ammyluv2002:
The answer is very simple. .....Men always take advantage of Women so we manipulated the judiciary to protect us from such Men

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.



9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

[b]In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

[size=20pt]These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.[/size]

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.[/b]

KanwuliaJara:

Every MARRIED woman has to face the fact that a husband can be emotionally distant and supportive.
Why would any woman want to live with a 'STRANGER' in a marriage?

I think most men get in to marriages actually not being prepared for marriage. Women are emotional beings and would sacrifice their bodies and souls to get the love and support of their husbands. I doubt many women want divorce. Why? To get remarried and start all over? Hell NO!

This article sums it up. . . FROM A MAN!

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions:
It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

crackhaus:


You think most men get into marriages without being prepared for it?

Does this alternatively mean that most women get into marriage with full preparedness?

Did you even read through the points in the article to see that some of the points on it reveal and betray your myopic understanding?

Take a look at the bits I put in bold for you, the summary is that a woman can only be happy in a marriage when she gets all the emotional support from her husband...ergo, her happiness is dependent on her husband - yes?

Unfortunately, you failed to notice this point in your article:

So if the man is to take full accountability for his emotions because it's not his wife's job to make him happy, ergo, he's responsible for his own happiness - shouldn't the wife be doing the same and be responsible for her own happiness?

I'm pretty sure I would find other points that make absolutely no sense on there if I read thoroughly.

KanwuliaJara:
Yes! In fact, most are pressured into marriage like
sheep to the slaughter house! Especially, with
accidental pregnancies!
When they get in. . . THEY BEGIN TO ACT LIKE
FOOLS!

No! But they are willing to work and desire to
remain married!

NO! Only if that is what she so desires.

It is not my article. I only cited it to use as a
reference. . . I may not agree with everything but
it makes my point!

A man wrote the article. . . BECAUSE HE
ACCEPTED WHY HE FAILED IN HIS
MARRIAGE. . . .Did he blame his wife?

Oh well. . . I would have been surprised! Once a
'CRACKHAUSE'. . . . always A 'CRACK HOUSE'!

KanwuliaJara:
Only MARRIED PEOPLE can understand this.

Every MARRIED woman has to face the fact that a husband can be emotionally distant and supportive.
Why would any woman want to live with a 'STRANGER' in a marriage?

I think most men get in to marriages actually not being prepared for marriage. Women are emotional beings and would sacrifice their bodies and souls to get the love and support of their husbands. I doubt many women want divorce. Why? To get remarried and start all over? Hell NO!

This article sums it up. . . FROM A MAN!

http://jamesrussell.org/blog/blog/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage

crackhaus:

And most women aren't pressured into marriage? Interesting!


So do some men.


I see.

So her happiness is guaranteed when what she desires is provided - same thing in the case of a man, his happiness is guaranteed when his wife provides what he desires...do you agree?


Noted.


He didn't blame his wife does not mean she didn't do anything to be blamed for - he only chose not to apportion blames, which is what a woman should do too when she has a failed marriage...do you agree?


You won't be surprised!
Once an 'MGBEKETOTO'. . . . always an 'MGBEKE TOTO'!

KanwuliaJara:


*ignored*

KanwuliaJara:
Divorce laws are not discriminatory against men.
MEN BECOME MONSTERS AFTER MARRIAGE. . . FACT!
Men are the causes of MOST divorces because they do NOT respect their marriages.
The courts are not stoopid. . . THEY ARE SEASONED PSYCHOLOGISTS AND LEGAL EXPERTS who pledge to protect the society from MEN, having recognized the OVERWHELMING cases in the social system against MEN.
Women and children need protection from MEN in every society!
Simple!

Yes! Some women abuse the system. . . BUT NOTHING COMPARED to the dangers of a man who decides not to be married but decides to GIVE a woman HELL with his 'PSYCHOSIS' when he feels trapped or frustrated WITH HIS LIFE.

Perhaps. . . if MOST MEN developed the most HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS in dealing with the stress of socio-economic changes in life. . . it would be unnecessary blame the COURTS!

Frankenstein:
Your posts are off-topic. This thread is about courts granting huge chunks of men's earnings to their ex-wives and other custody-related issues which is discriminatory and sexist. This was imbibed into the law a long time ago when women lived as housewives and were relegated to the kitchens.

But the 21st century happened. Feminist have been whining for equal rights and they're getting it. So why don't we also apply the same equal rights in divorce cases. Women should be made to pay alimony to their ex-husbands too.

Don't whine for equal treatment with one side of your mouth and later talk about how you're the weaker sex and emotional bla bla bla just to evade the same equality you whine everyday for. It's hypocritical!

KanwuliaJara:
Divorce laws are not discriminatory against men.
MEN BECOME MONSTERS AFTER MARRIAGE. . . FACT!
Men are the causes of MOST divorces because they do NOT respect their marriages.
The courts are not stoopid. . . THEY ARE SEASONED PSYCHOLOGISTS AND LEGAL EXPERTS who pledge to protect the society from MEN, having recognized the OVERWHELMING cases in the social system against MEN.
Women and children need protection from MEN in every society!
Simple!

Yes! Some women abuse the system. . . BUT NOTHING COMPARED to the dangers of a man who decides not to be married but decides to GIVE a woman HELL with his 'PSYCHOSIS' when he feels trapped or frustrated WITH HIS LIFE.

Perhaps. . . if MOST MEN developed the most HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS in dealing with the stress of socio-economic changes in life. . . it would be unnecessary blame the COURTS!

Frankenstein:
Biased, sentimental and unintelligent.

andromida:


So on point.

KanwuliaJara:


If a man makes more money than the wife. . . .?
Most men make more than the wives.
Life is not all about 'money'. . . .
I would have thought you would WAIL more about the loss of your marriage and family.
That is all you care about. . . .DO YOU BLAME THE COURTS THEN?


Like I stated earlier. . . You can NEVER be smarter than the courts.
If you feel so aggrieved. . . get a petition with your fellow 'plaintiffs' to the courts.
No need to keep 'whining' on NL.

Nmeri17:


yur simply advocating for a man to worship his wife.
1) Is that his life mission??
2) what will he get in return??
3) what are the chances that such worship and magnificent deity like treatment won't be seen as being a pvssy and disdaining the said worshipper

Timbuktou:
Because of feminism and the manginas that protect feminists. Any man that marries in the west without adequate protection of his assets is an ediot. Marriage is a slave house for men in the west and the female sheep here want to make it so, let's see how it goes.

Women only divorce if there's anything to be gained from it, disincentivise divorce and watch marriage become instantly better and fair.

coogar:


take the case of that fraudulent mrs ogbedo - she claims she was duped into marrying a nigerian billionaire - she wants half of his assets cos she never knew the billionaire had a first wife?

can you imagine this level of stupidity? how can anyone claim they never knew a wealthy billionaire had a wife before marrying them? the british courts used their common sense for once, they have asked her to pay back £100,000(his legal costs) & she gets nothing in return.

any skank can get married to mike adenuga secretly then claim she never knew he's married with kids thus she was duped into marrying him. she wants a divorce in a british court & she wants half of his assets.

fraudulent money-hungry twäts!