kinwayne:


My dear! You go mind am? Him second name na trouble...

him own trouble na follow come.
Nice work dear

Nice one. U did a great job 4 keeping many lively

abeg dem go beg u before u continue

Newbie in da house, nice1 kings

Nice story! it made me join NL.

MaconAwire:
Nice story! it made me join NL.

U be guest on NL for hw many years? Those guys who dey peep thru d window?
Anyway, u're fully welcome bro.

Skimpledawg:

Giv am to Onemansquad n stuff46! Den dey like quick moni!

u no lyk moni?
Kinwayne 9c u ar makin it
i avnt started reading d story tho bt wil stat
#stil i folow

Read DNB stories. You can also send stories to us - www.danwrites90..com

Onemansquad:

u no lyk moni?
Kinwayne 9c u ar makin it
i avnt started reading d story tho bt wil stat
#stil i folow

Onemansquad.. I hail oo..

Next update comes up at 8pm... Lemme go do some washing

kinwayne:
Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging comments.... It has really been an inspiration.... God bless you all and also the mod who took my little art to fp... I appreciate...
Updates loading shortly..


Okay who wants to receive 'The hand of ojimoimoi?'

Please give my friend damscrob

kinwayne:


Onemansquad.. I hail oo..

Next update comes up at 8pm... Lemme go do some washing

wash come fast

Am i welcome here, i luv the story already, kinwayne, any front sit left for me?

hilarious!
Ojimoimoi,i don laugh tire.
Kinwayne weldone sir.

kinwayne:
Episode 14.

Kposa! A thunderous and sounding Igbati slap landed on Emma's head. Was this what he meant by 'The Hand of Ojimoimoi?'. I was surprised when Emma didn't take it as anything but began singing,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi' He happily chorused.

The baba sprinkled a little amount of water on Emma's head making it wet and ready for another kabashing slap.

Kpowa! I changed the sound effects. This slap, this time no be here. Choi, Emma's shining head was now glowing red ( see rhymes abeg), Emma's voice dropped a bit when he chorused,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi'

The baba then cleaned the water from Emma's head with a napkin then he poured some quantities of groundnut oil on Emma's head, making it as smooth as a newly built road by Julius berger as it sparkled 'Brighter than a Diamond'.

'Kpawai!' Was it only me or was Emma's head smoking with butterflies circling around it. This slap na die!. Emma's voice changed instantly and became more faint as he chorused

'Ish, aish, Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi ouch go give me money, Ojimoimoi'

The baba was busy humming his usual 'Ojimoimoi' incantations. He reached for the powder, pouring some on Emma's head. Now Emma's head dazzled and sparkled more than the seven stars.

Kaboom! This slap was not only sounding but was deafening. Emma's voice had now changed to cries.

'Ojimoimoi go give mtchew Moimoi'

I couldnt hold back my laughter. Emma was already broken and one more slap could result in unforseen outcomes.

Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! Four graduating slaps landed on Emma's 'I pity' head. By now, Emma was not just crying but was wailing. Who wouldn't wail?

'Ojimoimoi mtchew Oji Oji moimoi, yay my head' Emma cried

As if the baba hadn't had enough, he pulled the ultimate string which Even Emma couldn't resist.

The baba sprinkled quantities of water on Emma's head, then added groundnut oil to it, finally mixing it up with a gust of powder. Looking at Emma's head from where I sat, I began to feel sorry for him (sorry It). His head had turned naturally red, with the outline of The baba's hand all over it. I sat keenly looking at what the baba wanted doing next when he baptized and rained Emma's head with a downfall of slaps.

Kpa! Kpa! Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! The baba rained Emma's head with slaps while Emma screamed jerking up in the process.

Wait, am looking for the sound effects to use here. Shey, you all have watched Tom & Jerry? Those sounds made by Tom after Jerry gets back at him or revenges.

'Yay! Wayo! Wayo! Haba mallam maiyesa kaimini kaka,which meant, Choi mallam, wetin I do wey make you do me so?' Emma screamed holding his bald head, sorry bald red head as he ran out of the house. I never knew he understood hausa.

'My pikin, na you be next to receive the hand of Ojimoimoi' The baba said to me, while I hissed and stood up jejely.

I didn't need to be told to park my kaya and leave that place else I might even receive worst than Emma. To hell with money making rituals.

Emma learnt his lesson and from that day on, I never failed to tease him about what happened in the baba's shrine.

Oh and ofcourse, Emma's head is now growing in full scale, he couldn't go to lectures for two complete weeks due to his bad head, or bald head.

I guess this episode and the last before this was copied from a movie

tonyfrenzy:

U be guest on NL for hw many years? Those guys who dey peep thru d window?
Anyway, u're fully welcome bro.

lols thanks bro

Oji-moinmoin(meaning he stole my beans pudding) so emma suppose receive some slap na! Hand of ojomoimoi for my e-haters.

@kinwayne Your work is one of a kind! Got me laughing so hard esp the Ojimoimoi Babalawo Slaps of Life, Chai!!! lwkmd.

The next Episode pls **sips breast milk**

If I know follow this thread make Ojimoimoi priest come slap my head!
Chei dis thread is making sense.

Lol...nice story,nice coinages and exhilarating humour...good work OP
And I'm happy the way u handle comments from thread followers

Notice: Is it the same guy is in 200lvl (in some previous episode) that is taking ENG 103 now?!

Nice piece, following

More updates biko

Episode 16.

'Guy hurry na, enter bathroom baff make we go hear word of God' Emma giggled, making jest of Theo. Like seriously, even Emma was surprised at the sudden change in character of Theo, or should I say, career.

Twenty minutes later, we were in a bus on our way to 'Big man Church'. Why was it called 'Big man Church' if you may ask. The church building and interior was heaven on earth, it was rumoured that the building was built in three days. Power of money, did I say three days? Well I won't talk further on that. Na 'them' talk am but I no believe. The building premises, design, gardens could just be called in simple terms as paradise. Whoever attended this church was damn stinking rich.

'God be with you young Sir(s).' The gateman greeted with queens English. Choi, this gateman was probably a PhD holder. 'You can Pay your pass in the church's bank over there' He added pointing to the bank behind us.

'Ermm Sir, we are here in respect to Reverend T.' Emma spoke out. I couldn't remember the last time Emma spoke good English.

'Oh, you two are his servants in the lord, you both are highly welcome' The gateman welcomed us ushering us into the church.

'Servants in the lord, Choi I don suffer, make I catch the so called Theo abi wetin be that him name sef, Reverend T. Rubbish!' Emma mumbled out loud though I heard it, fortunately the gateman was afar off and probably didn't hear it.

I walked as I cursed Theo within me. Servants in the lord indeed, well we were lucky not to have paid the gate pass of five hundred thousand while I fed my eyes on the building designs which I might never be opportune to see again. We were led into the church where praises and worship had already begun. We sat in the workers section where most of the ushers sat and quickly joined in the praise and worship.

I sighted Theo from afar wearing a long black robe just like those the pastors abroad and overseas wore. His hand was held up with a bible in his hand as he did what he did, (Only he understood what he was doing). Wait, was it only me or had Theo magically grown a moustache? I was amazed, Theo looked completely different and one could mistake him for being a 'real' reverend.

Praise and worship was now over and a junior pastor took the mic.

'I humbly invite our able Reverend, physical and spiritual, the man who is called to be a fisher of men, Reverend T from the United states of America, to grace the alter' He said while the whole congregation stood up and began clapping for the so-called Reverend. I laugh out loud, Theo who had never crossed the river out of his village was now from America? You must be kidding me.

Theo majestically walked up to the alter and took the Mic.

'Let us prayer' Was the first thing that came out of his mouth.

Oh! If only he knew what was about to happen, he would have humbly soaked garri in his room in peace.

kinwayne am enjoying this

Booking space

Lmao
Theo... Man of God frm USA.. Choi man haf suffered.. "let us prayer" *faints*

Abeg drop another one biko

See gobe.

Kinwayne is a clown. I'll nt criticize his salient flaws and some unreal scenarios...because this is only to make us LAUGH!
You are trying as a comedian. Even if u copied several movies (like some claimed), for you to be able to communicate it well and preserving the comical context. I say KUDOS!
...remember N500k gate fee seems unreal, dnt kill the life frm ur writeup.

so interesting... can't wait to read more
abeg make una shift for me joor

tonyfrenzy:
Kinwayne is a clown. I'll nt criticize his salient flaws and some unreal scenarios...because this is only to make us LAUGH!
You are trying as a comedian. Even if u copied several movies (like some claimed), for you to be able to communicate it well and preserving the comical context. I say KUDOS!
...remember N500k gate fee seems unreal, dnt kill the life frm ur writeup.

mayb adapted from pastor chris one thousand naira crossover gate fee

Well gud piece 4 combinig it n making it seem lik a memoir but as soon as I heard d name brainbox it makes me think of flow1759 or so I thought.

#ghostmode deactived!!!



'Let us prayer'.... Lols theo

'Let us prayer' I literally laughed for 5 mins. Damn you are trying. 500k seems so unrealistic if I must say. Even though Bill Gates attend there.