yemeni girl am deeply in love with. I don't want to promise what am unsure of, I hope you understand.
@ Mariaba
Marriage is not as complicated as many kafrs pose it, but please get a good muslim man ok?

Please, safeguard your Islam, the Christian guy is not right for you. I wish you well

Why? The Muslim dude pressured her for sex KNOWING that it's against the religion. Christian dude hasnt given her any problems like that so Im confused

Is it only Muslim men that allowed to marry Christians/Jews?

@olabs  i tot u guys were allowed to carry 4 women along same time.  the guy has only done one how is a mole sister angry?

this is serious o,
the sister asked for advice,
she got a husband. . .lol

@post,
I honestly am wondering who will go to hell,
you know why?
the christians regard the musli ms as unbelievers,
the musl ims regard the christian same too,
the other guys are not left out
they regard the chrislims as unbelievers too,

so who will go to heaven,alujona

thats by the way,
you have eyes you cant see poster,
its not about religion,
its about the person's person!
you have met a guy who wants to wait till you are ready yet some people are telling you to let him go!
what are you guys preaching in the first place?

i support the guy that said he will help convert the igbo guy,
thats the best you can do.

Why? The Muslim dude pressured her for sex KNOWING that it's against the religion. Christian dude hasnt given her any problems like that so I'm confused Undecided

Is it only Muslim men that allowed to marry Christians/Jews?

Ask them.

@Redchic

It's an advice. if you fall into a trap, wouldn't you want to protect your sister from doing the same?

Of course i will advise her accordingly. But Babs didn't fall into a trap, he set the trap unless you are about to prove that he is so sexy that women set traps for him. so, what are you talking about?


Again, why not refer this lady to Pilgrim that have successfully death with such issues before? will you let your sister fall into that trap again?

Is Pilgrim a Believer, or a disbeliever? Shhhhh. Before you respond, a Muslim is a believer while the others are disbelievers. So how could we delegate a disbelievers to be in charge of the affairs of a believer? Wouldnt she make her boy crazy as she was, even when she said she was a muslim?

Do we send a chick to go "listen" to the experience of a Kite, and expects it to return unscath? If at at all it returned?

Let us the "muslims" protect our own. The sexual morality of christianity is not what a muslim should emulate. Thank you.

Bi mo she dagba to yi, mio le ba RedHotChic lol, ta ge.

olabowale:

Is Pilgrim a Believer, or a disbeliever? Shhhhh. Before you respond, a Muslim is a believer while the others are disbelievers. So how could we delegate a disbelievers to be in charge of the affairs of a believer? Wouldnt she make her boy crazy as she was, even when she said she was a muslim?

Do we send a chick to go "listen" to the experience of a Kite, and expects it to return unscath? If at at all it returned?

Let us the "muslims" protect our own. The sexual morality of christianity is not what a muslim should emulate. Thank you.

Bi mo she dagba to yi, mio le ba RedHotChic lol, ta ge.

I respect you too much to respond to that part of your post in the manner I would love to, so please modify that false and derogatory statement.

E ronti pe agba le para yin oh.

Thank you.

Sisi Jinx: We already know that you have Muslim women/men who are like freaks. Thats the reason we may have some who are flogged for illicit sex. Or some stoned to death.

Yet we also have some virgin, male and female Christians, who are not lude. My response stands. Why because when a non Muslim says that Muslim woman should seek sexual morality from a Christian, then I need to say a thing or two I know about women. I observed. And I was a 20semething before.

Sisi, kini mo so to lodi si?

The sexual morality of christianity is not what a muslim should emulate

says the woman wrapper known for chasing women all over nairaland.

anyway, I dont blame you jare.

You loose engines know yourselves.

KarmaMod:

Is it only Muslim men that allowed to marry Christians/Jews?

Yes. That is a non-negotiable part of islam. Muslim women are forbidden to marry non-muslims.

olabowale:

Sisi Jinx: We already know that you have Muslim women/men who are like freaks. Thats the reason we may have some who are flogged for illicit sex. Or some stoned to death.

Yet we also have some virgin, male and female Christians, who are not lude. My response stands. Why because when a non Muslim says that Muslim woman should seek sexual morality from a Christian, then I need to say a thing or two I know about women. I observed. And I was a 20semething before.

Sisi, kini mo so to lodi si?

Last I checked, both Islam and Christianity preached abstinence until marriage. So I fail to see how your statement . . . The sexual morality of christianity is not what a muslim should emulate” makes any sense and I honestly don’t want to believe you are using a topic as important as this to take cheap shots at Christianity.

Ogbon and Oye la fin da agba mo, not age (I’m sorry I don’t remember what age is called in Yoruba)

Frinzy

The only way to trap such a guy is to tell him to marry next month then you would give him all he wants afterwards. Believe me, an unsincere guy will run.

I Agree on that brother Frizy, you hit the right approach … if Mariaba want to know if this Guy are truly heartfelt/genuine to our sister then she will test him in that way to express to marry her.

@Tpia: I need to chase you all over nairaland. I think you truly want to be chased by me! How many nairaland woman has confided in you that I chased them?

If I had known that you had felt neglected, i could have done that "chasing" a long time. Never mind. Its not too late for you to be chased. I enjoy beauty; within and without.

Aburo. You think I am into mind games? If you want to be chased, you will invite me to New Zealand. But first you will become a Muslim. Leave Christianity alone. That will be an incentive, you wanting me to chase you that it. Then you will tell me that you are a pretty woman, who wants to marry "baba agba!" If you want then we make appointments; to know if you have really "become a muslim."

After all of these, I will be ready to chase you. Lol. Obinrin. I know everybody wants whats good. I dont blame you, sisi. There is an Ibadan saying about women wanting a good man. Oseun.

Kweenisha: see your Kristian sister throwing herself at Muslim older man. Thats the ticket. She knows whats good when she sees it. She knows that I will retire her quick, from the rat race, etc.

Sisi Jinx: « #27 on: Today at 01:43:42 AM »

Last I checked, both Islam and Christianity preached abstinence until marriage. So I fail to see how your statement . . . The sexual morality of christianity is not what a muslim should emulate” makes any sense and I honestly don’t want to believe you are using a topic as important as this to take cheap shots at Christianity.

The last I check the Christian "Good News," the NT claimed whosoever is guiltless should cast the first stone. Show me if that does not oblitrate the punishment for "illegal sexual act?" Compare that to the Qur'aanic commandment of not even coming close to "illegal sex." Now tell me what punishment is meterred to a willing participant of such act, from the christian book or practices? We already know what Islam does. Aburo ibi nu e o ni idi!

Ogbon and Oye la fin da agba mo, not age (I’m sorry I don’t remember what age is called in Yoruba)

Ogbon ati oye ojo ori mi ni mo fi nba e soro. O wun no ni mo fi nron e leti pe ki o lo wo Bibeli e. Leyin no ko wu Alukurani mi. Wa ri iyato awon mejeji lori iwa buruku ti a nso nipa e.

@poster

wow. i v heared ur kinda story b4. just take it easy and iron out what u want. u dont love a man more dan Allah and his prophet. u dont obey men more dan Allah and his prophet. Everything boils down to you and what u want.

Just obey d sunnah of the prophet and it would be fine, like

dont seclude urself with a guy

dont touch or shake or hug som1 u aint legally married to

lower ur gaze

and dont court too long



May Allah increase us in knowledge and may he make it easy for u too.

also

May Allah reward everyone that responded to this topic. I learnt alot.