I have phobia for marriage, I do think something maybe wrong with me. I love and respect the marriage institution but stories and live experiences of bad marriages always freak me out. I am a guy of 25 years still have a long way to go but I always have this mindset that I may not marry because of the fear of the unknown. Each time I witness or read about failed marriages and the protocols involves in divorce it strengthen my no marriage stand, I do watch romantic movies, articles online, books about marriage and how to be a good husband but my fear is, will I be able to get that woman that I can practice it with. Most of the things I feared concerning marriage are sexual incompatibility, nagging, cheating, un ambitious lady and bad personality. I am not perfect and not looking for a perfect lady just want a lady who understands her role in a marriage. I have date many girls in the past up to this day I have not been able to practice true relationship at the beginning it was fun having many girlfriends but as I get older I discover the need to practice true relationship (my teacher in secondary school use to say that WAEC preparation starts in SS1 and I have been able to relate that to marriage and relationship) but all the girls I have tried to practice true relationship with ends up messing me up and I have giving up hope of it. I don't know if I am alone in this school of thought or something is wrong with me. Can anybody relate with me?

Its a healthy fear.

Not every one must marry.

If you cant deal with life issues concerning women, why marry. No one can convince you otherwise than yourself.
what do you want?
Just have an open mind concerning people /women and stop trying too hard.

Relax, make friends first before going deeper.
Things come easier when you relax and take it slowly

Ucheosefoh:
I have phobia for marriage, I do think something maybe wrong with me. I love and respect the marriage institution but stories and live experiences of bad marriages always freak me out. I am a guy of 25 years still have a long way to go but I always have this mindset that I may not marry because of the fear of the unknown. Each time I witness or read about failed marriages and the protocols involves in divorce it strengthen my no marriage stand, I do watch romantic movies, articles online, books about marriage and how to be a good husband but my fear is, will I be able to get that woman that I can practice it with. Most of the things I feared concerning marriage are sexual incompatibility, nagging, cheating, un ambitious lady and bad personality. I am not perfect and not looking for a perfect lady just want a lady who understands her role in a marriage. I have date many girls in the past up to this day I have not been able to practice true relationship at the beginning it was fun having many girlfriends but as I get older I discover the need to practice true relationship (my teacher in secondary school use to say that WAEC preparation starts in SS1 and I have been able to relate that to marriage and relationship) but all the girls I have tried to practice true relationship with ends up messing me up and I have giving up hope of it. I don't know if I am alone in this school of thought or something is wrong with me. Can anybody relate with me?

I was beginning to empathise with you until the bolded but caught my attention.

Tell me, what is a man's role in marriage and relationships?

Re: your situation, concentrate on building up your life first. There is no rush and you're still very young. Too young in my honest opinion to settle down because you are not emotionally ready for it. Not yet anyway.

These are common thoughts and fears. Having the right person doesn't make it any less frightening. It's a big step to take.

bros no be lie ooo, marriage no sweet at all... but me i go manage sha.

You have fears that are not abnormal but you shouldn't let it turn to a phobia.Marriage truly has it's challenges but it starts with you having the right mind and the right thoughts towards it.

You must have lived with a roomate before.You come from different backgrounds and you will learn to live with each other.It's just about having the right head and marrying someone whose head is also screwed on right.

Marriage I have never thought of dat.
Money on my mind like dangote

Nofin scares a man more than the mention of marriage. E.g; OP,

EfemenaXY:



I was beginning to empathise with you until the bolded but caught my attention.

Tell me, what is a man's role in marriage and relationships?

Re: your situation, concentrate on building up your life first. There is no rush and you're still very young. Too young in my honest opinion to settle down because you are not emotionally ready for it. Not yet anyway.

I include the bolden because I believe some ladies don't know their roles in a marriage, I relate well with ladies including those older than me I have raise issues concerning women's roles in marriage the answers I got it not encouraging yet majority of them will like to get married soon. The issue is only about women but also about men even the guys are not better off with their answers. I know I am too young and also not emotionally ready but I believe I need to start now together with building myself, as the only son of my parents the pressure to get marriage will be raised once I am through with my education.

thorpido:
You have fears that are not abnormal but you shouldn't let it turn to a phobia.Marriage truly has it's challenges but it starts with you having the right mind and the right thoughts towards it.

You must have lived with a roomate before.You come from different backgrounds and you will learn to live with each other.It's just about having the right head and marrying someone whose head is also screwed on right.

The phobia starts from childhood, did not enjoy the love of a father he left everything to my mom the psychological effects on her is visible even up till date I can't relate well with him, he hates people to tell him what to do, his opinion is final. I have a great uncle who's wife is torn on his flesh but nevertheless I believe in better tomorrow. Thanks for your contribution.

Chillisauce:
Not every one must marry.

If you cant deal with life issues concerning women, why marry. No one can convince you otherwise than yourself.
what do you want?
Just have an open mind concerning people /women and stop trying too hard.

Relax, make friends first before going deeper.
Things come easier when you relax and take it slowly

I have an open mind concerning people and women, I have a lot of female friends who I relate well with that people always say I am a womanizer I think I have to relax as you said and focus on important things hoping for the best.

Ucheosefoh:
I include the bolden because I believe some ladies don't know their roles in a marriage, I relate well with ladies including those older than me I have raise issues concerning women's roles in marriage the answers I got it not encouraging yet majority of them will like to get married soon. The issue is only about women but also about men even the guys are not better off with their answers. I know I am too young and also not emotionally ready but I believe I need to start now together with building myself, as the only son of my parents the pressure to get marriage will be raised once I am through with my education.

So?

So what if you're the only son or even their only child? Getting hitched under immense pressure, simply to meet societal "standards", whatever those may be is just wrong. No wonder the thought of getting married freaks you out.

Marriage isn't about "how soon", but how well.

If you aren't ready, you just aren't ready. If you make a bad choice of partner all in the bid to marry and please your people, you and you only will have to live with the consequences of your poor choice, not your parents, and certainly not society.

Some things in life just can't be rushed. Marriage, is one of them.

Ucheosefoh:
The phobia starts from childhood, did not enjoy the love of a father he left everything to my mom the psychological effects on her is visible even up till date I can't relate well with him, he hates people to tell him what to do, his opinion is final. I have a great uncle who's wife is torn on his flesh but nevertheless I believe in better tomorrow. Thanks for your contribution.

Sorry about your situation.
The first step is who are you?How do you treat people?If you relate well with people generally,it wouldn't be hard to relate well with a woman.Moreover,think of how much your mum has been through and why you wouldn't want any woman to go through that with you.That should be a motivation.
A lot of women nowadays have become self-centered but you still have some who are willing to partner and sacrifice in a relationship.Just take your time to be friends first and don't rush the relationship.

VERRRRRRRRRRRRY BORRRRRRRRING!!!!!

I fear marriage too bro. I just wish and hope I can get a partner and practise open relationship, get kids without any marriage tag. Quite hard though

Ucheosefoh:
The phobia starts from childhood, did not enjoy the love of a father he left everything to my mom the psychological effects on her is visible even up till date I can't relate well with him, he hates people to tell him what to do, his opinion is final. I have a great uncle who's wife is torn on his flesh but nevertheless I believe in better tomorrow. Thanks for your contribution.

You have successfully passed the first and most important stage - this is the discovery and complete awareness of your problem, the problem which feeds your phobia.

The next step to complete self-healing is to realize that you are not your great uncle, neither are you your father - You are you, a you that is capable of making different life choices and steering a preferred course for yourself.

Try to break free from the negativity of other people's experiences, they are not yours.

Don't worry when you are ready/see your type of lady phobia will disappear

crackhaus:

You have successfully passed the first and most important stage - this is the discovery and complete awareness of your problem, the problem which feeds your phobia.

The next step to complete self-healing is to realize that you are not your great uncle, neither are you your father - You are you, a you that is capable of making different life choices and steering a preferred course for yourself.

Try to break free from the negativity of other people's experiences, they are not yours.

My fears are not about my ability to my choices but making the right choice when it comes to marriage. I have made choices in relationship I taught is the right choice only found out I made the wrong choice, it takes two to tangle I hope one day I will find a lady to tangle with.

Ucheosefoh:
My fears are not about my ability to my choices but making the right choice when it comes to marriage. I have made choices in relationship I taught is the right choice only found out I made the wrong choice, it takes two to tangle I hope one day I will find a lady to tangle with.

What choices did you make that turned out the wrong choices?

Finding a lady to tangle (bond) with is very easy, there are many things a lot of people can share in common which can be used as the bedrock for a successful relationship - the world is large and diversely filled with different people from different backgrounds, but there's only so much a person can explore...there will always be something no matter how little, that we share with other people.

I'm more interested in the choices you seem to make that turn out wrong, and why you haven't stopped making them totally or just reshaping them.

No b only u o.. Am plannin 2 impregnate& start a life wt a gal no weddin ceremony or engage.
Dnt knw wot da weddn day wud look lyk

Chillisauce:

Just have an open mind concerning people /women and stop trying too hard.

Relax, make friends first before going deeper.
Things come easier when you relax and take it slowly

Exactly my take on relationship. People want to start acting as husbands and wives even before they know the other person. Why burden yourself with the pressure before you are even sure if this who you want? How are you gonna know who this person is if you are not friends first?

OP take it easy it is not a do or die affair. If you want to marry it is a good thing to aspire to just as becoming the CEO of a company is a good thing to aspire to, you just have to be ready for the challenges and responsibilities. If you are afraid then you ain't ready so hold back until you can see your way through. Marriage no be by force o! (Just like to become oga no be by force).