EfemenaXY:


This is a common problem with most Nigerians. Their "entitlement" mentality making them believe the whole world owes them a big favour. So much that there's a fine, albeit an almost non-existent line between them begging for help and demanding that "help" be rendered to them because they so deem it.

Refusal to acquiesce results in them almost swearing for you with trashy words like: Just pray you don't find yourself in a similar or worse situation as mine...

Mtcheew.

@ op: The man / woman who succeeds in making something of their life isn't an alien. They've got the same 1 head, 2 eyes, 10 fingers and 10 toes each - same as the beggar / demanding relative.

Well said.

carefreewannabe:


Very well said.

@bold

I also find it difficult to ask anyone for anything. I even stopped asking my parents for anything as soon as possible and I am not from a poor family.

I honestly feel very grateful when people give me anything even if its just worth a £1 because i believe they are not obliged to.

When I had my daughter and people gave her so many gifts I was so overwhelmed with the love as I had actually bought everything I felt she would need.I was raised that way not to expect things from people and make do with you have.

Even my husband says I embarass him the way I say thank you when he gets me stuff or decides to do stuff for me.I wanted to get some qualifications and was saving to pay for the course.He told me one day that he had paid some money into my account and I realised it was about 70% of the fees.I was sooooo overwhelmed with gratitude as I honestly would not have felt any resentment if I had paid for it myself afterall I am the one seeking to improve myself plus at the time he was paying the Lion Share of the household bills.

damiso:


I honestly feel very grateful when people give me anything even if its just worth a £1 because i believe they are not obliged to.

When I had my daughter and people gave her so many gifts I was so overwhelmed with the love as I had actually bought everything I felt she would need.I was raised that way not to expect things from people and make do with you have.

Even my husband says I embarass him the way I say thank you when he gets me stuff or decides to do stuff for me.I wanted to get some qualifications and was saving to pay for the course.He told me one day that he had paid some money into my account and I realised it was about 70% of the fees.I was sooooo overwhelmed with gratitude as I honestly would not have felt any resentment if I had paid for it myself afterall I am the one seeking to improve myself plus at the time he was paying the Lion Share of the household bills.

Very imperative. expectations leads to being frustrated n disappointed sumtyms.

damiso:


I honestly feel very grateful when people give me anything even if its just worth a £1 because i believe they are not obliged to.

When I had my daughter and people gave her so many gifts I was so overwhelmed with the love as I had actually bought everything I felt she would need.I was raised that way not to expect things from people and make do with you have.

Even my husband says I embarass him the way I say thank you when he gets me stuff or decides to do stuff for me.I wanted to get some qualifications and was saving to pay for the course.He told me one day that he had paid some money into my account and I realised it was about 70% of the fees.I was sooooo overwhelmed with gratitude as I honestly would not have felt any resentment if I had paid for it myself afterall I am the one seeking to improve myself plus at the time he was paying the Lion Share of the household bills.

I understand you, I am very much like you in this respect.

lanxlot:
yes. even if they don't give back to d society frm Which de emanated frm, one should xpet de help out their brothers and sisters....relatives when in need. but we don't see dat happening, at tyms.

Go and sweat, toil, suffer & hustle to make money.
When you've finally made it, you'll find out its actually very hard to give people money like you think should be done. Its annoying, the way rich people are pestered & expected to distribute money. Some family member employ it as a source of income to be asking rich members of the family for money.


Abeg, the rich man didn't work for you, so don't get angry when he refuses to give you money. Besides, when money dey, friend go dey, when money no dey, friend go go...

I taya. You can imagine. Like say he owe am or he's working and getting salary because of him.no wonder all this so called my uncle is wicked thread comes up

EfemenaXY:


This is a common problem with most Nigerians. Their "entitlement" mentality making them believe the whole world owes them a big favour. So much that there's a fine, albeit an almost non-existent line between them begging for help and demanding that "help" be rendered to them because they so deem it.

Refusal to acquiesce results in them almost swearing for you with trashy words like: Just pray you don't find yourself in a similar or worse situation as mine...

Mtcheew.

@ op: The man / woman who succeeds in making something of their life isn't an alien. They've got the same 1 head, 2 eyes, 10 fingers and 10 toes each - same as the beggar / demanding relative.

Seconded

sirman:



Go and sweat, toil, suffer & hustle to make money.
When you've finally made it, you'll find out its actually very hard to give people money like you think should be done. Its annoying, the way rich people are pestered & expected to distribute money. Some family member employ it as a source of income to be asking rich members of the family for money.


Abeg, the rich man didn't work for you, so don't get angry when he refuses to give you money. Besides, when money dey, friend go dey, when money no dey, friend go go...

sirman:



Go and sweat, toil, suffer & hustle to make money.
When you've finally made it, you'll find out its actually very hard to give people money like you think should be done. Its annoying, the way rich people are pestered & expected to distribute money. Some family member employ it as a source of income to be asking rich members of the family for money.


Abeg, the rich man didn't work for you, so don't get angry when he refuses to give you money. Besides, when money dey, friend go dey, when money no dey, friend go go...

yes o, that 1 day. "abeg the rich man didn't work for you" I wonder y una de make am personal.....I never said Its a personal xperienx. Naxo sum1 talk about My attitude. hw Well d pson knw me? Its an argument. I find Its readily seen, so I created d thread.

So its okay to be very rich and watch Ur elder brother or sister suffer.?una dey try.

having felt and experienced both ends of the stick, i can say i understand u people's point....

My father.... Told me that he his parents only sent him to pry school. Infact, his parents didnt train any of their children beyond primary school.... My dad went to work as mechanic apprentice... He gave his savings to his father to keep for him so he could proceed to secondary school..... His papa drank ogogoro with his savings while mama used d rest to buy iron pots and aso ebi for her dance troupe group......

Fortunately for him, he got employed as driver to d state secretary of a trade union.... From dia, he went to yabatech and joined d union.... That was in the 80s... Then he got married to my mom, set up his house.....etc.... Now, the irony is that... The same parents who thought its waste of money sending their children to school, who burnt his savings, are the ones who started bombarding our house for "this & that".... U know how first borns dey carry family load nau... Dats how it was with my dad.... Toxic Family interference from my dad's side eventually wrecked the marriage.

Then came the june 12 crises up to abacha era.... Things were very rough for us.... To pay school fees was hard for my dad.... It was only during obasanjo era when NLC started growing balls that money started flowing in again.... U can imagine what happened next? My dad's younger ones started dumping their children into the house for my dad to train for them... My dad didnt send them away.... He helped so many of his cousins and nephews even to his own children's detrinment.... When my dad put me and my elder bro and sis in private university, you need to come and see how relatives were shouting that he's wasting money... He should send us to Auchi or Abraka.... You recall my dad only went to primary school, so for him to train his children, nieces and nephew up to university level, he's a very nice man....

However.... In 2011, he got retired from service... It came suddenly, he wasnt prepared.... I was in 400L den... All the money he made was sunk into "family matters", building "house for baba"....etc... He had to sell off a Sienna to be able to pay our final yr fees... One Camry 03 was snatched at gun point... Cut long story short, things became rough for us again.

Now you would expect the relations that my dad had been helping all the years to come and assist him now that he's in need.... For wia? Anytime they see my dad, they will run... You will call them 7 times before they will pick.... The irony is that..... It is friends that he used to overlook when he had money that used to send him money...

If i call some of my aunties or uncles whose kids my dad trained dat i want to come for a short visit, they will tell me not to come... When i was serving, they all promised to help me find job when i pass out.. But after, they dont "know anybody"/go and apply online/go to lagos to find job...

I was asking the same question the OP is asking now... Why are these relations refusing to help me despite all my dad did for them? My mom's younger sister even deleted me from her facebook list say i dey disturb am

You know what gave me the inspiration to stop brooding & demanding favors from relations? It is Nkem Owoh (osuofia) "Know me when am poor" song... That song changed my mentality. If you dont know me when am poor, when i become rich, i nor go look you... I go vex... Since then, i just face my own problems. I don't call my relations for anything again... If i need something i call friends & they help out... But relations? To hell with them.

If i become millionaire tomorrow and my friends come to visit, even without them asking, i will make sure they leave with fat wallets... But relations.... make den come meet me for "help" or bring their children for me to train... I will carry big stick and use it to chase them away....!!...

Lol @ chasing them off with a big stick!

That aside, your story is really touching, bro. All the best with your endeavors...

sirman:

when money dey, friend go dey, when money no dey, friend go go...

correct....!!...

Its only during rough times that you will know your true brother and sister.

after spending all on them, If you go broke tomorrow, They will not even blink eyes at you...

Abeg enjoy your money when you have it.

[quote
author=EfemenaXY post=28439802]

Lol!

Preach it sister!

It amuses me no end when this mentality is notched up higher. Getting
married on credit. Begging / demanding the cake baker to make theirs on
credit. One got told that she was an enemy of progress for refusing to
"help". The soft-hearted lady bowed to the bride's demands.

Fast forward to many months later and she's still chasing them up for
her payment. Oh...and she's now the evil one for wanting her
money.[/quote] Any money you can't let go, dont lend. My husband and i policy since April and its really working for us.

EfemenaXY:
Lol @ chasing them off with a big stick!

That aside, your story is really touching, bro. All the best with your endeavors...

lol... You remember when i tried to chat u up around 2011 about some literatures.... That was why i wanted to sell off the books... I was so broke into 20 pieces....

You also recall the stolen laptop saga... I gave an uncle & his gal accomondation and d gal ended up stealing laptop i borrowed from a friend.... Friend helped me but uncle put me for wahala.....

Later then go ask why i dey help my friend instead of my brother.... Thats it......!!....

Mtcheew.

@ op: The man / woman who succeeds in making something of their life isn't an alien. They've got the same 1 head, 2 eyes, 10 fingers and 10 toes each - same as the beggar / demanding relative.[/quote]

Madam. Yes they got the same as listed above, but not everyone is meant to be rich. The system need the poor and rich to balance it.

oweniwe:


lol... You remember when i tried to chat u up around 2011 about some literatures.... That was why i wanted to sell off the books... I was so broke into 20 pieces....

You also recall the stolen laptop saga... I gave an uncle & his gal accomondation and d gal ended up stealing laptop i borrowed from a friend.... Friend helped me but uncle put me for wahala.....

Later then go ask why i dey help my friend instead of my brother.... Thats it......!!....

2011? Nope, not particularly. That must have been in the Jokes Section na. Wouldn't have taken anything said there seriously na...

Re: the laptop saga, come, I heard something happened to some babes like that at Ozoro o! Na you visit them so?

[quote author=EfemenaXY post=28475297][/quote]

Efemena.... I am looking for a young single mother with a child who is also a virgin to marry cos i hear single mother know how to take kia of house well well. She must be a virgin ooo ...

jokes section

ya... It was dia... So u thought i was joking? Smh... It wasnt a joke. I remember you were talking "plagiarism".... Lol.... Jokes section is now a mess.... Or rather, maybe we "don pass d level"...

Am presently in Enugu hustling o.... I left that side a few days after the laptop was recovered... The gal texted me dat my uncle is still "calling" her. I told her am no longer dia... Thats d last chat i had with her.

Gist me nau....What exactly did u hear abi you are just pulling my leg

drmikeadams:
So its okay to be very rich and watch Ur elder brother or sister suffer.?una dey try.

let me ask you.... They may be "very rich".... But..

1. Do you know the source of their money? Do you know whether it is corruption, crime or cult money? People who get rich through those means know the consequence of spending the money on their children/relations so they rather spend it on drinks, cars and prost!tutes.... If someone give you N10m dirty money, by the time all money has flown away and u havent done anything meaningful with the money and ur problems seems to have trippled, you will regret say, why i go ask am for money sef ?

2. Did your parents/family/community help the relation u are expecting money from when the relation was struggling? You think those rich people werent once broke and struggling like you? Did your parents/family/community support them at the time? Most of those issues happened when we were kids, even before we were born... I may be that they werent supported when they needed help so they dont feel obliged to help u.

3. Is it their responsibility to give you the money? Dont think just beacuse the person is an uncle or aunty, its his/her responsibility to help you... Forget all the outside pomp and flambouyance... Under their singlets, inside their bedroom, those people have their own problems and issues. Rich people cry too... If you need help, just make a gentle request, send a reminder after a few days and leave it dia... Person wey go help you go help you... Otherwise, dont bother them.

We are not saying it is bad to help a relation in need... What we are saying is that you should not depend on them or expect them to do things for you.... Try... Hustle... Work out ways to make your own money...

If you have money and someone comes to you for help, give and dont expect any favour back in return so that when you are in need too and they dont give you, you will not be disapponted.

oweniwe:


Efemena.... I am looking for a young single mother with a child who is also a virgin to marry cos i hear single mother know how to take kia of house well well. She must be a virgin ooo ...

jokes section

ya... It was dia... So u thought i was joking? Smh... It wasnt a joke. I remember you were talking "plagiarism".... Lol.... Jokes section is now a mess.... Or rather, maybe we "don pass d level"...

Am presently in Enugu hustling o.... I left that side a few days after the laptop was recovered... The gal texted me dat my uncle is still "calling" her. I told her am no longer dia... Thats d last chat i had with her.

Gist me nau....What exactly did u hear abi you are just pulling my leg

No, I'm not pulling your leg.

I did hear something...about a/some female(s) receiving unwanted night visitors. Na you do am/them?

oweniwe:
having felt and experienced both ends of the stick, i can say i understand u people's point....

My father.... Told me that he his parents only sent him to pry school. Infact, his parents didnt train any of their children beyond primary school.... My dad went to work as mechanic apprentice... He gave his savings to his father to keep for him so he could proceed to secondary school..... His papa drank ogogoro with his savings while mama used d rest to buy iron pots and aso ebi for her dance troupe group......

Fortunately for him, he got employed as driver to d state secretary of a trade union.... From dia, he went to yabatech and joined d union.... That was in the 80s... Then he got married to my mom, set up his house.....etc.... Now, the irony is that... The same parents who thought its waste of money sending their children to school, who burnt his savings, are the ones who started bombarding our house for "this & that".... U know how first borns dey carry family load nau... Dats how it was with my dad.... Toxic Family interference from my dad's side eventually wrecked the marriage.

Then came the june 12 crises up to abacha era.... Things were very rough for us.... To pay school fees was hard for my dad.... It was only during obasanjo era when NLC started growing balls that money started flowing in again.... U can imagine what happened next? My dad's younger ones started dumping their children into the house for my dad to train for them... My dad didnt send them away.... He helped so many of his cousins and nephews even to his own children's detrinment.... When my dad put me and my elder bro and sis in private university, you need to come and see how relatives were shouting that he's wasting money... He should send us to Auchi or Abraka.... You recall my dad only went to primary school, so for him to train his children, nieces and nephew up to university level, he's a very nice man....

However.... In 2011, he got retired from service... It came suddenly, he wasnt prepared.... I was in 400L den... All the money he made was sunk into "family matters", building "house for baba"....etc... He had to sell off a Sienna to be able to pay our final yr fees... One Camry 03 was snatched at gun point... Cut long story short, things became rough for us again.

Now you would expect the relations that my dad had been helping all the years to come and assist him now that he's in need.... For wia? Anytime they see my dad, they will run... You will call them 7 times before they will pick.... The irony is that..... It is friends that he used to overlook when he had money that used to send him money...

If i call some of my aunties or uncles whose kids my dad trained dat i want to come for a short visit, they will tell me not to come... When i was serving, they all promised to help me find job when i pass out.. But after, they dont "know anybody"/go and apply online/go to lagos to find job...

I was asking the same question the OP is asking now... Why are these relations refusing to help me despite all my dad did for them? My mom's younger sister even deleted me from her facebook list say i dey disturb am

You know what gave me the inspiration to stop brooding & demanding favors from relations? It is Nkem Owoh (osuofia) "Know me when am poor" song... That song changed my mentality. If you dont know me when am poor, when i become rich, i nor go look you... I go vex... Since then, i just face my own problems. I don't call my relations for anything again... If i need something i call friends & they help out... But relations? To hell with them.

If i become millionaire tomorrow and my friends come to visit, even without them asking, i will make sure they leave with fat wallets... But relations.... make den come meet me for "help" or bring their children for me to train... I will carry big stick and use it to chase them away....!!...

mehn, so touchin and funi, also funi hw pple behave. work hard bro, God with u....u go Make am

oweniwe:


correct....!!...

Its only during rough times that you will know your true brother and sister.

after spending all on them, If you go broke tomorrow, They will not even blink eyes at you...

Abeg enjoy your money when you have it.

some witches/wizard be lyk that.

EfemenaXY:


No, I'm not pulling your leg.

I did hear something...about a/some female(s) receiving unwanted night visitors. Na you do am/them?

"unwanted night visitors"?? You're speaking in parables...

U mean, armed robbers? Why are the "females" staying alone nau?

Well, i hope there're no casualities. Me, i be gentleman o. I nor dey find wahala

oweniwe, i feel u bro. my story's similar to yours.

relatives knocking on the gatr as early as 5:30am so as to meet popc before he goes to work. he helped pay the fees of his nephews n nieces after their dad's death yet onr of them wanted to scam popc by inflating his WAEC fees. Popc went to the school to find out only to discover the guy wanted to use the money to abort a preggy for his babe then.

his sisters nko? they stole all the "stealables" from the house. popc paid for their wedding and yet armed robbers were sent to collect the "remaining" money after the wedding(this is a wedding she just told us would be a lil intro, not until we started seeing crowd).

Later, popc fell ill did we see true colour. abeg, leave matter for mathias o jare.

for me o, i would rather help a stranger than an extended family member.

lanxlot:
it isn't about whether Or not they are entitled to d wealth accumulated by a brother, even if it is....I say yes o. dix is often a problem when a wealthy man dies and d wife n kids wud want to keep back all of their fathers possesions. m observing jux an exact situation. as it stands, neither d wife n children nor the extended family are at rest.

@OP:

Your thread had potentials until the bolded

@Topic:

We are too greedy, selfish and discontent with what we have (topped up with keeping up with the Baloguns )

It is good/blessed to help? Yes

It is the entitlement of a poor person to be helped? No (except the poor contributed to the wealth)

The amazing/irritating thing is that most 'poor' people do not have needs(or do not prioritize them), they want you to finance their wants. Imagine OP saying the wife and kid wants to enjoy the husband's wealth alone.

God save us from entitlement mentality. I guess that's why some people are not grateful for the 'little' done for them

Like someone would say: If you do 'the boy is good' to everyone and you have nothing to show for your endeavors, same people will ask you what you used your resources for.

bukatyne:


@OP:

Your thread had potentials until the bolded

@Topic:

We are too greedy, selfish and discontent with what we have (topped up with keeping up with the Baloguns )

It is good/blessed to help? Yes

It is the entitlement of a poor person to be helped? No (except the poor contributed to the wealth)

The amazing/irritating thing is that most 'poor' people do not have needs(or do not prioritize them), they want you to finance their wants. Imagine OP saying the wife and kid wants to enjoy the husband's wealth alone.

God save us from entitlement mentality. I guess that's why some people are not grateful for the 'little' done for them

Like someone would say: If you do 'the boy is good' to everyone and you have nothing to show for your endeavors, same people will ask you what you used your resources for.

nyc write up. My bro n sis aren't entitled to My wealth....Very true. but, it doesn't stop us frm recognizing dere worries. some pple more often dan not are blind to it, Or de pretend to be.

kendraloops;

thats it dear. Howvever, one can't just completely write off one's extended family for various reasons.... So its better to "use them" anyhow u can... Times will come when u need "a skill" that a family member has.... U can use it free of charge.

If u know how to "use people's skills", if something goes wrong on ur side, ur just call a relation to fiz it for u.... Whenever i have gen trouble, i nor dey go mechanic... I just cal my dad's youngest bro to come and "take a look" at the gen... And when he comes, i follow him everywia he goes in the house so he doesnt "borrow a property" after he's fixed the gen.

The "i want to carry this & dat" na im dey annoy me pass sha.... U brought some new shirts/an electronic etc to replace a worn out one.... only for a relative to come and start distubing you.... "kendraloops, i want to carry dat speaker,,,, i like ur dress, i dey take am go".... Some will not even ask, they'll just hid it into dia bag wen they're going and quietly sneak away...
in short, every member of ur family had "something" u can "utilize" when u need it.... Just call the relation subtly and gently to do it for u.....

if na money u need sha, dont waste time calling relations.... Call ur friends

lanxlot:
nyc write up. My bro n sis aren't entitled to My wealth....Very true. but, it doesn't stop us frm recognizing dere worries. some pple more often dan not are blind to it, Or de pretend to be.

I agree @ bold.

However, we can only pray that 'rich' relatives help us; we are not entitled to the help.

This changes our perspective on giving & receiving

lanxlot:
ya......so true. but we avent looked at it frm one end of the continuum. someone 1ces asked. " y wud de wana give wen de knw d pain they went through b4 amassin deir wealth." I am no fan to this quote...." for SOME wealthy enterprise around, there is crime involved." but mayb dere is an iota of truth in it. lyk I said up dere, in movies, d conclusion of d mata is usually.....mayb d wealth of d rich isn't genuine. gotten through evil and crime. Perhaps, d reason y sum of em r Stingy.

This guy you really should just shut up already. You are just a bu.ff.on making great efforts to string sentences together. The choice to "help" a relative, as you see it, is what it is: only a choice. Why can't you gather yourself together and go get a job!!??

goofyone:


This guy you really should just shut up already. You are just a bu.ff.on making great efforts to string sentences together. The choice to "help" a relative, as you see it, is what it is: only a choice. Why can't you gather yourself together and go get a job!!??

istly, I wasn't talking. 2ndly I Dunno what u meant saying m a bu.ff, mind explaining? 3rdly, My write-up are all coherent, wonder y u said m makin efforts at unifying sentences. Moreova, I never asserted dat altruism is 'an all law' neither did I posit that am avin a scenero. read up topics b4 commenting. it is'nt a personal xperienx dnt u get? never av I demanded ANYTHING frm an uncle Or aunt.....beliv u me.....NEVER. the idea irritates, albeit m a student. lyk I said, n I will reiterate, Its often seen in movies n clearly visible around.