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Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. - Literature - Nairaland

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Of All The Girls In Lagos (story By John Spurgeon) / Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) / Me, The Girls, And My Guys Dem (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 6:20pm On Dec 09, 2014
No part of this story should be copied,republished or reproduced without my prior permission

If in any way you wish to copy this story,kindly contact me via 08165723785 or Chikerelance@gmail.com


Episode 1.




'You are very stupid o. I asked for assorted continental fried rice,spiced wings of an elephant, flavoured liver of a lion but see what you are giving me' I ranted at the Hotel manager.

'We are very sorry sir,this is all we can offer' The Manager replied with his head bowed in respect.

'What nonsense!' I Continued. 'Let me see that Menu again' I ordered while the Hotel manager with his head fully bowed stretched forth his hands and handed me the menu.

'And I thought this was a 5-Star Hotel' I continued babbling. 'Let me just manage this,and this,and that,no, this and that' I croaked, pointing to various items on the food menu while the Manager continued nodding his head like an agama lizard.

'I'll be back shortly Sir' He announced and took his leave.

I felt bossily hearing the old man ascribe Sir to me. But the state of hunger i was in didnt let it get fully into my brain.

Ooo ooh. Where on earth is this man and my food. With the type of hunger 'hungrying' me now,i can swallow ten ohrobo's and still feel not satisfied.

'Here we are Sir, Fried rice,Chicken and Hennessy' the waiter said as he served the food to me while the manager stood afar.

'What took you guys so long,you nearly killed a brother here' I hissed.

In no time i had gulped down seven plates of fried rice,five full spiced chickens and three bottles of hennessy but still wanted more. I have the money!

'Waiter,More please' I shouted from my seat.

'Sorry sir,you have finished our pot of rice and chicken,there is nothing more to serve sir'

Shoooo! This guy dey craze walahi.

'Okay whatelse do you have' I asked calmly,trying hard not to explode my anger on him.

'Only coconuts sir'

'Okay just bring it,i will manage'

'Okay sir'. 'Here it is sir' The waiter said serving one very big coconut that looked like my headmaster's head.

I plunged into it,with full force,not minding the shell as i wanted to have a good taste of it...

I took the coconut with my hands and with my teeth i bit the shell very hard!..

'Jessssssssusssss! Val don kill me o' Emma shouted waking me up from my dream with a thunderous slap on my cheek.

'You begin to dey eat your pillow,I no talk. You carry my pillow begin dey chop,I no talk. Now na my head you wan chop abi? God punish you' Emma burst out.

I sat on the bed totally speechless. Words failed me as i was yet to comprehend what Emma was saying.

Oh now i get. I remembered eating fried rice and chicken in my dreams so what the hell is he saying about me eating pillow and heads?

I felt the rumbling of my stomach which signified that i hadnt eaten anything for the last 48 hours.

'Guy,abeg Day never break?' I asked Emma who gave me a quimzzical look and started laughing out loud.

He continued his infectious laughter rolling on the floor which greatly infuriated me,then i thought about giving him back his own coin.

I stood up from the bed and went closer to him,tapped him on his shoulder and the moment he turned around,i landed a sounding slap on his cheek.

Emma grabbed me by my singlet as he made to start a fight and i was so in the mood to give him one.

Striking a pose with our fists both clenched and ready to strike a punch as we faced each other.

One would think a fight was about to ensue but then,we both started laughing hard as we fell on the bed.

From laughing very hard,our tone of laughter had changed to cries.

'Val, I swear, I fit die of hunger here o,I no even get strength to fight at all'

'Emma,if I tell say I dey hungry na lie i talk. If anything pass hunger na that one i dey now'

'Chai Valentine,so person just come campus to come die abi? Which kind life be dis na'

'See make we just dey pray say make tomorrow reach and we never die of hunger'

'As i dey talk so,if I open mouth talk,I go just fall die,make I reserve the talking strength for tomorrow abeg' Emma concluded as he resigned to the bed.

My fights with my roommate Emma was not a new thing. We fought on almost any thing and fortunately we understood each other clearly and understood our differences.

'Make morning do fast reach abeg before son of man go die of hunger here o' I thought.

I picked up my wallet besides me opening it only to see it as dry as the sahara.

I shrugged that off.

'Tomorrows gonna be a great day' i thought while i fell fast asleep.

Who knows what the morning holds in store for us.

35 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by Onemansquad(m): 6:22pm On Dec 09, 2014
Ftc
ride on bro
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 6:25pm On Dec 09, 2014
Onemansquad:
Ftc
ride on bro

Wow. Thank you very much for dropping in.
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by Marian17(f): 9:45pm On Dec 09, 2014
Kingwayne, gwan finish Story for the gods jor.
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by stuff46(m): 6:10am On Dec 10, 2014
Onemansquad:
Ftc
ride on bro

shift for me make I sidown
dis ride going to be fun jare
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 9:46am On Dec 10, 2014
Marian17:
Kingwayne, gwan finish Story for the gods jor.

lol. Dont worry,am gonna be updating them simultaneously..
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 9:48am On Dec 10, 2014
stuff46:


shift for me make I sidown
dis ride going to be fun jare

Thanx bro.. Vip section..
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by Joyous888(f): 11:11am On Dec 10, 2014
Ah guy i almost fall frm chair because of laf. U try... I dey front sit. Abeg mk una shift, waiter abeg giv me remy martins, i wan high small so dat i go fit concentrate. Guy let it flow

3 Likes

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by NaijaTalkTown(m): 3:11am On Dec 13, 2014
I can relate with your story bro

1 Like

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by D9ty7(m): 9:58am On Dec 13, 2014
Bro, you sabi how to make person laugh sha o. I love your first update. The humour was present and moderate, yet I was able to get the message in it.
#present
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by Tobilastik(m): 10:13am On Dec 13, 2014
grab front sit....nice one bro....oya update oo
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:13am On Dec 14, 2014
D9ty7:
Bro, you sabi how to make person laugh sha o. I love your first update. The humour was present and moderate, yet I was able to get the message in it.
#present

Wow.. The great D9ty7 commented on my post.. Am humbled boss
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:21am On Dec 14, 2014
NaijaTalkTown:
I can relate with your story bro

Thanx for dropping in bro
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:25am On Dec 14, 2014
Joyous888:
Ah guy i almost fall frm chair because of laf. U try... I dey front sit. Abeg mk una shift, waiter abeg giv me remy martins, i wan high small so dat i go fit concentrate. Guy let it flow

lolz.. Thanx for dropping in dear..i appreciate
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:31am On Dec 14, 2014
Tobilastik:
grab front sit....nice one bro....oya update oo

Thanx bro
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:34am On Dec 14, 2014
My sincere apology for the delay of this story,just that whenever i want to start a new story,my phone would be stolen or something else would happen... Promise to start updating fully by next week
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by D9ty7(m): 10:03am On Dec 14, 2014
Abeg jor
kinwayne:


Wow.. The great D9ty7 commented on my post.. Am humbled boss
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:40am On Dec 22, 2014
#loading..
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by Psalmology(m): 1:41pm On Dec 22, 2014
Nice opening....I guess this is going to be another good piece.

More plzzzz.
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by ritababe(f): 5:51pm On Dec 22, 2014
Following
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 7:51pm On Dec 22, 2014
Episode 2.

Bang! Bang! A knock at the door.

'Fried Chicken. No. Yes. Roasted Thighs of a turkey'

Bang! Bang! Bang! Intense knocking at the door continues.

I was instantly woken up from my trance.

Oh no. Not that dream of me eating in luxury again. Whoever was behind the door temporaryly became my enemy for waking me up from eating the best 'Dreams can offer'. I quickly turned to the sleeping Emma besides me. Glad i didnt eat his head this time.

Bang! Bang! Bang.

'Na who me that?' I yawned,standing up from the bed as i stretched my hands in reckless abandon.

'Na me'

'You no get name?'

'Open this door jare before hunger kill me for here'.

Only one person could knock at my door so early in the morning.
I guessed right as i opened the door to meet my neighbour, Theophilus.

'Guy abeg una get chinkini garri for here wey person fit take hold belle?' Theophilus ignorantly asked immediately he stepped into the room.

Theophilus was my neighbour. Handsome, Full of life and fun to be with. He was always referred to as a brainbox. While you're busy thinking and straining your brain in level 1, Theo as i fondly call him is already in level 200.

'You dey craze abi? Or one nut for your head loose this morning?' I sarcastically him.

'You don start abi? Na hunger go kill una' He said,pointing to me and the sleeping Emma.

I was begining to wonder if what he said behind the door some minutes ago was actually true.

'Simple question wey i ask you,you come begin dey insult me,common garri you no get,make i go eat my fried rice and chicken for my room jare' He Added as he made to leave.

Oh no no no. Not Fried rice and Chicken.

'Ehn go chop am na,call me to wake you up from the dream when you're done eating' I replied as i began laughing hard.

He immediately turned to me,this time with seriousness written on his face.

'Guy abeg,even if na small leftover bread,I go manage am abeg'

I looked at him with pity not wanting to burst out with a series of laughter.

'To God!' I said, doing the finger to to mouth to sky ritual. 'No single permer of food dey this house at all'

He immediately collapsed on the floor, Oh no. Certainly he wasnt thinking i would rush to revive him. Did he?. I sat quietly watching him feign death, he must be stupid to think i'll rush to him with a plate of 'Fried rice and Chicken'.

When he noticed i wasnt forthcoming,he stood up,planting a gaze at me.

'Guy you wicked o. Even bread,you no fit offer your man' He said.

I laughed out loud. 'If i even get the bread, E for don enter my belle since tey tey'.

Theo's face brightened with glee.

'Guy stand up dress make we go chop'

'You get money?' I countered.

'Go dress shaperly shaperly,no dey dull my spirit' He responded.

'Theo Theo T'0 T'0' I hailed him while i went to get dressed. Whatever he has in mind to do,he always achieves it or finds a way to twist and turn things around to his favor.

Turning my back away from Theo, I was suprised to see Emma already Up and dressed.

"Hunger no get enemy" I thought to myself as i hurriedly put on my trouser.

Oops,something dangling between my legs. Forgot to zip up my fly. You. Yes You reading. Hope you didnt see anything? Good child.

'Wait for me!' I yelled as i rushed to go meet Emma and Theo who were already quite some distance from me.

13 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:49pm On Dec 22, 2014
Psalmology:
Nice opening....I guess this is going to be another good piece.

More plzzzz.

Thanx bro. Cooking more updates asap
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 8:51pm On Dec 22, 2014
ritababe:
Following

Thanx for dropping by dear.. I appreciate
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by ritababe(f): 9:04pm On Dec 22, 2014
kinwayne:


Thanx for dropping by dear.. I appreciate

Ok try update on time
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by NaijaTalkTown(m): 10:29pm On Dec 22, 2014
Bros commot 4 my seat. Na me sidon here dey watch before Nepa carry light
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 7:45am On Dec 23, 2014
NaijaTalkTown:
Bros commot 4 my seat. Na me sidon here dey watch before Nepa carry light

Lol.. Siddon well well,infact i don switch on standby 'I pass my neighbour' just incase nepa flake hand...

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 1:35pm On Dec 23, 2014
#Loading...
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 2:49pm On Dec 23, 2014
Episode 3.

'And where exactly are we headed?' I curiously asked Theo after we had circled the entire neighborhood.

'Guy whatsup na? Where exactly we dey go? I no get any strenght to waka again o' Emma also mumbled at Theo.

Am pretty sure one could hear the echoing of our rumbling stomachs ten kilometeres away. It sure seemed like world war III was fought inside my belle as the worms inside me could be heard shouting and wailing. Whatever ideas Theo had,he should better put them to good use now unless they want to start posting obituary pics of a son of man.

'Guys look over there,see that man besides the Hummer jeep?' Theo said pointing to his decribed direction. 'It seems his car is broken down, he looks well to do,lets go help him out and am pretty certain he would give us some 'Doo''.

I and Emma unanimously agreed to Theo's decision as we immediately headed towards the man's direction.

'Wait!' Theo said,' Valentine na you go talk to the man o'

'Which kind nonsense be that na,no be you bring up the idea of meeting the man?' I countered him.

'No be you get mouth pass all of us for here' Emma and Theo simultaenously fired back. 'If you no go talk to the man,make we begin dey go back now o' Theo added in more of a carefree tone.

'Oya jor make we dey go' I announced as we made to where the man was.

'Good Morning sir' I greeted him. 'Do you need anyhelp on your car sir'.

'Good Morning my child' The man responded. 'Not quite,it just needs a little pushing,thats all'.

'Then we would be glad to help' I offered while the man entered the car as Theo and Emma joyfully went to the back of the car and started pushing it.

Good gracious,after pushing for a considerable distance,the engine kicked and started.

Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!! The man hit the gas as he sped off,not even looking back to say 'Thank You', leaving us exhausted and wasted as we cursed him.

'May Ogun strike that man for me' Emma cursed.

'Even money for boys,he no fit drop,why we come go waste our strenght sef,Na God go punish am' Theo added,wailing of hunger in the process.

'I swear,that man look like chief Ahun himself' I said.

We found our way to a nearby shade where we sat down quietly.

'Guys,see that woman wey dey carry food for head' Theo the "ideologist" said.

'Wetin come happen to the woman?' I and Emma asked.

'Una no well,abi una no dey see food. Mtchew. Psst psst,Madam!' Theo called out to the woman as she turned and came towards us.

'Guy you get money?' I fearfully asked him.

'Una too dey worry jare,dont worry,Na me Theo,everything is under control' He assured us as we both started hailing him.

'Good Morning sir's' The woman greeted when she reached where we sat.

'Confam!,Madam this your food sweet so?' Theo foolishly asked.

'Ah Oga, this food sweet sotey E no dey sweet again' The food seller defended her asset.

'Oya serve us shaperly shaperly. Give us one plate of rice and stew with big big Canda' Theo ordered while the woman gladly rushed and started serving the food.

Hmmmn,I dont blame her. I could imagine what was going through her mind that moment. What a great way to start up the morning business. But seriously,did she see us as 'Better People'?

We had already guppled down more than halve of the food,while she stood,watching us eat.

'Yeeee!! My belle' Theo screamed holding his stomach.

'Ah,ooosh,yay i don die,my stomach o' Emma wailed vomiting the contents of the food on the floor.

I was shocked. What could be happening to them.

'Madam, Ah! What have you done to my friends. What did you put in their food?' I anxiously asked the woman who seemed like she was already peeing in her pants at the show Theo and Emma were displaying.

'Nothing sir! I swear to God,i didnt put anything in it' She frightenedly responded.

'Madam! You must be kidding me!' I yelled angrily. 'Is'nt it the poison you put in your food?'

'Sir! Please believe me,the only ingredient i added to the food was salt,pepper,onions,white Maggi--'

'Ah! This woman has killed my friends,i shouted,cutting her off from completing her list of ingredients. 'You have killed them for me o,didnt you know they are allergic to white maggi?'

'Please sir,believe me,i meant no harm'

'Ah, yay! My belle o' Emma and Theo continued their showdown.

I turned to the woman. 'Oya,rush fast fast and buy them water, quick quick o'.

She hurriedly left us while Emma and Theo stood up and started laughing uncontrollably.

'Na me be the master planner' Theo praised himself.

'Chai,this woman food sweet o' Emma added, rubbing his stomach to make his point.

'I swear. Una dey craze for head. Make una no ever put me for condition to repeat wetin just happen o' I warned them.

'Yes sir' The both saluted and quickly returned to their former positions as the woman returned with the water.

We further threatened to sue her in court while she apoloqized and squeezed a One thousand naira note into my hand. She quickly took her leave,leaving us to 'Feel Ourselves'.

We strolled home carefree,feeling proud and happy at what we just accomplished,but it was soon cut short.

Pow! Pow! Gunshots.

'You Three are under arrest' A voice came from behind.

9 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by unlimitedbosco: 4:52pm On Dec 23, 2014
comedy at its peak. Kip it up bro
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 5:57pm On Dec 23, 2014
unlimitedbosco:
comedy at its peak. Kip it up bro

Thanx alot bro. More updates asap.
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by kinwayne(m): 5:58pm On Dec 23, 2014
#Loading..
Re: Campus Life. The Girls. The Ghetto. The Garri. The Glory. by NaijaTalkTown(m): 6:39pm On Dec 23, 2014
The ghetto aspect of this tragi-comedy

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